


Street Walker

by Loopstagirl



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Homelessness, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-22
Updated: 2014-09-25
Packaged: 2018-01-26 04:00:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 94,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1673897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loopstagirl/pseuds/Loopstagirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was hard living out on the streets. But was offering to protect the young man just arriving a mistake when Arthur knew he had his own secrets to keep?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing, all rights belong to their respective owners.
> 
> Thought it was about time I tried another long one, so really hope you like it.

“New kid, twelve o’clock.”

Arthur followed the direction the voice was indicating, shivering as he drew his thin jacket around him and tried to pull up his blanket higher. He wasn’t even sure if it counted as a jacket anymore, for it was worn and threadbare. He supposed that was what happened when he had spent the last three months living and sleeping on the street. It had been warmer when he had first come out here, but now the days were closing in and the jacket didn’t seem to be offering him sufficient warmth. He knew if he could just get a decent meal, or even an uninterrupted night’s sleep, then he would be fine. But that was easier said than done out here and he knew he looked just as ragged as the rest of the men that chose this spot to try and shelter from the icy wind that had blown up in the last few days.

The man was right; the figure picking his way through the sleeping figures at the end of their alleyway wasn’t a regular. Arthur immediately sat up straighter. While he was not the kid that he had been indicated as, he wasn’t old either. From what he could make out in the dim light, Arthur would put him around his early twenties, just a few years younger than him. The boy passed under a flickering streetlamp and Arthur found that he was trying to memorise as many details about him as he could. Tall and lanky, he seemed to be all elbows and knees as he desperately attempted to avoid kicking anyone as he struggled down the alleyway. His posture was guarded and tense and that was enough for Arthur to know that he had been on the streets for some time now, even if not in this area. He seemed to know that muttering sorry wouldn’t be enough if he disturbed one of the men sprawled across the floor. Arthur could just make out tufts of what looked like black hair jutting out from under a hat pulled down low. Not much of his face could be seen; the thin scarf wrapped around his neck had been pulled up so high that only his eyes were visible. Arthur squinted, attempting to make them out. It wasn’t until he passed under another lamp, much closer this time, did Arthur decide that they were blue.

Just as he had finished his appraisal of the young man, the person in question managed to catch one of the sleeping men with his foot. He instantly froze like a rabbit in the headlights and Arthur found himself swearing. He didn’t have time for there to be trouble tonight and he was moving before he truly thought about what he was doing. The disturbed man leapt up so fast that Arthur knew he couldn’t have been asleep; no one reacted like that if they had been sleeping in the cold. The boy didn’t have time to move more than a few steps away before he had been grabbed by his scarf and slammed against the wall. Arthur winced even as he began picking his way across. That had got to hurt.

“You think you can just turn up here and take all the best spots, do you?” The man snarled, his fist constricting in the fabric of the scarf. Arthur could hear gasps, and he wasn’t sure if it was fear or the boy actually being able to not breathe properly. Considering Arthur himself had had dealings with the man threatening him, he had a feeling it was the latter.

“N-no, I just slipped, that’s all. Please, I didn’t mean…”

“You didn’t mean? Well, maybe you can pay for your foolishness…” Arthur wasn’t close enough to interfere, but he could see the man rest his arm across the youth’s throat as his free hand began searching his pockets intently. The boy squirmed, trying to get him off, but there wasn’t anything he could do as the man pulled a £10 note out of his pocket.

“Well, well, well, what have we here?”

“Please! Give it back, I need it.” Arthur winced even as he deftly scrambled over a few figures in his own way. He had learnt the hard way that claiming something like that was the worst thing to say.

“Yeah? Well, so do I, kid. Tell you what, you can earn it back.” The arm across the boy’s throat disappeared and he seemed to slip down the wall, gasping for breath. Arthur sped up his pace.

“How?”

“You’ve got a pretty mouth. How about you put it to use and I’ll give it back.”

“Alvarr!” Now that he was closer, Arthur could see who was threatening the boy. Under the dim light, the youth had gone deadly pale and Arthur had the horrible feeling he was desperate enough for the money that he would have done what he was told. He would have been a fool if he had done so; Alvarr wouldn’t have returned the money regardless of what the boy had done.

“Stay out of this, Penn. New kid thinks he can just come barging in here…”

“He’s mine.” Arthur muttered darkly, finally reaching them and standing protectively in front of the youth. He had no idea why he was doing this, he knew the dangers of getting more involved than he was supposed to be. But there was something about the boy that made Arthur feel like he needed protecting. The way he moved; hunched and timid made Arthur feel like he was one of the few that wasn’t on the streets because of an addiction gone wrong. Something had happened to him that had driven him to desperate measures and Arthur had no intention of letting Alvarr exploit that. He could hear the boy’s sharp and fast breathing on the back of his neck, but didn’t turn around. He knew that for this to work, he had to remain impassive.

“Are you challenging me to him?”

“Yes, you could say I am. Would you like a repeat of last time?” Arthur said coolly, watching as the anger visibly flooded to Alvarr’s face. He knew the man was remembering all too well how Arthur had almost knocked him out in front of all of his “friends”. He had tried to be tough and dominate over an area that Arthur had been sitting in, regardless of the fact the blond had been there first. He had suggested the same things he had just done to the kid about Arthur “earning” the right to sit there. Arthur had swiftly shown him what he thought of that and earned himself a reputation not to be messed with. The first time had been bad enough, there was no way he would have given in twice. Now that winter was drawing in and they were all gravitating towards the same areas, he knew that reputation was all that was keeping him safe. Hopefully now, he could extend that protection to the boy.

“If I see him again…”

“Oh grow up, Alvarr, of course you’ll see him again. But understand this… if you so much as think of touching him, I’m coming after you, understand?” Not waiting for an answer, Arthur folded his fingers around the lad’s wrist and began pulling him after him. It didn’t matter where he wanted to go once they got further down the alleyway, Arthur knew he just had to make sure there was enough distance between them and Alvarr. He made it a few steps when he felt the boy resisting and glanced over his shoulder. He didn’t look like he was trying to pull away as such, he just wasn’t coming quietly either. As Arthur tried to take another step and realised the boy had dug his heels in, he realised why.

“And give him his money back.”

“Make me,” Alvarr spat, clearly having had enough of being threatened for one day. Arthur simply raised an eyebrow.

Two minutes later, he handed the boy his money back and calmly stepped over Alvarr, who was rolling on the floor and moaning pitifully as he clutched a bloody nose.

“Come on,” Arthur muttered and was thankful when the boy followed him this time. He knew that a reputation only went so far and if any of the others thought he was overstepping the line, they would join with Alvarr to teach him a lesson. He couldn’t afford for that to happen and swiftly hurried down the alleyway. The boy followed without a word this time.

Arthur snatched his blanket from where he had been sleeping before and moved further down. He wanted more space between him and Alvarr, wanted to make sure the man didn’t know where he was. He moved quietly, nimbly dodging anyone who might be in his path and just hoping the boy was a little less clumsy this time. They made it to a clear space, although Arthur was not happy with the way they were almost at the end of the alleyway. There was no way out this end and he knew if things kicked off, they would be effectively trapped. Still, it was only for now and he didn’t waste any more time before spreading his blanket and sitting down.

“Well?” He prompted, realising the boy was just going to stand there. Shakily, he sat down, looking at Arthur through wide and guarded eyes.

“What do you want?” He asked in a trembling voice and Arthur suddenly groaned as he thought about how the confrontation would have looked. If he was honest, he was glad he had somehow made it seem convincing, looking as if he truly was taking the boy for himself. That wasn’t uncommon amongst the large group of them living rough. Youngsters sought protection, and those older offered it for a price. Arthur wasn’t sure how to explain he had just wanted to help.

“You to stop looking like I’m about to punch you,” Arthur muttered, trying to get comfortable and utilise whatever warmth he could from the blanket. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

“But… you said…”

“I know what I said. It was the only thing I could think of to get him to back off. I’ve had dealings with him in the past. He made me the same offer he made you. Word of advice, mate. Spend that money as soon as the sun comes up.”

“I’m saving it,” the boy protested, his knees huddling up to his chest as he tried to keep himself warm. Arthur watched him closely.

“For what?”

“For when I need it.”

“Right now, kid, I would say you need a warm blanket if you are going to survive out here. Come here,” Arthur held up the corner of his own blanket. It wasn’t really big enough for two, but the boy looked freezing and Arthur knew body heat would help. He hesitated however.

“I’m not a kid.”

“What’s your name then?”

“Merlin.”

“Merlin… Right, Merlin, get your skinny arse under this blanket before you freeze to death.” To Arthur’s relief, Merlin seemed to hear the humour in his words and a shadow of a smile crossed his face as he scooted closer. He still paused before he touched the blanket however.

“What’s yours?”

“My what?”

“Favourite colour,” Merlin deadpanned, and for a moment, Arthur could only stare at him. Merlin rolled his eyes. “Name, you idiot.”

“Watch who you are insulting or the blanket will disappear. And it’s Arthur. Now get under?” Merlin finally moved closer, although Arthur could sense that he was trying to keep his distance as much as he could. He could almost feel the cold radiating from the younger man and knew he was lucky not have fallen sick. There was a haunted look in his eye that indicated he had been out on the streets for a while even if not in this part of town. Arthur knew better than to ask. They all had their own stories and he wasn’t exactly about to offer up his.

“I won’t bite you know,” Arthur grumbled, but Merlin didn’t move any closer. Annoyed that it was letting more of the cold air in, Arthur shuffled himself over a little, but made sure he didn’t touch the younger man. It was clear that Merlin was on edge, even if Arthur had just saved him from Alvarr. Not that Arthur could blame him. He knew how tough it was living out on the streets, how each day was a fight for survival and the hope that someone gave you enough change that you could buy something hot. How everyone looked down on you, and even those in the same situation saw you as a means to an end. Merlin looked young; that must make it even harder on him. And while Arthur was telling himself that he hadn’t noticed, the boy was good looking. Offers such as Alvarr’s couldn’t have been the only ones he had got and Arthur found himself wondering how the boy had managed to survive roughing it this long.

“How do you know I won’t?” Merlin retorted and despite himself, Arthur had to smile. He might have originally seemed timid and there was certainly enough tension running through his body that made him look like he was going to bolt at any second. But he clearly had a hidden strength and now that he knew Arthur wasn’t about to hurt him, he was letting that show. Arthur couldn’t help but wonder whether his quick answers were precisely what had kept him alive all this time?

“Shut up and sleep. It’s a few hours before dawn, and that’s when I’m leaving.” Arthur muttered, turning his back on Merlin and trying to stay as buried under the blanket as he could. He didn’t move and Merlin seemed to realise that any further conversation was not welcome. The boy wriggled around for a while to get comfortable and Arthur found himself close to kicking him out again. But he knew that he wouldn’t. It wasn’t in his nature. He had offered Merlin his protection and whether he realised it or not, by following Arthur down the alleyway, Merlin had accepted. In this sort of life, that didn’t just mean literally protecting him against those such as Alvarr. It meant keeping him alive, against anything that might threaten him.

Eventually, however, Merlin fell still and when Arthur risked a glance over his shoulder, he saw that the youth had fallen asleep.

“Bloody hell,” Arthur muttered, rolling over and propping himself up on one elbow as he gazed down at the sleeping figure. Merlin looked even younger like this but that wasn’t what had Arthur staring. He looked so innocent.

Arthur might have only been on the streets for three months, but he had never seen anyone look that peaceful while sleeping. There were huge circles around Merlin’s eyes and his skin was pale. It was clear he hadn’t been eating enough and now that he was resting and Arthur could stare without being accused of anything, he could see that he had a gaunt appearance. He had been right in thinking Merlin had been living like this for a while. He had been wrong, however, to think that Merlin was surviving. Whatever had driven Merlin to this part of town – notorious for being full of homeless people and genuinely avoided by those who wanted an ordinary life – meant things were desperate.

As Arthur realised where his train of thought was going, he abruptly turned back over and shut his eyes. Why did it matter to him? Merlin was just another young man failed by those who were supposed to care about him and clearly believing he had no other option but to live out on the streets. It wasn’t any of Arthur’s business. He should be more worried that the boy was going to shove a knife in his back and steal the blanket while Arthur was asleep. He was taking a risk letting him this close this quickly, but there was just something about him. For a reason Arthur couldn’t explain (and would never admit to considering he had only just met the boy), he wanted to look after him.

Huffing irritably, he tried to force the thoughts from his mind and get some sleep.

It didn’t work.

He was still lying there, wide awake and frustrated when the sun began glinting off the buildings. The alleyway was sandwiched between two tall office blocks and the warmth of the sunlight never quite reached down to where people were sleeping. But that glinting light was Arthur’s alarm and he immediately made to move. Only to freeze when he realised that – without him noticing – Merlin had somehow rolled over in the night and was now huddled against Arthur’s back, clearly trying to get warm. How Arthur hadn’t noticed considering how cold the young man was, he had no idea. But it meant he didn’t want to just leap up like he usually did. He didn’t want to disturb him.

“This is stupid,” Arthur muttered, knowing that it was going to cost him everything if he carried on thinking like this. Three months he had survived for out here, and it seemed Merlin was going to destroy everything within just a few hours. Jabbing his elbow back, Arthur tried to force him to roll back over as he struggled to his feet at the same time. It sort of worked; he had enough space to stand even if it was only by wobbling a lot as he tried to avoid falling over Merlin. It was easier said than done considering the boy was somehow practically wrapped around his feet. Arthur wriggled backwards, trying to dislodge him. Just as he made to step over the youth and make his way out of the alleyway, Merlin’s eyes opened.

For a split second, the only thing Arthur could see in them was complete trust. Merlin gazed up at him sleepily, almost not seeming to care they had only just met. Arthur knew in that instant he was in trouble. He could have killed Merlin, robbed him of everything that he had, done anything to him… And Merlin wouldn’t have noticed. He seemed to trust Arthur enough to have completely let his guard down while he slept and Arthur knew that was dangerous. How on earth had he survived this long?

“Where are you going?” Merlin murmured, sleep lining his voice even as he began to sit up. He gathered the blanket closer to himself, almost as if he was forgetting that it was Arthur’s. But even as he did so, he looked like he was getting to his feet.

“Nowhere,” Arthur scowled, drawing his jacket further around him and beginning to pick his way through the sleeping men. It took a while to get to the end of the alleyway, not helped by how far back he had been forced to sleep in order to stay safe. But as he stepped out between the two buildings and looked around the deserted streets, Arthur sighed.

Another day.

He began walking off, knowing that if he wanted his usual spot, he had to make sure he beat the others. It wasn’t the best spot for getting donations but it was where he needed to be. It was the best spot for him. He knew that because it was slightly out of the way, that others wouldn’t bother him too much for it. But he had begun to be recognised around that area a little now and that was what Arthur needed.

“Arthur? Hey, Arthur, wait for me!”

Arthur stopped, but that was only because he was more shocked than anything. He half-turned, and found that he wasn’t as surprised as he should have been to see Merlin practically scrambling out of the alleyway after him. Glancing down between the two buildings, Arthur winced but raised his eyebrows at the amount of bodies squirming where Merlin had just tripped his way over them. Self-preservation didn’t seem to be in Merlin’s dictionary.

“What?” Arthur knew he was being blunt, but his brain hadn’t woken up enough to know truly what was happening.

“You left this behind.” Merlin held his blanket out to him and this time, Arthur knew that his mouth had dropped open. He knew full well by walking off and leaving it with Merlin, he was guaranteeing that he was losing it. Arthur had just wanted to leave, feeling himself being undermined by the trust in Merlin’s eyes. He would have found another one somehow, or found somewhere warmer to sleep. He didn’t realise the trust that Merlin had thrown his way extended deeper than just a look.

Now he was convinced that Merlin surviving on the streets was pure fluke.

It was an unwritten rule that you took everything you could get your hands on and didn’t think about the others. It was the only way to stay alive, especially now winter was coming. Arthur knew if his situation didn’t change he was going to be in big trouble once the weather truly turned, but he had adopted the proper street-life way of thinking. Each day at a time, that was what he had to focus on.

“Arthur?” Blinking, the blond realised he had just been staring at Merlin almost gormlessly for a few moments.

“Thanks,” he said gruffly, grabbing the blanket and shoving it under his arm. Without another word, he moved off. To his surprise, Merlin jogged after him before falling in step.

“What are you doing?”

“Coming with you?” Arthur told himself that it wasn’t endearing in the slightest the way Merlin seemed to word it as a question rather than a statement. He didn’t seem so sure of himself anymore and now they didn’t have the protection of rising buildings either side of them, Arthur suddenly realised just how small Merlin seemed to be.

“No, you’re not.”

“Why?”

“I don’t earn enough in a day to eat, you really think people are going to give twice as much if you are there as well?”

“I can be charming,” Merlin said, flashing him a grin as he did so. Arthur knew that he was staring again. He couldn’t help it. Merlin was right; there was something charming about his smile. There was a chance that he could get more attention like that…

“No.” This time, Arthur upped his pace. He couldn’t stand here talking or the lead he had earned by rising so early would be lost. He had underestimated his shadow, however. Merlin had long lanky legs (he might have looked frail, but Arthur was only just realising he was actually a fraction taller), and it seemed to take no effort on his behalf to fall back into step. Glancing at him, Arthur wasn’t even sure he noticed how hard the blond was trying to get away from him.

“Merlin, you’re not coming with me.”

“You said that I was under your protection.”

“So?”

“So do you really want me sitting on some street corner all day with…what was his name? Alvarr? With people like him around? Or knowing me I would end up on the wrong street corner and get arrested or something like that.”

If Merlin noticed Arthur’s wince, he didn’t say anything about it.

“And then I would end up in jail and everyone would think that you were really crap when it came to protecting people, so really you have to let me come with you even if it is just to save your own skin.” Merlin had somehow picked up the pace and ended up in front of Arthur even as he spoke. The smile was back on his face despite there still being dark circles under his eyes and he looked so pleased with his argument that Arthur was grinning before he realised what he was doing.

“I have to let you come with me to save face? What if I just left you somewhere?”

“Please, Arthur. I don’t know my way around, I don’t know the best places to go. Just for a day or so, just point out somewhere. Help me?”

Arthur stopped walking as he faced Merlin properly. None of the cheekiness that had been present before was there now. He looked lost and scared and Arthur suddenly remembered how he first felt when he found himself alone. There had been no one to guide him and he had made the mistake of trusting Alvarr. That had almost cost him dearly although Arthur had been fortunate enough to gain his own footing without doing anything he regretted. But he didn’t think he would ever forget the terror of realising that he had nothing and had no idea how to get it. That same terror was in Merlin’s eyes now. It didn’t matter how long he had been on the streets for, coming to a new area meant starting again. He knew what he was risking by coming here and yet things had obviously been desperate enough that he had done it anyway.

Arthur may not have had anyone to help him, but that didn’t mean he had to do the same as Merlin.

“Do try and keep up then,” he muttered tersely, striding off and this time not stopping. “And I get the blanket.” He called over his shoulder, hearing a sharp intake of breath as Merlin clearly tried to control his feelings before hurried footsteps revealed the younger man hurrying after him.

“You won’t even know that I’m there,” he promised, staying quiet as he began shadowing Arthur towards the blond’s usual spot. Somehow, Arthur doubted that.

He was right.

Merlin might have stayed quiet while they made their way to the street that Arthur had been sitting on every day for three months now. He practically hid behind Arthur when the old lady who ran the café nodded at them, but then seemed to relax when Arthur nodded and smiled back. Arthur tried to break the tension by telling Merlin how she had let him come in and sit down once when it had been pouring with rain and since then, she had always been more tolerant of him being around her area. He never hassled anyone and she didn’t have a good reason to complain. More than once he had managed to earn himself a hot drink by helping out with her deliveries. Arthur knew that up until now the fact he was on his own had helped because he was less of a threat. He didn’t tell Merlin that though, and something told him that she wouldn’t see the young man as a threat. Merlin looked as if he would blow over in a strong breeze rather than cause trouble.

But once they were sitting down, Merlin seemed more at ease. It took him less than half an hour until he had subtly nudged Arthur over so that he could share the blanket. Arthur let him, never having any real intention of letting him have the ground when there was space for both to sit down. He thought it would be irritating having someone else there after spending so long sitting on his own, but he was completely wrong.

In fact, he forgot what he was supposed to be doing for most of the day. It started with Merlin muttering snide comments under his breath about anyone that passed them, especially if they were shot scathing looks by those more fortunate. Arthur intended to ignore it, but they were so accurate that he couldn’t help but laugh. It had gone from just observations to the two of them simply talking and joking about all afternoon. Mrs Henderson from the café brought them a flask of tea late in the afternoon when a drizzle started up and they huddled together, sharing it as they took small sips and let the warmth seep into their bodies. Arthur took it back as Merlin folded up the blanket, slipping the slip of paper she passed him deep into his pocket and giving the old woman a nod.

But as Merlin began to lead the way back to the alleyway, Arthur put out a hand to stop him.

“Let’s go somewhere else,” he muttered. He didn’t want Merlin anywhere near Alvarr. While he was not the innocent that he looked to be on the surface, Arthur knew there was something about Merlin. Despite the hardships he had clearly been through, he still had a sense of purity that Arthur hadn’t seen in months. He knew it was selfish of him, but Merlin had made him laugh. No one had done that for months and Arthur felt he was remembering what it meant to be alive. He didn’t want the threat of having to sleep with one eye open to destroy the very essence of Merlin. How he could make so many judgements after knowing him for not yet 24 hours, Arthur didn’t know. But he had offered his protection and that was what he intended to give, no matter what he had to do in order to accomplish that.

“Do you know anywhere?” Merlin asked quietly and it was a forceful reminder to Arthur that he was new in town. Why did he feel like he had known him forever? Arthur smiled and nodded, turning in the opposite direction. They had all grouped together there because there was safety in numbers. But he wasn’t alone any more, and that suddenly made the city a much larger place.

Merlin hurried after him, flicking the blanket until it rested across the back of their shoulders as he joined Arthur. Unable to stop himself, Arthur smiled and walked that little bit closer to the man.

For the first time in three months, he wasn’t alone.

And he knew precisely how dangerous that was for Merlin.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the kudos and support on the first chapter, I hope you like this second.

It was unnerving how quickly Merlin made himself part of Arthur’s life. After three months of being out on the street, Arthur thought that he had got himself into a routine and had slowly made himself capable of shutting off his emotions. They were a distraction when he needed to stay focused. If he was going to do this, he needed to stay objective.

And yet, within just a week, Merlin had come crashing through all of those barriers Arthur had spent all of this time carefully constructing. It didn’t matter whether the blond gave him the cold shoulder, ignored him or purposefully insulted him, Merlin simply did not go away again. Arthur knew it didn’t help when all it took was a snarky comment on Merlin’s behalf and he could render Arthur helpless with laughter. It was as if Merlin knew that he was putting on act and didn’t care. Almost like he knew why Arthur was doing it, but that was stupid.

No one knew why he was doing it.

No one could find out either, least of all some scrawny kid who stole most of the blanket every night. What was worse was that Arthur didn’t even try to get it back anymore. He simply let Merlin have it, knowing the younger man would roll over in the night and tuck himself into Arthur’s side, providing more warmth than the scratchy blanket could. He told himself he only allowed it to happen because Merlin was so skinny that he needed all the warmth that he could. But neither of them commented on the way Arthur’s arm naturally seemed to come to settle around Merlin’s shoulders as they slept so that he could hold him close. Arthur was also refusing to think about how his heart felt lighter and the warmth he was feeling wasn’t just physical.

Despite the situation they were in, it was almost as if he was enjoying life again.

“Are you coming or not?” Arthur blinked as Merlin appeared in front of him. He had woken up alone, but hadn’t felt the need to search his pockets the way he had used to do. They hadn’t gone back to the alleyway after that first night, Arthur declaring it was too dangerous now they had publicly made an enemy out of Alvarr. Arthur knew it was only because it had been dawn at the time of their confrontation so not many people had been witness to the fight that had stopped Alvarr coming after them to make sure no one doubted his reputation. Merlin hadn’t argued and Arthur knew he was secretly relieved he didn’t have to face him. Arthur knew how he felt. It was awkward to say the least to look someone in the eye who had practically demanded you blew them in order to get back what was rightfully yours in the first place. But just because Arthur had survived that didn’t mean he intended putting Merlin through it and it was easy to keep him safe if no one knew where they were.

“Where have you been?” Arthur muttered as he sat up, leaning against the damp wall. It was only then that he noticed the blanket had been fully over him and he realised Merlin must have done it before he had left. The image of Merlin trying to get the blanket over him without Arthur stirring sprung before his mind’s eye and Arthur had to bite his lip to stop himself smiling at the thought. Still, he couldn’t deny that it was nice to feel cared for, even if they could only show it through small actions like that.

“You are always so grouchy before breakfast…” Merlin teased, bending down and making to whip away the blanket. Out of sheer stubbornness, Arthur clung on, yanking it back as Merlin pulled. He knew that the man was thin, but he didn’t realise just how little muscle had. As Arthur pulled, Merlin completely lost his balance and basically came with the blanket.

Arthur’s reactions were quick enough that he was able to stop him from smashing his head into the wall. The one thing he had learnt while being out on the streets was that being seen in a hospital was hard when it was clear they had been roughing it for a while. They tended to think that the injuries were deliberate, especially now that it was getting cold. They might be right; Arthur didn’t know. All he knew was that he was not about to let Merlin be hurt. He had offered his protection, after all, and what good was that if he allowed Merlin to brain himself on a brick wall?

But although he was able to change the angle of Merlin’s descent, Arthur didn’t quite think it through properly. Instead of hitting the wall, Merlin landed with an oomph straight on top of Arthur. Arthur’s first thought was that at least it meant he didn’t get hurt. His second was that Merlin really was all elbows and knees. But this third was what had him unceremoniously shoving the man off him. Merlin grumbled as he rolled onto the ground, but the pink tinge meant Arthur had to wonder if they had been having the same thought.

There had been something that felt amazingly right about having Merlin on top of him like that.

Coughing in order to hide his embarrassment, Arthur stood up and folded away the blanket so they could take it with them.

“You still didn’t answer the question about where you were.”

“What are you, my keeper? Besides, I was trying to answer before you…” Merlin trailed off as Arthur stared down at him. Merlin’s tongue darted out as he licked his lips nervously. “You…”

He didn’t seem to know how to finish his sentence and his cheeks darkened. Arthur knew Merlin had felt the same way. But Arthur wasn’t about to admit he was thinking it as well.

“I pulled you over, yeah yeah, I know. I was there. So?”

“So what?”

“Damnit, Merlin, are you incapable of answering a question?” Too late did Arthur see the teasing smirk on the other man’s face. Merlin knew full well what Arthur had been asking and seemed to know it would wind him up by not giving him a straight answer. How Merlin had come to realise so much about him in just a week, Arthur had no idea. It would unnerve him if it didn’t feel so nice having someone know him without feeling like he had to justify or explain everything all the time.

“I got breakfast,” Merlin announced, pulling a paper bag out from behind his back and shaking it in Arthur’s direction.

“Where did you go for that?”

“Do you want it or not?” Something in Merlin’s expression flashed and Arthur knew he was beginning to take things too far. There was offering his protection and then there was being downright annoying. If he didn’t back off, Merlin would think he was being too much trouble and would leave. A few days ago, Arthur would have said that he didn’t care. Now, he knew that would be a lie. It wasn’t only having the companionship that he had become used to. He genuinely cared for Merlin too much to let him just walk off because Arthur was being overprotective. He gave Merlin his best smile.

“Please?”

“Maybe I don’t want to share since you are being such a prick,” Merlin grumbled, but Arthur knew that he didn’t mean it. After all, if he did there would be no way that he would just comfortably settle himself on the ground between them and place the bag on Arthur’s lap. Arthur didn’t move as Merlin dived in, but he could feel the warmth coming from the food within and when Merlin pulled out a croissant, Arthur groaned and quickly snatched up the bag.

“Where the hell did you get these from?” He asked, already beginning to eat. Merlin grinned and Arthur knew he had heard the difference in his tone. He wasn’t demanding answers this time, he was genuinely wanting to know how Merlin had managed to produce warm food first thing in the morning.

“We had a good day yesterday,” Merlin said carefully and Arthur almost choked from where he breathed in as he was trying to eat. Suddenly, he felt cold.

“No, we didn’t. It rained all day yesterday, we barely got a thing. It was only because of Mrs Henderson taking pity on us that we even got out of the rain for an hour and had a hot drink.”

Merlin shrugged, avoiding Arthur’s eye as he began to eat slowly.

“Merlin…”

“Fine. I still had the tenner, okay? And yesterday was so miserable and you looked so drawn when I woke up this morning I thought I should do something with it. It was either that or we have another day with barely eating. There’s no point of sitting on it when it is that or starve, Arthur.”

“That didn’t mean you had to get two,” Arthur murmured. The warmth was spreading back through him again, spiralling out from his heart. Merlin had used some of the precious little he had because he thought that Arthur looked drawn. He could have gone, bought himself something and eaten it before coming back, Arthur wouldn’t have known.

“Course I did, you prat,” Merlin murmured, but Arthur could see the small smile tugging at the corner of his lips even as Merlin purposefully kept his gaze in the other direction. Arthur smiled back, knowing that Merlin would be watching him out of the corner of his eye and began eating again, savouring every mouthful this time. He knew that opportunities like this were few and far between.

The pair ate in silence. But unlike the silence from just a few days ago, it was a comfortable one. They didn’t speak because nothing needed to be said. Arthur didn’t know a friendship like that could happen so quickly but then he supposed having someone literally sharing everything you had – even body heat – did tend to form a bond that wasn’t possible in usual society.

“So where are we going today then?” Merlin asked as he finished, licking his lips and then his fingers. Arthur found that his eyes were drawn to the action before he snapped himself out of it. He coughed to cover up his blush, hoping that Merlin hadn’t noticed. If the other man did see the pink tinge to Arthur’s cheeks, he didn’t say anything about it. Arthur knew he could just blame it on the cold, but the idea of lying to Merlin made him feel sick. There were already too many things unspoken, things he could never talk about. Not to Merlin, at least.

“Oh you know, the usual spot…”

“Why do you keep going back there?” While Merlin didn’t sound as accusing as his words could have been, Arthur knew that he was curious. “We don’t get anything there. Unless you did when it was just you and you want me to go away for the day?”

“No!” Arthur felt his blush deepen at how quickly he had spoken and he sighed. “No, you’re right. Let’s go somewhere else. Where do you want?” He knew he shouldn’t. That he should stick to what he knew and stick to the routine of going to the same spot. But he knew another few days like the day they had before and they would be in big trouble. Merlin was right; it wasn’t giving them enough money. It would all be for nothing if they both starved to death.

“I didn’t mean… we don’t have to. I’m following you, remember?” Merlin muttered, clearly wondering if he had made Arthur feel uncomfortable. Arthur forced a smile on his face, hoping it looked natural.

“Let’s go somewhere else. Do you have anywhere in mind?” Just because of the fact Merlin had brought the conversation up in the first place, Arthur wasn’t surprised when he softly nodded.

“There’s something I want to show you.” Merlin’s voice was quiet and almost uncertain sounding. Arthur smiled and stood up, folding away the blanket and beginning to get ready to head out for the day. He – like every other morning – made sure there was no trace of where they had been staying. Not only because leaving something behind was a sure and certain way of getting it stolen, but because he didn’t want any of the others to find them. If they knew where they were sleeping, Arthur knew for a fact they would make sure it was no longer the sanctuary it had become over the last week. It was the closest thing to home he felt like he had right now.

“Ready when you are then,” he murmured when everything was packed away. Merlin still looked nervous, but he also looked pleased. It was as if he had expected Arthur to flatly refuse to go anywhere but his normal spot and it got the man thinking about how he had been behaving over the last week. Had he really been so bad that Merlin didn’t think he could ask for something such as going somewhere else? He was sure he hadn’t been – Merlin was still new to the area and seemed grateful that he was able to follow someone’s lead rather than stumbling through on his own. But now the thought had entered his mind, he knew he was going to be careful how he acted over the next few days. He didn’t want Merlin to feel like he had to hold anything back through fear of how Arthur would react.

“It’s this way.” It seemed strange to stand back and let Merlin take the lead and Arthur found that they had barely got to the end of the road before he had fallen back in step with him. Merlin had got to know his way around relatively well over the last few days and Arthur was content to let him lead the way without having to question whether he was sure he was going in the right direction. They walked in silence. It wasn’t an uncomfortable one, but neither did it have the same ease as some of their silences of late. Merlin was building up to something. Arthur had been in that position more than once to know it wasn’t fair of him to interfere with Merlin’s thoughts. It was clear this was something that meant a great deal to the man and Arthur knew what a risk Merlin was taking by sharing it with him.

They had been walking for about half an hour when things suddenly changed. The tension was growing between them before Merlin suddenly slipped. Arthur didn’t even think of what he was doing before his hand had shot out, catching Merlin’s and steadying him before he could actually fall. It was just an automatic reaction, but Arthur felt sparks shooting through him as Merlin’s fingers involuntarily closed around his. It was the same feeling as earlier that morning and Arthur felt his breath catch in his throat.

“I…” Arthur made to pull away before things got even more embarrassing, but Merlin gripped his hand a little tighter.

“Don’t,” he whispered, and that was all it took for Arthur to return the grip rather than breaking free. They had both stopped walking, staring down at their joint hands. Arthur slowly looked up to find Merlin was watching him intently, gauging Arthur’s reaction. Not knowing what else to do, Arthur glanced around. As soon as he saw a more secluded street, he tugged Merlin in that direction. They were supposed to be on their way to somewhere, but it was like it didn’t matter anymore. He entered the alleyway, pressing his back against the damp wall as he drew Merlin closer.

“Tell me it’s not just me?” He muttered and was rewarded with a smile. He knew that something had drawn him to Merlin that first day. Why else would he wake before dawn in order to save him from Alvarr, potentially losing all the safety he had spent three months building? But for it to only take a week before the feelings had grown, he didn’t even know it was possible. Merlin’s gaze was fixed on his lips.

“It’s not just you,” he whispered, slowly beginning to close the gap between them. Arthur met him halfway, their lips just gently brushing against each other. Merlin pulled back after the most fleeting of touches and Arthur realised that his eyes had fallen shut. Slowly opening them, he realised Merlin was staring at him like a drowning man and that was all the invite Arthur needed. He dropped the bag to the floor, one hand catching Merlin’s hip as he tugged him closer. His other hand rose to cup Merlin’s cheek as he drew him in for another kiss. There was nothing chaste about it this time, both men battling against each other for dominance. Arthur felt his hand curl more possessively around Merlin’s hip. Merlin’s own hands had moved. One was now resting on Arthur’s chest and the other had entwined with his hair, his grip almost tight as he fought for control. Arthur thought that he was winning before Merlin tugged.

The pain made Arthur gasp even as pleasure shot through his body and before he knew it, Merlin was covering him. His tongue was in Arthur’s mouth, his body pressed flushed against Arthur’s as Merlin’s knee pressed between Arthur’s legs. Arthur would have fought back to take control – this was certainly not what he was used to – but he was too busy being lost to the sensation of Merlin pressed against him.

Eventually, Arthur knew that he needed to breathe and he tilted his head to one side. Merlin got the message and instantly relaxed his grip. Judging by his sharp intake of breath, he hadn’t quite realised the position they had got themselves in. Merlin slowly backed off a step, not meeting Arthur’s eyes as both men adjusted their clothing. Arthur almost groaned as he did so, realising that had just been enough to promise him of everything they could have if things were different. Glancing up, he saw Merlin retreating and gently reached out, closing his fingers around the skinnier man’s wrist.

“It’s okay,” he murmured softly. He knew Merlin wasn’t retreating because he regretted it, but because Arthur had originally tried to deny what he was feeling and then they had revealed it for all to see if anyone else had been around. Merlin was retreating because once again he was unsure of how Arthur would react. The shy smile he was rewarded with was so different to Merlin’s usual confident smirk and yet somehow seemed to suit the man so much more.

Arthur tugged him closer as he wrapped his arms around him, just holding him close. He could feel Merlin’s hand on his chest, gently stroking the fabric of his shirt as they both tried to catch their breath from what had just happened.

“Does this mean you’ll stop stealing the blanket?” Arthur said quietly after a moment, trying to get things back to how they had been before. He could feel Merlin shaking against him and initially Arthur was scared he had done something wrong again. But then he realised the man was laughing. Even as the realisation crossed Arthur’s mind, he felt Merlin poke him in the ribs. He didn’t deny it though and Arthur knew the nights were going to now be spent more wrapped up in each other than the blanket.

He just knew that it couldn’t last.

Despite being rather content to just hold Merlin in the middle of an alleyway on the edge of town, Arthur knew that wasn’t their best plan for the day or they would regret it when hunger gnawed at them. He gently nudged Merlin away but made sure he kept hold of his hand. If he was honest, Arthur thought that he might just float away if he didn’t have something to anchor him right now, and if Merlin had to be that anchor, then so be it. Judging by the look on Merlin’s face, he knew he didn’t exactly mind.

“I believe you wanted to take me somewhere?”

“I…” Merlin’s face seemed to crumple as he glanced back towards the opening of the alley. Something told Arthur this was more than just not wanting to face the outside world when they were safe in each other’s arms. Merlin had been taking him somewhere that meant something, only now everything seemed to have changed.

“Hey,” catching Merlin’s chin, Arthur smiled into his eyes. “We don’t have to go anywhere you don’t want to. We can always go back and try again tomorrow.”

“What is it with you and our normal spot?” Merlin grumbled, pulling his head away and finally standing up properly. Arthur flinched as he realised that once again he had just hinted to wanting to go back there. He hadn’t meant it, all he had been thinking about was stopping Merlin look so torn. It was incredible how letting himself embrace the feelings he had been vehemently denying made him feel a rush of tenderness towards the other man and just want to protect him from the world in a way he hadn’t meant when he had offered his protection in the first place.

“I…”

“I’m sorry, Arthur. I know that wasn’t what you meant, it’s just…”

“What is it?” Arthur prompted softly as Merlin seemed to struggle finding the words. After a moment, Merlin sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

“I need to do this. Let’s go.”

Arthur paused long enough to grab the bag and hurry out of the alleyway after Merlin. The man had set a harsh pace and Arthur was beginning to get the feeling he knew the sort of place they were going to. Merlin might have been new in town now, but this wasn’t the first time he had been in this area. Realising tension was practically radiating from the man, Arthur hoisted the bag onto one shoulder and slipped his hand into Merlin’s. The action made Merlin jump and he stared at Arthur, almost forgetting to walk.

“Too much?” Arthur asked quietly, wondering if he had pushed things too far. But Merlin’s fingers curled around his and there was a small smile on his face as he shook his head. Arthur knew that he was blushing, but he could practically sense how much Merlin had relaxed now and knew that it had been the right thing to go. He kept hold as they walked off again and although silence once again fell, there seemed to be sparks literally flying between them. Arthur was sure his fingers were tingling from where he was touching Merlin.

He just hated that it would never be able to last. It could end any day now, their life as they knew it could be over in a blink of an eye. Arthur knew that would happen, it was a matter of when not if. It was why he had tried to distance himself, tried not to admit what he was feeling. But this felt so right that he knew he would be prepared to risk everything if it meant keeping his hand in Merlin’s for a while longer.

“We’re here,” Merlin said suddenly. His voice was soft and quiet, yet because they had been moving in silence for a while, Arthur jumped. Merlin shot him a fond look but the tension was back lining his eyes and his hand had tightened almost painfully around Arthur’s. Arthur took a step closer and snaked his free arm – while trying to awkwardly balance the bag – around Merlin’s shoulders. Unfortunately, all he managed to do was crash the bag into the back of Merlin’s shoulders.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m… trying to be comforting,” Arthur muttered, knowing that he was blushing again. Merlin raised an eyebrow.

“Why?”

“You look like you needed it,” Arthur drew his arm back as he spoke, realising that he might have been reading too deeply into things. Just because they had both admitted they had feelings for the other didn’t mean that Merlin was ready to share all of his secrets with him. After all, Arthur hadn’t. He took a step to the side, putting a small amount of space between them even as he kept hold of Merlin’s hand. He didn’t want to seem as if he was pulling away completely.

“Thank you,” Merlin’s voice was soft and quiet, and Arthur was reminded of just how young he was. They had never spoken about details such as age, but it was clear looking at Merlin that he was little more than a boy. His eyes, although haunted, still had that spark of innocence that only youth could bring. Arthur almost envied him and yet at the same time grieved. He knew, especially out on these streets, Merlin’s innocence wouldn’t last much longer. There was some things that even he couldn’t protect Merlin from.

“We’re here,” Merlin suddenly said, his voice almost trembling. He stopped where he was, jolting Arthur to a halt as well. Arthur, for a moment, narrowed his vision until it was purely on Merlin, refusing to look at where they were.

“You don’t have to show me anything you don’t want to,” he said firmly and for a second, he thought that Merlin was going to take him up on that. But then the younger man shook his head and visibly took a breath.

“I need to do this, for me. But I would rather not do it alone.” His voice was little more than a whisper and full of such vulnerability that Arthur leant forward and kissed his forehead. He felt touched that Merlin had been willing to share this with him even before he knew that Arthur was feeling the same way. Arthur smiled.

“Then I’ll be with you every step of the way.” He took a step back from Merlin and turned so that he could see where they had actually come. They had left town, but only just. The houses here were run down, the whole area had a gloom settling over it that caused Arthur to shiver. Misery seemed to hang in the air. The streets were deserted but he knew the houses were not, there were lights flickering from TV sets, the occasional raised voice despite the fact that it was still relatively early in the day.

“Where are we?”

“Home,” Merlin muttered, his voice terse and the grip on Arthur’s hand bordering on painful. Arthur didn’t say anything though, he could see how much this clearly mattered to Merlin.

“This is where you grew up?” He couldn’t imagine Merlin here. He was still too full of life and happiness to have lived on an estate like this. Merlin nodded.

“That house on the end. I lived there with my mum until I was ten. Until that night…” Tears were pooling in his arms and this time, Arthur successfully pulled him close and wrapped his arm around Merlin’s shoulders, holding him.

“What happened?” He encouraged. He knew this time he wasn’t prying this time. Merlin would have revealed what he had if he wasn’t ready to talk about it.

“Robbery went wrong.” Arthur could feel Merlin tense under his arm and violent trembles shot through his body.

“Mum pushed me into the cupboard and locked it so they couldn’t find me. She tried to stop them. They were going to take something that apparently belonged to my dad… I had never been allowed to touch it. One had a cricket bat. They claimed in court it was an accident, but I’ll never forget it…”

Arthur felt sick. Now Merlin was talking about it, he could remember reading about this in the paper. Three men had robbed and killed a woman, not knowing that her young son had witnessed the whole thing. If Arthur remembered rightly, Merlin had been key in identifying the men for the police despite his age. They had gone down for manslaughter, but the papers didn’t cover what had happened to the child.

“They tried to put me into care. I ran away. An old uncle took me in. But he was old. He left me as well when I was fifteen. They didn’t want to know. Not old enough to work, too old to have any chance in the system. I’ve been on the streets ever since.”

Merlin didn’t so much as glance at Arthur as he spoke, his gaze fixed firmly on what Arthur could assume was his house. A tear slipped down his cheek and Merlin dashed it away. Arthur knew he was trying to fill himself with anger rather than pain, but he knew that wasn’t a good plan.

“This is my first time coming back here.”

“You’ve done it now, Merlin.” Arthur soothed gently, standing in front of him to block the view to the house. He cupped Merlin’s face, forcing Merlin to focus on him rather than where they were. “You’ve survived it. She would be proud of you.”

Another tear slipped down his face but Arthur reacted before Merlin could. He reached up and used the tip of his finger to brush it away. How Merlin still had that innocence in his eyes, Arthur had no idea. He couldn’t imagine going through something like that and remaining that strong.

“Arthur?”

“Yes?” The vulnerability was back in Merlin’s voice and a pleading expression crossed his face. Arthur knew in that instant he would do whatever Merlin asked of him.

“Take me home?”

Arthur gently smiled, curling his arm around his friend and turning him. Merlin sighed and rested his head on Arthur’s shoulder as they walked off and Arthur kissed the top of his head. Merlin had shared everything with him.

Arthur just wasn’t sure if he would be able to do the same.


	3. Chapter 3

Arthur had spent the last three months growing accustomed to the streets and what he needed to do in order to survive on them. But never did he think that it would feel so right with another body curled up, warm and soft against his own. Merlin’s steady breathing was tickling his neck now that consciousness was beginning to claw at him and Arthur was tempted to shut his eyes and go back to sleep. Merlin could steal the blanket all he liked right now, for he was so entwined with Arthur it wasn’t as if it would make any difference.

Not that anything had happened between them apart from a few shared kisses as they had stopped for the night. Merlin made signs of wanting to go further, but Arthur had held him back. He pretended that it was for Merlin’s own good. After all, what he had overcome earlier that day was no mean feat and Arthur was sure he wanted to do this just as a way of comforting himself and making him feel like he wasn’t alone any more. Judging by the confused look on Merlin’s face as he mulled over everything Arthur had said, he knew that the thought had crossed the younger man’s mind.

But Arthur knew he was lying when he said that was the only reason they had to stop. He wasn’t sure if he could do this. He knew he had fallen too far to pretend that he didn’t care about Merlin, and that just made it so much harder. How was he supposed to do what he needed to do, how was he supposed to get any chance of a normal life back if he was falling for someone? He felt like he knew everything about Merlin and yet Merlin knew nothing about him. At the same time, the man trusted Arthur so blindly it was like he hadn’t noticed that he didn’t know anything about his new friend.

His lover.

Even the thought alone was enough to make Arthur smile and it was that which told him just how deeply he was falling right now. Despite not letting things get out of control, Arthur certainly had no protests when Merlin had wrapped his long limbs around him as they had tried to get comfortable, once again tucked out of sight in a dark alleyway. He joked and pretended that it was because that was the only thing that would allow him to keep hold of some of his blanket, but the smile on Merlin’s face revealed he could see through the teasing.

As thoughts of how he had slept – more deeply than he had done for weeks – filled Arthur’s mind, he felt Merlin stirring in his arms.

“Good morning,” Arthur murmured, his hand finding Merlin’s under the blanket and engulfing the slender fingers in the warmth of his palm. This time, he could feel Merlin smile against his neck before the younger man tilted his head up to look at him.

“Hey you,” Merlin whispered, the smile still on his face. He wriggled slightly and Arthur thought he knew what he wanted. He was right as he bent his head down and pressed his lips against Merlin’s.

“Want you,” Merlin whined, trying to pull Arthur closer and pressing his morning erection into Arthur’s thigh. Arthur couldn’t help but groan at the feeling. It was one thing distancing himself when they were trying to settle down and there were other things on Merlin’s mind. But when he could literally feel the evidence of Merlin wanting this, it was a lot harder to resist. His own body was responding in like and Arthur knew he had to do something to keep control over the situation.

He wriggled down, one hand on Merlin’s chest telling him to stay where he was. He could feel Merlin’s breathing pick up as he disappeared under the blanket, deft hands beginning to work Merlin’s tattered jeans open. Merlin wriggled and kicked to try and help, but Arthur put his hands on his legs, holding him still.

“These are already ripped enough, stop making it worse,” he scolded softly, eyes twinkling as he looked up Merlin’s body towards his face, just about seeing Merlin watching him through hooded eyes. But the man didn’t move again and Arthur set to work unzipping him and pulling his jeans down, letting them rest on Merlin’s thighs.

“Are you sure?” He asked quietly, only to be answered with bucking hips and a whine. He grinned, one hand gripping the base of Merlin’s prick to hold it steady as he engulfed the rest in his mouth. Merlin instantly reacted and Arthur gagged before relaxing to the feel of Merlin’s fingers once again in his hair. This was too close… but it was better than them going all the way. After all, it’s not like Arthur hadn’t done this before, drunk at a party where it really meant nothing. This was just a way of keeping Merlin quiet.

So why did his heart want so much more and his own cock throb mercilessly in the confinements of his jeans as he sucked Merlin?

It had been a long time since he had done this, however, and Arthur could feel his jaw beginning to ache as Merlin’s hips began moving on their own accord. Arthur shifted to try and hold him down, and then realised that Merlin was chanting his name softly as he bucked up. Somehow, Merlin looked down as Arthur looked up and their eyes met. That was all the encouragement Merlin needed before his face went slack with pleasure and he was coming.

Arthur pulled off, spitting out the remains in his mouth. Merlin looked dazed, panting as he stared at Arthur through drooping eyes. Arthur quickly adjusted his clothing, seeing the sweat cool on Merlin as he tried to come back to earth.

“Your turn,” Merlin muttered, his voice more hoarse than Arthur thought his would have been. He was eyeing Arthur hungrily, eyes locked on the obvious bulge in his jeans. Arthur chuckled, bending down to kiss him.

“Sure you can keep your eyes open long enough?” He murmured, feeling Merlin sagging against him already. It must have been a long time for Merlin, for he was completely wiped out. He let out a noise that resembled a whine as he tried to clutch at Arthur.

“But…”

“It can be my turn later. I’ll go and get us some breakfast while you try and re-enter earth’s atmosphere, sound good?”

“You weren’t that good,” Merlin grumbled, but he sagged back against the ground as he spoke and let Arthur tuck the blanket back around him with a smile on his face.

“Course I was.”

“Prat.”

“Maybe,” Arthur was unable to resist letting his hand ghost over Merlin’s hair even as he checked the man was warm enough. What was he doing? He knew this would just end in a broken heart and that Merlin would never want to speak to him again, let alone help him get off. But while he knew they were both going to get hurt, Arthur also knew that he would rather have his heart broken than miss the chance to look after Merlin while he could. After all, it wasn’t as if the younger man had anyone else…

“You’re doing it again,” a sleepy voice interrupted Arthur’s thoughts and he glanced down to see Merlin watching him. While the man still looked out of it, there was a concerned glint in his eye and he clearly wasn’t going to fall asleep until he had got what he wanted from Arthur.

“Doing what?”

“Thinking.”

Arthur hadn’t expected that as an answer and he was laughing before he could stop himself. Merlin looked as if he wanted to grumble again, but it seemed Arthur laughing was enough to make him smile. Arthur tried not to think about just how that made him feel.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realise it was such a crime. How can I ever make it up to you?”

“By finding me breakfast?” Merlin asked hopefully, causing Arthur to cuff him lightly over the head even as he stood back up again. For a moment, he could only stare down at Merlin.

“Your wish is my command,” Arthur gave a mock bow and backed out of the alleyway. It felt wrong to be going without his bag, but that was currently being used as a pillow by Merlin and the man had looked so comfortable that the last thing Arthur had wanted to do was make him move. He wouldn’t need it. Nothing had come up for a while now and he was only popping to get breakfast. He would be back before Merlin knew it and then it was just a matter of persuading Merlin to return to their usual spot.

What Arthur wasn’t sure about, however, was how many more of Merlin’s questions he could avoid without giving something away. Glancing back over his shoulder, a fond smile touched his lips even as Arthur set off down the street.

He didn’t make it very far though. As soon as he knew he was out of sight and earshot, Arthur let his hands rest against a wall, his head hanging between his arms. What was he doing? Why hadn’t he just told Merlin the truth about who he was? Arthur knew that he was beginning to properly fall for the man, and that Merlin was returning the feelings. There was no way that this could end well and Arthur knew the longer it went on for, the harder it was going to be. How long until he forgot what he was supposed to be truly doing in order just to be with Merlin and to see him smile? He never thought that he would be that sort of man, but he was already beginning to fall with only knowing him for a week. When all you had to survive was being shared with one other person, it created intense feelings that normal society didn’t appreciate. Arthur himself hadn’t realised it was possible until now.

Knowing he couldn’t just stand there, Arthur took a deep breath as he tried to control his emotions and walked away. He was going to do what he said he was; find breakfast. But upon his return he was going to find a way of telling Merlin everything. He knew he had an opening into the conversation though. Every day, without fail, Merlin would ask where they were going to go and then would roll his eyes when Arthur said their usual spot. That was going to be his way into the conversation.

Mentally planning the whole thing as he walked, Arthur realised he didn’t truly know Merlin. The man had shared his darkest secret with him, shared the only food they had and shared the warmth of their single blanket. But he had no idea how he was going to react when Arthur came clean about what he was doing out on the streets. How could there truly be anything between them when Arthur couldn’t tell what Merlin would do. Yet he knew denial would get him nowhere; there was something between them and now he had to do the right thing before he lost that forever.

Before he realised it, Arthur found himself blinking at a familiar coffee shop. Why was he not surprised? Even when he wasn’t thinking about where to go, his feet knew the route they should take. He walked past the spot he hoped they would be returning to in just a few hours and knocked sharply on the door. The place was still closed, but he knew the door would be open to him. Sure enough, it only took a few moments before Mrs Henderson appeared, her hair still in rollers. She smiled in greeting, unlocking the door and quickly ushering him into the warmth.

“Merlin not with you?”

“He’s still in bed. I mean…” Arthur winced, knowing the blush spreading across his cheeks was betraying him more than his words. A surprised look came over her face before she tutted fondly.

“What are you getting yourself into, young man?” She scolded and Arthur found himself sinking into a chair. His elbows rested on the table and his head rested in his hands as he groaned.

“I have no idea,” he admitted honestly. “I’ve been thinking the same thing myself.”

Mrs Henderson didn’t answer, but instead there was the whir of the coffee machine starting up and Arthur smiled when, a few moments later, a steaming mug was pushed in front of him. He felt guilty that Merlin was still huddled under the blanket while he was drinking coffee, but he couldn’t resist wrapping his hands around it and cradling it close, revelling in the warmth that it was emitting.

“How close are you, Arthur?”

“To Merlin?”

“No.”

“Not as close as I want to be. I’ve seen him, I know it’s happening, I’ve just never been able to get close enough to do it.”

“So you could be around for a while longer?”

Arthur shook his head. “They want me to close in, the last message said so. This has been going on too long, Gaius is wondering what it is going to do to me being out here for so long. Especially with winter closing in. I have until the end of the month to wrap this up or they are pulling me in anyway.”

“Have you told Merlin?” The look on his face answered Mrs Henderson’s question and she patted the back of his hand.

“If I give you breakfast, will you tell him?”

“I’ll try,” Arthur admitted honestly. He knew that he needed to. There was a time frame on how long they could be together. Arthur would rather tell him now and hope Merlin could forgive him enough that they could make the most of that time frame rather than leave things on a bitter note. Even the idea of leaving things at all sent a shiver down Arthur’s spine. He didn’t want to go.

“They’ll pull you in sooner if you think you have been compromised.”

“I haven’t,” Arthur drained the coffee and stood up as he spoke, suddenly putting his feelings to one side. Merlin would understand, he would have to. It was only the day before he had admitted his past, it wasn’t as if Arthur had left it weeks between then and now to come clean. He had simply held Merlin close when the younger man had confessed who he was. Surely Merlin would understand why Arthur couldn’t have told him from the beginning? Their kiss had changed things, and Arthur wasn’t entirely sure if it was for the better. It had certainly complicated things.

“Here.” He had been standing there in a daze, his mind racing through the different ways that Merlin could potentially react. It meant he hadn’t notice Mrs Henderson moving around until she was offering a brown paper bag at him. Arthur let his hand scrunch over the top and smiled, knowing that some of her delicious food would be waiting for them inside. At least if Merlin’s stomach wasn’t growling with hunger he might be more inclined to listen.

“And have this as well, heaven knows you’ll need it.” Arthur smiled as she handed over a thermos of coffee, the heat escaping even through the confinements of the container. It would most certainly still be hot when he got back.

“Thank you,” Arthur’s voice was deep and sincere as he headed towards the door, using his hip to nudge it open and wincing at the cold blast of air that hit him.

“And Arthur?”

He half-turned, one foot outside while the rest of his body lingered in the heat for as long as it could.

“I’m here if you need me. If things go wrong, if either of you get into trouble… Just knock on the door.” Arthur smiled and dipped his head in thanks. He knew what she meant. If Merlin didn’t take it well and Arthur ended up with his heart broken, there would be someone there with a sympathetic ear. He knew she would understand, she had gone through similar things herself. But Arthur also knew it meant she knew how hard he had fallen, possibly even more than Arthur did himself.

Sighing, the young man could only stand outside the shop for a moment, the icy wind buffeting at him. His eyes fell to their usual spot, looking lonely and desolate. It had served his purpose well over his few months on his own and now the memories of it were becoming tinged with laughter and the press of another body against his as Merlin had tried to use him for cover against the wind. Arthur wasn’t entirely sue he would be able to go back to that spot if he had to continue alone.

“What are you doing, Pendragon?” he muttered to himself, taking a moment to lean against the wall. He couldn’t wait to long; he had already been gone for longer than it should have taken to find something to eat and he didn’t want the coffee to get cold, not when Merlin needed it. But his feet didn’t want to move, he didn’t want to have to go back and face the truth. The last week had been good and emotions Arthur hadn’t felt for a long time (if he had ever felt them) were beginning to resurface. He didn’t want to lose that.

But he also knew he didn’t have a choice. It was better that Merlin knew rather than just waking up one day to find Arthur gone. He knew he wouldn’t be given a choice, they would remove him by force if they needed to and immediately put him in counselling to heal the complications of being involved for so long. They knew how to handle it.

Arthur tried to shake the thoughts from his head. It didn’t matter what he thought. He couldn’t help what would happen by the end of the month, but he could help how Merlin found out about it. And considering Arthur’s line of work, he knew that telling Merlin the truth was the best way. He might hate him, but Arthur would rather he hate him for the lack of truth rather than the lies. His mind made up, Arthur pushed himself away from the wall, trying to fill himself up with the courage that he was renowned for.

But it seemed matters of the heart were a different matter entirely compared to the bravery he was used to dealing with.

Whether he would have had the courage to go through with it or not, Arthur had no idea. But as he moved off, the sound of voices floated out to greet him from the dark alleyway that he was just passing. Arthur froze, his heart beating hard. Unable to stop himself – it was his _job_ after all – Arthur doubled back. Pressing himself close to the wall, he peered down in to the darkness, trying to work out what he was seeing.

Arthur swore when he registered the sight that greeted him.

Three bloody months and there hadn’t been a sign of him despite evidence showing that he was working in the area. Now Arthur had a confession to make and a time period before he was pulled out and now, of all times, Cendred was making an appearance.

Arthur had read enough files and seen enough photographs that even in the dim light, he knew that was the notorious drug dealer. He wasn’t alone, three of his cronies backing him up as he held his victim against the wall. Arthur knew the man scrambling to touch the floor would have been no innocent. The chances were that he had got himself hooked on whatever it was Cendred was pushing right now (Arthur had been out of official contact for three months) and now he couldn’t pay. That was how Cendred operated.

It was why Arthur had been sent in to take him down.

Arthur glanced down the alleyway, then back the way he should have been going, his mind battling his heart. His career would be over if he didn’t act now and they found out he had had the chance, especially if there wasn’t another sighting before they pulled him from the job. Merlin was just going to have to wait.

Pushing the thoughts of the man from his mind, Arthur cursed when he realised he had left his back with Merlin. It had everything he would need and it was beyond his reach. But Arthur knew he didn’t have time to fetch it. Even he sprinted, the chances were that Cendred would have moved on and would simply disappear again. This was the first time in three months Arthur had caught a glimpse of him and he had been sitting in the middle of the man’s patch every day. He couldn’t risk it. Not to mention he wouldn’t be able to grab what he needed without Merlin asking questions, and right now was too dangerous for Merlin to find out, especially if he got it into his head that he wanted to help.

But Arthur still had the necessaries and he reached into his jacket, making sure he didn’t take his eyes off the scene in front of him. Gritting his teeth, he ripped the lining, hand fumbling until he found what he was looking for.

“Freeze!” Arthur yelled, running into the alleyway even as he pulled out his hand again. “Police! You’re under arrest.”

Held tightly in one fist was his badge, while a phone was in the other hand. Arthur didn’t need to dial though. He just hit one key and jammed the phone back in his pocket as he ran. It looked old and almost broken – he had to make sure it wasn’t a target for theft if someone caught a glimpse of it. But it wasn’t a proper phone and Arthur knew his signal would have been received at the office that his mission had proven fruitful and he was taking Cendred into custody.

At least, he was attempting to and really hoping that back up was on its way.

“Get him.” Cendred ordered, releasing his grip on his victim and moving forward. Arthur would have been pleased the man was relatively unscathed if it wasn’t for the fact that he now knew the next victim was going to be him. The three thugs started charging towards him and Arthur braced himself, stopping. He knew the fact they were in an alleyway would work to his advantage – there simply wasn’t the space for all three of them to go for him at once. He knew that it would be even more dangerous if they were to get behind him for he would be trapped, but he had no intention of letting that happen. Neither did he intend to let the only exit remain clear for Cendred to make his escape. The signal had been given, his friends would be on the way to put an end to this.

All Arthur had left to do was make sure they didn’t escape in that time.

Despite having lived on the streets for the last three months, Arthur felt ready for the fight. He knew he didn’t have the strength to keep anything up for an extended period of time. He had had to make his cover story look good, and Mrs Henderson had only been able to give him food when Arthur was truly desperate. If he had a good meal every day, it wouldn’t have taken long for others to get suspicious and he would have been driven from the area without ever getting a glimpse of his target. But he had developed a new type of fitness while being on the streets, a hardness that only emerged from having to constantly be on guard.

He was alert in a way he had never been before, eyes seeing everything as he stood his ground. Arthur had always thought he knew how to keep his guard up, but now he knew that had just been child’s play compared to how he was now. Apart from the last week with Merlin, he had been sleeping with one eye open, not trusting Alvarr and the others. Every move these goons made, Arthur saw it.

In comparison, they were used to their victims scared rather than being a member of the police prepared to fight back. They tried to attack, but Arthur had one of them on the floor and another snarling in pain before they even managed to land a hit on him. But as soon as the third got a lucky punch in and sent Arthur staggering back under the force, he knew the tables had just turned. His distraction was long enough for the other two to regain their senses and their footing and Arthur found that he had no choice but to back up just to avoid the swings being launched his way.

Creating some space between them, Arthur told himself to focus. He could handle a few thugs. There was nowhere for Cendred to go, so all Arthur needed to think about was his men.

The few seconds respite was what Arthur needed. When the men came for him again, he was ready for them. Dodging their blows easily, he knew his best defence lay in tiring them out rather than directly engaging them. Trained or not; they were easily twice the size of him, well fed and rested. But his tactics were working, and just as Arthur was wondering how much longer he could keep this up for, he suddenly realised he had all three of them on the ground. Two were unconscious and it only took one more sharp blow before Arthur was finally facing the man who had caused him to be on the streets for all of this time.

“It’s over, Cendred. Back-up is on the way, there is nowhere for you to go. Don’t make it any harder on yourself, come quietly.” Arthur watched guardedly as Cendred seemed to head towards him. But then the man stopped and picked something up out of the mud and Arthur realised that it was his badge. He must have dropped it during the struggle.

“Arthur Pendragon. Pendragon? I know that name. Do I know you?”

“No,” Arthur responded through gritted teeth, his jaw clenching. Cendred gazed at him for a moment before snapping his fingers.

“Pendragon! I _do_ know you. Although you couldn’t walk the last time I saw you. I would say how are dear old mum and dad but we both know you can’t answer that.”

Arthur told himself not to listen. Cendred was just goading him. But if he could keep the man talking, would he actually find a lead as to why he had been an orphan since he was three? Merlin wasn’t the only one with a past he would rather not talk about. But Arthur had something Merlin didn’t. Or rather, he didn’t have something. He had no memory of his parents’ murder despite the act landing him in hospital. He was too young. The lack of suspects was one of the reasons why he had joined the police, determined no other child would grow up not knowing why they were alone.

“You do look a bit like your mother, you know. But that posture, that defiance, that’s your father…”

Arthur blinked when he suddenly realised that Cendred had been approaching as he spoke. He had been distracting Arthur; and it had been working. Before he knew what was happening, Cendred had a knife in his hand and had Arthur pressed against a wall, the blade resting against his neck.

“Would you like to see them again, officer?”

“You’ll never get away with this. Back up is on its way.”

“So you’ve said.”

“Arthur?!” The shout made Arthur’s eyes go wide, but before he could call out a warning, Merlin stumbled onto the scene. Cendred glanced between them and laughed.

“Is this your back up, Pendragon? Very impressive, I’m terrified.” Even while he was talking, he sunk his fist into Arthur’s stomach, almost doubling the man over if it wasn’t for the tight grip on his collar. Arthur grunted with pain, surprised by how much that had hurt.

“Let him go!”

“Merlin, get out of here,” all Arthur could focus on was that Merlin was trying to come closer. Having another to worry about cut through the anger in his mind. He had already lost his parents, he couldn’t lose Merlin as well. While Cendred was distracted, Arthur kicked the man hard, then wrenched free of his grip in a way that betrayed this was not the first time Arthur had performed that sort of move.

“What’s going on?” Merlin asked, taking another step forward as Arthur stepped over Cendred, making sure that he was once again blocking the way out.

“You need to leave, Merlin. Now.”

“I’m not leaving you here…”

Arthur didn’t know what to do. But then there came the sound he had been listening for as running footsteps approached their position. Merlin gasped and flattened himself against the wall as a dozen or so officers filled the alleyway. Arthur was pleased to see Leon was in the lead. The man had always had his back, Arthur knew this would have been no different. A groan behind him revealed Cendred was beginning to recover his senses.

“Arthur!” The handcuffs had left Leon’s hand even before Arthur turned, but he caught them with ease, quickly wrenching Cendred’s hands behind him. Automatically, Arthur began reading the man his rights as he set about making sure he wasn’t in any sort of position to hurt anyone else. Yet all Arthur could really focus on was the betrayed look on Merlin’s face.


	4. Chapter 4

As soon as he felt the handcuffs catch, Arthur sprang to his feet. His duty was done. The others could take it from here, he had to get after Merlin. Even as he stood, he could see the younger man sliding out of the alleyway, shaking his head as if hoping that was going to make it all disappear and it would be back to the two of them again. Arthur had never intended to lie, but he had had no choice. He had been undercover the whole time, it was more than his job’s, more than his _life_ was worth to blow that cover.

Cendred was notorious in these parts. So many deaths had been put down to the drugs that he sold, and more than one beating could be traced back to him. The trouble was, there had never been any real evidence. The police had known though, they were just after the excuse to take him in. Arthur had felt like his dreams had come true when the man had pulled a knife on him. It was exactly the reason he needed to arrest him and after sitting in the same spot for months trying to catch even a glimpse of the shadowy criminal, it had suddenly felt worth it.

Until, that was, he had seen Merlin’s face. He had always meant to tell him, and he had been planning on that day. But he knew he had lost his chance; Merlin would never believe him now. Still, Arthur had no intention of letting the best thing that had ever happened to him just run away. As Leon walked forward – clearly intended to only help with the prisoner – Arthur jogged to the end of the alleyway. Police were everywhere, but for the first time, Arthur realised that didn’t fill him with the same sense of safety that it always had done.

It had been all he had ever wanted. Since he had been old enough to understand that his parents hadn’t just died, they had been murdered, Arthur had wanted to dedicate his life to taking down criminals, to try and stop others having to go through the same thing. Seeing the uniforms milling around him and knowing that he had worked hard enough to be their senior had always sent a thrill through Arthur, a reminder that even an orphan can live out dreams if someone took a chance on them.

Now, however, they were just in his way.

“Merlin! Merlin, wait, I can explain…” Arthur yelled, picking up his pace as he caught sight of Merlin vanishing around the corner. He was going the wrong way to be heading back to their alleyway though; Arthur didn’t know where he was going. What scared him was that he wasn’t sure if Merlin himself knew his destination. The only saving grace was that it was too early for there to be many people on the streets who would cause him hassle.

“Merlin, please!” Arthur knew he was begging as he shouted after the man he had fallen for, but he didn’t care. He had to be able to explain. Merlin had lost his mother; surely he would understand how driven Arthur was? Arthur had never felt as if he had connected with someone as much as he had the young man, he was convinced that Merlin would understand if he had the chance to explain why he had lied. At the end of the day, Arthur knew that was the issue. Merlin had opened himself up to Arthur, had told him his most vulnerable moment and Arthur hadn’t reciprocated.

But it seemed this was not the day he would have the chance to make amends. He had just taken a step out of the alleyway in order to go after Merlin when Leon began escorting Cendred out. Uniform fell to one side, all of them knowing the man’s reputation and no one quite being able to look him in the eye. Arthur would have had no such qualms if he hadn’t been so distracted. With his attention fixed on Merlin’s fleeing back, Arthur didn’t notice as the criminal tore away from Leon and simply ran at Arthur. With his hands locked behind his back, there wasn’t a lot Cendred could do. But by slamming his shoulder into Arthur’s back, it was enough.

Taking unaware, Arthur fell hard. He didn’t have time to get his hands out in front of him – exhaustion, hunger and stress beginning to cloud his mind – and he hit the wall. Unfortunately for him, fate had decided to abandon him that day. Rather than just stumbling, Arthur lost his footing entirely and went down, catching his head off the bricks as he did so.

Stunned, Arthur hit the floor and was vaguely aware that Cendred was somehow standing over him. He could hear Leon yelling his name, but it was like he was hearing the man underwater, for there was a great ringing in his ears as he struggled to blink stars out of his vision. Cendred clearly knew that his time was up but he wasn’t going to go down without a fight. Even as Leon tackled the man back to the floor, ordering for someone to help him with the prisoner, Cendred managed to land a lucky kick.

As soon as the man’s foot connected with his head, Arthur lost consciousness. His last thought was that he wouldn’t be able to find Merlin now, but then he knew nothing.

How long he was out for, Arthur had no idea. But the first thing he noticed was the bright lights above his head that could only mean being in hospital. Opening his eyes just a crack had been enough to send shooting pain stabbing through his head and Arthur quickly shut them again. He could feel his arms were lying limply by his side and Arthur only needed to flex his fingers to realise he was somewhere that he hadn’t been for a long time.

He was in a bed.

“Arthur? Arthur, I saw that movement, wake up, you lazy sod.”

Arthur was tempted to ignore the voice and pretend that he was still asleep. Or unconscious, or whatever he had been. But when he felt a finger brush over the back of his hand, he knew that wasn’t fair. Screwing his face up in a grimace, he opened his eyes to see Morgana watching him shrewdly.

They had been raised as brother and sister. Her family had taken him in for a few years when Arthur was twelve and the older girl had taken Arthur under her wing since before he could remember. They may not share blood, but she was his sister. They fought and cried together, they loved and laughed. Arthur knew he was as protective of her as she was of him and Morgana had been the one who made him realise that he could live his dreams, even if life hadn’t started off well for him. Right now, she was staring at him shrewdly, her face tight with tension.

“Hey, ‘Gana,” Arthur muttered, causing her to relax at the old nickname. She shuffled her chair closer and Arthur tried not to wince as the scraping sound caused nails to go stabbing through his head.

“What did I tell you about landing yourself in hospital?” She scolded, the slight tremble in her voice revealing just how worried she had actually been. Arthur managed a small smile.

“Sorry, need to keep you on your toes.”

Morgana smiled, letting the back of her fingers brush his cheek for a moment in a tender gesture that Arthur knew she would have never done had he been properly lucid.

“What happened, Arthur?” Her voice was soft and gentle and Arthur knew instantly she had been talking to Leon. The two of them had been dancing around each other for years, something that had only intensified when Leon started looking out for Arthur at work. Morgana seemed to trust Leon to keep her little “brother” safe and Leon knew them well enough to not underestimate what that level of trust meant.

“Got the bad guy and he got me,” Arthur muttered, placing his palms flat on the bed as he forced himself into an upright position. He hated simply lying there at the best of times, he had no intention of playing the patient for any longer than necessary.

“Not about Cendred. Who was he?”

And just like that, Arthur knew that Leon had filled Morgana in on all that had happened in that alleyway – Merlin included. He blamed it on whatever pain relief they were pushing into his body, as before Arthur knew what had happened, his eyes had filled with tears and he glanced away to hide his weakness. He had always put on a front in front of Morgana. Originally it had been to get her to accept him rather than seeing him as the charity case her parents had invited into their home. But now it just seemed to be how their relationship worked. They didn’t show emotion; and Arthur had to wonder how long he had been unconscious for if this was how they were both behaving.

“His name was Merlin and now I’ll probably never see him again. I have to get back out there, ‘Gana, I have to explain that I never meant to hurt him. He’ll understand, he has to…”

“Easy tiger,” Morgana said softly, her hand on his shoulder being the only thing that made Arthur realise he had been trying to get out of bed. It was only then he noticed that he was wired into a few drips and various monitors. The confusion as to why must have shown on his face.

“You’ve been out on the streets for three months, Arthur. You’re malnourished, slightly dehydrated, exhausted and your body temperature was a little on the low side. As they were bringing you in for getting yourself knocked out anyway, they thought they may as well at least allow you to leave healthy. You need to rest, little brother.”

“No,” Arthur protested, but he found that he couldn’t find her, he was too tired. “I have to find him. I think… I think I love him.”

“Are you sure that isn’t the morphine talking?”

“Morgana, don’t you understand? He’ll hate me! I have to get out there, find him and explain. If I’m like this, then he’ll be even colder, he needs more of the blanket…” Arthur didn’t notice the alarmed look on Morgana’s face, nor the way she quickly pressed the call button. He was still rambling about how he needed to go and find Merlin when the doctor came in. Arthur was sure the man said something, but the words seemed distant and incomprehensible. It was only when the man stepped away from fiddling with his drip and Arthur felt another way of lethargy wash through his body did he realise he must have been given something to calm him down.

Arthur sagged back against the pillows, his eyes flickering shut even as one last mumble about Merlin slipped from his lips. He could feel his breathing evening out, but whatever he had been given just relaxed him rather than sending him to sleep. He wasn’t exactly awake, but he was still conscious as Leon arrived, Morgana’s hushed voice telling him what was going on and why it looked as if Arthur was still unconscious.

“I’ve never seen him like this,” Arthur heard his sister admit. He wanted to tell them that he could hear them, but he also was a little intrigued about what they would say if they thought that he couldn’t. “It’s just the blow to his head, isn’t it?”

“Honestly? No, I think it is more than that, he was going after this lad even before Cendred kicked him. I think he was emotionally involved.”

“But he’s never had that happen before. All the undercover work he has done, every situation you send him into, he’s always been fine.”

“You can’t help who you fall in love with, Morgana,” Leon said, a strange note in his voice. It seemed to be a mixture of scolding for her not understanding that her brother was experiencing something for the first time, and the hope that she understood how he felt. Now more than ever, Arthur wanted to prove that he was awake and get them to just admit how they felt about each other so they would understand enough to let him go after Merlin, but the drug seemed to be coupling with the exhaustion and this time, Arthur fell asleep for real.

The lights had been dimmed by the time he woke up again and opening his eyes was a lot easier than the first time around. Rolling his head, he saw that Morgana had gone – no doubt ordered away by the man now sitting in her seat. Leon was reading what Arthur could only assume were reports – the man never seemed to know how to switch off from work. Arthur made to say something but it came out as nothing more than a cough. Still, it alerted Leon to the fact that he was awake and his friend had move before Arthur had stopped coughing, offering him a glass of water.

Arthur would have protested over the straw if he wasn’t too desperate for the drink and by the time he fell back to the pillows, it had been pushed from his mind.

“I was going to ask how you were feeling, but think that is a stupid question,” Leon said softly, lifting the chair to place it closer to the bed. Arthur found the switch that raised the back of the bed and felt decidedly better when he could actually sit up without having to support his own weight.

“Next case?” he asked, nodding to the paperwork that Leon had been reading. The man let out a bark of laughter before he realised that Arthur was serious.

“You aren’t going to be on cases for a while, mate.”

“Oh come on, I’m fine. How many times does a case end with me being a bit under the weather because of what I’ve had to do to get close? Three months on the street doesn’t even touch how I ended up when we got inside that drug circle.”

“True,” Leon admitted, a shadow of a smile on his face. “I wasn’t sure you were going to pull through the night after what they did to you after your cover was blown.”

The smile slipped again.

“But it’s not your physical state that I’m worried about right now.”

Arthur felt his heart thudding hard. He had seen what happened to undercover officers who became too involved with their cases. He had no intention of being stuck behind a desk for the rest of his life and he tried to force an uncaring expression onto his face.

“I’m fine.” Arthur didn’t think he had ever uttered a lie as big as that one and judging by Leon’s face, he knew it.

“So if that boy was to walk past you in the street, you would be able to carry on with what you were doing rather than dropping everything to go after him and explain?”

“I…” Arthur had no answer, and he knew that Leon knew that as well. His eyes fell to the bed-sheets and he glared at them as if they were to blame for how he was feeling. He knew it was better than glaring at Leon though. He had brought this upon himself.

“I only wanted to keep him safe. There’s a guy out there, Alvarr. He likes to prey on newcomers and I didn’t want that to happen to him. After that… things just kind of spiralled out of control.”

“Did he prey on you?” Arthur felt the flush rising to his face and glanced away. He could remember that day as if it was yesterday. The day Alvarr had stolen his jacket and demanded that Arthur suck him off to get it back. To his shame – knowing the jacket was the only way to contact his back up – Arthur had done it. And then still had to fight to get his coat back. But even as the flush faded, Arthur felt himself smirk.

“No one preys on me,” he said strongly. He had certainly made Alvarr’s life hell after that, causing him as much trouble as he could and then simply getting in the way on other occasions such as Merlin arriving. It wasn’t as if he had been an innocent beforehand and he had done far worse than suck a man in his line of work. It was needed to stay alive. Leon seemed to understand that although something might have happened, Arthur was over it and had dealt with it accordingly. “I do want you to find something to get him arrested for though.”

“Threatening and intimidating other people on the street doesn’t give us enough to go on, Arthur, you know that. And I know that look on your face – no, you are not going after him yourself.”

“But you just said I couldn’t have a case,” Arthur argued, fighting back the yawn he could feel coming. He didn’t want to prove that Leon was right about him not being ready to work. “What do you expect me to do, just sit at home?”

The look on Leon’s face was the only answer that Arthur needed.

“No. No way am I just sitting at home!” He was trying to climb out of bed even as he spoke, ripping the lines from his arm and swinging his legs over the side of the bed. “I can do this, you know I can. How is sitting in an empty flat supposed to help?”

“Arthur…”

“No. You swore you wouldn’t coddle me when I started, don’t you dare start now because I actually have feelings for someone.”

“You do care for him then?”

Arthur snapped his mouth shut, feeling as if whatever he said would be the wrong answer. Leon sighed, leaning over and squeezing Arthur’s shoulder.

“It’s wrong of me to talk to you about this while you are suffering from a concussion. Get back into bed, Arthur. They said they’ll release you in the morning providing there are no complications overnight. Then we’ll talk about what happens next.”

“Leon, please…” It didn’t matter what Arthur said, the older man managed to get him back into the bed by the time the doctor came back, alerted by the fact that Arthur had unattached his wires. With the well-used threat that he would be behind a desk unless he behaved, Leon left.

Arthur knew he would have to behave. He had a feeling he was about to fight a case that would determine his future, and annoying his superiors by not doing what the doctors said was not the way to go about it. He had been in this situation enough times now that he knew the best way to pass the time was to simply sleepy. Considering his body had been on edge for the last three months and never truly letting him relax, it took no effort at all on Arthur’s behalf to just give in to exhaustion. Luckily for him, he slept the night through, not even the usual nightmares seeping into his mind.

The doctors woke him at various points to check there was no complications with the blow to his head, but Arthur felt more than ready to leave by the time they had taken away what they called breakfast. Not that long ago, Arthur might have refused to eat it. But he had lived on the streets properly, and knew that he would never turn away a meal again. His thoughts made him simply worry for Merlin even more as he slowly got dressed and listened to the do’s and don’ts once he was out of the hospital. Arthur tuned out; he had heard them all before.

Instead, his mind was thinking of Merlin. Had he gone back to the alleyway that night? At least he still had Arthur’s bag and blanket, he would be able to keep warm. Mrs Henderson would watch out for him, Arthur knew that she had liked Merlin even if she didn’t understand why Arthur allowed himself to get so close to someone. A retired member of the force herself, she had been more than happy to be the check in point, and Arthur knew he had never really been alone. If he had gone too long without her seeing him, she would have reported it. That’s why he always went back to the same spot. Not only was it rumoured Cendred had been seen doing deals there, but Mrs Henderson could see it from her window. All it would take was a glance and she would know that Arthur was surviving.

But that would involve Merlin actually returning to the coffee shop. Arthur hadn’t seen the bag with him when Merlin had tried to come to his rescue, and then he had run in the opposite direction. What if he didn’t go back for it? What if..?

Realising that the doctor had finished speaking and was watching him expectantly, Arthur muttered his understanding and walked towards the door. He knew he had to stop worrying about Merlin. The younger man had made it more than apparent that he knew how to fend for himself. Arthur wondered if that was why he had revealed what happened to his mother, so Arthur would know that he could handle himself on the streets because he had been doing it for long enough? Arthur wanted to go and find him, but he also knew that Merlin didn’t necessarily need his protection the way Arthur had believed after their first meeting.

Walking out of the hospital, Arthur blinked in the bright sunshine and realised that he still had a killer of a headache. No doubt they had told him to rest. In Arthur’s mind, if he hadn’t heard them say it then he wasn’t disobeying them as such. Besides, all he wanted to do was drain a coffee and then hit the streets he had come to know so well, fully intending on finding Merlin. He wasn’t even planning on going home, but instead hoped that Mrs Henderson would take pity on him one last time.

Fate, it seemed, had no intention of letting him carry out his plan. Arthur had only taken one step into the car park when a car swerved up next to him. For a split second, Arthur debated whether he could run before Morgana got the door open, but in all honesty he wasn’t feeling up to a fight. He slid in gratefully.

Morgana studied him long and hard for a moment, but didn’t ask him how he was feeling. Considering she had last seen him babbling about needing to find Merlin before being sedated, Arthur had a feeling she didn’t want to know the answer to that. Eventually, though, she sighed.

“I’m taking you home.” The car was moving again before Arthur truly realised what she had said and he shouted so loudly that Morgana almost stalled.

“What?” She gasped, clearly thinking that something was wrong. In Arthur’s mind, it was.

“I’m not going home, I have to go back to our alleyway.”

“Have you left something there? Something that could implicate you in further operations?” Arthur only stared at her. Sometimes, he hated that Morgana was involved with the law as he was, only on the lawyer side of it. He caught the criminals, she made sure they were put away for a long as they deserved. They made a scarily effective team despite rarely actually working together.

“Not as such…” he said slowly and Morgana rolled her eyes.

“I’m not taking you back there so you can see if you can find your lover-boy, Arthur. I’m taking you home and you are actually going to rest.”

Arthur opened his mouth to argue, but then he truly caught sight of Morgana’s face. He hadn’t spoken to his adoptive sister for three months. He hadn’t spoken to any of the people who cared about him. He couldn’t afford to. He had passed on the message through Mrs Henderson that he was alive and their target was still silent, but nothing personal. He knew how undercover worked and had accidentally tried to keep both sides of his life at the same time once. The results had not been pleasant.

Arthur let out a groan as he realised what he was thinking. By allowing himself to feel for Merlin, he was doing it again. He was trying to cross two parts of his life. He had _known_ that he couldn’t let anything happen, that it would only end badly. He wasn’t truly homeless, he never had been. He was there for a reason and now that reason was over, Merlin could no longer be part of his life. Arthur might have had a past that mirrored Merlin’s, but that was as far as they went with similarities.

“Arthur? Arthur, are you okay?” Morgana asked softly and Arthur realised his hands had scrunched into fists and there was even a treacherous tear sliding down his cheek. His thoughts had occupied their whole journey and he realised with a start Morgana had stopped the car in front of his flat. At least he had somewhere to come home to when it was over – or when it got too much. What did Merlin have?

“C’mon,” Morgana muttered, climbing out, grabbing a bag Arthur hadn’t noticed from the back seat and prompting him to follow her up the stairs. He had made sure Morgana had a spare key – he couldn’t exactly have one on him while living out on the streets, there was too much of a risk someone find it. Arthur followed her numbly, tripping up the stairs like he had done a thousand times before. As soon as the door was open, Arthur was in and sinking onto his sofa. Instantly, something furry jumped up beside him.

“Hey, ‘Thusa,” he muttered, stroking the back of his purring white cat automatically. That was another reason why Morgana had to keep an eye on the place. Someone needed to look after his cat. Found as a kitten in a rubbish bin, Arthur had been so reminded of himself – abandoned and alone – that he had taken Aithusa in without a thought. Morgana looked after the cat while Arthur was on missions, then looked after Arthur when he returned from them.

Aithusa nudged his head under Arthur’s hand, seeking attention. For a moment, Arthur could only comply, a small smile tugging at his lips before Aithusa jumped down again and wound himself around Morgana’s legs, purring. Arthur let his head fall back against the headrest with a long, drawn out sigh. To his horror, another tear ran down his face.

“Here,” a soft voice said and he looked up to see Morgana passing him a steaming mug of what Arthur could only assume was tea. He had forgotten how good it felt to just curl up and cradle the mug, not having to think or worry about it going cold in the chilly air or something causing him to lose it. As if he was trying to compensate for the months of being cold, Arthur found himself tugging up the blanket that always rested over the edge of the sofa.

“You really care for him, don’t you?” Morgana continued, her voice apologetic as she seemed to realise she had been previously mocking something that Arthur felt strongly about. Arthur couldn’t blame her. She and Leon were about the only two people to get through his defences for as long as he could remember. Losing his parents had caused him to lose trust in people for a while; no social worker could ever get him to properly talk until Morgana’s parents started visiting him. His line of work had caused him to put up defences to make sure what he was doing didn’t take too much of a toll on him.

But Merlin had been different.

The trouble was, Arthur didn’t know how to admit it other than giving a somewhat shaky nod. He concentrated on drinking his tea rather than talking to his sister and Morgana seemed to take the hint. She began emptying the bag and Arthur realised it was fresh food. He always had things in the freezer in case he came back earlier than expected, but to know he could eat properly again made a smile tug at his lips.

Until he once again thought of how Merlin wouldn’t be able to. Putting his mug down, Arthur sighed. He had only been with Merlin just over a week, and only away from him for just over a day. And yet he was already exhausted comparing everything he could have again to everything Merlin _didn’t_ have. He had to either stop it, or find Merlin. At least if he could speak to him, see how Merlin felt, it would be enough to stop his mind thinking of what if’s.

Running a hand through his hair, Arthur surprised himself by yawning. No doubt the doctor had said something about him getting some rest when Arthur hadn’t been listening. But all he could think about right now was the need to make things right with Merlin and just how tired he was truly feeling. Something told him that Morgana wouldn’t be even letting him out of the flat until he was functioning at least a little more like a human being. No leaving meant no Merlin, so Arthur did the only thing that made sense to him at the time.

He fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

It took almost two days until Arthur even had the opportunity to escape both his flat and his sister. Morgana had practically moved in in a way she had never done before. Arthur wasn’t complaining, not to start with. She provided regular, healthy meals and made sure he was taking care of himself. It always took Arthur a little time to slot back into everyday life when he came off a case. He would spend months at a time living in whatever conditions dictated to him and find a way to survive. But he knew that it was just as important to get himself up to full strength and health between cases each time or he would never have the stamina to pull them off.

Only this time, Arthur didn’t truly have the inclination to start eating properly. He had spent three months living off whatever he could beg on the street, he had become used to odd meals that did nothing to help the hunger gnawing at his stomach. He thought he would be starving for some freshly cooked meals when he returned, but everything that Morgana put in front of him was a challenge to get into his mouth. Not because she couldn’t cook, far from it.

He had no appetite. He didn’t want to be thinking about food when he knew Merlin was out there, probably sitting in their usual spot desperately hoping that someone would come along. Arthur wondered now if he was beginning to understand why Arthur always had returned to that spot. It was nothing about what money they could earn there, but all about keeping an eye for Cendred. He hoped Merlin realised. Realising would be the only way he would move onto a spot where people were more generous with their money.

“You have to stop this,” Morgana told him on the second evening as Arthur pushed his food around his plate like a child. “You’re no good to anyone like this.”

Arthur knew that she meant the police. They wouldn’t start thinking of giving him a new assignment unless he pulled himself together. But with his mind so firmly locked on Merlin, that was how Arthur chose to interpret Morgana’s words. He couldn’t help Merlin if he couldn’t look after himself, and that was suddenly enough for him to start eating. He slept deeply, but he knew that was partly due to the sleeping tablets the doctor had prescribed. Usually, Arthur refused to take them, preferring a few restless nights if it meant he got himself settled on his own. But this time, he needed to get back to work.

It was his only way of getting back to Merlin.

Despite being a little suspicious at first about his change in behaviour, Arthur could see the relief in Morgana’s eyes when Arthur begged to be allowed out for a run. They both knew this was his way of putting it all behind him, of testing what state his body had been left in. If he was honest, Arthur wasn’t bothered about going. But he knew Morgana knew his routine, and if she thought he was at that stage already, then she would let her guard down.

It worked.

Three days after he had been released from the hospital, Morgana packed up her things and moved out. Arthur knew full well she would be ringing him constantly and wouldn’t even be surprised if she set all his friends onto him just to make sure someone was keeping an eye on him. The freezer and fridge were both full; everything that Arthur could think of needing was there. With instructions to call her if he needed someone to talk to (or if he didn’t, Arthur knew how to read between the lines; she wanted him to report in), Morgana packed up the few belongings she had brought with her and went back to her normal life.

The flat seemed empty with her gone, but Arthur had no intention of staying in it on his own. Now that he no longer had a babysitter constantly watching over him, he knew he had to start finding a way to get back to the streets. There was a naïve hope, a childish wish, that Merlin would have stayed in their alleyway. Arthur knew the chances were that he would have moved on, it wouldn’t be safe there on his own. But Arthur clung to that thought because if he accepted Merlin had moved, it meant admitting he had no idea where to start looking for the man.

The idea of not finding him was nothing something that Arthur could comprehend.

He had wondered whether he had only fallen for the man because it was someone to look after, to care about. Someone who had had a bad start to life the way Arthur had. Morgana and her parents had turned Arthur’s life around, and he had wanted to do the same for Merlin. Now he was off the case, some selfish part of him hoped he would forget Merlin and move on.

But instead, it was like Merlin was haunting him. Everywhere he turned, he could see the man’s face, or hear his laugh ringing in his ears. It was driving Arthur mad and he knew he had to do something about it. Morgana was right; he was no use to anyone like this.

Arthur’s first plan was to try and get back to those streets on his morning run. It meant that if anyone tried to tell him he was being foolish, he could blame it on coincidence that was where he had ended up. The streets were a reasonable distance from his flat, but not something that had ever proved to be a problem to Arthur before. He always made sure he kept himself at peak fitness in between cases, knowing that his life might count on him being able to make a quick mistake if things started to go wrong while on one.

But this time, he had underestimated precisely what toll being out on the streets for so long had taken on his body. The first morning he aimed to get back to the streets by running had him giving up less than halfway, his muscles screaming at him and spots dancing in front of his vision due to his lack of breathing. He knew he had to turn back before someone saw him, but Arthur vowed he wouldn’t let that deter him. It might take too long until he was able to search for Merlin in a subtle way. If that was the case, he was just going to have to go and look for him, regardless of what everyone else said.

It was a week until Arthur got the chance. He had spent days trying to work out where Merlin would go while Arthur was cooped up and it was driving him mad. Knowing that he had been given a clean bill of health, Arthur decided there was nothing anyone could do to stop him from going out and doing as he pleased. And if that involved going to see Mrs Henderson (it wouldn’t put her in any danger now the case was over), then that was what he was going to do. The fact that he was secretly hoping to find someone at their usual spot – that could be seen from her window – was neither here nor there.

He was going to see Merlin, he was going to see his old contact.

At least, that was what he would say if anyone were to ask.

He had decided on his course of action on a Sunday night. It was the longest night of his life as he watched the clock tick by, his mind – as usual – firmly with Merlin and wondering if he was warm enough. The days were getting colder and Arthur had to wrap up in several layers when he dressed the next morning.

Despite the chill, it was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and the sky was clear as Arthur carefully shut his front door behind him. An early frost crunched under foot as he started walking and Arthur found himself cursing. The last thing Merlin needed was for winter to come early, especially if it was going to be the bad one they were predicting. Knowing there was nothing he could do about it unless he actually found the man, Arthur stuck his hands in his pocket and started the walk towards his destination.

It almost felt like coming home when he saw the café welcoming him from the corner, lights twinkling inviting in the window and promising warmth from the cold weather. Arthur felt a smile tugging at his lips as he continued towards it. He had been coming here for long before he had met Merlin, and there were so many moments from his time on the streets that he could link back to this place that he felt his smile widen as he pushed open the door and heard the familiar bell jangle its welcome.

Within seconds, Mrs Henderson had appeared from the back. All it took was one glance to see who it was and the old woman was hurrying towards him. Arthur didn’t have time to take his gloves off before he had been pulled into a fierce hug.

“Oh my boy…” Mrs Henderson murmured, holding him close for a moment before pushing him away and examining him at arm’s length. “Well, more colour, that has to mean something… They’re treating you well?”

“I’m on my own,” Arthur laughed, detaching the lady and sliding into a seat. As he took off his coat, she seemed to realise what she was supposed to be doing and hurried to the counter. The instant whirring of the machine meant Arthur knew he wasn’t getting a choice about a drink; she was going to prepare what he had always had before. In a way, he was glad. He would have felt torn whether to order it or not, knowing it was the sort of attachment to a case he shouldn’t have. Nothing was supposed to link him to the Arthur who had lived on the streets here; not personal attachments, not even his favourite drink. This time, however, he was more than happy to let her slide it in front of him with a smile.

Arthur wrapped his hands around it, hugging the drink close to him as he propped one knee up against the table and leant back so that he could see out of the window. He heard Mrs Henderson tut and knew that she was aware of precisely who he was looking for. But disappointment spread in his chest when Arthur realised there was no one there.

Maybe it was just too early? He hadn’t been able to sleep so had left as soon as he knew the shop would be open. If Merlin was sensible, he wouldn’t stay out in the cold until there was more of a chance of people passing and him actually getting something for his efforts.

“He’s not been there.” The voice made Arthur jump and he glanced around to see Mrs Henderson watching him shrewdly. Arthur knew she knew precisely what he was thinking and who he was looking for.

“Do you know where he is?”

“Should you be looking for him?”

“I have to,” Arthur answered quietly. He somehow felt as if he could explain this to Mrs Henderson and she would understand rather than just reminding him of his duty and how that meant no emotional involvement with someone who could potentially become part of the case. It had been easy up until now, faking how he was feeling about anyone and everything if that meant getting the job done. Arthur hadn’t expected to ever fall for someone.

“Arthur…”

“I can’t get the look on his face out of my head when I pulled out my badge. I was just doing what I’ve always done, what I’ve always had to do in order to get results every single time. And yet I feel like I’ve betrayed him. We’ve barely known each other for a few weeks. I was going to tell him, I just hadn’t had the chance. I was going to tell him that day, that was why I came to get breakfast.”

“You’re not supposed to say…”

“I know!” Arthur shut his eyes and shook his head apologetically, resting his forehead on his mug as he tried to process what he was feeling. He wasn’t _supposed_ to be feeling this. His ability to detach himself from any situation – years in care had helped with that – was what had made him so good at his job. “I feel like none of it is worth it unless I can explain what happened.”

Arthur didn’t look up but jumped when a hand snaked around the back of his neck and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“I’m sorry, Arthur. I don’t know where he is, he hasn’t been anywhere near here since Cendred was arrested. But if you feel like you have to do this, then follow your heart. You’re no use to anyone like this anyway. You’ve got nothing to lose by doing this.”

“Apart from him,” Arthur muttered glumly, finally looking up to give her a small smile to tell her he appreciated her trying to help. Mrs Henderson lifted an eyebrow.

“I don’t think you’ve really got him right now, have you, young man? If you want him to be yours in order to risk losing him, you need to finish that drink and go and find him.”

Arthur smiled, the first proper one he felt like he had done for days. This was what he needed. Not someone telling him that he would get over it in just a few days but someone who understood. Mrs Henderson seemed to realise that both Arthur’s mind and heart were with Merlin. Until he attempted to get them back, he wouldn’t be fit for duty and would only end up being hurt.

Picking up the cup, Arthur downed the rest of the contents, feeling himself wince a little at how hot the contents still were. The warmth spread through his body and made Arthur sigh in relief. He could feel it in his chest and it made determination spark back into life in a way he had been missing for the last week. He was going to find Merlin, explain and then, for once, tell him how he really felt.

If nothing else, he owed it to the man.

Putting the cup down, Arthur nodded his thanks as he stood up. Mrs Henderson smiled. Arthur was sure it almost looked like pride shining from her eyes as she handed him his gloves, but he just nodded again and left. He knew should he stay, the kindly woman would end up causing him to break down in a way he hadn’t done since he was about twelve and realised Morgana’s parents weren’t about to send him straight back to the home again.

The coldness hit him like an icy blast as he opened the door and Arthur was quick to shut it behind him again. For a moment, he just stood there, looking about as he tried to work out where Merlin would go. He knew all the places they had visited together, but apart from when Merlin had taken him back to his old home, it had always been Arthur’s decision. Now more than ever Arthur hated how circumstances had dictated their meeting. He didn’t know Merlin well enough to know where his friend would seek shelter if Arthur wasn’t there calling the shots.

Knowing that standing here wasn’t going to do him any favours, Arthur started walking. He found that he was moving back towards their usual haunts. They were as good a place as any to start looking for Merlin. They had done reasonable well in a few places, maybe Merlin would remember them and go back there?

Telling himself to hold onto the hope that had ignited in his chest, Arthur kept putting one foot in front of the other. He had to believe he would find Merlin. The thought that he would never see him again, never get the chance to explain and apologise was almost too much for Arthur to handle right now so he carried on searching.

It was disappointing, but came as no surprise when their first few spots were empty. They were too exposed, too open to be out here by yourself when people like Alvarr were around.

Arthur almost stopped walking.

Surely Merlin wouldn’t go back to anywhere that was close to that man when he didn’t have any sort of protection? But Arthur could remember the look in Merlin’s eye that first night. He had needed help and had been scared. But he had also been defiant. What if he had ventured too close and Alvarr had tried to prey on him again? If Merlin refused to go down without a fight, Arthur knew full well what happened next. It was why he had agreed to Alvarr’s terms during his first week in order to get his coat back. He had seen what had happened to the last guy that had refused Alvarr.

Fear began to replace the hope and Arthur broke into a run. He _had_ to find Merlin, he had to make sure he hadn’t done anything stupid!

But before he could get anywhere near their next spot, Arthur heard something. Sirens. The police had been called to this area. While Arthur wanted to find Merlin, it was against his nature to not at least check if he could lend a hand. And who knew, maybe whichever officers had been patrolling these streets had already passed Merlin and would be able to give Arthur at least a direction in which to go.

The sirens cut off after just a few moments and Arthur grinned. They had stopped close to him, it wouldn’t take much time to get there. This suddenly felt like the chance he had been waiting for and Arthur set off at a run. As soon as the car came into view, Arthur slowed to a walk and made sure that he caught his breath before approaching. It had taken him a long time to earn the respect of the elder officers. Arthur’s position within the force coupled with his age meant not many truly knew who he was, he was just a name that went around the office whenever they had any big case they were working on. Arthur knew he technically outranked most of the staff, he just didn’t like to play on that.

Luckily, the two that had got out of the car and seemed to be approaching an alleyway were two that Arthur knew well. Gwaine and Lancelot were good friends, both of his and to each other. Both had been offered promotions several times over, but everyone always breathed a sigh of relief when they stuck to what they knew best. There was no denying the streets were safer when those two were out together; they didn’t miss a thing.

Arthur wasn’t sure whether to approach or to let them do their job first. Lancelot, however, made that decision for him when he caught sight of Arthur approaching and nudged his partner. Both men turned, smiles of greeting on their faces. Arthur knew that whatever they had been called to wasn’t urgent, nor were they worried that they prey would escape them. Arthur quickened his pace to draw level with them.

“Should you be out here?”

“What have you got?” Arthur pointedly ignored Gwaine’s question. He knew full well neither Gwaine nor Lancelot were going to report him for being back here, they were too loyal. But judging by the look on Lance’s face, Arthur had a feeling they were more likely to report him to his sister. Lancelot’s fiancée was Morgana’s best friend – everyone looked out for each other in their group of friends.

“Reports of a couple of guys getting a bit touchy feely down one of these alleyways. Apparently they’re going the full way, an elderly woman passing nearly had a heart attack and called it in. Time to break up the happy couple once we find them.”

Now Arthur knew why there hadn’t been any rush. If the couple truly were planning to go the full way and didn’t realise they had been reported, then they certainly wouldn’t be in any position to run off. Yet Arthur found himself flushing. It had only been a few days ago when he and Merlin had thoroughly kissed in an alleyway. Someone could have easily reported them, they had certainly been getting heated enough for a passer-by to wonder if they would stop. Arthur cleared his throat and tried to cool his blushing cheeks.

“Mind if I tag along? I need your help after you are done.”

Lancelot and Gwaine simply glanced at each other before nodding in sync. Arthur had always been convinced that if telepathy was possible, these were the two men who would develop the ability. They knew each other so well – it was what made them so effective out on the streets. They didn’t need to give orders to one another, they just reacted and worked seamlessly as a team.

“Keep back then, you know you’re not supposed to be here.” Arthur nodded and fell in behind the two men as they began glancing down alleyways in order to find who they were after. After they had looked down the third, all three men stopped as they realised there were sounds coming from the next one. Soft moans. It seemed as if they had found who they were looking for and Arthur fought back a grin. The indignation on people’s faces when they were split up for something like this was always amusing, even if Gwaine and Lancelot weren’t allowed to show it.

Arthur stayed behind, but he could catch glimpses of what was going on. That one glimpse was all he needed for his heart to stop, the colour drain from his face and Arthur to simply stare.

“No,” he whispered, causing Lancelot to shoot him a puzzled look.

“Alright, gents, time to break this up,” Gwaine called loudly, walking towards them. Alvarr shot him a filthy look, his head rocking forward again from where it had been leaning back against the wall in pleasure. His hand was fisted in the hair of the man who had been gagging on his cock and for a second, Arthur didn’t think he was going to let him up. But Alvarr’s grip relaxed and Merlin slowly stood up.

As he turned, Arthur could see the second he realised who else was there apart from the uniformed officers. If he wasn’t mistaken, it was shame and anger that caused the colour to bloom across Merlin’s cheeks as he wiped his mouth. Arthur found that he couldn’t look away. He wasn’t paying the slightest bit of attention as Gwaine gave them both warnings and effectively told them to get a room somewhere. He was too busy watching as Alvarr also recognised him and snaked an arm around Merlin’s waist. His hand was so close to his crotch that Arthur knew he was seeing how far he could push it.

“Okay then, on your way and don’t let us catch you again.” Lancelot dismissed them both and both officers fell to one side to let Merlin and Alvarr pass. Arthur too took a step back, his mind buzzing. But as they reached the main street, he suddenly realised a way to make sure Merlin was warm enough.

“Wait,” he said, authority in his voice and making it quite clear that he was going to pull rank if Gwaine and Lancelot didn’t listen. “Arrest them both for public disturbance.”

Shock spread across Merlin’s face, but Alvarr took off running, almost as if he had been expecting it. Arthur wasn’t surprised; they had been enemies, after all. Why should Arthur try and get him off after what Alvarr had done? Merlin also turned to run, but those few seconds had cost him dearly.

Despite having a look on his face that clearly said Arthur better explain this later, Gwaine had darted forward. He just about caught Merlin’s shirt and it was enough to pull the young man into him. Merlin struggled, but there was nothing he could do to get away. If anything, it was his struggles that caused Lancelot to pull out the handcuffs. Merlin yelled but there was nothing he could do as his wrists were locked into the cuffs and Gwaine and Lancelot stood either side.

Arthur thought he would just crumble there and then from the venomous look that Merlin shot him. But deep down, he felt some sort of victory. Now he could explain. Now he would know that Merlin was warm enough and had solid meals. He knew that no conviction ever came from this sort of thing, it would be just enough to get him out of the cold for a day or so and get some rest without having to worry.

Considering Merlin spat at him as the officers pulled him towards the car, Arthur wasn’t sure that Merlin was understanding where Arthur was coming from here. He knew others did it; deliberately caused disturbances out on the street so they would be taken in for a few days just to get out of the cold. Arthur wasn’t about to let anything happen to Merlin. If he let him go now, he knew he just might not find him again and that wasn’t something he was about to allow to happen.

“Are you coming with us?” Gwaine asked but Arthur shook his head. He had followed them back to the car without thinking what he was doing, but considering he would have had to sit in the back with Merlin, he wasn’t sure that was a good idea. The look his former lover was giving him, Arthur wasn’t sure whether Merlin would attempt to strangle him.

“I’ll meet you at the station.”

“Make sure you do,” Gwaine responded, a steely glint in his eyes that Arthur wasn’t used to seeing. He knew it was the firm look that anyone caught breaking the law was subjected to. Arthur had just never been on the receiving end of it himself and could see again why Gwaine was so good at his job. It was a little bit terrifying.

Luckily for Arthur, the station wasn’t far. This was the rougher part of town and it had only made sense to position the police right in the centre of it all. Not only did it meant their response times were generally quicker, it was supposed to act as some sort of deterrent. Whether that worked or not, Arthur had no idea. He was just glad it only took him about half an hour to walk there and his pace meant he wasn’t too freezing by the time he arrived.

As soon as he walked through the door, Arthur knew it was not Merlin who was in trouble, but him. Both Gwaine and Lancelot were waiting for him, but what made Arthur’s heart skip a beat was the fact that Leon was also standing there.

“Where’s Cendred now?” Arthur asked by way of greeting, knowing that Leon had been in charge of escorting the man to a more secure facility rather than the holding cells here.

“Somewhere safe. That’s him, isn’t it? You really think you can win him back by just imprisoning him?”

“I didn’t think you wanted me winning him back at all?” Arthur retorted, hanging up his coat and making to head towards the cells. He needed to speak to Merlin, but at least now he knew younger man couldn’t just disappear on him again.

“Arthur…” Leon’s arm came to stop against Arthur’s chest,  “What are you doing? You can’t just get someone arrested…”

“I didn’t, he had broken the law. Ask Gwaine and Lance…”

“I did. They said they were letting them off with a warning for first time offences and told them not to do it again before you decided to start throwing your impressive lack of weight around.”

Arthur winced, knowing he still had a long way to go until he had physically recovered from this job. Considering he was trying to work out for himself precisely what he was doing, Arthur didn’t need to be told he had even further to go in order to recover emotionally. But he wasn’t sure he wanted to recover, not if that meant losing Merlin. He felt himself sag slightly and that was enough for Leon to take his arm and march him into an office, shutting the door firmly behind him.

“What are you doing?” While Arthur had tried to pull rank on Gwaine and Lancelot, he knew this was Leon pulling rank on him. He had no choice but to answer truthfully, Leon had always seen through his lies.

“I just wanted him to be warm for a while,” Arthur admitted, wondering if what everyone had been saying was true and he had lost his edge slightly. Leon sighed.

“You can’t just arrest him for that. You want to talk to him, don’t you?”

“Well… it’s not like he is going anywhere now,” Arthur said sheepishly and he knew by the understanding in Leon’s eyes that his friend knew precisely why Arthur had acted as he had.

“Lance has already said they’ll keep your name out of the report. Arthur, I can’t protect you if you are going to keep doing things like this…”

“I know.” Arthur wasn’t in the mood for the full tirade right now. “But can I please see him?”

Leon sighed as he stood up, nodding. Arthur knew this wasn’t over. But it seemed to be easier just to give him what he wanted for now.


	6. Chapter 6

Arthur wasn’t sure what was making more noise; the pounding of his heart or his footsteps on the concrete stairs as he slowly descended. It felt like something of a dream, going down into the cells to see his prisoner because he thought he might have fallen in love with him. Of course, he knew by the look on Merlin’s face when Arthur had ordered his arrest that any feelings the other man might have held for him were long gone now. He would be lucky if Merlin listened to a word he said.

Not that Arthur could blame him. They had had something together, and it was as if Arthur had thrown that back in his face. Merlin had trusted him, even with the secrets of his past. Arthur might not have been on the streets for long, but he did know you didn’t tell anyone anything that could be used against you. It was why Merlin had seemed to understand why Arthur hadn’t wanted to talk about himself. Arthur wondered if it ever crossed Merlin’s mind it was because he wasn’t who he said he was and actually had a home to go back to?

Sighing, Arthur forced himself to stop thinking and to keep moving. He knew what he was like. Given half the chance, his thoughts would get the better of him and he would flee back upstairs without so much as catching a glimpse of Merlin. If he did that, Arthur wondered whether Leon would lock _him_ in the cells just to make them talk. It wasn’t as if Arthur was leaving him much option considering how he was behaving. Somehow, the thought of what Leon would do if he didn’t get on with this was enough to make Arthur quicken his pace and enter the cells.

To say that he was grateful when he realised Lancelot had locked Merlin in the one nearest the door was an understatement. This wasn’t some medieval time where dungeons were dark and damp. This was the 21st Century – the whole cell block was warm, well-lit and well ventilated; precisely some of the reasons why Arthur had wanted Merlin brought here in the first place. But it did mean he didn’t get the chance to gather his nerves one last time, for Merlin had heard the footsteps and moved to the door, peering out through the barred section. Arthur swallowed hard. It was going to be awkward having a conversation through a gap like that, but he hadn’t brought the keys down.

He wasn’t sure if any of the others would have trusted him with the keys. He wasn’t sure he trusted _himself_ right now, for he knew this sort of behaviour was not like him.

“What do you want?” Arthur almost recoiled at the snarl that came from the man that, barely a week ago, had been curled into his side pressing kisses into his neck. Telling himself he deserved it, Arthur stepped forward.

“To explain.” His voice came out stronger than he thought it would and Arthur found himself gaining courage. He could do this. He was one of the best undercover officers the force had seen for some time. He took down people that the ordinary police wouldn’t dream of going up against. He was not about to be turned into a quivering mess because he had let his emotions get in the way for once. As he squared his shoulders, Arthur realised he had left his nerves behind. What did he have to be nervous about? Merlin was making it quite clear how he felt.

“You have nothing to say that I want to hear. Is that why you locked me up, Arthur? To make sure you had your chance? Is this the only way you really know how to have someone, by making sure they have no escape?”

“I had you,” Arthur responded quietly, pulling around a chair from further down the corridor and sitting outside of Merlin’s door. The man had moved back from the door, but Arthur knew he could hear him. The doors weren’t that thick and the cells weren’t that big for his voice to be lost.

“No, you didn’t.”

“Yes, I did.” Somehow, the venom in Merlin’s voice was helping to calm Arthur down. He wasn’t sure why, but he was almost convinced that Merlin was having to force himself to sound that angry. The thought have Arthur confidence.

“You…”

“I did, Merlin. I know the rules out there. I might not have been who I said, but I wasn’t living a lie, I was doing it for real. You wouldn’t have taken me back to your home. You wouldn’t have kissed me.”

“Just go away,” Merlin’s voice was almost childish and Arthur found himself smiling. He was getting through to him. The anger had gone from Merlin’s voice and he instead sounded like he wanted to cry. Arthur cursed himself for not having the keys, wanting to take Merlin into his arms.

“No. I’m going to explain. You can pretend not to listen if you want. But I was going to tell you anyway.”

“That’s easy for you to say now when you have me safely locked up.”

“It’s the truth. Why else did you think I had gone to get breakfast? I wanted to make sure you couldn’t lash out at me just because you were hungry, I know what you are like when…”

“You don’t know me at all! We’ve known each other less than a month. You don’t know me and I sure as hell don’t know you considering I fell for someone that technically didn’t exist.”

Arthur opened his mouth to argue back when he suddenly realised what Merlin had said. Warmth blossomed in his chest. Merlin had fallen for him. Somehow, hearing him say it, admit it despite claiming not to even like Arthur right now gave him hope that he could somehow fix this.

“I didn’t lie to you, Merlin.”

Arthur thought he had earned the disbelieving snort that escaped Merlin, but he didn’t let it deter him.

“I might not have told you the truth, but I didn’t lie to you. I had been on the streets for three months. I do care for you.”

“You’re a liar.”

“I’m not.”

“Are.”

“Merlin, I’m not going to have this argument with you. I’m telling you the truth, it’s up to you whether you believe it or not. I wanted to protect you from Alvarr because what he tried to make you do that night he had already done to me. I wanted to be able to protect at least one person, otherwise what was the point of it all considering I hadn’t even got a glimpse of Cendred by then? I had no idea I was going to end up falling for you. No one thought I would, I’ve done this a hundred times and always kept myself emotionally detached. But damnit, Merlin, there is something about you that just crashed through my barriers and I couldn’t help myself.”

Arthur didn’t realise he had leant forward until he could thread his fingers through his hair in frustration. He knew he was doing a bad job of trying to explain this, but he had never been able to open up when it came to matters of the heart. Years of homes had taught him how to stay closed off, regardless of what he was feeling inside.

“How can I believe anything you say?”

“You can’t. But I just have to hope that how you feel gives me the chance to win back your trust again.”

“What makes you think I feel anything?” Arthur smiled gently, even though he knew Merlin couldn’t see him.

“I wasn’t the only one with a look of shock on my face when you realised who was there earlier today.” Arthur stood, walking to the door so he could look in. He needed to see Merlin. The man was curled up on the small bed, his face a picture of misery while he thought that Arthur couldn’t see him.

“I had you brought here because I thought you would appreciate a night in the warmth and in safety,” he said quietly. Merlin jumped, clearly realising that Arthur was closer and looked up towards the door. Instantly, he forced a look of anger back on his face.

“I don’t need your pity and I won’t be your charity case,” he snapped, rolling over to face the wall. Staring at his back, remembering how it felt to have his hand resting comfortably between Merlin’s shoulder blades had Arthur sighing and turning away himself. He knew that Merlin had nothing more he wanted to say and the more Arthur insisted that he listened, the more likely Merlin was to do just the opposite. That much he did know about the man; his stubbornness.

Not knowing if he was feeling better or worse from the talk, Arthur slowly climbed the stairs again. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do next. He wasn’t sure what he would be allowed to do considering how many rules he had just broken.

There was a welcome party waiting for him at the top of the stairs. Leon, Lancelot and Gwaine were all standing there and Arthur wasn’t sure if it was sympathy on their faces or sheer bemusement. After all, Arthur had never strayed before. This time, he hadn’t just stepped off the path, he had taken a running leap into the unknown. But the look on his face stopped any of them saying anything sarcastic and Lancelot instead clapped a hand onto his shoulder, steering him into the office and onto a chair. Arthur went willingly, sinking down into it and burying his face in his hands as soon as he could.

“You’ve got it bad, haven’t you?” Arthur wasn’t sure he had ever heard Gwaine sound sympathetic before and somehow, that knowledge didn’t help him. What had he done that was so bad even Gwaine sounded sympathetic?

“I’m fine,” Arthur forced himself to sit up, his mask falling back into place. But as he looked up, he found himself staring at three identical disbelieving looks.

“We know you better than that, mate,” Gwaine said lightly, hitching himself up onto the desk opposite Arthur. Leon took the other seat while Lancelot leant comfortably against the door. It might have been a convenient spot, but Arthur knew he was also making sure that no one was about to walk in.

“So what am I supposed to do?”

“Take some time off to clear your head,” Leon said instantly, holding up his hand as protests started dripping from Arthur’s lips. “If you take this time willingly, it won’t go down on a record. If I have to order you, then there is nothing I can do and they’ll probably make you go through counselling before you are declared fit for another case.”

“What?” Arthur felt lost. All he had done was fallen for someone. If it had been anyone else, anyone outside of the case, he would be showing Merlin off to his friends down at the pub. But because of the nature of their meeting, his feelings were destroying everything. “What the hell am I supposed to do with time off?”

It was known throughout the whole force that Arthur Pendragon never took time off unless he had been landed in the hospital because of a case. Judging by the grimace on Leon’s face, he knew that. Leon was just as bad and Arthur knew that they were the same; their work was their life and they didn’t really have anything outside of it.

“See your sister?”

“ _You_ see my sister,” Arthur retorted childishly, knowing the feelings that ran between them that neither would admit. Leon blushed slightly but Arthur got no satisfaction out of it. His arms folded across his chest and he stared at the floor. He wanted to wish this had never happened. But he couldn’t. For that would mean wishing he had never met Merlin. Despite everything that was going on, Arthur knew he would rather have unleashed hell like this and had those few days feeling the way he had than if this case had just gone textbook like the way all the others had.

“I’m having a bit of a crazy idea,” Gwaine said slowly, a sly grin beginning to unfurl on his face. Lancelot looked slightly alarmed, but Arthur found himself in the mood for Gwaine’s crazy schemes. Leon looked a little bit as if he would rather be anywhere but the room right now.

“What?” Lancelot prompted his partner when Gwaine fell silent. The man appeared to be in deep thought before he grinned again.

“We arrested that guy, right? We normally just let them out the next morning, this homeless lot. What’s the point of giving them a record when life has already taken everything from them. But what if… what if someone were to bail him out?”

“Gwaine…”

“If Arthur bails him out, we can appoint him as Merlin’s mentor. Merlin has to stay with him for a set amount of time to prove that he isn’t a hardened criminal.”

“I’m not sure forcing him to stay with me is going to solve anything,” Arthur muttered, feeling disappointed. The idea of having Merlin in his flat was a pleasing thought indeed.

“No? How did you meet him?”

“I took him under my protection.”

“Same situation. You were keeping him safe then and he stayed with you. You’re trying to keep him safe now. Besides… If he doesn’t want to stay it’s not like we’ve got anything to make him. Again, he’s got nothing so what are we going to take away? But what if he does stay? What if he is willing to give it a go?”

Arthur stared. Gwaine was right. They couldn’t force Merlin to stay, not when they couldn’t threaten to take his job or anything like that. Merlin had nothing and they were offering him something. If he took the chance, Arthur could look after him properly. And if Merlin ran… Then at least Arthur would know once and for all how he felt and would be able to move on with his life rather than constantly wondering what happened next.

Leon groaned as a smile spread across Arthur’s face, knowing that this was him agreeing and nothing would be able to talk him out of it. Arthur sat up straighter.

“How much are you setting bail at for the prisoner?” He asked formally, his heart beating hard. He didn’t know how Merlin was going to react, but he knew it would be a lot easier to try and talk to him without a locked door in the way. He knew it was desperate, but his emotions were making him feel this could be the only way.

He just wished that he had met Merlin under different circumstances so they could just be together.

MMM

Arthur could feel that his hand was trembling ever so slightly as he tried to get the key into the lock. The fact that Merlin was standing directly behind him really wasn’t helping. It was as if all of his senses had been tuned into his new guest, despite being able to feel the heat of Merlin’s glare on the back of his neck. Arthur was resisting the urge to push his elbow back in order to just get some space. It wasn’t that Merlin made him nervous. It was just having him here… Arthur had no idea what would happen next.

He thought Merlin would have continued to rant and yell at him when he was told that he had been bailed out. But he had gone quiet, pale even, and simply curled into a small ball and not said anything. They had all exchanged startled looks, but it was too late. It had been cleared for Arthur to have him released and there was no point going back on it. Considering the alternative was leaving Merlin in a cell, Arthur didn’t really see the point of backing out. Still, that hadn’t stopped Gwaine and Lancelot from cornering him and trying to give him a safety talk until they realised quite who they were talking to and that Arthur could more than take care of himself.

Merlin hadn’t said anything when the door had been unlocked and Arthur had hailed a cab. He had never owned a car. He could drive – he had been taught when he started operations, not wanting anything to hinder the sort of cases he could take. But considering he wasn’t at home for most of the time, he didn’t see the point of owning a car. It was just something else that could be stolen while he wasn’t there. Not to mention how expensive it was to keep, despite not driving it. Arthur simply hadn’t bothered, but Merlin almost seemed relieved at knowing that he wasn’t getting into Arthur’s car.

Arthur had no idea how to take that, so he had simply given the driver their destination and sat back. He pretended to close his eyes – resisting the urge to actually fall asleep – and watched Merlin closely. He had looked nervous, hands twisting themselves in his lap now that he thought Arthur wasn’t looking. Arthur found himself wondering when the last time Merlin had actually been in a car and had to force himself to not reach out and take the other man’s hand, to comfort him. He had been able to keep Merlin safe while they were living out on the streets, why couldn’t he do so now? But he knew Merlin would have never have shown him his weakness on purpose and Arthur knew it was better to let him have this moment. Maybe, just maybe, he would earn the right to be the one to comfort him, but not just yet.

It wasn’t far to his flat, but it felt like an age. They both climbed out and Arthur had paid the man before leading the way inside. Watching Merlin out of the corner of his eye, he saw the way Merlin’s own eyes had widened when he saw how nice the block of flats were. Luckily, he didn’t say anything. Arthur had fought and worked long and hard to afford this, he didn’t want Merlin to just dismiss it all. It was true, Merlin knew nothing about him. But Arthur planned to change that, planned to make him see that he was more than just a liar.

If, of course, he could get them through the front door.

Finally, Arthur heard the lock click and he pushed open the door, holding it open for Merlin to walk through first. He still hadn’t said anything and there seemed to be something almost meek about him as he stepped into the hallway and stopped again. Arthur squeezed in next to him, shutting and locking the door. Merlin seemed to stiffen in alarm.

“I always lock the door when I’m in and not going back out again. It’s not just on the streets there are thefts,” he said quietly. Merlin flinched and glared at him.

“I think I know that,” he retorted, stalking further into the flat. Arthur groaned, remembering what had led Merlin to be on the streets in the first place. Of course he knew robberies happened, it was what had taken his mother from him. Arthur followed him in, immediately greeted by a purring white ball of fluff entwining with his ankles. Arthur dropped to his knees, scooping Aithusa into his arms and stroking him gently.

“We’ve got a guest,” he told the cat, ignoring Merlin’s snort of disbelief. “And it’s not Morgana so you have to be nice and not bite, you understand?”

His voice was soft and gentle, and Aithusa nudged him under the chin, clearly wanting attention. Arthur obliged before putting him down again. He was still little more than a kitten full of energy, and there was a small smile on Arthur’s face as he watched his pet immediately scamper off to chase a piece of fluff. Aware that he was being watched, Arthur looked up.

He wasn’t sure what sort of look Merlin was giving him, but he knew there was definitely a touch of fondness in his expression. He might have been trying to hide it again, but Arthur could see it shining out of his eyes.

“What?” He asked, feeling a slight blush beginning to work up his neck. Merlin shrugged.

“Never took you for an animal person. Who’s Morgana, your girlfriend?” The bitterness was back and Arthur sighed as he sat down, toeing off his shoes and curling up.

“My sister. Adopted sister.”

“You adopted a sister?”

“They adopted me,” Arthur said quietly, watching Merlin’s face. He hadn’t worked out how he was supposed to force Merlin to listen to him, but this was easier than he thought. Understanding flashed across Merlin’s face and his lips parted in a soft `o`. He had clearly thought that Arthur had everything when he found out that what he thought he knew wasn’t strictly true. He didn’t ask anything else though, but simply stood there, looking awkward. Arthur stood back up.

“I’m going to put the kettle on. Do you want anything?”

Merlin shook his head. Arthur gestured for him to sit down before moving through to the kitchen and filling the kettle. Despite Merlin’s answer, he put in enough for two as it was. He had learn that Merlin was a tea sort of man rather than coffee and wondered if he should just make one anyway. He had a feeling Merlin would be saying no to anything Arthur offered at the moment, regardless of whether he wanted it or not. Reaching up, he opened a cupboard to see what food he had and had to smile at realising Morgana had been in. His sister quite clearly didn’t trust him to look after himself, she had waited until she knew he was out and come to restock for him.

Arthur had just shut the cupboard again when he was acutely aware of someone standing directly behind him. He spun, barely stifling his gasp at seeing Merlin standing there. There was a strange expression on the man’s face, something that looked almost primitive as he stared at Arthur. Arthur swallowed, but then found his breath stuttering as Merlin watched the action, licking his lips as he did so.

“Wha-?” He never got the chance to say more before there were desperate lips pressed against his. The kiss was deep and almost painful as Merlin bit down in his anger, almost forcing his tongue into Arthur’s mouth. Arthur groaned, going weak at the knees as his hands reached for Merlin. He took hold of his hips, pulling him closer as arousal rushed through his body. Merlin’s hands snaked into his hair, tugging hard as he pressed closer, almost bending Arthur over the counter as he dominated the kiss. Arthur couldn’t work out if it was anger or lust making Merlin act like this, but it was making him feel as if his body was on fire.

His hands found their way under Merlin’s shirt, stroking skin softly and grinning into the kiss as Merlin gasped when Arthur tweaked a nipple. But then Merlin’s hands were on his own, pulling them out from under his clothing and pressing them against the counter, holding Arthur there as he pressed one knee between Arthur’s legs, parting them slightly as he continued to kiss him as if his life depended on it. Arthur had never been one to submit before, but it was too easy to just let Merlin have his way with him.

Eventually, however, Merlin pulled back. Unlike their first kiss, he didn’t just put a small breathing space between them. He stepped back almost to the other side of the kitchen. Arthur could barely focus on anything but he could see that the glare was back on Merlin’s face.

“What the hell was that?” He found himself gasping, still leaning against the counter. He wasn’t entirely sure whether he could stand up straight even if he wanted to right now, for his head was spinning. Merlin dropped his eyes.

“Now I can hate you without wanting to kiss you,” he muttered and Arthur felt the pain wash through him.

“You don’t hate me,” he said softly, pushing himself away from the counter and taking a step towards Merlin. Merlin stepped back.

“You might have protected me out there but you do not get the right to tell me how I feel.”

Arthur took another step, watching closely as Merlin took one backwards.

“If you hated me, you would have hit me by now, not kissed me.”

“I don’t…”

“You don’t hate me.” Arthur continued to advance across the kitchen and Merlin backed away. But he was cornering himself and soon ran out of spaces to go. Arthur took one more step and stopped. Merlin couldn’t get around him, but Arthur wasn’t cornering him either. He wouldn’t put Merlin in that sort of position. Merlin was still glaring at him, but Arthur could see how hard he was having to fight to keep the glare on his face. Gently, Arthur reached out and took Merlin’s hand.

“I know you don’t,” he whispered, bringing it up to his lips and softly kissing his knuckles.

“I want to,” Merlin breathed, his eyes locked on Arthur. “I want to hate you so much. I’ve never felt so used in my entire life. I thought you were protecting me.”

“I was. That was never a lie.”

“And then you went and left me.” Merlin’s hand screwed up as he jerked it out of Arthur’s grip. Before Arthur could say anything, it had formed a fist and crashed into his chest. Merlin repeated the action over and over until Arthur reached out and gently pulled him close. He could feel the resistance in Merlin’s body, but as he pressed a kiss to his temple, Merlin seemed to sag against him, his fist gripping onto Arthur’s shirt.

“You made me feel like I was home for the first time since Mum, and then you took that away from me again.”

“I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I was going…”

“Don’t. Don’t tell me that you were going to tell me. I can’t believe anything you say anymore,” Merlin’s voice was practically lost in Arthur’s shirt and he sounded small and vulnerable. Arthur found his arms tightening, wanting to protect Merlin more now than he ever did out on the street. He could feel that his heart was beating hard, but that was more because he didn’t know how he was supposed to be reacting anymore. He leant back slightly so that he could look Merlin in the eye and he thought the world might have stopped when he saw the raw emotion shining in the other man’s eyes. There was no pretend hate this time, just someone who felt as if he had been betrayed. Merlin’s breath stuttered as they locked eyes but the kettle chose that moment to flick off.

The silence that fell was deafening and Arthur found himself drawing back. Merlin wiped a hand over his face.

“Go and make yourself comfortable, I’ll make some tea,” Arthur muttered, gesturing for Merlin to go back through to the living room. He went, shoulders slumped and head down. Arthur knew it was all his fault. Now he just had to find a way to try and set it right again. He quickly made some tea and pulled out a packet of the biscuits Morgana had left for him before moving through himself. Merlin was sitting bolt upright on the very edge of a chair. Arthur placed the tray in front of him, curled his hands around his own mug and settled back comfortably. He made a show of folding his legs under him, trying to make Merlin relax a little bit. To start with, he didn’t think that Merlin was even going to pick up his drink, but eventually he took the cup with a timid gesture.

“You’re right,” Merlin said suddenly, his voice quiet even in the silence of the room. “I don’t hate you.”

Arthur found himself breathing out, relaxing. But his new guest wasn’t done yet.

“But I don’t forgive you, either. You said you weren’t faking it out there, meaning you know what it meant to me to have someone actually share the little we had. And then you took that away again. I’ve lost too many people, Arthur…”

Arthur had to wonder if that was the first time Merlin had used his name since he had found out. He sighed.

“Why Alvarr?”

“It was either blow him or run from him and I’m done with running.”

“Why?” Arthur wasn’t sure why he was asking. It wasn’t any of his business considering what he had done to Merlin. But the younger man fixed him with a look Arthur couldn’t describe, not flinching as he spoke again.

“I thought I had found a home. I thought you would come back for me,” he said honestly, before his voice cracked. “But you didn’t. For over a week I waited for you and you never came.”

Arthur thought the pain of Merlin hating him was easier to handle than the disappointment in the man’s voice. He opened his mouth to explain about hospitals, concussion and Morgana, but the words died in his throat when he properly looked at Merlin. Tears were streaming down his face and Merlin wasn’t even attempting to stop them. He put his cup down, curled his knees to his chest and simply cried.

Arthur stared for a moment before springing into action. He put down his own cup, moved across the room and pulled Merlin into his arms, holding him close and whispering apologies into his hair.

And Merlin let him.


	7. Chapter 7

Arthur didn’t know how long they stayed there for but he could feel the tension beginning to seep from Merlin’s body as he let himself be comforted. Once he was sure the man was relaxed, Arthur drew back. He wanted to hold on, forever if he could, but he believed Merlin when he said that he couldn’t forgive him. Not yet, anyway. Arthur didn’t want to ruin whatever truce had fallen between them and would rather back off himself before Merlin threw him off. He didn’t want to remind Merlin that he was supposed to be angry, not when he was finally starting to relax.

“What happens now?” Merlin mumbled, picking up his cup. Arthur had to turn away to hide his smile when he saw the man was beginning to drink. If there was one thing he had learnt about Merlin during their time together, it was that he was stubborn. Arthur hadn’t been sure if he would refuse the drink just because of who had made it. Arthur didn’t answer immediately, instead sitting back down and picking up his own mug. Aithusa jumped up onto his lap, turning in circles until he got comfortable and settling down. Arthur found that he was stroking the pet before he knew what he was doing. It was just an automatic gesture for him these days, especially when something was troubling him. He may not have had the cat for long, but he knew he would be slightly lost without his companionship. At least Aithusa was never angry with him, not even when Arthur was away on missions.

“I don’t know,” he eventually muttered, knowing that he couldn’t go forever without answering. “You can leave when you want. Technically I think I’m supposed to be keeping an eye on you, but we both know that isn’t going to happen.”

“Why?” Merlin sounded so genuinely confused that Arthur stared at him.

“I didn’t think you would let me,” he admitted honestly and Merlin dropped his gaze. To Arthur’s relief, however, he stayed relaxed rather than tensing again. Looking at him now, Arthur realised how exhausted Merlin looked. He appeared small and vulnerable curled up on the sofa like that, as if the furniture was absolutely dwarfing him. Arthur might have only been gone a week but he was convinced it looked as if Merlin had lost weight in that time. Not to mention how cold it had become… Arthur shuddered. These were some of the reasons why he had thought it to be a good idea to get Merlin arrested, despite now knowing that he had gone about it all wrong. He sighed.

“I know you don’t believe a word I say any more, and I don’t blame you. But please believe me when I say that I only wanted to keep you safe. None of that was an attack. I thought… I thought being arrested would get you out of the cold for the night.”

“Are you sure you didn’t just want me for yourself and thought locking me up was the way to go about it?” Arthur flinched until he realised there had been no venom in Merlin’s voice. He sounded as exhausted as he looked; as if being angry was just too much effort for him right now.

“If I didn’t care for you, I would have never let you kissed me on that street,” he said bluntly, knowing that his tone was making it clear he was telling the truth. “You were a complication, something I knew was risking everything. But I was selfish, I wanted you too badly by then to send you away.”

“I would have liked to have seen you try,” Merlin muttered, tipping his head back with his eyes shut as he rested it on the sofa. Arthur grinned before he could stop himself, reminded of their first meeting and how Merlin had insisted he come along just so Arthur could save face. No one was that open and friendly on the streets, and Arthur was convinced it was one of the first things that made him start to see Merlin as something more than just another person let down by the system. Moving position, Arthur felt himself blush when he realised that Merlin had actually been watching him and seemed amused by Arthur’s reaction.

“You know you can stay here, right?” Arthur murmured. They had already lived together in one way, why not in another?

“I don’t need your charity,” Merlin snapped, the heat instantly back in his voice. Arthur thought he knew where he was coming from. Merlin was a proud man, even if not in the arrogant way that Arthur had been accused of in the past. It had been bad enough seeing the look in some of the people’s faces as they had passed him by and that was with knowing that it was all an act and he was actually trying to make the streets safer.

“That’s not… Merlin, that’s not what I meant.”

Arthur drained his cup and stood up. Ignoring his guest, he moved through to the kitchen and rested his hands on the sink, breathing deeply. Never mind Merlin, Arthur felt exhausted. Merlin was right in his anger, but he didn’t seem to understand that this hadn’t been easy for Arthur either. At least Merlin had felt like they could have something even if that was taken away. Arthur had known it would always been impossible and that they would both only end up getting hurt, but he had allowed himself to fall anyway. Why had he been so stupid?

“Arthur? Are you okay?” Merlin’s voice was quiet and Arthur didn’t need to glance around to know that he would be hovering in the doorway, no doubt twirling the edge of his shirt around his hand as a way of venting his awkwardness at the situation. The thought made Arthur snort. How did he know so much about Merlin’s habits when they had only known each other a short time?

“No, Merlin,” Arthur said slowly, carefully hiding his own temper. “I’m not. But you’re too busy feeling justified in your anger to think about that, or care. I’ve tried to tell you I’m sorry, I’ve tried to tell you that I wanted to protect you, regardless of how much it was eating me alive. But you don’t want to hear. So you don’t get to hear anything else either.”

It was only then that Arthur realised he was angry as well. He knew that Merlin had a right to be, Arthur had lied to him and then vanished without a trace when it was quite clear that Merlin cared for him. But Merlin wasn’t the only one to be emotionally involved with this. Arthur’s thoughts had been so focused on Merlin that he hadn’t let himself truly think about what Cendred had said back in the alley.

But they had been churning away at the back of his mind and Arthur knew most of his uncertainty about what he should be doing right now was because of those words. Cendred had indicated that he knew Arthur’s parents. Or more specifically, indicated that he knew they were murdered. No one knew that apart from his closest friends. After all of this time, had he actually found some sort of lead as to why he had been left an orphan when he was only three? But instead of instantly following it up like he normally would have done, Arthur had found himself on a wild goose chase after a man that seemed to have extremely conflicting emotions about him. What if they had already moved Cendred to somewhere else and Arthur had just lost his chance for good?

He looked up in time to see anger flash across Merlin’s face and instantly knew that he had said the wrong thing again.

“It must be easy for you, to hold onto your anger while in your posh flat with all your friends surrounding you. I had to get on my knees yesterday and suck that jerk’s cock to make sure I wasn’t killed in my sleep.”

“At least it is only small,” Arthur muttered without truly thinking about what he was saying. He made to move out of the kitchen but Merlin blocked his way, an unreadable expression on his face.

“How would you know that?”

“You think you are the only one that Alvarr made demands of?” Arthur retorted, not wanting to push past Merlin and instead opted for folding his arms. “I didn’t protect you that night because I am some sort of saint, Merlin. I did it because he did the same to me about making me ask for something back and then I still had to fight him to reclaim what was mine. I wanted to get at him, and you were just the next person to come along.”

“You did what he asked, didn’t you?”

“I needed that coat,” Arthur said calmly. He didn’t feel ashamed of what he had done. He knew he had needed to do in order to survive and make sure that he could continue going after his target.

“Couldn’t you have just, I don’t know, arrested him or something? You seem to be good at that.”

“You’re forgetting the part where I was undercover. Don’t you think suddenly arresting him would have given things away a little? Alvarr wasn’t my target, Cendred was.”

Arthur didn’t realise that he had leant back until he was standing against the counter, letting it take his weight. At the back of his mind, he realised this was the longest conversation they had had without Merlin suddenly snapping and yelling at him. Glancing over at the man, Arthur realised there was a thoughtful expression on Merlin’s face. Not knowing what he was thinking, Arthur asked. Merlin seemed to weigh up his words as he tried to speak. Arthur waited quietly, interested to hear what was about to come next. If he was honest, he wasn’t sure he could take much more of Merlin’s hate, but there wasn’t that sort of look in the man’s eyes anymore.

“I thought…” Merlin started slowly, running his fingers through his hair in frustration as he tried to find the words. “I thought since I found out you had been lying to me that the whole thing was a lie. That every time you disappeared you went off for a meal and a shower and just left me sitting there believing that you were bringing me something.”

Arthur made to make a noise of protest, hating that Merlin truly believed that absolutely everything had been a lie. Realistically, Arthur had never lied, he had just never told Merlin the whole truth about who he was. He knew, however, that that was a childish thought and it wouldn’t have stopped the pain they had both felt. But Merlin held up a hand, clearly wanting to finish. It was only because Merlin was looking sadder than Arthur had yet seen him that he let the man continue, even if he didn’t want to know what else Merlin thought of him.

“But you really were living out there like one of us, weren’t you? You even sucked off Alvarr to get something back, just like I would have done – did do even…”

“Merlin,” Arthur sighed, stepping forward. He gently reached forward and took Merlin’s hand, delighted when the man let him. “My life out there was the truth. When I’m on a job, I become that person. There was nothing else for me. The only time they would have intervened would have been if my life was in danger. I starved on those streets with you, I froze every night just like you did. I might have had a way out at the end, but no part of that was a lie. Why do you think I was so protective over my bag? There were no undercover items in there, just the blanket and anything that I had managed to find. None of that was a lie.”

Arthur found that he was holding Merlin’s gaze as he spoke, desperately trying to tell the man that he was telling the truth this time. Arthur had never wanted anyone to believe him as badly as he did right now. Not even when he had been trying to persuade criminals he was who he said. That had been his life on the line on those occasions, but this was his heart. Somehow, Arthur knew which he was more worried about.

“I want to believe you…”

“Then do,” Arthur caught Merlin’s chin and tilted his head up, not wanting to break the eye contact. “You know more about me than anyone…”

Merlin let out a snort of disbelief but Arthur wouldn’t let him look away.

“I work alone, Merlin. None of my friends know what I’m like when I’m on a case, they only know the official side of me. You’ve seen both. Do you want to know why I’m so desperate for you to believe me?”

Arthur couldn’t believe what he was building up to but there was hope in Merlin’s eyes again even as he softly nodded. The apprehension was obvious; he clearly didn’t want to be hurt again. Arthur shifted until he was directly in front of him, making sure that Merlin knew he was hiding nothing.

“Because I think I’m falling in love with you. I know that we’ve barely known each other for any time at all, and you never got the chance to really know me. For that, I hate myself. I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind for the last week…”

“Then why didn’t you come and find me?”

“Because the hospital wouldn’t let me,” Arthur murmured, stepping closer, His hands came to rest on Merlin’s hips. Merlin didn’t seem to notice what he was doing as he reached up and brushed his fingers through Arthur’s hair.

“You were hurt?”

“Knocked out. Concussion apparently.”

“So… you would…”

“Have come to find you the instant I could. Ask Morgana, she practically kidnapped me and kept me here against my will. Aithusa will attest to that.”

Merlin laughed, and it was the laugh that had haunted Arthur for the last week. It was carefree and happy, almost as if the world hadn’t turned against him. That was just another thing that Arthur noticed about Merlin; he never gave up hope.

“I couldn’t bear it if you hate me,” he whispered, pulling Merlin against him. Merlin’s arms wound around his neck but his eyes were still guarded.

“You have to give me time,” he whispered. “I’ve spent my life hating authority, including the police. You weren’t supposed to be an officer, Arthur.”

Arthur smiled sadly as Merlin pressed his face to Arthur’s neck, hugging him tightly. Arthur returned the grip, knowing that things were looking a lot better than when they had first stepped into the flat. He hadn’t explained everything yet, not truly about his past. But he would.

And with any luck, Merlin wouldn’t run.

MMM

The rest of the day passed in a strange sort of silence that Arthur didn’t think he had ever experienced before. It wasn’t so much that Merlin wasn’t talking to him, it seemed more as if he was trying to work out what to say after realising just how wrong he had been about Arthur. Arthur, for his part, didn’t push it. How could he demand that Merlin speak to him? He knew that doing something like that would make the opposite happen, the man would simply shut down on him rather than attempting to work through what was in his mind.

Not that Arthur could blame him. It had been enough of a shock for Merlin to find out that Arthur wasn’t who he said. But then he seemed as if he had jumped to all the wrong conclusions – and for good reason as well – and that had allowed him to hate Arthur. But now he had found out that that wasn’t true either and Arthur hadn’t been as dishonest as Merlin had wanted to believe. Arthur didn’t know how _he_ was feeling, let alone what was going through Merlin’s head. He loved the man, but they were still getting to know each other.

As the day drew on, Arthur cooked dinner. Merlin refused, but Arthur had thought that might be the case. He simply left another portion on the side and took his to his room, finally answering the many messages that had spent the day filtering through to his phone. They were mainly from his friends asking how it was going with Merlin; if they had talked, if Merlin had run, if they had fucked (Gwaine was never known for subtlety and Arthur had tossed the phone on the bed with a fond shake of his head and eaten instead). He was lucky Merlin was talking to him, let alone sleeping with him.

The food made Arthur realise just how worn out he was. He would never admit it to Morgana, but this case had drained him. Weeks of not eating properly was taking longer than Arthur was happy about to heal, and he wondered how long his patience wore out and he scrapped the nutritional diet he was supposed to be following to regain his strength. Thinking of the food made him curious and he took his dish back through, pretending to clear up and unable to hide the smile when he saw that Merlin’s was also empty. For once, Arthur was eating healthily, knowing he needed to give himself a chance to recover. But he hadn’t even thought about what he had been making. Now, however, he was pleased for it meant that Merlin had got some of that same goodness.

Realising that no one had reacted to him walking through, Arthur spun with a pounding heart. Had he given Merlin too much space and the man had left? Arthur moved back through to the lounge and then felt a fond smile spreading over his face. Merlin was still there; fast asleep on the sofa. Arthur moved forward and crouched down next to him, gently moving his hair away from his eyes and finding that he was studying the sleeping man.

Merlin had always looked gaunt, it was the drawbacks of living on the streets. From what he had told Arthur, he had been on them for years, meaning he had always managed to find just enough to scrape by. It was surviving, not living. But Arthur had never really looked at him like this before and what he saw shocked him. He didn’t know whether it was because of the events of the last week, or whether it was something that had always been there and Arthur had just refused to let himself notice because there was nothing he could do.

But Merlin didn’t look to be surviving. His cheeks were hollow and huge dark circles shadowed his eyes. His lips were pinched into an unhappy grimace even as he slept. Edging backwards, Arthur let his eyes roam Merlin’s body. It was hidden under baggy clothing but there was no denying just how thin Merlin was and his body seemed to be shaking with cold despite the fact that Arthur’s flat was warm.

Whatever Arthur had been through in the last few months, Merlin lived that constantly.

Realising that all his talk about protecting Merlin had been just that – talk – Arthur cursed. He thought he had been doing Merlin a favour by letting him have a night in the cells to get warm. Now he realised he had potentially put him in more danger. While his body was on high alert out in the streets, it kept him going. But Arthur had given him the chance to relax, and suddenly realised just how dangerous that could be for Merlin.

Knowing that now he had realised, he couldn’t just let the matter slide, Arthur slid an arm around Merlin’s back and lifted him. He tried not to think about how Merlin was a grown man and Arthur was still recovering himself – he shouldn’t have been able to do this. Merlin snuffled in his sleep and Arthur found himself kissing the crown of his head, murmuring softly that he was just going to take him more comfortable. Merlin had clearly relaxed thoroughly, for his eyes never opened and he just relaxed into Arthur.

Stumbling through to the guest room, Arthur found himself grateful that Morgana kept dropping in on him. It meant she always remade the bed when she left and Arthur was able to deposit Merlin into clean sheets. The man stirred, his fist scrunching in the bedding for a moment as his body adapted to the new position. Arthur didn’t want to think about how long it had been since Merlin last slept in a bed. He gently drew off his shoes and that was enough for Merlin to open his eyes blearily.

“Arthur?” he murmured, voice heavy with sleep. Arthur smiled and moved so that Merlin could see him properly. He sounded exactly the way he had always done when he had awoken with his feet curled around Arthur’s, claiming that he was just trying to keep warm.

“I’m just making you warmer,” Arthur whispered, not wanting Merlin to truly wake up. “Go back to sleep, its okay.” He wasn’t sure Merlin truly remembered where he was as the man mumbled an agreement and shut his eyes again, his breathing evening out as sleep took him once more. Arthur managed to get him under the covers properly and tucked them up as high as he could. He debated about whether getting a hot water bottle was a good idea or not but decided against it. Merlin was warmer than he had been and Arthur didn’t want to risk waking him up. Knowing what Merlin was like, he would refuse to go back to sleep just because Arthur wanted him to and he was trying to make some point about Arthur not controlling him.

While Arthur just wanted to stay and watch him sleep, he knew he couldn’t. He had told Merlin that he had wanted to protect him, and while Merlin was in his flat, Arthur could. Not just from the thugs of the street this time, but Merlin’s own body. He could try and make him healthy for as long as Merlin let him. Backing out of the room, Arthur reached for his phone again.

After a few moments of pausing as he tried to work out what the best course of action was, Arthur called Percival. The station doctor, Percival was the one who structured Arthur’s diet and training in between cases to make sure they stood a chance of getting Arthur back up to full health each time. If anyone would know what to do, it would be him.

“Hello?”

“Percy? It’s Arthur.”

“Are you alright, mate? It’s late.”

“I know, I’m sorry,” Arthur grimaced as he glanced at the clock on his wall. He had forgotten the time, too distracted with Merlin to realise. “Do you want me to call back?”

He could hear another voice in the background, a soft murmur, and knew that Percival most likely had Mordred over. Secretly, Arthur knew that was why he called him. Percival was openly gay and no one had ever thought to say anything. Arthur found that he admired that more about Percival than he did any other character trait of anyone he had ever known. He knew for sure there would be no sort of judgement coming from the doctor.

“Nah, you’ve got me now, may as well keep me.” Arthur grinned, sitting down. Percival’s easy going nature always made him feel more relaxed. Taking a deep breath, he filled the man in on everything that had happened in the last twenty four hours. As he spoke, Arthur felt a great weight gradually lifting from him and realised that he had been trying to handle this on his own despite being too emotionally involved to think about what he was doing. But it didn’t matter now precisely why he had brought Merlin back to the flat. All that mattered was getting him some help before it was too late.

“Do you want me to come over, Arthur?”

Knowing the man meant it sincerely, Arthur paused. Did he want Percival here? It was true that he would be able to suggest the best things to help Merlin if he could actually examine the man. But the fact that he had even asked rather than just announcing that he was on his way (that had happened more than once) meant he knew it wouldn’t be the best idea. Arthur wanted to say yes, he wanted to make sure there was someone who knew what they were doing there to look after Merlin. But he also knew that Merlin was more likely to resist if he thought Arthur had gone behind his back and in the long run, it was more likely to cause him to run out than stay and let Arthur help.

Voicing his thoughts, Arthur could almost hear the smile in the man’s voice as he agreed that was what he had been thinking. Percival admitted there was no point in making a long term plan when Merlin could up and leave any second. But he suggested that Arthur tried to make sure that Merlin’s fluid levels were increased and he had small portions of nutritious food available should Merlin want it – there for the taking even if he didn’t think Merlin would ask. He needed to keep him warm and just try and get some vitamins into him to give him a chance to fight against anything that might be plaguing him, but other than that, there was nothing they could do.

Not without Merlin agreeing to help and letting Percival truly work out what he needed. Arthur thanked the man and hung up, not being sure if he felt better or not. The only thing he felt he had learnt was that Merlin was in trouble and they couldn’t really do anything about it unless Merlin agreed to stay. Despite being heartened that Merlin hadn’t left already, Arthur knew it was too soon to ask. They would take each day as it came and…. And Arthur couldn’t believe he was thinking like this. Merlin wasn’t just going to stay just because Arthur wanted him to. He might not have anything, but that was his way of living and his life. Arthur was hoping he could just change that without thinking what Merlin really wanted.

Groaning in frustration, Arthur moved to the kitchen and made himself a coffee. He knew he was in over his head, but it was like he couldn’t help himself. He would keep Merlin here forever if it meant keeping him by his side and helping him to recover from everything that life had thrown at him. But he had his own life to lead and knew that Merlin was nothing if not stubborn. He wouldn’t ask for help and Arthur wasn’t sure he would accept it even if offered.

Cradling his drink, Arthur found himself curled up on the windowsill, absent-mindedly scratching Aithusa behind the ears as the cat came padding over, wanting attention.

“What am I doing, eh?” Arthur asked, wondering if the animal had a better sense of what to do than he did. It wouldn’t have surprised him, everyone seemed to know more than Arthur in this case.

“I was thinking the same thing,” a voice responded and for a wild second, Arthur stared at his cat as if it had suddenly developed the ability to speak while he had been gone. But then he jerked himself back into reality and found himself staring at the doorway. Merlin’s hair was tousled and his feet bare, but he was staring at Arthur.

“What do you mean?”

“The spare bed, Arthur? Really?”

“I…” Arthur could only stare as Merlin crossed the room in a few strides, pulling the drink out of his hand and pressing himself in close.

“You were only there for a week. One bloody week and now it feels like I can’t sleep on my own anymore. I need you,” there was a raw emotion shining from Merlin’s eyes and Arthur had to wonder precisely how awake the man was. But before Arthur could say anything, he could feel his back hit the wall as Merlin’s hands slipped under his shirt and his lips pressed against his neck.

“Need you, don’t you realise that, you twat? And its warm in here…” Not realising where Merlin was going with this, Arthur didn’t react quickly enough before his shirt was on the floor and Merlin’s hands were all over him.

“Thought you hated me,” Arthur muttered, trying to keep grounded in the here and now and telling himself all the reasons why this shouldn’t be happening. Merlin bit his ear in response.

“Oh I do. And I’m going to punish you most severely,” he whispered, voice dripping with lust and Arthur could do nothing but swallow as Merlin licked his neck and pressed their groins together.

“I’m going to work you out of my system, Penn.”

“That’s not actually my name,” Arthur gasped as Merlin’s hands found his zipper. Merlin froze.

“What?”

“It’s Pendragon, but that’s too obvious,” Arthur grasped at Merlin’s hands, wanting him to continue. Merlin, however, stepped back, anger once again prominent.

“You really are a lying bastard, aren’t you?” He whispered, voice cracking.

“Merlin, I…” Arthur never got the chance to finish his sentence before Merlin’s fist flew.


	8. Chapter 8

Arthur had always thought that Merlin was skinny and frail during their time on the streets. He wasn’t sure if he had underestimated him or whether Merlin’s anger was giving him a hidden strength that Arthur never saw coming. All he knew is that his head snapped back with the force of the punch and it sent him reeling backwards. But for the second time in just over a week, fate was not on his side. Arthur stumbled over a small coffee table and only had time to brace himself for the impact before he hit the wall and ended up crashing down to the floor.

The world was spinning alarmingly as he tried to get up again. All that Arthur managed was to look into Merlin’s shocked face before his eyes rolled up and he collapsed completely, the world going black.

He didn’t think he was out for long considering he could still feel the hard floor when his eyes began to flicker again. A groan escaped him and Arthur tasted bile as he tried to sit up.

“No, no, just stay there, Arthur…” The frantic voice made his eyes snap open. He thought Merlin would have left the second that he blacked out. He had been making it perfectly clear what he thought of Arthur and there was no one to stop him from going while Arthur had been on the floor. Yet that had definitely been Merlin’s voice and he sounded somewhat panicked. Arthur lifted a hand to the back of his head and gingerly felt around, glad when he only discovered a bump from where he had hit the wall rather than any blood. He could feel that his nose was bleeding slightly and completely ignoring Merlin’s words, he rolled over and awkwardly sat up.

Merlin had to scurry backwards to avoid being head-butted and it was obvious he had been crouched over Arthur in concern. Arthur spared him a glance but then focused more on finding where the chair was so that he could lean back on it. Aithusa wrapped himself around Arthur’s legs, meowing at him. Arthur absent-mindedly stroked his cat’s head as he let the chair take his weight and closed his eyes again.

That had _hurt._

“Please, please, don’t black out on me again, I didn’t mean it…”

It seemed, however, that shutting his eyes was too much for Merlin and Arthur opened them again in irritation. Merlin had his hands twisted in the bottom of his shirt again and was biting his lip. Arthur made to shake his head, but then realised that would be a bad idea.

“What is wrong with you?” He asked, exasperated. One moment Merlin was coming onto him, it being more than obvious what he wanted. The next, Arthur was out cold on the floor. He didn’t think his name was such a big deal; Merlin knew that he had been undercover by now, why would giving a false name be such a shock? Considering what had just happened, Arthur wasn’t entirely sure he could keep up with Merlin right now.

“I don’t know,” the other man admitted softly, causing Arthur to start in surprise. He would have thought that Merlin would have brushed it off. It seemed that once he had found out the truth about who Arthur was, he had shielded away any of his vulnerability. Arthur was only now realising just how bad the system had failed Merlin and how he had meant what he said about trusting anyone in authority. It wasn’t as if Arthur was working when he was here in his own flat, but Merlin clearly wasn’t about to let his defences down.

“I wish you would make up your mind about whether you hate me or not. It’s quite hard working out if I’m falling in love with a man who one moment promises me the moon and the next knocks me out.”

“I never promised you the moon, Arthur.”

“You were thinking it,” Arthur retorted, not realising that they were falling back to how they were. When they could say what they wanted without fear that it would be taken the wrong way. How was it he was more guarded when he had nothing to hide?

“Was not.”

“Were too.”

“More a star than the moon, I’m not that ambitious.”

Arthur snorted with amusement before he could stop himself and by the time he finally looked back at Merlin, he could see there was a small smile on his face.

“Are you going to punch me again if I ask you to come here?” Arthur asked, only half-teasing. He knew how Merlin would react if they had been back in their alleyway, but in the safety of the flat, he seemed to be completely unpredictable. Merlin’s smile widened and he scurried closer, tucking himself against Arthur’s chest and under the arm Arthur draped over his shoulders. Many an evening they had spent sitting like this, trying to get warm. It felt right.

“Merlin?”

“Yes?”

“Do you hate me?”

There was a pause and for a moment, Arthur was afraid of the answer. What if it was yes and Merlin was only staying because he wanted the warmth and the food that Arthur had to offer? After being out there on the streets for three months, Arthur thought he might have done the same thing if someone offered it to him.

“I meant what I said before about wanting to,” Merlin murmured after a while, carefully keeping himself tucked into Arthur’s side as if that was going to be the one thing that kept him calm. “I’m fed up of people lying to me and thought I had found a genuine thing with you, only to find it was based on lies. But earlier today, finding out more about you, knowing why you were doing what you were… I understood why you had to lie to me. I want to hate you because…”

He trailed off and Arthur let him sit in silence for a minute before giving him a poke in the ribs.

“Because?”

A bark of laughter escaped Merlin before he could stop it and Arthur knew he had just discovered the man was ticklish. Storing the information away for a later date, he let Merlin settle before prompting him again. Merlin sighed, his fingers now playing with the edge of Arthur’s shirt.

“Because hate is so much easier to admit than love,” he whispered and Arthur felt his breath catch in his throat. He made to move, but Merlin clung onto him, keeping him where he was. It was as if he wasn’t ready to look Arthur in the eye yet and Arthur complied. How could he do anything but when he knew how hard Merlin could punch?

“Are you going to stop hitting me now?” Arthur eventually muttered, trying to ease the tension that had fallen between them. How could admitting how they feel make things so much harder than they had been when survival was all that mattered? In response, Merlin thumped him lightly on the leg and Arthur retaliated by poking him in the ribs again. Merlin squirmed, but still attempted to hit him and Arthur just reacted.

For once it didn’t feel like he was overthinking anything, or even analysing why he was doing what he was. But the fact that Merlin was reacting to the pokes meant Arthur flexed his fingers and dived in for the attack. Merlin saw it coming a second too late and even as he tried to duck out from Arthur’s arm, the elder man pinned him still and continued to tickle him.

Merlin was shrieking with laughter within seconds, even as he feebly tried to bat Arthur’s hands away. Every inch he managed to crawl across the floor, Arthur simply followed and found another spot on him that was ticklish. As it happened, Merlin seemed to be ticklish everywhere and there was nothing he could do to hold Arthur back without revealing another spot. Arthur knew that he was laughing just as hard as Merlin by the time they were halfway across the room. Merlin’s cheeks were flushed and his eyes were shining even as he tried to ward off Arthur’s last attack.

As Arthur lowered his hands again, Merlin suddenly swung a leg out of nowhere, catching Arthur around the waist and in a deft move, switched their positions so that he was straddling Arthur rather than the other way around. For a moment, Arthur’s breath caught, but the amusement was still shining in Merlin’s expression and it was clear he wasn’t thinking of anything other than the fun they were having.

“Gotcha.”

“You can try,” Arthur responded smugly, folding his arms casually behind his head as he winked, “I’m not ticklish.”

Merlin tried with everything that he had until he was forced to admit that he couldn’t seem to get Arthur to react. But then, to Arthur’s horror, he looked down his body. All it took was a glance to see how firmly Arthur had placed both feet on the floor and Arthur knew he had been caught out.

“Don’t you dare,” he warned, trying to sit up. But Merlin just turned so that he was still straddling Arthur, just was facing his feet instead, his body weight holding Arthur’s legs still as he reached towards his feet.

“ _Mer_ lin…”

It was too late though. It didn’t seem to matter what Arthur was going to try and threaten, Merlin had found his prize and wasn’t going to stop until he had extracted revenge. Arthur tried to force his feet further into the floor but it made no difference. Merlin’s fingers still managed to find his soles and Arthur didn’t stand a chance. Before long, he had tears of laughter running down his cheeks as he tried to squirm away. Merlin seemed to have somehow intertwined them and Arthur didn’t have any more of a chance at getting away than Merlin had had when Arthur had attacked.

Eventually though, Merlin turned back and fell down next to Arthur, both of them panting. Arthur found that he was hiccupping slightly as he tried to catch his breath and control the laughter still threatening to burst from him. Merlin lay down next to him, resting his head on Arthur’s chest and once again tucking himself into him.

“I’m sorry for hitting you,” Merlin said softly, causing Arthur’s arm to drape around his shoulders and pull him close.

“Does that mean you’ve decided how you feel about me?” Arthur asked quietly, needing to know if this rollercoaster that Merlin seemed to be dragging him on had finally come to a stop. He thought he was the sort of man that could handle anything, but the extremes they were going to right now was making his head spin, and not just because of Merlin’s punch.

“Maybe,” Merlin murmured in response but before Arthur could think of taking the conversation any further, Merlin yawned. Arthur grinned.

“You should get back to bed.”

“M’comfy here,” Merlin slurred slightly, snuggling closer into Arthur. Although he didn’t want to admit it, so was Arthur. This was how they had slept for a week together and the flat was certainly warmer than the alleyway. Still, Arthur had no intention of sleeping on the floor and – ignoring Merlin’s protests – pulled them both to their feet. He kept his arm draped around Merlin though as he guided them through to his room.

“Are you bedding me, Sir?” Merlin whispered, but his voice was playful rather than lustful and it was clear he was actually struggling to keep his eyes open. Arthur kissed the top of his head.

“Something like that.” Drawing back the covers, he climbed in and held them up for Merlin. Within just a few moments, they were back in their position, only this time in the warmth and comfort of Arthur’s bed with the duvet tucked around them. Merlin sighed in a sleepy satisfaction and Arthur found himself sharing the feeling. It might have been a luxury for Merlin to be able to share Arthur’s bed like this, knowing that he was warm and safe, but it was something special for Arthur to be back in the position that had made him feel at home while he was out on the streets.

“You know you don’t have to go back, don’t you?” Arthur asked softly, holding Merlin close. He could feel Merlin turning his head to look up at him and twisted his own to look him in the eye.

“You can stay here. I’ll help you get a job or whatever you want to do. You can move on from that part of your life.”

Merlin didn’t respond but Arthur felt his heart thud uncomfortably hard against his arm. He gently leant across and brushed his lips against Merlin’s, knowing that he had probably caught him off guard and Merlin didn’t know _how_ to respond.

“Don’t say anything now. I just wanted you to know,” he whispered, slotting his feet in between Merlin’s as he snuggled down. Merlin curled in closer and the two fell silent. Arthur was almost asleep by the time that Merlin spoke again.

“Why do you love me? I’m no-one.” His voice was so small that it made Arthur instantly want to protect him from anything in the world that might cause him harm. He wasn’t entirely sure he knew the answer – he just did love him. But still, he knew he had to give a response a go, for Merlin’s sake if not his own.

“I don’t know,” he admitted honestly, knowing that his time for lying was over. “There’s just something about you that got through to me. I’ve been on loads of cases, I’ve even slept with people to get to where I needed to go in those cases. But never before have I felt like this. You’re the only person who followed me the way you did that first day and the only one that wouldn’t go away even when I tried my hardest. Besides, you’re also the only person who has ever found out where I’m ticklish.”

“Really?” There was laughter back in Merlin’s voice. The sound made Arthur’s heart lift so much that he just had to lean over and kiss him again.

“Really. I’m sorry I had to lie to you.”

“Just no more?” Merlin asked wistfully, hope in his voice as he stared up at Arthur. Arthur nodded.

“No more,” it felt only natural to promise Merlin that there would be no more lies and Arthur could only watch as Merlin lost the fight against sleep and drifted off in the crook of Arthur’s arm, a small smile on his face. Arthur watched him closely, realising that affection was threatening to overwhelm him. Wondering when he had lost control of his emotions so much and when he had last felt this content, Arthur curled into Merlin so they were slotted together and also let sleep take him.

He had never felt more relaxed.

MMM

Arthur rolled over with a sigh, stretching out across the bed in between sleep and alertness. He stretched slightly as he tried to get comfortable, before jerking awake with a gasp when he realised what was wrong.

There was no warmth in the bed next to him. His hand should have touched a person by stretching out like this, yet he was the only one there. Sitting up, Arthur stared about the room, looking for Merlin. But the other side of the bed was empty. For a moment, Arthur told himself that Merlin was just in the bathroom.

But he couldn’t stop his hand from lightly resting over the covers where Merlin had been sleeping. Arthur shook his head wordlessly to find they were cold. Wherever Merlin was, he had been out of bed for some time. Swinging his legs over the side, Arthur jumped up himself. He had never considered Merlin to be stealthy but it wasn’t often that Arthur slept through someone moving about his flat while he was sleeping. Even Morgana hadn’t been able to manage it yet, much to her exasperation when she was trying to force her brother to rest.

“Merlin?” Padding quietly through to the lounge, Arthur knew in a glance that Merlin wasn’t there. The sinking feeling beginning to settle in the pit of his stomach meant he knew that Merlin wasn’t in the flat at all, but that didn’t stop him from doing a thorough search. Some part of him clung onto the hope that the intimacy of them both being in the same bed had just got a little too much and he had gone back to the guest room. But it was empty, just the way the bathroom and the living room were.

Crossing his fingers, Arthur took a deep breath as he pushed open the kitchen door, hoping beyond hope that Merlin was in there. He wasn’t; but it was clear he had been as Arthur felt his mouth fall open. All the cupboards were open and had quite clearly been ransacked. Anything that didn’t need cooking had been taken, leaving Arthur staring open-mouthed at the mess. Some flour had spilled and as he took a step closer, Arthur could see a word had been scrawled into it.

“Merlin…” Arthur found himself, whispering, tearing back through the lounge and yanking open the flat door. Only just remembering to put the door on the catch so he didn’t lock himself out, Arthur hurried down the hallway, looking out of every window that he passed. But even when he found himself in the street below, Merlin was nowhere to be seen. Only a few men out sweeping the streets, and Arthur knew they wouldn’t tell him even if they had seen Merlin.

His heart dropping to his cold feet, Arthur slowly walked back up to the flat, his mind racing through reasons why Merlin would leave. Was it something that Arthur had done or said? Had he only been pretending to care for him as a way of getting Arthur to relax so he could steal from him? Deep down, Arthur knew that wasn’t the case. If Merlin was really planning to rob him, he would have taken more than just food and… Arthur suddenly found himself smiling. He _knew_ something had looked different about the guest room during his frantic search, but it was only now he realised what. The thick blanket that rested over the covers had also gone.

Arthur reached the flat to be greeted by Aithusa meowing pitifully at him, as if he too was lamenting over the fact that Merlin had gone. Arthur scratched his head as he carefully shut the door behind him, but then just found himself sliding down it and sitting despondently on the floor. If he was honest, he should have known this was going to happen. Merlin knew how to survive out on the streets, even if that meant latching onto someone for protection or blowing someone else to make sure he was left in peace. With the food and blanket he had taken, not to mention the fact that Arthur had fed him here first, he knew that the young man had more chance now than he did twenty-four hours ago.

Arthur had had him arrested and then brought here despite Merlin claiming he hated him. His rollercoaster of emotions gave away that he was still trying to muddle through how he was feeling about the man. Arthur believed him when Merlin had admitted to loving him, but he also believed him when Merlin had said how badly he wanted to hate him. Hate was easier in the street life; it meant no one could hurt you.

The floor was cold and uncomfortable, but Arthur couldn’t find it in himself to move until Aithusa started to head-butt him in the leg, wanting to be fed. After a time, Arthur found that he couldn’t ignore it anymore and hauled himself to his feet. After feeding his cat, he slowly set about cleaning up the kitchen, noting with some irony that Merlin had made sure to leave him breakfast so that Arthur could have something before the shops opened. The cereal was bland and tasteless, yet Arthur forced it down. He knew he was still being monitored to make sure that he was up to strength before they would consider letting him back on missions.

It had become a more respectable time once Arthur had lost himself in the shower for a while and sorted everything out. He wasn’t sure the flat had ever been this clean, but it helped him to forget that Merlin had been in it. Arthur was certain that he had left a hoody thrown over the edge of the sofa the day before, yet it was gone. He just hoped that Merlin had taken it. It would be another layer of warmth. It seemed ironic to him really. He left the flat empty for however long at a time, yet the only time he was robbed was by someone who he had invited in who had only taken enough to survive.

Crashing down on the sofa, Arthur knew he needed to get Merlin out of his system. It was clear that the other man wasn’t going to let him back in his life anytime soon, not if there wasn’t anything in it for him. So Arthur slowly watched the clock and waited until he knew Leon would be in the office before ringing.

“He’s gone.”

 _“Good morning to you too,”_ a slightly irritated voice replied and Arthur realised that Leon must be reaching the end of his patience. Arthur was his top undercover agent, yet had gone downhill so fast since meeting Merlin that Arthur himself wasn’t entirely sure what he was doing anymore.

“I’m sorry, good morning. He left at some point in the night, took everything I had that would help him survive and went.”

“ _Do you want me to have him arrested?”_

“What? No.” Arthur stared at the phone for a moment before replacing it to his ear, wondering what Leon had meant like that.  And then it dawned on him. Leon didn’t understand that Arthur had just needed to tell someone, he clearly thought that Arthur expected him to do something about it. Running a hand through his hair, Arthur knew that he needed to get his act together. It was the only way he was going to be able to get his friends back in his life, and right now, he needed that far more than he needed Merlin taking him for everything that he had, including his heart. It had felt far too long since he had had a night out with the boys and Arthur sighed.

“ _Are you alright?”_

Realising that his sigh must have been loud enough to have been heard through the phone, Arthur contemplated shaking his head. But then he considered how this was Leon; the chances were that the man would know what he was doing anyway.

“Can you set up that meeting with the counsellor and still keep it off the books?”

 _“Are you sure you are ready?”_ Despite Leon being the one to have pushed Arthur to choose that course of action, Arthur knew he was surprised that he seemed to be backing down. It wasn’t like him.

“It’s the only way you’re going to let me back on the job, isn’t it?” He asked and this time, he heard Leon sigh.

“ _It is. Look, why don’t you come in? You’re clearly sitting there feeling sorry for yourself and we’re still trying to process Cendred. We could use your help and your report of precisely what happened out there. If you can remember, that is.”_

“Ha ha,” Arthur quipped, standing up as he did so. The fact that Leon was even prepared to go down the humour line meant he clearly thought that Arthur could handle it. The young man couldn’t ask for anything more and had his shoes on and ready to go almost before he had hung up the phone.

He ran to the station, not out of any desire to get there fast but because he felt he needed to. He needed to get back onto a case to make him forget Merlin and would therefore do whatever it took to prove that he was fit enough. With no one around to see him, Arthur had to wonder if it was mainly himself he was trying to prove it too, but he banished the thought as he scanned his security pass and let himself into the building.

It was almost deserted, too early in the morning for the regular police to be in, just those who had been on night duty. And Leon – who seemed to be addicted to his work as Arthur was. Arthur moved quickly through the maze of corridors until he found his friend’s office and slipped in with just a soft knock on the door.

“You look exhausted,” he muttered, sitting down across Leon and examining his friend critically. Leon looked up with a shrug.

“This case is bigger than we thought.”

“Oh?” Arthur leant forward, eager to see what this was all about. He wasn’t sure how he felt about the measured look that Leon shot him before giving in and sliding the reports across. Arthur picked them up, folded one leg up and began to skim through them.

“I started digging after you said something about him making a comment about your parents.”

Arthur looked up sharply. He hadn’t forgotten that, but he had placed it at the back of his mind. Merlin was alive and real, his parents were gone. He had learnt how to prioritise.

“And?”

“And I don’t think we’re bringing him in just for being the elusive drug-dealer that we were after him for. I think he was involved in their murders. You know your father was the most senior member of staff on the force and your mother a lawyer. They were the ideal targets for anyone in the criminal world. How else would Cendred know your name at a glance and be able to connect you to the three year old of that day?”

Arthur shuddered but didn’t say anything. Morgana had told Leon most of their past when he had made a comment about them not looking alike despite being siblings. At the time, he had no idea that Arthur was adopted. It was a fact that Arthur had always been pleased about; it meant he had earned his job without anyone feeling sorry for him. By the time the force found out (apart from those in management who had known from the beginning), Arthur had earned himself the reputation of having the most arrests for a sergeant his age and had quickly been promoted.

“So are you saying he killed them?”

“I’m saying I don’t know. But I want to put it to the superintendent as a line of questioning. He might know something, Arthur.”

“I want to be there.”

“No.”

“Leon…”

“Arthur, no. Do you realise how much I’m protecting you from the officials already after how this mission went? If you are in the room, how long do you think it will take Cendred to start dropping hints about how you called after Merlin?”

Arthur stared at Leon, knowing his friend was right but hating it. He knew when he realised he was falling for Merlin it wasn’t going to end well. But he never thought the results would be that he was forbidden to find out things about his own parents’ deaths after bringing the man potentially responsible in on his own.

“I sat on the streets for three months to bring him in,” Arthur began, his voice low and angry. Leon held up a hand.

“And for that you will be credited. But you didn’t bring him in for murder, you brought him in for being in control of a drugs ring. You know you can’t be involved with this.”

Arthur opened his mouth to argue, but the phone chose that moment to ring. As Leon answered it, Arthur slumped back on his seat and folded his arms across his chest despondently. Nothing seemed to be going right for him right now. At the back of his mind, he wondered if he should take Morgana up on her offer for him to get away for a few days and stay with her. But he had come here this morning to prove that he was ready to go back to work, he couldn’t run away now.

“What?!”

Leon’s shocked voice made Arthur jump and he glanced across towards him. Instantly, Arthur found that he was slipping back into his professional mode as he caught the look of anger on Leon’s face. Arthur sat up straighter, his shoulders squaring and his chin lifting as he waited to hear the situation. For his part, Leon just seemed to slump before running a tired hand across his eyes as he hung up the phone.

“What is it?”

“That was security. Somehow, in transporting Cendred to a more secure facility, they somehow lost him. He’s back out there; it’s all for nothing.”

“No, it’s not,” Arthur said quietly, his voice burning with determination. “Send me after him. I’ll get him back.”

Leon looked doubtful, clearly wondering if Arthur was ready.

“If anyone can get him back, it’s me. I spent three month stalking the man’s hideout. And if he has answers about my parents, then I want to find out what those answers are.”

There was nothing Leon could say to that. Arthur had more reason than most to find Cendred. Arthur was right; he was the one with the most chance of getting him back in custody. Looking somewhat defeated, Leon nodded.

“You’ve got two days to prepare yourself,” he said, his voice an order. Arthur jumped to his feet with a grin.

It was time to prove he could do this.


	9. Chapter 9

Arthur didn’t think he had ever looked after himself as well as he did in those next two days. He ate well; filling healthy meals that he knew the benefits of. He went to the gym but only under the instructors of a personal trainer so that he helped himself rather than overdoing it and he slept well.

He wasn’t sure if thoughts of Merlin were going to keep him from doing what he needed to do, but he found the opposite was true. By having something to focus on, he allowed his anger to fill him up. Cendred had made a comment about his parents, meaning Arthur’s old – and somewhat childish – fury at the world had come back in force. It had been at the back of his mind while he was trying to deal with Merlin, but now things had switched.

Merlin didn’t want him. He didn’t care for him otherwise he wouldn’t have left in the night. He would have stayed and given them a chance. Arthur had lived his whole life on his own, he could do it again. And he would show everyone that he was fine by letting them see him take down a criminal that no one else seemed to have the nerve to go up against.

He just refused to let himself think about what happened after that. He knew with nothing to distract him his thoughts would return to Merlin, but for now, Arthur was just thinking that he would cross that bridge when it came to it. There was no point thinking of Merlin now, not when he had a case to do.

But still, on the morning he was due to report to his superiors for instructions, Arthur found himself awake before dawn and just lay there staring at the ceiling. He knew he should be focusing on the case and the fact that he was about to go on a wild goose chase to catch a somewhat notorious drug dealer who seemed to have a knowledge of his past that no one who wasn’t close to Arthur knew about.

Yet the only thing that was truly filling his mind was Merlin. How he looked when Arthur had managed to find them something to warm to eat the smile on his face as he gradually woke up in the morning and liked to snuggle in rather than admitting to being awake.

Sighing, Arthur ran his fingers through his hair. He had lasted two days without thinking of Merlin. Why was it now the man was once again filling his mind, teasing Arthur with all that he could have had if things hadn’t gone so wrong. He knew his lies had driven the wedge between them, but he couldn’t help but feel that Merlin hadn’t tried either.

Rolling over, Arthur angrily pummelled a pillow. What was the point of thinking this now? It was no use. Merlin had probably left town. Or if he was still around, he had made it clear that he didn’t want to see Arthur.

“Get out of my head, Merlin,” Arthur groaned to himself, finally getting out of bed and hitting the shower. He knew should he just lie there, Merlin would begin to take over every fibre of his being rather than just his mind. He had to wonder if this was what it truly felt like to be in love and if so, how on earth had he fallen so hard and fast for someone he couldn’t have.

The shower helped and Arthur felt more at peace with himself when he finished washing up after breakfast. He knew he couldn’t arrive too early at the office or they would think his nerves were controlling him and potentially refuse to tell him any details of the case. Instead, Arthur carefully locked up after making sure that Aithusa had plenty of food and left his sister a message. If she hadn’t heard from him by that evening, she was to go round to take care of his cat. Arthur didn’t know if this was going to be handled as a day job or whether they were going to send him back into the field on a more permanent basis. He didn’t want to have to turn it down because he needed to feed his cat.

Taking the long route, Arthur found himself outside of Mrs Henderson’s coffee shop before he realised where his feet were taking him. Realising that he still had plenty of time, he pushed open the door and found his eyes closing and a smile on his face as the smell and the warmth greeted him. This had been his place of sanctuary when things were tough and just because he was officially off the case (well, sort of – he didn’t know what they would class this as) didn’t mean that feeling of safety had changed.

“Arthur?” The old lady came out from behind the counter and a smile spread over her face when she identified her customer. “Arthur!”

She came forward and before Arthur knew what was happening, he had been pulled into a hug. He froze for a moment, not sure how to react before he melted into the grip. The old lady made him feel safer, safer than anyone before. She made him feel as if she would look after his heart should he confide in her rather than crushing it by telling him things could never be.

“How are you? You look better than when I last saw you. Do you have time for a drink? Take a seat.”

Nodding that he did indeed have time for a coffee, Arthur balanced precariously on one of the chairs as he watched her work. There was almost a surreal feeling of being in here now that his circumstances had changed so dramatically. He felt as if he didn’t know what to do with himself despite the fact that she had known all along who he was.

“Are you going to answer my question, Arthur? How are you?”

“I’m…” Arthur wanted to say that he was fine. He was, after all. Yet looking into her kindly eyes, he instead ended up shrugging. “I’m coping.”

Before he knew what he was doing, he was telling her everything that had happened with Merlin; how he had seen the confrontation before Arthur had the chance to explain, how he thought Arthur wasn’t coming for him, the arrest, being at his flat, Merlin leaving…

The frustration was back in his voice by the time he had finished, but before he could get too worked up, a steaming mug of coffee was pushed in front of him. Arthur wrapped his hands around it and forced himself to take a breath. He was about to go on a mission, he couldn’t let these sorts of emotions flood him now.

“You love him, don’t you?” Mrs Henderson said simply, as if it was the most straight-forward thing.

“No,” Arthur scoffed, wondering if he told himself that enough times it would make it true. Judging by the look he was then subjected to, he knew that she wasn’t fooled and that he wouldn’t be able to fool himself either. Sighing, Arthur ran his fingers through his hair.

“It doesn’t matter. He’s made it clear that he wants nothing to do with me and I guess love is about letting someone go.”

“Just because that is all you’ve known doesn’t make it true,” the old lady said firmly, taking his wrist in a surprisingly strong grip as she forced Arthur to look at her. “The chances are he feels the same way and it scares him. He knows you’ve lied once. He knows you clearly love your job otherwise you wouldn’t have subjected yourself to three months on the street. And after what happened with Cendred, he knows that you job puts you in danger. Think about how that feels.”

She backed away after that, letting him finish his drink. But Arthur barely tasted it even as he obediently sipped. She had left his mind reeling. He thought he had it all figured out; that Merlin had just wanted to use him so he had given Arthur a ray of hope of thinking he felt the same just so he could let his guard down. It had been remarkably easy to start convincing himself that he didn’t love Merlin if he kept those bitter thoughts in his head.

But could it be true?

Letting out a groan, Arthur just about resisted the urge to smack his head on the table. He knew turning up at the office already looking as if he had been in a fight was not the way to make an impression. Draining the last of his drink, he stood up, paid and thanked Mrs Henderson. Even as if he left, however, he wasn’t entirely sure what he was thanking her for; her advice had undermined everything that he had been telling himself.

Lost in thought, Arthur realised at the last moment that he was dangerously close to being late and forced himself to banish Merlin back into the depths of his mind. He had to focus here. They would never give him another case if he couldn’t get his act together, and if he had no job he had nothing to offer Merlin. Deciding that his reasoning was stupid but that it was all he had, Arthur shook his head to try and focus his thoughts and broke into a run.

He slowed down as he neared the offices, managing to pull himself together in order to look as if he was in control before entering. Gwaine and Lancelot were near the door, clearly getting ready to head out on patrol. The look on their faces said it all; Leon had filled them in on everything. Lancelot gave him a friendly nod, but Gwaine clapped his hand down on Arthur’s shoulder.

“Be careful out there, mate, won’t you?”

“I’ve taken Cendred before,” Arthur tried to reassure him, knowing that for Gwaine to be sounding this serious he had to mean it. The man offered a half-shrug in response.

“I know that. But you went after him thinking he was just a scumbag drug dealer. Now we’re dealing with an escaped convict with potential implications of murder. Keep your eyes open.”

“You know what? Leave the emotional stuff to Lance,” Arthur joked but a dip of his head showed that he had appreciated and understood the man’s concern. Gwaine let go of his shoulder, swatting at his head in retaliation and Arthur ducked away, laughing. He watched for a moment as the two men finished preparing themselves to hit the streets and felt a rush of fondness towards them.

“How about a drink when this is over?” Arthur found himself blurting out. Gwaine was so surprised that his hands slipped over what he was doing, but Lancelot rolled his eyes and shoved his partner out of the door.

“’bout time,” Gwaine muttered even as Lancelot agreed that they would mean for drinks when Arthur’s case was closed. They left, leaving Arthur pondering what Gwaine meant. He surely didn’t shut himself off from his friends that much, did he?

“Arthur?”

Turning at the voice, Arthur knew that it was time. Leon was standing there expectantly, the annoyed look on his face indicating that their superiors had clearly decided to take over his office while they were here. Arthur nudged his friend in the arm as they walked down a flight of steps and it was enough for Leon to finally relax a little even as he opened the door.

The meeting went the way Arthur expected it too. He knew what they would ask him, how they would assess if he was able to go after Cendred on his own despite recently coming off a case. The same case, Arthur added mentally, hating how stuffy they seemed in their suits. They had probably never run a job in their lives, but just sat behind stuffy desks and gave the orders for others to risk their lives instead.

The kick that Leon subtly gave his ankle meant that his thoughts must have shown on his face and Arthur quickly turned himself back into the obedient little solider who had no qualms with being sent out time and time again. There was a moment when they were examining his medical report that had Arthur’s heart pounding. It was the only thing that he couldn’t fake, couldn’t have a prepared answer for and judging by the frowns on their faces, they were thinking deeply about whether he could handle this.

He forced himself to sit still and let out a sigh of relief when they finally announced that he was good to go and gave him all they knew on Cendred.

It seemed from what he was saying that they now believed he was involved in more than one murder over the last twenty years, including Arthur’s parents. Arthur knew why they were telling him this, they wanted to see what his reaction would be. But Arthur kept calm. He knew how this game worked.

Yet by the time he left the office, he was full of adrenaline. Cendred needed to be taken down, no matter what it took. Leon escorted him to the armoury the station possessed, making sure that Arthur wasn’t literally going to be on his own looking for Cendred. Although Arthur took a few weapons – a couple of small guns that he could hide on his person – he refused the vest.

“It slows me down,” he argued, knowing by the look on Leon’s face that he didn’t like it.

“You know Cendred will be armed? And that he knows your face now, knows you are with the police? He’ll just shoot you before you get close.”

“I’d like to see him try,” Arthur said with such certainty that Leon had no choice but to let him have his way. For the first time in days, Arthur felt properly focused. He wondered if it was wrong that he also felt excited. This was the biggest job he had done by far. It was usually drug circles that he was sent after, them being relatively easy to infiltrate if you had the right knowledge. But to be sent out after a murderer – Arthur wondered if it was wrong to admit that it was all he had really wanted?

“You be careful out there, won’t you?” Leon said, concern in his voice and eyes. Arthur sincerely promised that he wouldn’t take any risks and would be back before they even knew he was gone. He wasn’t sure if Leon was convinced or not, but there was nothing more he could say to that.

But finally, he was ready. Aware of more than one pair of eyes watching him as he walked out of the station, Arthur forced himself to appear relaxed and confident; emotions he wasn’t feeling.

The job was the only thing that mattered, however. He had a bad guy to catch.

MMM

Three days later, however, and Arthur’s excitement had waned somewhat. He was roaming the streets by day and then returning to his flat in the evening. Apparently they didn’t want him to end up weakened physically again if he was to stay out on the streets as they didn’t know how long this was going to take or if Cendred was still even in the city. It was strange to Arthur; it was a double life and yet at the same time felt strangely normal to him.

Right now, he was moving swiftly along one of the main roads, carefully examining each side street for signs of movement. He found nothing. Well, technically that wasn’t true for he ran into a lot of people. People who gave him dark looks that had him moving on. They clearly recognised him as the man who had challenged Alvarr and even if they didn’t know he was with the police, they knew he had made it off the streets.

Despite them being no real threat to him, Arthur didn’t want to risk drawing attention to himself and quickly moved on each time. They weren’t who he was looking for, they meant nothing to him. Still, he found himself grateful he hadn’t yet seen Merlin down one of these streets. He had to stay focused and dealing with his emotions right now would be a bad idea.

It was nearing noon and Arthur was just thinking about whether to get something to eat when something caught his eye. It was just the vaguest flickering of movement down one of the streets, but it was enough for Arthur to look twice. Someone darted out of sight the second Arthur looked, and the agent felt his heart speed up. The glimpse he had got put the person at the right build to be Cendred and before Arthur knew what he was doing, he was running.

There was a curse from further down the alleyway and before Arthur knew what was happening, Cendred had come charging into view. He took Arthur by surprise, slamming his shoulder into the blond and sending him stumbling. Arthur reached out and grasped wildly, trying to snatch at the man’s coat. Cendred was clearly in a rush, for he simply yanked it free and ran. Arthur was on his feet in seconds.

At the back of his mind, something told him this wasn’t right. Cendred was dangerous; Leon’s warning about him just shooting Arthur ringing in his mind as he gave chase. Why was Cendred acting as if Arthur was actually close to having him arrested? This was the man who had broken out and implicated in murders. Yet despite something not adding up, there was no way that Arthur was going to let this chance pass him by and he went speeding out of the alleyway after Cendred.

He couldn’t see which way the man had gone and cursing, Arthur spun on the spot, looking for some sort of clue. Just as he was about to curse in frustration, he heard it. Running footsteps. Arthur shot off in that direction but it was only just as he was rounding the corner did he realise something was wrong. The footsteps were heading towards him.

No sooner had the thought crossed his mind when another body slammed into his. Arthur fell, knowing that he was bringing his assailant down with him in a tangle of limbs. There was a sharp intake of breath before Arthur could regain his senses.

“Arthur?”

Arthur blinked. It couldn’t be. Not now.

And yet…

There was no denying who that voice belonged to. Somehow, Arthur had literally managed to run straight into Merlin.

“Merlin?”

“Are you following me again?” Merlin was quicker to pull himself free of Arthur, jumping to his feet and staring down at him. Arthur glanced up, but was too busy working out if he had just bruised his knee to do anything more than that.

“Well?” Merlin demanded, and it was clear that he wanted an answer. Arthur climbed to his feet and instantly began looking around. Was it just Merlin he had heard or had Cendred come this way?

“Absolutely nothing to do with you,” he replied honestly, watching as Merlin looked a little taken aback and almost disappointed. “Have you seen anyone come running this way?”

“Apart from you?” Ignoring the mockery in Merlin’s voice, Arthur looked around more intently than he had been doing. He couldn’t shake the feeling that they were being watched and he didn’t like it. Not thinking what he was doing, he grabbed Merlin’s arm and dragged him into the secluded shelter of a shop entrance. Merlin yanked his arm free angrily.

“What do you think -,”

“Shut up,” Arthur muttered, cutting through Merlin’s indignation. Merlin did so, and when Arthur glanced at him it was to find Merlin watching him with a curious expression.

“You’re working, aren’t you?” Merlin said softly and Arthur jerkily nodded. He couldn’t shake this feeling and it was beginning to truly get under his skin. Something was going on, that was for sure. Cendred’s behaviour not adding up was playing on Arthur’s mind and he had to wonder if perhaps the man was planning something bigger than being caught and that was why he had run.

“Did you see anyone?” Arthur asked again, but Merlin shook his head.

“Only you,” he muttered and this time, Arthur believed him.

“Something’s not right,” Arthur muttered, beginning to take each building one by one as he scanned them for movement. He still felt like he was being watched by a hostile pair of eyes and he hated that he couldn’t place them.

“Can I help?” Arthur was so startled that he turned to look at Merlin in surprise. There was only sincerity in his voice this time and his eyes were earnest. Forcing himself to not think about how endearing it looked, Arthur shook his head.

“It’s too dangerous.”

“And living out here isn’t?

“You don’t know who you are looking for. I barely know who I’m looking for. You aren’t trained and it would just make you a target.”

“Arthur…”

“I can’t let anything happen to you,” Arthur responded honestly and Merlin fell quiet, looking stunned. Arthur took that time to take a timid step out from under the cover of the canopy. Instantly, the feeling of being watched intensified and Arthur had learnt to trust his gut enough to know that it wasn’t a good feeling.

“I need to get out of the open,” he muttered, more to himself than Merlin. He had a horrible feeling that he was somehow becoming the hunted rather than the hunter right now and it had his skin prickling.

“Down here.”

Before Arthur knew what was happening, there was a hand in his and he was being pulled back against the shops. Arthur hadn’t truly been taking note of where they were and he had forgotten just about many back-alleys littered this area. Merlin pulled him down one and Arthur found himself stumbling along after him, the grip on his hand making him feel sensitive to everything.

He pulled free, trying to take control back of the situation. The feeling had all but gone but Arthur had to wonder if he had just trapped himself. It was clear that he had underestimated Cendred. He would have gone out there if he knew where the man was watching him from. But without that knowledge and knowing that Cendred was armed, Arthur knew that he was more likely to get shot rather than getting another glimpse of the man.

“Is it the same man as before?” The voice made Arthur jump. And then he smiled at the irony of the situation. For days he had been trying to get himself to focus on the job so that he wasn’t thinking about Merlin and failed. And now he was out here, with the man, the only thing he could think of was Cendred. He jerkily nodded, running a hand through his hair and checking his own guns. Cendred was not just going to corner him like this but Arthur knew better than to just stride out into the open. Swearing, he rested his back against the wall and slid down it until he was sitting.

“What the hell is he playing at?” Arthur muttered, again not truly thinking about the fact that someone was listening.

“Is he after you?”

Arthur shook his head but knew that he would have to watch what he said. The more Merlin knew, the more danger that he was in.

“Why did you leave?” It was the only thing that Arthur could think of that would make the man change the subject. He refused to think about how much talking about it hurt _him._ He wasn’t listening anyway, he was thinking about Cendred. At least, that was what Arthur was telling himself.

“I’m not your charity case, Arthur,” Merlin said vehemently but even the raw emotion in his voice wasn’t enough to get Arthur to look at him. He was trying to stay focused on Cendred. “You don’t just get to pull me in from the streets and make me your little project.”

“Then you’re an idiot,” Arthur responded, somewhat harshly but he didn’t care. Merlin had been playing with his heart since the day they had met. The younger man didn’t seem to know what he was doing to Arthur and Arthur knew he couldn’t let it continue to happen.

“Excuse me?” Merlin exclaimed, but the innocence and indignation in his voice made Arthur snap and finally look at him.

“I meant what I said about loving you. You weren’t my charity case. You weren’t anything like that… You were just someone I cared about and wanted to help. I wasn’t holding you prisoner, Merlin, you could have left. I knew you would. But I rather hoped you would at least say goodbye rather than just stealing from me in the middle of the night.”

Arthur got no satisfaction out of Merlin’s flush, even if he wasn’t sure whether it was from anger or shame. All he knew was that this was not the time or place to be having this conversation, yet fate seemed determined they would talk one way or another.

“Arthur, I…” Whatever Merlin was going to say was drowned out by a roar of sirens coming from a street only a few down from theirs. Arthur was on his feet before he truly processed moving and was running down the alleyway. Something had happened, that wasn’t just the usual whir of police sirens. There had been an ambulance in the midst of all the noise and Arthur’s gut was telling him something was very wrong. He vaguely noticed Merlin following him, but he did note how the feeling of being watched seemed to have vanished.

It didn’t take long for them to quickly cross the gap between them and the sirens. A crowd had gathered and it was only by showing his badge and shoving that Arthur managed to get through. He didn’t notice that his hand had somehow grabbed Merlin’s so the man was pulled through with him. The first person that he recognised was Gwaine.

Instantly, Arthur knew that it was bad. He had never seen the man look so nauseated again. Calling him, Arthur pushed through until he could reach the man’s side.

“What happened?”

Gwaine’s eyes momentarily flickered to Merlin and then to their joint hands, but the seriousness to Arthur’s face seemed to indicate that he was not to be trifled with right now.

“Murder,” Gwaine said hoarsely but Arthur knew there was more to it than that. This was a dangerous part of town, he knew for a fact that Gwaine and Lancelot had handled more than one murder and it had never left Gwaine like this. Lancelot chose that moment to come through and although he looked a little green, he seemed to be more in control.

“Aren’t you supposed to be chasing someone?”

“I think it ended up more with him chasing me, I was cornered.

“Are you okay?” Lancelot asked, concern shining from his eyes as he stared at Arthur. Arthur nodded and gestured for the man to continue explaining what had happened here.

“Gwaine said murder…” Arthur prompted and Lancelot nodded even while grimacing.

“It’s more than that. It looks like the guy has been tortured. Someone wanted something from him and would do whatever it took to ensure they got it.”

“Any ideas who?”

“We don’t even know who the victim is yet.” Arthur nodded his understanding and followed the two officers back to the body. He tried to let go of Merlin’s hand, but the man seemed to have other ideas and just gripped harder. Arthur shot him a look over his shoulder, but he had other things to worry about right now.

Moving closer, Arthur caught a glimpse just as the paramedics finished drawing a sheet over the body. Even they looked disturbed and Arthur would have thought they had seen a few gruesome things in their time. Merlin’s cry made Arthur realise he too had seen something and without thinking what he was doing, he had pulled him into his arms, letting Merlin hide in his neck even as he glanced at Gwaine and Lancelot again.

“His name is Alvarr. He controlled these parts if you like, he always got his way and people answered to him.”

“Any ideas who would do this?”

Arthur shook his head, numb.

“Go home, Arthur,” Gwaine said firmly. “Get something inside you and report in before you head back out here.”

Arthur nodded this time, knowing that Cendred could probably stroll straight past him and Arthur wouldn’t know right now. But as he began to walk away, he felt Merlin pull away from him. Arthur opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, Merlin rested a finger on his lips.

“It’s your home, not mine. I’m not tagging along this time, Arthur.”

“But…”

“Find me when this is over, okay?” Merlin whispered, darting forward and pressing a quick kiss to Arthur’s lips. By the time that Arthur blinked, Merlin was gone and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to find the man now even if he wanted to. But there had been a promise in that kiss, not to mention Merlin’s words. Something had changed in him, almost as if the hostility was truly gone this time rather than just pretending.

Feeling that perhaps there had been something good in the day after all, Arthur set off for home, his mind reeling.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your lovely comments, they've really meant a lot.
> 
> I've been going through this closely - the next few chapters - to try and turn Arthur's character around a little after all the comments about it. I hope it is working a little better and thank you again for your support.

Arthur tasted nothing of what he ate when he got home. His mind was still too busy out on the streets. He had claimed not to know what had happened, but Arthur had his suspicions.

Cendred would have had time, Arthur knew he had spent far too long down that alleyway. Cendred hadn’t technically threatened him, but the intensity of the feeling of being watched was nothing something Arthur could ignore. It was hostile and he had truly believed that his life would be in danger if he had stepped from the cover of the alleyway.

But was that why Cendred had run? Goading Arthur into following him until he had him in a position where intimidation was enough to keep Arthur out of the way why he killed Alvarr? That sort of murder was not something they had ever thought to connect Cendred too before; he was just a drug dealer they had wanted to take down. But after the man’s comments about his parents, Arthur had been unable to shake the feeling there was far more to him than that. Had he played into Cendred’s hands and stayed out of the way while someone was being killed in the next street?

His thoughts were giving him a headache and making him feel nauseas. He was supposed to be able to stop things like that, it was his job. And yet all he had done was keep nicely out of the way and tried to solve his issues with Merlin. Arthur knew that reporting in was going to be one of the hardest things of his life. He had failed. For the first time. Arthur had no idea where he was even supposed to begin with a report for that.

Knowing the sooner he got it over and done with meant the sooner he could get back to finding Cendred - he hoped -, Arthur rinsed his dishes, threw on a clean shirt and headed towards the door. Cendred had now made this personal by making Arthur slip up. Deep down though, Arthur knew it was nothing to do with Cendred that was sending him back out there.

He knew he needed to pull himself together, and fast. He would be out – not just off this case, but off everything – unless he got his act together. It seemed being on the streets had worn him down more than he thought if he was now acting like a love-struck teenage girl.

He hated it.

Something made him pause as his hand reached the handle though. He felt as if he had forgotten something and before he knew what he was doing, he was walking back into the centre of his flat. Still unable to shake the feeling, Arthur glanced around as he tried to work out what he might have forgotten.

The screech of tyres broke him from his thoughts.

It was the sound of someone speeding, but this was a calm neighbourhood. Things like that didn’t happen. At least, not whenever Arthur had been home. Arthur hurried across the room and hitched himself into the window seat, tugging on the blinds until he could see out. He just about caught the shape of a black car speeding off around the corner and Arthur frowned, wondering what that had been about. But just as he made to turn away, something caught his eye.

There was something lying in the middle of the road.

Grabbing his keys, Arthur was down the stairs before he was thinking about what he was doing. Whatever had been left was bigger than a package and he knew that, as a member of the police force, he had to take control of the situation (if there was a situation to take control of) before any of his neighbours started getting curious. It was only when he was halfway down the stairs did Arthur realise that he had forgotten his shoes, but he wasn’t going to go back up now. The main door banged open as Arthur tore through it.

He slowed to a walk. He knew rushing up to something delivered in such a way was a bad idea. He could see the shape better now and Arthur felt his stomach flip when he realised that it looked like a person. Images of Alvarr’s body swum before his eyes and Arthur swallowed hard, wondering if he should call for back up before he got any closer. But then the figure moved and Arthur knew there hadn’t been a body dumped. They were still alive.

“Hey,” he called, jogging forward. He knew it had to hurt being thrown from a speeding car and his mind was racing through all the medical supplies he had upstairs in case he could help. “Are you alright?”

He knew it was a stupid thing to say, but he didn’t know what else to do.

“Arthur,” a weak voice responded and Arthur stopped dead. He was sure the entire street must have heard how hard his heart was beating but then he was running. He had never moved so fast until he could drop to his knees by the figure’s side.

By Merlin’s side.

Shaking hands reached out as Arthur carefully rolled him over. Then he let out a yell in horror.

Merlin hadn’t just been thrown from a moving car.

He had been beaten.

“I’ll get help,” Arthur muttered, his mind going blank as to what to do. Merlin’s hand somehow gripped into his shirt.

“Don’t leave me,” he whispered. For the first time since knowing him, Arthur could hear the fear and vulnerability in Merlin’s voice. Arthur hesitated. He had supplies upstairs… but they wouldn’t be enough. He gave in.

“I’m right here,” sitting down properly, Arthur carefully moved Merlin until the man’s head was resting on his leg and Arthur’s jacket was lying over his body. Knowing that the car would have drawn the attention of some of his neighbours (they had always been curtain twitchers), Arthur sucked in a sharp breath.

“Somebody help me!” He yelled as loudly as he could. “Call an ambulance!”

A light came on in one of the nearby flats as a curtain was drawn back and Arthur repeated his yell until he knew someone would have acted upon it. As soon as he was sure that help was in its way, Arthur quickly told Merlin that, his voice reassuring. He had been trained in first aid, but he had no idea about the extent of Merlin’s injuries and didn’t want to risk moving him in case he made things worse. Merlin’s eyes had closed and his face was pale, yet Arthur reassured himself that he was still breathing.

“Who did this to you?” He murmured. He was thinking out loud more than anything. But Merlin’s eyes opened and Arthur could see that, despite them being filled with pain, there was also determination still in them.

“Cendred,” he whispered. Arthur only had time to stare at him in complete and utter shock before sirens could be heard. He didn’t move even when the ambulance stopped a little further down the road and didn’t react when a police car came skidding up from the other direction. Unfortunately, the first people to try and take him were the paramedics, and it didn’t matter how much they tried to reassure Arthur they could help, Arthur didn’t release his grip.

“Arthur, let go,” a voice ordered. Arthur was so used to following commands from that voice his body reacted without him realising. The paramedics moved in quickly, assessing Merlin and strapping an oxygen mask over him. Merlin had passed out during that time and Arthur suddenly realised just how young he looked. He fell back as the paramedics pulled Merlin from his grip, only for his brain to catch up and realise who the voice belonged to.

“What are you doing here?” Leon, Gwaine and Lancelot were standing behind him. Leon crouched down until they were on the same level.

“Gwaine and Lance were just finishing their shift when they got the call out. We knew it was your address and I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Merlin…” Arthur realised the man had been taken from his grip and he turned just in time to see him being slid into the ambulance. He jumped to his feet, took a shaky step forward in order to travel with him. And then he was sick.

“Take him, we’ll follow.” The paramedics reacted to the order and Merlin was whisked behind closing doors. Arthur stepped after him, but Leon caught his arm.

“You’ll be with him soon, Arthur. I need you to take a deep breath. Lance, have we got any water in the car?” Waiting until a cup had been pressed into Arthur’s hand, Leon coaxed him into sitting back down, taking a few steps and breathing deeply. A certain amount of control returned to Arthur and he finally focused on Leon’s face. The man smiled softly at him.

“Are you back with us?” Leon asked. This wasn’t just Merlin; this was everything that had happened that day. If he hadn’t been so weak, they would have caught Cendred. He gave a shaky nod.

“It was Merlin, wasn’t it?” Lancelot asked and Arthur realised they had never quite got close enough to see who it was that Arthur was holding. The look on Arthur’s face seemed to answer the question for them and in a dead-sounding voice, he told them about what had happened that evening.

“And he said Cendred had done it?” Leon asked, but Arthur didn’t miss the looks that passed between his friends.

“What?”

“You saw Alvarr’s body. How it looked as if he had been tortured? And now Merlin? You don’t think Cendred is targeting you?”

“No. I sucked Alvarr’s dick, that was all. There was nothing between us.”

“He would have known things about you though. He would have been able to tell Cendred how you took Merlin under your wing. Cendred himself had already seen you with Merlin, once at least. Possibly twice if he saw you today as well.”

“Why would he target me?”

“Why would he say something about your parents?”

Arthur felt himself lurch again and Leon’s hand held him steady. He thought he was going after a drug dealer. There had been no indication Cendred was anything more. Arthur wanted to deny it…and then thought about how Cendred had recognised his name at a glance. Something else, something deeper, was going on here.

“No,” Arthur said firmly, standing up and forcing himself to regain control of himself. “This is insane. He didn’t know I existed until just over a week ago. He might be behind this but it has nothing to do with me.”

Arthur pulled out his phone as he started to move down the street. He ignored the way his friends easily fell into step with him.

“Who are you calling?”

“A taxi. I have to get to the hospital.” Gwaine reached over and pulled the phone out of his hand. Arthur glared.

“What-,”

“Get in the car, Arthur.” Leon sighed, giving him a shove towards the police car. Realising that his friends weren’t focusing on Cendred, but on _him_ right now, Arthur smiled and allowed himself to be manhandled into the back of the waiting vehicle.

The journey was both too fast and too slow for Arthur. Whether Cendred was targeting him or not didn’t matter; Arthur knew it was because of him that this had happened. The thought troubling him the most was they still didn’t know what had happened – Merlin muttering one name was hardly enough to give a full account of events. Arthur was sure it hadn’t been that long since he had left the man. Long enough, it seemed, for Merlin to be almost killed.

“Are you alright?” Leon seemed to know the thoughts that were echoing through Arthur’s head and a reassuring hand landed on his shoulder. Arthur forced himself to appear calm despite his racing heart. He knew that Leon wouldn’t let him anywhere near Merlin if he thought that Arthur was about to fall apart on them all.

“I’m fine.”

“Are you-,”

“Leon. I’m fine,” Arthur snapped. The attention didn’t need to be on him right now, it needed to be on Merlin. But before anyone could react, the car finally arrived at the hospital and Arthur was out almost before it had stopped. Sprinting through the corridors, he ignored the yells from orderlies telling him not to run before skidding to a stop in front of a desk. He was just grateful there had been a pair of shoes in the car that had fit him.

“Merlin…” He gasped, panting for breath and realising he didn’t know the man’s last name. “The paramedics would have just brought him in.”

“And you are?” The woman sounded bored and Arthur thought he knew where this was going. They weren’t going to let him see Merlin. He didn’t even know the man’s last name, they had no way of knowing if he even knew him. Arthur panicked, wondering what he could do to make them understand he had to get there. But as he opened his mouth, someone else spoke first.

“Police,” a firm voice sounded behind him as Gwaine stepped forward, his badge hitting the counter. The woman looked at it with wide eyes before slowly lifting her gaze to look at Gwaine.

“We are establishing protection around that patient and need full access to any medical notes he will have. Which room?”

Arthur could only stare as Gwaine winked before leading the way to the room the woman had indicated. It was only Lancelot poking him in the back that meant Arthur remembered to actually follow. He heard Leon thank the woman – he clearly knew the rest of them didn’t even think about it.

“You didn’t think we were going to let you handle this on your own, did you?” Lancelot said softly as they navigated the corridors. “If it is Cendred, then technically it is still part of your case and it looks like you need all the backup you can get.”

“And if it is not Cendred?”

“Then you still need friends, Arthur.” Before Arthur could think about just how touched he was, Lancelot moved to one side. Gwaine had come to a stop next to a door, his hand resting on it. A nurse was walking down the corridor and Arthur knew that Gwaine had caught her just as she had come out of the room.

“The doctors have just finished examining him. He’s still unconscious, but everything will heal,” Gwaine said softly, not taking the time to go into precisely how wounded Merlin was.

“Can I..?” Arthur didn’t know how to ask if he could see him, but Gwaine simply nodded and opened the door. His heart pounding, Arthur stepped through.

If he could have done, Arthur would have backed straight back out of the door so he could have a moment to pull himself together. He knew that Merlin was younger than him, but seeing him like this made him look as if he was still a child rather than a man used to living out on the streets. He was attached to more than one drip, dressing in hospital pyjamas that seemed to drown him with dressings making themselves visible wherever Arthur looked.

He forced himself to keep calm. Could Cendred be behind it? If so, why Merlin? Was he the one to have killed Alvarr…Was it really all to get to Arthur? Arthur didn’t realise he had moved until he became aware of a comforting weight at his back. He had stepped back, only to find that Lancelot had followed him in. Maybe they knew how Arthur would react? A hand landed on his shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“It’s not your fault, Arthur,” Lancelot murmured softly, a sign they really did know Arthur too well. “You had no way of knowing this would happen. Merlin would have known you would have protected him if you had the chance. It’s not your fault.”

The voice cut through the hazy fog that had begun to descend on Arthur’s mind and he shook himself fiercely. He was one of the top agents the police force had. He went into dangerous situations day after day without knowing if he was going to survive. He did it to make the streets safer, to make sure that things like this didn’t happen. The fact it had occurred to someone he cared about was a personal failure in Arthur’s eyes and it only caused his determination and anger to spring to life.

Never again would he let this happen.

Arthur was so full of righteous stubbornness he actually turned to leave. He wasn’t good at expressing his emotions, but he was good at taking out bad men. He could make it up to Merlin by making sure Cendred never had the chance to do it again. Lancelot simply blocked his way out.

“Not while you’re angry.”

“Let me through.”

“And what do we tell Merlin – who doesn’t trust us – when he wakes up? Patrols are combing the streets after what happened with Alvarr. You can guarantee Cendred will still be in the city in the morning, if not in jail. We need you here.”

The anger died away a little, although Arthur kept a strong grip on his determination, knowing that he was going to need it. With no visible indication he had listened to a word of what Lancelot had just said, he turned back to the bed.

There were two hard, plastic chairs resting against the wall and Arthur swung one around. Sitting on it by straddling his legs either side of the back rather than properly, he found that he was staring intently at Merlin. Why would Cendred had done this to him?

He didn’t hear Lancelot leave. But he did notice his thoughts began to change. He stopped worrying about why Cendred would have acted in this way and started wishing that Merlin would hurry up and wake up. As soon as his thoughts went down that route, Arthur realised quite how much he did now feel for him. If Merlin didn’t wake up, if he had been killed…

Arthur knew there would be no telling what he would do. He thought he had grown used to losing people, but that wasn’t true. He had just become used to detaching himself and then Merlin had come crashing through those barriers.

How long he sat there, just staring at Merlin’s still form, eyes raking the bruises, Arthur had no idea. He knew in reality it couldn’t have been too long because otherwise a doctor would have arrived back. But it felt like an age. One of the longest waits in his life. Eventually, Arthur reached out and softly took Merlin’s hand.

“How could anyone hurt you?” He murmured gently, emotions threatening to overwhelm him. “You’re too much of a stubborn arse, you know. I shouldn’t be here, you’ll probably tell me to go like normal. But I can’t. I need you to wake up now, you hear me? Please… wake up,” Arthur’s voice trailed off to barely a whisper and he pressed the back of Merlin’s hand to his cheek, only just avoiding the clip on the end of Merlin’s finger.

“A’tur?” A voice croaked. Thinking that he was imagining it, Arthur simply sighed and shut his eyes. But then he realised that Merlin’s hand was moving in his, his fingers twitching until they could fold over Arthur’s own. Merlin was holding his hand.

His eyes flying open, Arthur stared. Merlin looked confused, disorientated and in pain, but he was looking back at Arthur. A grin spread over Arthur’s face and he gave a sigh of relief.

“You’re awake.” He simply stated, not really knowing what else to say. Merlin managed a weak smile before a frown overtook his features and he glanced about.

“Hospital?” He murmured softly and Arthur nodded.

“Can you remember what happened? You were pushed out of a car. Luckily it was near to where I live, I called the ambulance and they brought you here.”

“Hate hospitals.”

“I bet.” Arthur knew hospitals probably brought back memories for Merlin of the day that his life had been ruined. Realising he had been feeling that would be the same for him if Merlin had died, Arthur squeezed his hand. “Do you want me to get the doctor? Are you in pain?”

Merlin thought for a moment before shaking his head. Arthur could see that he was lying but he wasn’t going to force the matter. He didn’t really know what to say. Merlin shifted on the bed, his teeth gritted as he was clearly determined he would sit up without aid. Arthur watched closely, ready to interfere if Merlin should need help but knowing to keep his distance otherwise.

Halfway there, however, Merlin’s arm slipped and he stared at Arthur in alarm.

“You can’t go home!”

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to be leaving-,”

“No! No, you don’t understand. It wasn’t just chance you found me. Arthur, please, stay!” His voice rose in volume and the door opened. Leon strode calmly in, shooting Arthur a look that clearly asked what was going on. Arthur shrugged. He didn’t know why Merlin was so worked up.

“Hello, Merlin. My name is Leon. Now that you are awake, can I get you anything for the pain or even your doctor?” Leon’s voice was strictly professional and Arthur could see the defiance springing to life in Merlin as Arthur remembered what he had said about hating authorities.

But it was as if he didn’t have the energy to keep it up and he just mutely shook his head. Arthur hadn’t let go of Merlin’s hand and he wasn’t sure whether he imagined the grip tightening slightly. It was as if he wasn’t seeing Arthur as a member of the authorities anymore, but someone that was just there for him.

The thought made Arthur smile.

“If you are feeling up to it, I would like to talk about what happened. Arthur mentioned that you said Cendred’s name. Was he the one to do this to you?”

“I think so. I mean, I’ve only seen the guy a few times but it looked like him.”

“Do you know why? There was no prior motive for him to attack you, no shared history between the two of you?”

“Leon, stop,” Arthur muttered. “You don’t have to do this now.” He could see that Merlin was in pain. The man had barely been awake for a few moments and already Leon was heading towards full on interview mode.

“I’m fine,” Merlin muttered, trying to sit up straighter. “It was Cendred. No, there was no prior motivation apart from…”

He glanced at Arthur. Confused, Arthur in turn glanced at Leon. But this time, Leon didn’t seem to know what Merlin was implying either.

“What is it?” Arthur said softly, leaning forward. Merlin shook his head. He seemed to be trying to say what had happened, but it was as if the words had lodged in his throat. Arthur knew the interview was firmly over when he saw a couple of tears trickle down Merlin’s face. He had never seen the man cry before.

“Leon, get out,” Arthur snapped, shifting off the chair and onto the bed so that he could be closer to Merlin. Luckily, his superior did as Arthur asked and Arthur had a feeling that the doctor would be on his way in just a matter of moments.

“I thought he was going to kill me,” Merlin mumbled, the tears coming faster now. “I didn’t want to tell him, honest I didn’t. I was going to protect you the way you did me.”

“Shh, Merlin, it’s alright. You’re safe now,” Arthur had never been very good at the whole soothing thing, it wasn’t often part of his job. Lancelot was amazing at cutting through to even the most hysterical of people, but Arthur didn’t want anyone else in the room. He knew that it was the pain and fear that was causing Merlin to let down his defences. But Arthur knew he could help save the man’s dignity by not letting anyone else witness his moment of weakness. Merlin shook his head.

“I didn’t want to tell him. I want you safe. And then he said all the things that he was going to do to me if I didn’t… I didn’t mean to, Arthur, I swear.”

“Tell him what, Merlin?” Arthur had no idea what Merlin was talking about. But Merlin seemed incapable of answering, just repeating that he didn’t mean to and that he was sorry. His breathing was getting erratic and Arthur knew he had to do something. He knew he had to get Merlin calm before he ended up in full blown hysterics. Other issues they could deal with then they got a straight answer out of Merlin. They were in a public place and he was surrounded by his friends – some of the best policeman out there. For now, at least, they were safe.

Leaning forward, he pulled Merlin into his arms and held him close. Without thinking about it, Arthur stroked the back of his hair comfortingly and just held him, feeling Merlin gripping onto his shirt tightly. Arthur didn’t care though.

He thought he would have to sit there for an age before Merlin calmed down. But the fear and fatigue – not to mention the pain – overcame Merlin. They hadn’t been there for long before Arthur felt him sag. Gently laying him back, Arthur carefully brushed back a lock of hair from Merlin’s sleeping face. As soon as he sat back a little, the door opened and a doctor walked in.

Arthur quickly motioned for him to be quiet, that Merlin had only just fallen asleep. It didn’t cross his mind that the man could probably see that for himself and knew what he was doing. He checked a few readings from the monitors that Merlin was attached to, nodding to himself as he jotted down notes before gesturing for Arthur to follow him outside. Despite not wanting to leave Merlin, Arthur knew it was for the best. If they spoke in here, they risked waking him up.

The doctor waited until the door had softly shut behind them before turning to all four officers.

“I assume by the guard whoever did this to him is still a threat or you are his friends?”

“Both?” Gwaine muttered and Arthur remembered what they had said about him not needing to do this alone.

“I wouldn’t normally hand out this sort of information, not even to the police, but there is no family contacts on his file. He told us his name earlier, but that was as far as we got. You can see for yourself he has been severely beaten. The good news is, there are a couple of fractures but everything will make a full recovery given time. There will be no lasting damage.”

Arthur felt himself sagging against the wall at the news. Merlin was going to be alright.

“What I’m more concerned about is his general health. He’s severely malnourished, dehydrated and his body temperature is too low. I want to keep him in for longer than normal to ensure that he is given a fighting chance.”

“He won’t like that,” Arthur muttered. The doctor grinned.

“I didn’t think so. He’s been on the streets, hasn’t he? Those sorts of symptoms are often found on victims of the system. That’s why I ask for your help here. I’m not planning on telling him he could actually leave in a few days’ time. I want to let him believe he needs to stay to let his injuries heal.”

A rush of respect instantly shot from Arthur. This was a man who cared more about his patients than he did about the system. Judging by the grins that Gwaine and Lancelot were sharing, they thought so too.

“I wanted to tell you first because if you are thinking of keeping guard, then all four of you at once might not work too well long time. Your choice. Now, I need to get on with my rounds, but if you have any other questions, just come and find me.”

He turned to walk off and Arthur found himself taking a few steps after him.

“Doctor?” Waiting until the man had paused, Arthur held out a hand. “Arthur Pendragon.”

“Elyan,” the doctor shook it, his grip strong and firm. “I’m guessing by what I walked in on, you are more than just friends with him?”

“It’s…complicated,” Arthur muttered, not even knowing where to begin.

“It always is. But from what I saw, he’s going to need you. Even if he doesn’t admit it and especially for the first few days. Once he is back to himself, he might try and push you away in embarrassment. He won’t like you have seen him at his moment of weakness and will instead lash out to reassert himself.”

“How do you know this?”

“He’s not the first street kid I’ve had in here. But just stand firm, okay? Let him know you’ll give him space, but you aren’t leaving. He’ll come around in the end, don’t take it personally.”

With the advice swirling in his mind, Arthur could only watch as Elyan walked away. The one thought that was in his head was that he would get on well with Percival.

Then another thought made itself known. It would have to wait until Merlin woke up again. But without anything else to distract him for the time being, Arthur groaned as the thought lodged itself in his mind and refused to budge.

What had Merlin told Cendred that he was so distressed about?


	11. Chapter 11

Arthur didn’t go home, Merlin’s plea ringing in his ears. He had expected to need to fight his corner, to claim that Merlin was his responsibility and had hinted towards a potential threat. He thought he would have to do everything in his power to convince the others he wasn’t just behaving like a love-struck fool. But to his surprise, he didn’t need to. As soon as he had told the others about what Merlin had said, they had agreed it was for the best that Arthur remained in a public space. At least until they found out what Merlin had told Cendred.

Arthur had no secret the man could use to blackmail him with. But he _was_ the person in charge of the hunt for Cendred and he did have a home and a family – of sorts. Merlin didn’t know enough about Morgana to reveal anything even if he wanted to. Arthur had a feeling he knew what secret it was that Merlin had given up; where he lived. Why else would he have been dumped practically on Arthur’s doorstep? Arthur didn’t know if Cendred was just trying to send him a message and this was it, or if he had something else planned.

But Arthur didn’t get to this position so young in his career by walking headfirst into the unknown, despite his recent behaviour. Gwaine radioed the station and promised someone would go around and keep an eye on the place. But with Cendred now a prime suspect in Alvarr’s murder and definitely guilty of attacking Merlin; they were on no accounts to engage with the man should he turn up.

Sitting by Merlin’s bedside, Arthur sighed as he stared at his pale face. Merlin had been sleeping on and off for the majority of the evening, but the doctor had assured them that was the best thing for him. Not only because it would help him heal, but because he needed the sleep.

Watching him now, Arthur could see that was true.

Merlin had slept deeply when they had been together on the streets. It was as if he had known Arthur would protect him, despite not being aware of just how capable Arthur was of defending them if Alvarr and his boys had tried anything. But despite having a night in Arthur’s flat, he looked exhausted. Arthur wasn’t surprised. It wasn’t as if he even knew what time Merlin had left him – it could be he had no sleep that night either.

“Stop watching me,” a voice muttered hoarsely and Arthur grinned as Merlin’s eyes opened. For a moment, they darted restlessly around the room as Merlin clearly tried to remember where he was. Arthur had just opened his mouth to help fill in the blanks when Merlin sagged against the pillows, understanding in his eyes.

“Can I go yet?”

“Not yet.”

“Are you going to arrest me again if I try?” Arthur winced despite there being a light hearted note in Merlin’s voice. Something told him he wouldn’t be allowed to forget that if he tried.

“Of course not. You’re just not well enough.”

“I’m fine,” Merlin muttered through gritted teeth, making to push himself upright. Normally, Arthur would have been the first to help. Only this time, he just watched and sure enough, Merlin soon fell back, panting. He didn’t say anything, but the look on his face was enough to indicate he realised Arthur had been telling the truth this time.

“I still haven’t forgiven you, by the way,” Merlin made himself comfortable as he spoke and Arthur grinned. There was no heat in his words, no indication he actually meant what he was saying. It was just Merlin refusing to admit that he was going to be the first one to back down.

“I know. I’ll find a way to make you forgive me. Besides, you robbed me, maybe you should be the one begging forgiveness.”

“Then let me make it up to you,” realising Merlin’s head was turned towards his and there was an almost expectant look on his face, Arthur darted forward and kissed him lightly. To his surprise, he was blushing as he moved back. There was a fond smile on Merlin’s face that no amount of glaring could cover up. Words were one thing, but this time Arthur knew Merlin had forgiven him. He wouldn’t have helped him get out of the open, he would have run the second they had untangled themselves from each other.

And as for Arthur blaming Merlin for the robbery… He knew at the back of his mind it had always been a possibility when he took Merlin home.

“Merlin, I…” Arthur didn’t know what he wanted to say. He wanted to tell the younger man how sorry he was for dragging him into this, how he would do everything to make it right again. But he stoppe. Merlin knew as well as he did they were no closer to catching Cendred and Arthur had never intended for this to happen. No one was to blame but Cendred.

Before Arthur had the chance to make a fool of himself, Leon opened the door.

“I thought I heard voices,” he said, walking in with a smile. He sat down and Arthur saw the way Merlin flinched out of the corner of his eye. Reaching over, he took Merlin’s hand. Merlin tensed, but then he seemed to relax. At the very least, he stopped feeling like he was going to pull away.

“We need to talk to you, Merlin. Properly, this time. Do you feel ready to go through what happened to you earlier on this evening?”

Arthur wanted to protest. He wanted to say Merlin had only just woken up and he needed more time.

But the words died in his throat.

If Cendred had done this as a way to get to Arthur, then it was Arthur’s fault Merlin was in hospital. Knowing what they were up against and finding a way of bringing Cendred down was a much better way of protecting Merlin than trying to mollycoddle him. After all, he had survived years on the streets after watching his mother be killed.

Arthur knew that Merlin was tougher than Arthur wanted to give him credit for. Judging by the look that Merlin shot him out of the corner of his eye, Merlin knew what was going through his head and was warning him not to say anything. Arthur swallowed his words, but just leant forward to help Merlin straighten up.

“I was returning to the alleyway where I’ve been staying after leaving Arthur at the murder scene. I knew he was returning home and I…” Merlin stopped, swallowing whatever he had been about to say. His voice was flat and Arthur winced at just how detached he could make himself sound. Then again, he knew that everyone had their own way of coping and this was clearly Merlin’s.

“He was waiting for me.”

“Cendred?”

Merlin only nodded in response to Leon’s question. The man grimaced.

“I’m sorry, Merlin, I’m going to need you to describe him for me.”

Arthur knew why. They only had Merlin’s word that he knew who Cendred was because of seeing him with Arthur. This could have been any criminal, but the description Merlin gave – even if his voice did tremble at one point – meant there was no denying it was the same person. Merlin’s hands had screwed into tight fists while he was talking and Arthur wondered whether he would allow himself to be comforted or not. He edged closer, but didn’t make any movements, not until he knew.

Merlin continued, talking about how he had been grabbed by a couple of guys from behind before he knew what was happening. How Cendred had cut straight to the chase and demanded everything Merlin knew about Arthur. He even made some sort of comment about it being a shame that Alvarr couldn’t tell him more – practically admitting to his guilt.

Arthur stood and turned away, his body rigid with tension when Merlin explained how they had started beating him when he refused to tell them anything and even when he did, they didn’t stop.

“Arthur, I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Arthur murmured automatically. But his mind was racing. Why did Cendred want to know about him so much?

“I… I told him where you lived.” Merlin admitted. Arthur felt a long sigh escape him. That was what Merlin had given away. It was as Arthur feared; there would be no going home for him anytime soon. He could feel Leon watching him in concern but Arthur forced himself to stay professional. He handled these sorts of situations every time he went under cover; he could do this.

“You don’t happen to know why he wanted information on Arthur, do you?” Leon asked, the sheepish tone in his voice making it clear he was apologising for not having the answers. Merlin shook his head, then winced as his body betrayed how much that had hurt.

“Something was muttered about finishing what was started but he didn’t give anything else away.”

“Arthur? Any idea what that could be?”

“My parents,” Arthur whispered, keeping his back to Leon. The reflection in the small window he was standing by was enough to give away the man’s reaction, however, for Leon grimaced.

“Their murderer was caught, he’s in jail. I know we’ve been saying it, but we’ve got no proof.”

“Is he in jail, Leon? Really? Or is he just the man Cendred paid to take the blame so he could carry on with what he was doing.”

“He had no reason for killing them…”

“Until a few weeks ago, we didn’t even know he _was_ a killer!” Arthur was struggling to keep his temper. He hadn’t been able to let it go ever since Cendred had first said something. Even if it had been at the back of his mind, it had still been mulling over.

 “He knew them, Leon. He recognised my name straight off. Why would he be able to know that I was their orphaned son off the top of his head when he was just about to be arrested otherwise?”

“Arthur, you need to…” Leon’s voice trailed off and Arthur laughed humourlessly.

“I need to go home and sleep, is that what you were going to say? It’s what you always do when you don’t know what is going on, send me home to bed like I’m still just a child. I can’t go home, Leon, or have you forgotten that already?”

“That is enough.” Leon’s voice was quiet and Arthur found himself swallowing hard. Despite his accusations Leon treated him like a child, he knew that tone of voice. It meant he had overstepped the line and Leon was no longer talking to him as a friend, but as a superior. Arthur hadn’t realised his voice had been rising until the door opened and Lancelot stuck his head inside.

“Everything…okay?” He asked, glancing around and clearly being able to pick up on the tension. “Everything alright, mate?” He continued, addressing his words to Merlin.

“Make them shut up?” Merlin asked. Lancelot grimaced.

“Technically they both outrank me,” he began but before he could say anything else, Elyan strolled back into view.

“They might outrank you but I call top dog here. Both of you get out and leave my patient to rest,” he said, his voice making it clear he wouldn’t accept any arguments. Arthur had been landed in hospital enough times to know that doctors always won against the police. Leon shot him a glare indicating they weren’t done yet, but before Arthur could leave, Merlin called to him.

“Can he stay?” he asked, refusing to meet Arthur’s eye. Elyan glanced between them before sighing.

“Fine. But if you upset my patient again, I’m throwing you out.”

“Understood,” Arthru began to move away from the window and back to the seat beside Merlin’s bed.

“Oh, Arthur?” Lancelot had just been withdrawing when he suddenly remembered something. “Percy’s on his way.”

Lancelot shut the door and Arthur was acutely aware of Merlin watching him.

“That your boyfriend?”

“Why is it everyone that gets mentioned you seem to assume I’m in some sort of relationship with? First my sister, now this… No. Percival is the station’s doctor. He’ll need a full report of your injuries to put in the file in order to build a case against Cendred.”

“How long have you been doing this for?” The question caught Arthur off guard and he found himself sinking into a chair before answering.

“Since I was sixteen. I joined up as soon as I could. I was never any good at school. It wasn’t so bad when I was with Morgana because no one picked on her. But I was never given the chance to do my own homework, always someone else’s.” Arthur admitted, not being sure why he was telling Merlin this but realising he didn’t mind. Normally, he refused to talk about his childhood, for there were very few happy memories and most people got bored of hearing about Morgana. Arthur couldn’t help it; she had practically saved his life when her family had taken him in.

“All I ever wanted was to make sure no one would go through what I did again, ever since I found out they were murdered. I failed.”

Arthur glanced at Merlin as he spoke, trying to indicate that he wished he could have stopped Merlin’s own traumatic childhood.

“No, you didn’t,” for a moment, Arthur thought he was imagining things. But then he realised there was another hand in his. And he hadn’t taken the initiative. Merlin had willingly taken his hand and there was a small smile on his face when Arthur looked at him.

“You can’t save everyone, Arthur.”

“I should be able to.”

“Maybe. If you were Superman. But would it make you feel any better if I told you that you saved me?”

“I thought you hated me?”

“I thought that too,” Merlin said softly and Arthur was aware they were getting closer together again. “But then I realised quite how much I would have given up to keep you safe tonight, and I failed in that. Maybe life is too short to pretend to hate?”

“Maybe,” Arthur confirmed before closing the distance between them. The feel of Merlin’s lips on his, his hand coming to cup Arthur’s cheek made his eyes fall shut in contentment and he thought he might have just sighed into the kiss. It didn’t go on for long enough, however, before Merlin was pulling away.

“What?” Arthur pouted, not having wanted it to end. Merlin laughed and Arthur felt as if it was watching the cares and worries fall away from him. Seeing Merlin’s face relax made Arthur realise just how good looking he was.

“I’m attached to something monitoring my heart,” Merlin said, still smiling. “Do you want to bring all the nurses running?”

Now he knew why Merlin had stopped, Arthur felt himself relax. Casually, he reached over and picked up Merlin’s hand, pressing a kiss to the back of it.

“Missed you,” he admitted softly, watching as Merlin relaxed back and let his eyes close.

“You too,” the words were so soft that Arthur wasn’t sure he had heard them as sleep overtook Merlin. But then he told himself he had. For if nothing else, he wanted it to be true. Not the Merlin that had fought him in the flat, but the one from the streets who had laughed easily and stolen the blanket every night.

Arthur hadn’t intended to stay at the hospital overnight. But before he knew it, he had fallen asleep himself, the day catching up with him.

It was some unearthly time in the morning when he woke again with a stiff back that had him cursing. Merlin was still asleep, looking so peaceful despite the bruises that Arthur had to smile. He was glad Percival hadn’t come in and interrupted them. He knew the man would have arrived; Lancelot wouldn’t have said it otherwise. But no doubt he had just looked at Merlin’s notes and left it at that. Arthur got the feeling Elyan wouldn’t have allowed Merlin to be disturbed because of something that could just as easily wait until the morning.

But as much as he would like to watch Merlin sleep, Arthur needed to move. He managed to tease his hand free and almost cried out as he finally was able to stand up. His back screamed at him and his neck let out a loud protest by clicking as Arthur rolled it. He winced as he arched his back but felt decidedly better once he had movement back. Dying for a drink, Arthur slipped from the room.

It was only then that he realised he had never been in this part of the hospital before. He usually only saw the entrance (if he was conscious), the room he was held prisoner in and then the exit when he was wheelchair bound as per policy normally with an exasperated sister taking him home. The rest of it was a mystery to him and Arthur took a wrong turning more than once as he tried to find somewhere that would enable him to get a coffee.

To his surprise, he managed to find reception before he found a coffee machine. He had already slipped past an officer he didn’t really know standing guard on Merlin’s door. But he hadn’t expected to see Lancelot leaning on the desk, chatting away with a pretty receptionist. She was a different one compared to the one Arthur had snapped to get in here and there was something about her that looked vaguely familiar. Approaching, Arthur cleared his throat.

“Bit early to be flirting, isn’t it, Lance?” He teased, making the man jump. Out of the whole team, Lancelot was the least likely to be flirting. Leon was impossible when Morgana was around, Percival could get coy when a man walked past he liked the look of and Gwaine tried to chat up anything that moved. Lancelot tended to just stay quiet and smile shyly.

Sure enough, as he turned, Arthur could see the blush working its way across the man’s face.

“Arthur.”

“Morning,” Arthur leant against the desk himself as he tried – and failed – to stop himself from yawning too obviously. The receptionist took one look at him and disappeared.

“What did I do?” Arthur muttered, bewildered. He would have straightened up, but that just required more effort than he felt like exerting right now. Lancelot shook his head, just as confused.

They didn’t have long to wait. Arthur was just wondering whether he could fall back to sleep standing up when she returned. Arthur’s eyes widened as a smell hit his nose and sure enough, a steaming mug of coffee was slipped over the desk. A second one appeared and was handed to Lancelot.

“Marry me,” Arthur said bluntly, cradling the cup in his hands and lifting it to his mouth. Even the smell was enough to help revive him and he found himself breathing in deeply, feeling alertness sink back into him.

“Think someone upstairs might protest against that,” Lancelot muttered slyly. Arthur knew payback when he heard it. “He doesn’t seem to be the sharing type.”

“He’s really not.”

“I’m Guinevere, but most people call me Gwen,” the receptionist interrupted, glancing up at the two men as she sat back down and picked up her own mug.

“Arthur.”

“Pendragon?”

“How did you-?”

“I’ve had to enter your name into the system far too many times, Mr Pendragon. How many Arthurs could there be working for the police?”

“I…” Arthur had no comeback and he just shook his head with a grin as Lancelot burst out laughing. Gwen caught Lance’s eye and to Arthur’s amusement, both blushed simultaneously.

“You really need to work on your flirting skills, mate,” Arthur gave Lancelot a nudge.

“He better not be flirting,” a voice interrupted and both men jumped, turning to see Elyan striding towards them. If Arthur wasn’t much mistaken, Lancelot took a step backwards, his body tense.

“Morning, sis,” Elyan continued, leaning over to snag some files on Gwen’s desk. Lancelot relaxed again and Arthur had a smile on his face. That was why Gwen looked familiar. Now that he knew, the family resemblance was uncanny.

“Morning,” Gwen smiled at her brother. “I didn’t think you were working night shifts at the moment?”

“Tom’s on holiday so I’m pulling extra,” Elyan said causally, beginning to flick through files. “Arthur, I’ll be in to see Merlin in about an hour when the rounds actually start so if you were down here chasing that, just relax. He’s fine.”

Arthur could only gape after him, feeling his own blush beginning to work up his neck, but Elyan was already walking away. He wasn’t that paranoid about Merlin, was he?

“Yes, mate. You are that bad,” Lancelot said softly and Arthur responded by taking another swig of coffee. He knew he couldn’t deny it. He didn’t trust Merlin to not already be getting into trouble, despite Arthur having left him asleep.

As that thought crossed his mind, another one began to emerge at the back of his mind. As soon as Arthur realised what he was thinking, he gasped.

“Arthur?” The teasing had gone from Lancelot’s voice this time and there was a grave look on his face.

“Has anyone spoken to Morgana? If she doesn’t here from me, she tends to go to the flat…”

“Nice to know that it takes you until the following day to think of me, little brother.”

Arthur turned. There was no denying who was striding through the doors, Leon on her heels like a faithful puppy. Despite the thought having only just entered his sleep deprived mind, Arthur found himself sagging with relief. The intensity of the emotions he had just gone through made him feel like he had whiplash. He held the coffee up to his adopted sister, as if hoping that would take her annoyance instead of him.

“I didn’t sleep much?” He muttered sheepishly. Morgana simply yanked it out of his hand and Arthur hoped no one noticed that he took a small step backwards. But there was no escaping from Morgana and she pulled him into a fierce hug. Arthur hugged her back, secretly relieved she had gone down the affection route. He had half been expecting to be hit instead.

Over her shoulder, he could see Leon approaching Lancelot, clearly for an update. However, the man caught Arthur’s eye first. Arthur mouthed a thank you to his friend, knowing that he would have warned Morgana immediately not to go to the flat. He knew them both too well.

He certainly knew Arthur well enough to know he had been too tired for any rational thoughts to have entered his head and that someone would need to make sure Morgana was warned.

“What are you doing here?” Arthur managed to detach himself from Morgana just as Gwaine sauntered through the door. He winked at Gwen. It wasn’t his usual flirting wink, however, but seemed to imply they knew each other. After what she had said about how many times she had entered his name into the system, Arthur had to wonder how many times Gwen had been forced to handle his anxious friends while they waited to hear what damage Arthur had done to himself this time.

“You’re in hospital again, Arthur. I had to come and make sure you were okay, didn’t I?”

“I’m not the one in the bed.”

“That doesn’t mean you don’t need me. Gwen, lovely to see you. You’ve changed your hair, haven’t you?”

Arthur could only stare as the two women instantly began talking. Morgana slipped onto the edge of the desk, crossing her ankles elegantly and leaning in such a way that Arthur knew this was not the first time she had done it.

“Does everyone know everywhere here apart from me?”

“Your bad luck for normally being the unconscious one. Hard luck, mate.” Gwaine clapped him on the shoulder as he walked past the desk. “I’m next on duty for guarding that lover boy of yours. I’m assuming you’re coming back up?”

“Ooh, I’m coming,” Morgana seemed to be listening to both conversations. She hopped off the desk and said goodbye to Gwen with the promise of catching up later. Arthur wondered if he was the only one who noticed how Morgana eyed Lancelot, then turned back to Gwen and nodded. Gwen blushed and Arthur gaped. Somehow, with neither of them actually saying any words about it, Morgana had picked up that the receptionist and the policeman had been eyeing each other up.

“You have no reason to come up, Morgana. It’s early, why don’t you go home…”

“Nonsense. I can come for a visit before I have to go to work, it fits perfectly. Lead on, Gwaine.”

“Certainly, My Lady.”  Arthur didn’t need to worry about warning his friend off his sister. Morgana simply punched him on the arm before looping her own through it and the pair of them led the way. Arthur watched in growing horror.

“If you’re that serious about Merlin you’d go against my orders and risk your career, then I think it is only fair you let your sister meet him, don’t you?”

Leon followed the pair and Lancelot brushed past Arthur as he followed suit. Arthur could only stare after them, feeling unfairly outnumbered.

“I’d move before she gets in there if I were you,” Gwen didn’t look up from the notes she was beginning type as Arthur just stood there. It took a moment for her words to sink in, but then Arthur realised the horror of the situation and ran after them. He was just in time to slip into the elevator.

“I’m surprised you knew the way to reception,” Leon teased and Arthur glanced away in order to hide his blush. However, he could no longer hide anything; not now his sister was here.

“Oh he didn’t. He got lost and just stumbled across it, didn’t you?”

“Shut up,” Arthur muttered, but he knew the teasing wouldn’t stop until they reached Merlin’s room. Arthur half expected them to all try and enter en mass, but he was the only one who stepped forward when they reached the door.

“I thought you were coming?”

“Guard duty, mate, I’m out here,” Gwaine muttered as he and Lancelot took up position. Leon gestured to the man who had previously been on duty and the pair of them walked down the corridor, talking quietly. Arthur knew that Leon would have been after a report for anything that happened – or not as the case might be – overnight. Arthur looked to Morgana.

“Aren’t you coming in?”

“Why don’t you see if he is awake first?”

Arthur could only gape at her for a moment. She sounded almost nervous, as if she didn’t know what to expect. Arthur suddenly realised she didn’t. He had never met anyone he was serious about before, and had certainly never introduced anyone to his almost-sister before. Morgana knew his type in theory, but Arthur had never confirmed or denied her guesses.

And now she was meeting the first person that Arthur had ever felt like he was falling for. After said person had been landed in hospital by a maniac who seemed to have an unknown reason for wanting to get to Arthur. And even that aside, Arthur had met Merlin out on the streets. She was a city girl through and through, used to having someone to call at the touch of a button if something should get awkward.

Arthur couldn’t quite believe this was happening. Instead of dwelling on it, he slipped through the door.

Merlin’s eyes opened as he entered.

“Wh’s my c’fe?” He slurred, clearly not yet awake.

“How did you know I was going to get coffee?”

“It’s what you always go to get first thing in the morning,” Merlin responded clearer this time as he swallowed and tried to sit up. Arthur quickly moved across to help him, not even trying to deny the smile on his face. How could he when Merlin was right? He had been worried that he had hidden too much from Merlin for the man to truly know any of his quirks and habits the way Arthur did for him. But it seemed his fears were unnecessary. He had let enough of his true personality slip through during their time together that Merlin knew him better than Arthur realised he did.

“Not sure your doctor will be happy about you being on the coffee just yet. Although I hear you’re getting room service. Nice change from having to hunt it down for once, right?”

“As long as they give me coffee,” Merlin grumbled as he continued to sit himself up. He batted away Arthur’s helping hand, clearly determined to do it by himself. “But if not bringing me coffee is not the reason why you look guilty, then what is it?”

“I might have brought you something else instead,” Arthur muttered, grimacing as he did so. Merlin glanced at him, clearly trying to work out whether he should be worried or not.

Arthur glanced around as the door began to open and knew that he had run out of time. He sighed, sitting down on the edge of the bed. He knew if he were to take the chair, Morgana would just tip him out of it.

“Arthur?” she called, clearly wanting to come in but waiting for him to tell her it was okay. Arthur did just that, knowing he couldn’t put it off. Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to face Merlin’s inquisitive expression.

“I brought you my sister.”


	12. Chapter 12

Arthur didn’t know what he was expecting to happen with having Morgana and Merlin in the same room. At the back of his mind, a thought about the world imploding made itself known. Arthur ignored it. At least if that happened, he wouldn’t have to worry about Cendred.

Right now, Arthur wasn’t sure if he would be given the chance to think of anything other than stopping Merlin and Morgana killing each other.

Morgana simply pushed past him as if he wasn’t there, despite their arms brushing against each other. She instantly moved one of the chairs closer to Merlin and sat down elegantly. Arthur could see Merlin staring at her. He couldn’t blame him. Not only was Morgana incredibly beautiful, there was a certain aura of power and authority that followed her into the room. No one could deny she was a woman in control, and considering Merlin knew this was the person who had protected Arthur as a child, he clearly wasn’t sure how to react.

“Merlin,” Morgana said bluntly, watching him shrewdly.

“Play nice,” Arthur groaned. There was a reason why he never let his sister meet any of the people he was interested in. He had done so once; his first proper boyfriend. Arthur had never learnt what Morgana had hissed in his ear that evening, but the bloke had disappeared shortly afterwards, mumbling something only about wanting to have some fun.

Arthur might not know the exact words his sister had said, but he got the gist. Morgana had somehow realised that while Arthur’s heart was in the relationship, the other man had only been in it for the sex. Whatever she had said had made him realise using Arthur was not going to get him anywhere.

Considering Merlin was weak in a hospital bed, Arthur found himself worried of what was going to happen. It wasn’t as if Merlin could run for it if Morgana became threatening. But what Arthur hadn’t expected was for Morgana to pick up Merlin’s hand and kiss the back of it.

“Thank you.”

“For what?” Merlin looked as confused as Arthur felt. When Merlin glanced towards him, clearly after some sort of signal about what was going on, Arthur could only shrug. He had no idea.

“Making him work for what he wants and admit to being wrong occasionally,” Morgana said primly. Merlin’s face lit up and Arthur groaned even as he felt a blush working its way across his face. Something told him that in that instant the two of them had just united themselves.

What worried Arthur more was he had a feeling it was partly against him. He knew they both cared for him – even Merlin was admitting it now – but he was the first to acknowledge he had not handled the situation with Merlin well and he was under no illusions they would now find a way to make him pay for it. He didn’t see how that was fair; he couldn’t handle it considering Merlin had just run. How could he deal with something that wasn’t there?

He stayed the other side of the room, giving them a little privacy. He didn’t want to leave though, not until he knew Merlin was truly going to be okay. Arthur had never really witnessed him interacting with other people, especially in a safe environment when he didn’t have to worry about keeping his guard up. But it didn’t take long before Arthur had to admit Merlin could handle Morgana.

They were already giggling over something together and Arthur felt something tug in his gut as he looked at them. For the first time since he could remember, it wasn’t any form of jealousy or worry. It was fondness. Here were the two people that – currently, at least – he cared most about.

And they were getting on.

He wasn’t sure he could ask for more than that right now and there was a small smile on Arthur’s face as he watched them. Once he was sure Merlin wasn’t about to suddenly scream for help, he slipped out the door to give them some proper privacy.

“Has she eaten him alive yet?” Gwaine asked, his eyes sparkling from where he was leaning against the wall. Arthur grinned, feeling more relaxed than he had done for weeks. He couldn’t go home and seemed to have a killer after him without having the slightest clue as why. But right now, it was almost as if that didn’t matter. Morgana approved of Merlin; Arthur couldn’t ask for anything more right now.

“Yep,” he responded cheerfully, “she’s digesting the bones as we speak, you better get in there and arrest her for hurting the man you were supposed to be guarding.”

Gwaine pulled a face at him in retaliation and Arthur resisted the overwhelming urge to just burst out laughing. Despite his relief, he wasn’t entirely sure whether it was hysterics threatening to come forth; his rollercoaster of emotions were beginning to catch up on him a little bit.

“Where are you off too?” Lancelot asked, his kind eyes reflecting the inner knowledge he knew Arthur wasn’t holding it together quite as well as he was pretending. Arthur swallowed the laughter.

“To find something to eat,” he said honestly. Now he knew there were people here who would truly protect Merlin, he realised how starved he was. It wasn’t that he hadn’t trusted the officer on duty overnight; he knew Leon would have picked the best. But Gwaine, Lancelot and Morgana would all look out for Merlin for a different reason than it just being their job. They would protect him because of what he meant to Arthur. Arthur knew Merlin was safe.

“Bring me some chocolate,” Gwaine ordered, straightening as up as he continued to keep watch. Arthur nodded, determined he was going to get the biggest bar he could find after everything the man had done for him over the last few weeks.

Despite getting lost twice on the way down, Arthur eventually found the hospital cafeteria. He wasn’t sure what the food would be like, but he was so hungry he would take anything. To his delight, it wasn’t just edible; it was nice.

After demolishing the first course, Arthur was slowly picking his way through pudding, a large cup of tea on the table in front of him when he saw someone else enter. Leon made a beeline straight for him, but Arthur didn’t move. He hadn’t finished yet, he knew there would be no rush. His boss slipped into the seat opposite him. There was a collection of files under his arm that he slipped onto the table. Arthur glanced at them, but didn’t say anything. Leon would tell him what he needed to know at the right time, that was how the man worked.

“How are you feeling?”

“Far more human,” gesturing to his plate, Arthur watched as Leon relaxed. He knew food had always been the way to get through to Arthur and that he was being truthful when he said he was feeling better. Arthur sighed, knowing if he didn’t do this now he would never have the courage.

“When… when all of this is over, are you going to fire me?”

“You’re my best undercover agent, Arthur, why would I do that?”

“I haven’t exactly been the model agent,” Arthur muttered, finding he was staring at the table and feeling like a scolded schoolboy rather than a man used to dangerous situations. He glanced up to find Leon watching him sympathetically.

“Everyone has a bad mission, Arthur, it’s expected. And you can’t help who you fall in love with. For you, both things just happened to occur at the same time on the same mission. You still took down Cendred like your object stated. You completed your mission. The whole point of you being undercover is that we don’t ask how you reach your target, only that you do.”

“Who wanted me to take the mission in the first place?” Arthur didn’t realise it was something he had been thinking until now. But he wasn’t the only undercover agent the police force hired and he certainly wasn’t the only one who would have been able to handle the three months on the street.

Was it just coincidence he had been given the mission to catch someone who seemed to have links to his past? Would Merlin have been beaten up if it hadn’t been Arthur who had arrested Cendred the first time around? If it had been someone else, this might be over by now.

Leon looked taken aback by the question and didn’t answer for a moment. Arthur knew he was trying to remember the name printed on the bottom of the order slip when it had arrived on his desk and announced he had to send his young friend out into danger again.

“Someone high up. Someone by the name of Aggravaine I believe.”

“I thought the orders normally came from Odin?”

“They do. There must have been an office shuffle. Or maybe Aggravaine has had dealings with Cendred in the past? Or he was the one to receive an original tip off? You know how these things are, Arthur, there could be a hundred reasons why.”

“Or he knew Cendred was linked to my past and either wanted me to find out the truth or wanted Cendred to know about me so he could finish what he started the night he murdered my parents.”

Arthur knew he was speaking bluntly. Leon had been patient with him and Arthur knew he was walking a fine line.

“I won’t fire you because of your behaviour on the case. But if you start throwing accusations like that around, you know it will end up out of my reach.” There was a warning note in Leon’s voice this time and Arthur knew he had pushed it too far. He sighed, running a hand through his hair and pulling his tea towards him. He stayed quiet. He wasn’t entirely convinced the hysterics had gone either and he didn’t want to fall apart in front of Leon.

Morgana was the only person who was ever allowed to see him lower his defences.

And maybe Merlin. Arthur just wasn’t sure if they had got there just yet.

“That wasn’t what I came down here to talk to you about, anyway,” Leon muttered, sounding resigned. It was like he knew Arthur wouldn’t let this go but he refused to talk about it sitting in a hospital restaurant where anyone could overhear them.

Arthur glanced up, not trusting his voice. Leon slid a couple of the files towards him. Arthur’s hand instantly reached for them but he stopped himself before flicking them open. Instead, he glanced back at Leon, waiting for permission. The man nodded and Arthur turned the cover.

Then instantly opened the second one with a thudding heart.

His parents.

Leon had handed him the notes on the case of his parent’s murder.

“I never said I didn’t believe you,” the man said gently. “I just said that we had no evidence. I know you; I know you won’t let this go. After Cendred’s behaviour since his initial arrest, it’s got me thinking. Perhaps you are right; maybe he did pay someone to take the fall. But unless either Cendred confesses or we find evidence to prove him guilty, we’ve got nothing to go on. I want you to go over the old case notes, see if you can find something we might miss. I need you to be objective though, Arthur. Are you up for it?”

“Yes, Sir,” Arthur whispered, finding that he was transfixed by the image of his mother. It had been years since he had last seen a photograph of her. There was one at the flat, Morgana had insisted he kept the picture he used to take everywhere with him. But Arthur had it face down in a drawer.

He couldn’t face her. Not when he was an active member of the police force and yet he had never been able to discover why she had been killed.

Now, however, Arthur found himself taking a deep breath as he stared at her. He could face her now. He was going to find out why she had died and whether Cendred was behind it or not.

The scraping of a chair made him realise that Leon was standing up, preparing to leave. Arthur looked up, ready to deny his eyes were watering. His friend didn’t say anything, however, but just leant over and squeezed Arthur’s shoulder gently.

“I’m going to help you get to the bottom of this,” he promised, tucking the remaining files under his arm. Arthur wasn’t sure whether he just happened to be carrying them, or whether he thought that Arthur wasn’t ready to handle their contents yet.

“I won’t let you down,” Arthur murmured, watching as Leon walked away. He continued to just sit there, his mind whirring after Leon had left. Merlin was in good hands right now, he knew Morgana would keep him entertained now Merlin had met her approval. They probably wouldn’t even notice Arthur wasn’t there.

Arthur knew it wasn’t fair on anyone if he returned while his head was all over the place quite so much.

Instead, Arthur snapped himself to attention. Downing the rest of the tea, he placed the mug to one side and yanked his father’s file towards him. He left the one on his mother open, however, feeling her eyes watching him from the small photograph paper-clipped to the top of the documents.

Arthur had never felt so driven before. Part of the reason why he was so good at undercover was that although he could sit still for hours if the situation dictated it, he hated the paperwork normal officers had to complete with every arrest. With Arthur’s role, he only had one - albeit long - report to file at the end of each case every few weeks at most. Files, reports, paperwork – it all bored him when he knew he could be doing better things like actually catching the bad guys.

But this time, he didn’t notice anything that was going on around him. A young family entered the café; the children squabbling loudly. But Arthur didn’t hear them. Whoever had handled this case had been thorough for the notes were detailed and every question that Arthur felt arising in his mind was subsequently answered. It would make it harder to find something that didn’t add up, but Arthur was going to get to the bottom of this. At least he knew it wasn’t the police being lazy that had potentially led to his parent’s killer escaping justice.

Yet no matter how thorough they had been, Arthur was sure that was what had happened. He was convinced that Cendred had something to do with this. It didn’t matter how many files he had to read, Arthur was determined to find out precisely what had happened all those years ago.

MMM

Arthur didn’t know where the next day went. But he did know he didn’t leave the hospital. Leon had promised him that he had men watching the flat. After much begging on Arthur’s part, Leon finally agreed that if things seemed quiet, he would send them in to fetch Aithusa. Something told Arthur it wasn’t the fact he was almost on his knees asking this of the man, it was that Morgana got involved. As soon as she added her voice to the argument, Leon crumbled. Arthur would have said it was unfair if it wasn’t for the fact that he knew his cat would soon be safe.

Merlin was still weak, yet was healing. Elyan was reporting directly to Arthur out of earshot, claiming his bruises were healing well but he was still worried about Merlin’s weight and general lack of nutrition. But no one could deny another night’s sleep without fear and strict meal times were already beginning to work their magic. There was a sparkle back in Merlin’s eye.

But Arthur knew it wasn’t only food and sleep that had Merlin smiling. He had seen that sparkle before. It had been almost constantly present when things had been going well between them when Arthur was still on the streets. It appeared Merlin was expressive with his emotions despite the streets making him closed off. If he was happy, they knew. Likewise if something was bothering him.

That was why Arthur knew as soon as he entered the man’s room that something was wrong. He had been back in the cafeteria, determined to try and make some sort of progress through his parents’ files. So far, he had learnt more than he ever thought he would about his deceased family, but nothing that hinted towards Cendred being involved. Arthur was determined to get to the bottom of it though and after making sure the files were secure in the bottom of his bag, he had returned to Merlin’s side.

“What’s wrong?” Arthur could feel the air almost sparking from Merlin as soon as he entered the room. Merlin shook his head, beckoning Arthur closer. Arthur obliged and Merlin reacted. Before Arthur could do anything, Merlin had seized a fistful of his shirt and dragged him closer, kissing him passionately. One hand landed awkwardly on the bed as Arthur tried to support himself, but he found the other was automatically cupping Merlin’s cheek as he returned it.

Eventually, Merlin pulled away.

“Get me out of here,” he whispered, raw emotion apparent in his voice. Arthur nodded, his mind reeling, before he realised what Merlin had said and instantly took a step back.

“You know I can’t, Merlin, you still need care…”

“I’ve never felt so trapped,” Merlin moaned, gesturing to the room around him. “Before I stayed at yours the other day the longest I’ve spent in a building was a shop. I feel like I can’t breathe in here, Arthur. You have to get me out.”

“You’re ill.”

“Then get them to let you take me for a walk if that’s what you would prefer. God, I sound like a dog, but if that is what it takes…Please, Arthur.”

Arthur had a feeling that if he refused, Merlin would find a way of getting himself out. In a way, Arthur could understand where he was coming from. Despite the hardships, there was something exhilarating with living on the streets and knowing there were no sort of boundaries or restrictions about where they could or couldn’t go. Some places were not wise to venture into, but it wasn’t as if there was a wall stopping them. Merlin had been on the streets for years now, and was suddenly finding himself shut permanently in the room.

Kissing his forehead, Arthur promised he would be right back as he went to find Elyan. He was the only one Arthur would trust to do what was best for Merlin.

It didn’t take long to find him and Arthur was quick to highlight the problem. To his surprise, Elyan agreed.

“He’ll have to be in a wheelchair, I’m not sure he is strong enough for a romantic stroll yet. And even if he is, I would prefer he didn’t realise that for another day or so, I want him to get more rest. And I must insist you accompany him.”

“As if I was going to let anyone else.”

“Oh I don’t mean because of him. I’ve been thinking of a way all morning to try and kick you out to get some fresh air.” Elyan walked away, leaving Arthur staring after him and a grin unfurling on his face.

Elyan was beginning to become close friends with Gwaine and Lancelot, and Arthur could see why. He had the same approach to getting what he wanted. Still with a smile on his face, Arthur snagged the nearest wheelchair and quickly made his way back to Merlin, quite pleased with himself he managed to do so without getting lost.

He had expected a fight over the wheelchair. But Merlin seemed to understand this was the only way he was going to get out of the room. He was clearly too desperate to leave he wasn’t going to argue it. Arthur had a feeling the next time they tried going out, however, Merlin would be a little more vocal.

“Where are you going?”

“Around the gardens,” Arthur kept his voice confident as he stared at Gwaine. The man was watching them with a frown on his face, having stepped forward to block the corridor when Arthur had wheeled Merlin out. “He needs fresh air, doctor’s orders.”

“I’m not…” Gwaine trailed off, glancing to Lancelot for help. Arthur knew it did make guarding a little harder when they couldn’t just stand in front of a door. But Cendred hadn’t approached the hospital. From what Arthur had gathered, there had been no sign of him at the flat either. It was as if the man had vanished.

Arthur knew it could be a trick to get them to let their guard down. But he also knew if they kept themselves penned up then they were doing Cendred’s work for him. Arthur had learnt one thing from the notes in the files; his parents hadn’t cowered before anyone and Arthur refused to let them down. Elyan had insisted both he and Merlin needed air and Arthur was going to make sure they got it.

“Why don’t you just come too?” Merlin suddenly said, making Arthur stare at him. He had never spoken up in front of Gwaine and Lancelot before, clearly realising these were Arthur’s friends. It was as if he didn’t know what to say to them. Gwaine again glanced at Lance, who shrugged and nodded his agreement.

While part of Arthur had wanted Merlin to himself, he couldn’t deny it was a good idea. His friends looked drawn and tired, and Arthur knew they too could benefit from spending some time outside. In a way, they were the same as Merlin. They were used to roaming the streets every day, being out and about rather than standing in the same corridor hour after hour and being suspicious of anyone they didn’t know.

So it was four men who made their way down to the gardens and Arthur instantly felt a huge weight lift from his shoulders as the sunlight caressed his face. The air was fresh and cold; it was a beautiful winter’s day. Arthur embraced the cold, allowing it to chase away the stuffiness in his head. Winter had taken hold in the few days Arthur had spent cooped up inside.

 It had only been a couple of days, but it felt like forever since Merlin had been flung at his doorstep. It took about five seconds before Gwaine had cracked a joke and another ten seconds before Lancelot had hit him for something.

Arthur smiled.

He pushed Merlin through the gardens. Lancelot and Gwaine gave them some space. Arthur knew they would still be in sight, but it seemed the pair wanted the chance to just breathe a little as well. Arthur knew they would not normally be the type of police given guard duty, but considering their personal involvement with the case, they had clearly volunteered.

“Guard duty doesn’t suit them, does it?” Merlin spoke quietly, making Arthur jump.

“No. They prefer chasing down criminals than standing in a corridor.”

“They must care for you a great deal.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Well, I doubt it is hardly my charming personality that had them opting to stand in a corridor considering they arrested me the last time we met.”

Arthur stopped the chair, having found a suntrap in the garden with a low bench. Swivelling Merlin around, he put the brake on before sitting on the bench himself. He grimaced slightly at Merlin’s words.

“You know that was my idea, don’t you?”

“They still listened to you,” there was no anger in Merlin’s voice, but something that sounded almost wistful.

“Are you alright?”

“Did you know you’re the first proper friend I’ve had since I was ten,” Merlin suddenly blurted out. It sounded as if he had been thinking about it for a while and Arthur found his hand moving of its own accord as he took Merlin’s and gave them a reassuring squeeze.

“Just the first in a long line waiting for you to be introduced to,” he said sincerely, believing what he was saying. He knew being on the streets immediately made people suspicious of each other. But he couldn’t fathom how someone couldn’t instantly like Merlin the second they set eyes on him. Arthur had been closed off and more than prepared to stay that way when they had met, and yet somehow Merlin had wormed his way through his defences. He had been a brat to Arthur, and still Arthur had found himself caring.

“You’re such a dreamer,” Merlin teased. Arthur just smiled. He could see what being in the sun was doing to the man. Merlin had almost seemed to light up from inside and Arthur knew his deep breathing was nothing to do with his injuries but Merlin trying to fill his lungs with as much fresh air as possible.

Then, before Arthur could stop him, Merlin stood up.

“Wha-?” Arthur could only gape as Merlin slid onto the bench next to him, taking his hand.

“I do have ears, you know. I’ve heard what the doctors have been saying. They’re keeping me in to give me a chance, aren’t they?”

Arthur knew there had been too many lies between them and he nodded. “They are still worried about your injuries. But Elyan thinks you are underweight, malnourished and almost clinically exhausted. Well, he did… I think he is already happy about the fact that you’ve slept on your own accord both nights. I think he was going to drug you if you didn’t.”

“Why would he bother? Don’t they want the bed for someone who actually needs it?”

“You do.”

“I’m fine.”

“In this weather?” Arthur gestured to around them and Merlin seemed to realise what he was getting at as a small shiver rocked his body. Arthur didn’t think; he reacted. He pulled Merlin close and draped his arm around his shoulder, trying to keep him warm.

“There are good people in the world who just want to help,” he murmured into Merlin’s hair. He knew it had been a long time since Merlin had met someone who would want to help without having some sort of motive. “He thinks if he lets you go, you’ll end up straight back out there and be back in hospital with pneumonia a day later.”

“And will I?”

“Will you what? Get pneumonia? I don’t know.”

“No-,” Merlin laughed slightly as he thumped Arthur on the arm. “Will I end up back on the streets? Would you let me?”

Arthur stared at him, somehow reading between the lines of what Merlin was saying. It seemed that now he had acknowledged properly how he was feeling about Arthur, Merlin was revaluating all of his prior standards. If Arthur wasn’t mistaken, Merlin was admitting that this time, he would let Arthur help if it meant they could be together away from the dangers of the street.

“I would keep you safe in any way I knew how,” Arthur admitted, ducking his head and lightly kissing him. Merlin made signs of wanting to deepen it, but Arthur turned his head away slightly.

“But right now, being safe means being away from me.”

“Arthur…”

“They could have killed you that night if they had wanted more information that you didn’t know to give. How do you think I would have felt if you had been killed because of me? Damnit, Merlin, its bad enough you were hurt. Safety is not with me right now. I’m sorry.”

Arthur ran a hand through his hair in frustration. He wanted to keep Merlin safe more than anything. But he knew right now, the less contact Merlin had with him, the safer he would be. His head and heart were in conflict about the best course of action.

“Hey,” Merlin’s palm was on his cheek. Arthur didn’t think the man had ever been the one to initiate such a tender touch. He exerted a little pressure until Arthur had no choice but to turn his head and look at him. Merlin smiled, courage almost rolling from him.

“Then we’re going to make it safe again.”

When he lent forward and kissed Arthur gently, Arthur found that he was letting it happen this time, not wanting to break away. But for some reason, something made him keep his eyes open. Slowly, his head tilted to one side and he drew back just a fraction. Something had caught his eye.

“What is it?” Merlin seemed to have sensed the tension that had suddenly shot through Arthur rather than believing that he was simply pulling away from the kiss.

“I think we’re being watched,” Arthur murmured. He leant forward, pretending to kiss Merlin’s neck as a way of changing his angle slightly without giving away he knew they had an audience. The change was enough. Arthur felt his heart skip a beat and he stood abruptly.

“Get back inside,” he hissed, glancing around for Gwaine and Lancelot. They _were_ being watched.

By someone who had a gun trained directly at them.


	13. Chapter 13

Arthur lurched to his feet, knowing this was not the time for subtlety. He had to make sure that he could gain Lancelot and Gwaine’s attention somehow, to let them know they were in trouble. Merlin was shifting next to him and to Arthur’s surprise, he slid back into the wheelchair. Somehow, without taking his eyes off the gun, Arthur managed to gesture to Merlin enough to ask what he was doing.

“You can move me quicker like this,” Merlin explained. Arthur had been expected an argument with Merlin being determined he could walk fine. But it seemed he understood the danger they were in and knew Arthur was in no position to fight back this time. He didn’t know who was there, he had no back up along the way unless his friends happened to look over and he had nothing to defend himself with. There were times when retreat was the only option available and now was one of those occasions.

Arthur jumped over the bench to save a precious few seconds to get to Merlin’s side. His heart skipped a beat when he realised the gun had moved. He had no idea where the person had gone and he had no intention of waiting around to find out.

They had to get out of here.

Cursing the fact that the bench was hidden by a rosebush, Arthur moved quickly. For all he knew, his friends could be dead. Or they could be quite happily chatting away without having a clue that anything was wrong. Arthur told himself he would have heard the sound of a struggle, clung onto hope and rounded the corner.

Only to find he had just realised where the gunman had gone. He was waiting for him. A thuggish looking man, 6ft tall with broad shoulders and an ugly sneer on his face. Arthur didn’t really care what he looked like apart from the fact that it was stirring something in his memory. He had more important things to worry about right now. Namely the gun gesturing for him to step away from the wheelchair.

Merlin sucked in a sharp breath and Arthur risked glancing at him. He had gone paler than usual.

“It’s him,” he whispered, clearly not caring if their attacker heard him. “He was there when… he…”

Merlin didn’t seem to be able to finish his sentence, but Arthur didn’t need him to. This was one of the men who had landed the man he loved in hospital. Arthur obediently stepped away from the wheelchair and raised his hands until they were level with his head, trying to portray he could do no harm.

It was all an act.

He just needed the man to come closer.

Luck was on his side for his opponent stepped closer, forcing Arthur to take a few steps away from the path and back towards the bushes. Arthur knew he was trying to make sure they were out of sight, but he didn’t let that deter him. He was watching the man closely, eyes calculating his every move as he waited for his moment.

“Why does Cendred want me?” Arthur demanded, wondering if he could at least get some answers while he waited for the man to come a little closer. The man just jeered at him and didn’t say anything, instead jabbing his gun in Arthur’s ribs. Realising this was as good as he was going to get, Arthur dropped his arms from their surrender position.

Instead, he brought one slamming into the man’s neck, twisting his body away at the same time to make sure it was out of line with the gun. Sinking his knee into the man’s stomach, he then chopped down with the other hand and cracked the man’s wrist, forcing the gun onto the floor. Arthur made to bend down towards it, but the man took him by surprise and charged him, catching him around the waist. Arthur made sure he held on as they both went flying into the bushes.

What happened next, he wasn’t sure. There was a fierce struggle and he knew at one moment he was winning. But the next, the man somehow had him flat out on the floor, straddling him so that Arthur’s arms were trapped by his sides and the man’s hands around his throat.

“You’re going to come with me quietly or I’m going to strangle you right here, understand?” The man snarled. His voice was grating and rough; it matched his looks perfectly. There was one flaw in his plan, however. Arthur couldn’t agree or disagree; he couldn’t breathe.

But before that started to become too much of an issue, the man’s eyes suddenly widened in surprise. It was almost comic how he pitched off Arthur in slow motion before lying still. He was half sprawled across Arthur, who angrily shoved him off, massaging his throat before looking up to see what had happened.

Merlin was standing there, the discarded gun in his hands. By the way he was holding in and how silent everything had been, he had clearly brought the butt crashing down on the man’s head.

“Guess he wasn’t as thick headed as I thought,” Merlin quipped, offering down a hand to help Arthur up. Arthur let it happen, staring at him.

“I thought…”

“You thought I was some weak invalid?” Merlin asked, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to Arthur’s lips. “You really didn’t understand street life then, did you? Few deceptions here and there, especially appearing weak, was the easiest way to make people feel for you. He didn’t think I was a problem, he probably didn’t realise I could stand. Why else did you think I got back into the wheelchair?”

Arthur could only stare at him before a laugh burst out of his chest. There was an edge of hysteria to it but he couldn’t stop himself. He had been worried all of this time about protecting Merlin, especially after the beating. But he had never once stopped to think about how well Merlin could protect himself. One didn’t practically grow up on the streets without learning how to survive.

“What? What’s funny?” Merlin looked slightly alarmed as Arthur continued to laugh, but the blond couldn’t stop himself even if he wanted to. He shook his head, trying to explain. Before he could do so, Gwaine and Lancelot finally came charging around the corner, only to stop with a curse when they saw what greeted them.

“What the hell happened?” Gwaine demanded, checking the unconscious body carelessly before wrestling the man’s arms behind him and handcuffing them. Lancelot had taken one look at the scene, pulled out his phone and had begun talking urgently into it. Arthur wouldn’t have been the slightest bit surprised if it was Leon on the other end.

“Cendred got bored of waiting for me to walk into his trap and decided to come and get me. If it wasn’t for Merlin, he might have done,” Arthur rubbed his neck as he finished speaking, realising just how tight the man’s grip had been.

“Well, thanks, mate,” Gwaine muttered, clapping Merlin on the shoulder. Merlin nodded with a grin and Arthur knew he had just won the respect of his friends. No longer was Merlin the man Arthur had fallen for and risked everything, no longer was he the reason why Arthur was acting like a love sick teenager. He was the man who had saved their friend when they had been unable to do so.

“We need to get back inside,” Lancelot said quietly, his voice ringing with authority. Arthur took a step around Merlin.

“Other way.”

“I’m just getting the-,”

“Oh no you’re not,” Merlin quickly blocked his path. “My trick might have worked once but if you think I’m going to let you wheel me back in there like some sort of infirm, you’ve got another thing coming, Pendragon.”

Arthur grinned, remembering how the last time Merlin had attempted to use his surname, he had ended up knocking Arthur out after discovering another lie. They had come a long way from there. Knowing that arguing would be pointless – Merlin had that glint in his eye that meant he wouldn’t be backing down – Arthur let his hand curl around Merlin’s and set off the right way to the hospital.

Gwaine stayed with their prisoner while Lancelot seemed determined to check every room and corner they passed, trusting nothing. Arthur let him do it; he knew the man was going to be insufferable enough as it was about the one time Arthur leaving the hospital, he gets attacked. It was easier to let him work some of his protection out of his system by double checking a corner three times before they were allowed to go around it. All Arthur was truly focusing on, however, was the feeling of Merlin’s hand in his.

Eventually, they made it back to Merlin’s room. All three of them slipped inside, but Merlin simply sat cross legged on the bed. A slight quirk of his eyebrow dared Arthur to try and make him get back in, but Arthur didn’t rise to it. He was too busy noticing how the fresh air and the fight had finally brought colour blooming back to Merlin’s cheeks and given his eyes a sparkle. He looked gorgeous.

They didn’t get the chance to say anything before Elyan came bursting into the room, his face worried. He relaxed upon seeing Merlin sitting up and looking well. Arthur knew he was going to insist on examining his patient and he knew Merlin didn’t want that. He reached out a hand, wanting to talk to the doctor, only to draw Elyan’s attention onto him and the vivid bruises already beginning to show around his neck.

Before Arthur quite knew what was happening, he was being pushed onto a stool and the man was examining the damage carefully, asking Arthur all sorts of questions about his breathing and whether he had hit his head at all. Arthur let it happen. He knew he was actually rather lucky to be currently sitting in this room. And Elyan fussing over him was making Merlin laugh and that was good enough for Arthur.

Eventually, the doctor pulled away and muttered something about getting some ointment for the bruises. Realising this was his chance, Arthur followed him to the door.

“Elyan, about Merlin and your plan to look after him...” Arthur began, trying not to squirm at the look the man was giving him. “I don’t think it is going to work. Look how much better he looks for being outside. He’s not used to being kept inside, it’s not doing him any good. If his injuries have healed, discharge him, please.”

“From what I hear, you had him arrested just as a way of making sure he could get out of the cold for the night. Don’t you think it’s a bit ironic you now telling me to discharge him?”

“I was wrong,” Arthur admitted, realising how everything to do with Merlin he had handled wrong. “He can look after himself and he can survive. But I have no intention of just letting him go back onto the streets without helping. I care about him, I’m going to help him. But I’m going to do it the right way this time, and I know staying in a hospital bed that he doesn’t need isn’t the way to do it.”

He thought Elyan was going to argue, but then the man’s eyes dropped and he nodded.

“I need a second doctor to check him over first – hospital procedure. But if all seems fine, I’ll see what I can do. I’m holding you to that though, Arthur. Look after him, he’s a good bloke.”

“He is,” Arthur murmured as he watched Elyan walk away. Then he turned and went back into the room, pointedly telling Lancelot it was easier to protect them if he stopped anyone entering. His friend took his point, sighed and left. Arthur shut the door behind him, but he knew Lancelot was going to be little more than a step away.

“So...”

“So, I just saved your life,” Merlin’s eyes were glinting. Arthur knew he hadn’t been faking it for long, only since being outside. One couldn’t fake the sparkle in his expression or the fact that he was clearly fighting to keep a grin off his face.

“You did.”

“I think that means you owe me a kiss.”

“Does it now?” Arthur lent his hands on the bed, leant forward and gently kissed Merlin’s forehead. The look of annoyance on the man’s face when he drew back made Arthur laugh. Before he had the chance to move again, Merlin had reached behind him and thrown a pillow at him.

“Why kind of kiss do you call that? Is that how you repay someone for saving your life?”

Arthur caught the pillow with ease.

“No idea, never had someone save my life before,” he responded easily, once again leaning forward and this time pecking Merlin’s cheek.

“Is that better?” he asked innocently, knowing that his own eyes were sparkling with mischief now.

Merlin simply glared at him before grabbing the second pillow. He didn’t let go, but instead just batted it at Arthur who fought it off with his own pillow. It didn’t take long until Merlin was off the bed and the two of them were engaged in a pillow fight; the like of which Arthur hadn’t experienced since he was at least ten. That time, it had ended in a furious telling off from the dormitory leader.

This time, it ended up with him sprawled across the bed with Merlin on top of him, both pillows discarded somewhere on the floor.

“Shall I show you how it is done properly?” Merlin whispered. Arthur could only nod, his mind too preoccupied with the feel of Merlin’s body pressed against his. It didn’t matter that Cendred had sent someone for him. It didn’t matter that he could have been killed.

All that mattered was right now as Merlin leant down and kissed him, each swipe of his tongue deepening it and causing Arthur’s hands to entangle themselves in Merlin’s hair as he groaned into it. He could feel his blood sing.

And in that moment, Arthur knew. He knew that he couldn’t carry on hiding from Cendred while he desperately figured out why the man wanted him. Every day he did that put those he cared about, put _Merlin_ in more danger. If he ever wanted to have any sort of relationship with the man that didn’t pivot around danger and lies, he knew he had to end this as soon as he could.

Merlin finally pulled away, brushing his nose against Arthur’s for a moment before rolling off him. Arthur let himself casually play with Merlin’s hand even while he was planning. He knew what he had to do.

He had to go home.

MMM

“No. Absolutely not.”

“Leon, c’mon…”

“Arthur, I knew you could be an idiot, I never took you for suicidal.” Arthur glared up at his friend, who simply glared back. As soon as he had the idea of luring Cendred out in his head, Arthur had left the hospital, given his friends the slip – knowing they would insist of offering him some sort of protection – and made it to the station without a mishap. He thought the man who had attacked them in the gardens was a one off and he was right, no one had come after him on the streets with a gun.

Leon’s initial pleasure in seeing him had morphed into something that resembled horror when he realised why Arthur was there.

“Where am I supposed to go, Leon? Merlin’s being released from hospital in the next few days, I can’t hide out there. Or should I return to the streets with him? I was safer there than I’ve been since coming off the case.”

“Provisions can be made…”

“I’m not living in a safe house!”

“And I’m not using you as bait!” Leon rose to his feet as he spoke and Arthur could see the frustration in his friend’s eyes. The trouble was, none of them had a better idea of how to find Cendred, especially because they still didn’t know why he was after Arthur. Arthur forced himself to take a calming breath, knowing that losing his temper would just give Leon even more of an excuse to not let him do this.

“I’m not saying I’m just going to waltz in there. We’ll get people in, fill the flats around me with backup without him knowing. Install things in the flat; cameras, that sort of thing so I can be monitored.”

“And how are we supposed to get them in if he is watching the flat?” Leon asked drily, running a hand through his hair but sitting back down. Arthur knew that sign. It meant that – although he hated it – Leon was beginning to come around to his way of thinking.

“I go back out on duty and patrol the streets, looking for him. He won’t attack me from a distance. If he just wanted me dead, he would have shot me that day he killed Alvarr, he had more than one opening. I patrol but make sure I don’t engage. His attention will be on me, you can take the flat.”

“I don’t like putting you in this sort of danger.”

“You do every time you send me on a case,” Arthur said quietly, feeling guilty at Leon’s wince. He knew it was harsh, but he refused to spend the rest of his life in hiding while other people tried to take down Cendred. He wanted to know why the man wanted him dead. Despite having looked through the files, he still hadn’t come across anything that implicated Cendred in his parents’ murder. Arthur knew though, he could feel it in his gut.

“You don’t have a raging lunatic bent on killing you from the start there,” Leon muttered and Arthur knew he had won. There was a defeated air about his friend. Arthur slid from his seat, rounded the desk and rested a hand on Leon’s shoulder.

“It’s going to be alright. We’re going to catch this bastard and then everything is going to go back to how it was before I took this case.”

“Not everything,” Leon glanced at him pointedly and Arthur ignored the way he could feel himself beginning to blush.

“Not everything,” he admitted. There was no way he was about to let Merlin go, not considering the man seemed to have finally forgiven him for the lies. After all, he had saved Arthur’s life. “Talking of which, I should probably get back there before he leaves without telling me.”

“Do you think he would?”

Arthur was halfway to the door before he answered. He turned, flashing Leon a rueful grin.

“If he thinks it makes my life harder, then I can guarantee it.” Leon’s laugh followed him out of the building but Arthur felt his own smile slip as soon as he exited. Despite all his words, he was nervous. Even now, the idea of walking back to the hospital made his heart skip a beat.

He could do this. He was the best undercover officer of his age, the youngest ever to be initiated. He had taken down drug-rings, gangs, thieves and the odd murderer or two. He more than knew how to handle himself and refused to be afraid of simply walking down the street.

Then again, he had never had anyone personally after him before and Arthur rang for a cab before he could completely scare himself. He knew the driver, something which put his mind at ease even more and found that he was in a far better mood when he reached the hospital compared to when he had left the station. A ten minute drive of forcing himself to calm down and stop jumping at shadows tended to have that effect on someone.

Nodding to Gwen and exchanging a few words with the woman, Arthur quickly entered the lift to head up to Merlin’s room. It amused him that he could now do this walk with his eyes shut, and yet had been so helplessly lost beforehand. Of course, it helped that Lancelot always looked for any excuse to return to reception even to just smile at Gwen. Short of entertainment, Arthur had often gone too just to watch and tease afterwards.

A rush of affection for all of his friends surged through Arthur as the lift rose. He knew Lancelot and Gwaine must have pulled a few strings to be the ones on guard duty and Arthur knew they had done it for him. To make sure that, for once, he didn’t have to handle something alone. Especially as it was his heart on the line rather than just his physical well-being this time.

As soon as the lift doors opened, Arthur knew that something was wrong. It was his instinct to know, it was why he was good at his job. Sliding from the lift carefully, keeping his back against the wall, Arthur listened.

He couldn’t hear anything.

For a second, he relaxed.

Then he frowned.

Gwaine should be on duty at the moment, with Lancelot hanging around for a while. It was how they had done it for the last few days and those two never broke from a routine if they could help it. It was why they were such an effective team. But Gwaine didn’t know how to be quiet and Arthur knew he should have heard his friend making lewd jokes from here.

Something wasn’t right.

Keeping his back against the wall, Arthur slowly moved down the corridor. There were other rooms, but the ones between the lift and Merlin’s were empty. Arthur knew; he had been given permission to sleep in one of them after Elyan had grown tired of seeing him slouched in a chair.

Right now, however, Arthur couldn’t help but think it meant someone would have clear access to Merlin’s room without anyone raising the alarm before they got there.

Forcing himself to keep calm, Arthur kept moving. His hand itched to hold a weapon, or even his badge. Both had been a defence for him more than once in the past and it felt wrong to be knowingly approaching danger with no back up. But he had no choice. He needed to know if his instincts were right when they told him that something was wrong.

“Gwaine!”

They were.

Arthur hurried forward as soon as he saw his friend sprawled out on the floor. Now that he was closer, he could see Lancelot lying next to him. Both were out cold. Gingerly searching his friend for injuries, Arthur winced at the bloodied lump on the back of Gwaine’s head. Someone had approached him from behind.

Glancing over at Lancelot, Arthur saw the man’s bleeding nose and began putting it together. Someone had taken Gwaine by surprise from behind, then simply lashed out – possibly while Gwaine was still falling – and struck Lancelot so hard that he too had lost consciousness. Feeling sick, Arthur turned towards Merlin’s door.

It was slightly ajar.

Groping in Gwaine’s belt, he let out a sigh of relief at feeling the man’s gun was still there and quickly drew it into his hand. Feeling marginally better at the fact he could at least shoot back, Arthur rose to his feet and stretched out a shaky hand. The door was silent as it swung open, and the room beyond was the same.

Merlin wasn’t there.

Regardless of what he had said to Leon about Merlin just upping and leaving, Arthur knew that was not what had happened this time. The chairs were knocked over and the bedding so crumpled that Arthur knew there had been a struggle, and a desperate one at that.

Someone had taken him.

And Arthur knew who.

Considering Cendred seemed determined to catch him, Arthur had a feeling he knew where Cendred would have taken him as well. Arthur had just made to step from the room when his phone ringing made him jump.

Glancing at the caller ID, Arthur sighed.

“Leon,” his voice was trembling as she spoke and Arthur knew his old friend would pick up on it.

“You know then,” Leon said, his voice lined with sympathy. Arthur made a noise in the back of his throat that sounded like a confirmation, but he couldn’t be sure. That’s what Leon took it as.

“We’re going to find her, Arthur, I promise. One of the neighbours rang in a disturbance but by the time the boys got there…”

“Wait,” Arthur felt as if a hand was squeezing his throat, restricting his breathing. He somehow managed to find the end of Merlin’s bed and shakily sat down on it. “What are you talking about?”

“Morgana. She’s gone missing, Arthur. What are you talking about?”

“So has Merlin,” Arthur whispered, feeling a tear slide down his face. Morgana. Merlin.

He had to get them back.

“Could he have-,”

“No. Lancelot and Gwaine are out cold. The room’s a mess. It was a struggle.”

“Arthur, I want you to stay there,” Leon ordered. By the sounds of movement, he was getting up from his desk. “Stay with Lance and Gwaine. See what they can tell you when they come round….”

Arthur didn’t hang up. He just let the phone slide from his hand as he stared at the wall in shock. It was bizarre enough that Cendred seemed to be coming after him as it was, especially as it was only suspicion on Arthur’s part that linked him with the murders of his parents. But to have someone that desperate to gain his attention that he would kidnap the people closest to him?

Gwaine had always teased that Arthur’s life – meaning his career – was something from a film. Now, however, he couldn’t help but feel it was a horror.

Arthur felt as if he was in some sort of trance as he moved back towards the door, crouching down next to his friends. He could hear his own voice yelling for help, but it was coming from a long way away. He didn’t even stop yelling when people surrounded them and he felt hands pulling him away.

“Come on, Arthur, let the doctors do their work.”

“Percival?” Arthur knew that voice, and managed to focus his attention enough to confirm that it was indeed his friend who had a gentle hold on him. “What are you doing here?”

“Trading notes with Elyan,” Percival muttered. Despite himself, Arthur smiled.

“You like him.” Percival blushed, confirming Arthur’s theory. But then his eyes found Gwaine and Lance again as people surged around them, all snapping orders, trying to help and generally seeming to get in each other’s way.

“He’s taken him, Perce.”

“I know, Leon just briefed me.”

“He’s taken him and I need to get him back.” Arthur was standing before he knew he was moving, his body acting of its own accord. He must have done it with some force considering he had broken free of Percival’s hold, but the man quickly followed him up.

“You need to stay here and wait for backup, Arthur. You don’t even know where he will be.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Arthur, don’t do this.”

“He’s taken him and he’s taken Morgana. I’m going to get them back, Percival.” Anger finally took the place of hysteria and Arthur felt calm and focused. This feeling was what he had been waiting for, and he knew nothing was going to stop him now.

Percival, unfortunately, tried. He reached out and took Arthur’s wrists in a gentle hold. “Why don’t you come with me and we’ll see what we can find out?”

Arthur let himself be led a few steps, partly to drop Percival’s guard and partly to make sure they were too far for anyone else to try and help. But once they were clear, he reacted quickly. Percival – as the station doctor – didn’t really stand a chance against one of the best officers. Arthur made sure not to hurt him, but he also made sure that Percival wouldn’t be regaining his breath any time soon.

Then he turned and ran for the lift.

“Arthur, no!” It was Elyan’s voice this time, but Arthur ignored it. Nothing was going to get in his way until he had Cendred in his sights. Somehow, even with the struggle with Percival, Arthur had somehow managed to keep hold of Gwaine’s gun.

Bursting out of the hospital, Arthur stood blinking for a moment, disorientated in the bright sunshine. But then he took hold of his determination and focused all of his thoughts on Cendred.

Breaking into a run, Arthur headed for home.


	14. Chapter 14

It was strange staring up at his own flat and not wanting to enter. The sun was shining and he could hear a badly timed bird singing away in some of the trees behind him. It looked like the perfect neighbourhood on a picturesque day – the sort of place where nothing ever went wrong.

But right now, Arthur was preparing to enter to face a madman who had kidnapped the people closest to him because he wanted to kill Arthur and he had no idea why. Arthur knew backup would be on the way; Leon knew him well enough to know he wouldn’t have stayed put. For now, however, Arthur knew that he was on his own and he couldn’t waste any more time. Feeling in his pocket for his key, he let his hand grip hard around it, let it cut into his palm. The pain made him focus and Arthur took a deep breath to ground himself.

He couldn’t think about Merlin and Morgana right now. He had to address this as just another case. His target was in there with civilian hostages and there was no room for collateral damage this time. He knew Cendred was desperate and would most likely have guards of some sort. But nothing too obvious; he had kept a low profile up until now. Arthur had a feeling he wasn’t going to do anything that would make the neighbours call the police.

He wanted Arthur to get there first.

Knowing he was playing straight into the man’s hands, Arthur steeled himself and stepped towards the building. It was just another case. He knew thinking that was the only thing that was going to get him through this because he couldn’t consider the implications of what it would do to him if either Merlin or Morgana were hurt.

The lobby and the elevator was empty. Arthur knew confining himself to an enclosed space with no exit was a bad idea, but he didn’t have time to take the stairs. He had a feeling Cendred wouldn’t attack him until he had walked through his own door. It seemed his style. For as evil as he seemed to be, it was almost as if he was playing by a set of rules; rules no one but him understood. Although convinced he was safe until he at least reached his own floor, Arthur’s grip on the gun didn’t lessen in the slightest as the elevator rose.

It seemed to take an age and when the doors finally pinged open, Arthur felt like his heart was going to burst out his chest. He carefully examined the corridor before stepping from the elevator, knowing he would be exposed as soon as he took that first step forward. Everything seemed quiet.

It was only when he had ventured out and the elevator doors had shut behind him did Arthur realise it was too quiet. The flat next to his often played loud music. The one opposite had an arguing couple that liked to shriek at each other at all times of the day.

But right now, there was nothing.

Arthur ran the final distance to his own front door. Not because he was in any hurry to get there – he knew the danger that he was about to walk in on – but it seemed like a better course of action than lingering in a hallway and waiting for his opponents to come bursting from all sides. They wouldn’t be able to use their numbers against him in a confined space, but considering running away wasn’t an option, Arthur knew they would win.

To his utter delight, his hand was steady as he inserted the key in the lock and with a click, his door opened.

Arthur took a small step until he was standing over the threshold, but didn’t go further than that. Instead, his gaze was darting around the room, drinking in the sight of what was happening. What he saw made his blood boil.

Cendred was sprawled across his sofa, relaxed and at ease. Morgana was next to him, her hands tied behind her back and an ugly bruise on her cheek. A man was standing behind her, his hand fisted in her long hair to stop her from pulling away as Cendred’s hand remained down her torn top, fondling her even as it looked as if he was trying to undo his trousers. Arthur didn’t let himself react; he had to assess the whole situation.

In other words, he had to find Merlin.

It didn’t take long to locate his lover. Merlin was sprawled across the floor, his hands and feet tied and a harsh gag tied around his mouth. His eyes were closed but his steady breathing made Arthur believe he had just been knocked out rather than anything more permanent. He had to wonder precisely how much Merlin had been annoying them if they had chosen to silence him rather than use him as bait the way Cendred was Morgana.

Arthur made sure the safety catch was released on the gun, lifted it and aimed it steadily at Cendred.

“Get your hands off my sister.”

“Arthur!” The man sounded surprised to see him, almost joyful. If Arthur had ever had a proper family, he would have said that was the sort of noise they made when they hadn’t seen each other for a while. He shoved Morgana back into the hands of the man behind her and it was only then that Arthur saw the tears running down her cheeks. Morgana was always strong. To see her so scared made Arthur’s finger tighten in fury. Cendred still had a button on his jeans undone.

The man stood up, smirking at Arthur. “She’s gorgeous,” he said bluntly, before turning and tearing Morgana’s top off completely. She cried out, unable to cover herself with her hands tied as the men chuckled lewdly.

“Touch her and you die,” Arthur said quietly, his tone indicating that he wasn’t bluffing in the slightest. Cendred grinned.

“I believe you. Only you want to kill me anyway, don’t you?”

Arthur knew he was being baited. But he forced himself to assess the situation properly. Suddenly, he knew what he had to do and jammed the gun under his own chin. Morgana screamed.

“Touch her and I die.”

“Is that supposed to worry me?”

“I don’t know. But you’ve had a load of openings to kill me since that day on the street and so far you’ve just goaded me into following you. Whatever this is about, you want me alive and I would really mess up whatever twisted plan you had if I pulled the trigger right now just because you couldn’t keep it in your pants.”

Cendred’s face twisted in fury but Arthur knew he was right when the man took a step away from Morgana.

“Stick her somewhat safe,” he ordered his men. Arthur knew by the disappointment on their faces that they wouldn’t dare to disobey him. Morgana struggled to stay with Arthur but it took no effort for the men to haul her from the room. To Arthur’s delight, they shoved her in the bathroom. Not only were there shirts of his in there, but the door also locked. He heard it catch at the same time as Cendred and the man couldn’t cover up his annoyance quickly enough. Arthur moved the gun from his chin and directed it at Cendred and stepped further into the room, eyes locked on his opponent.

“I’m still going to fuck her, you know. I’m going to have her on her knees and mount her like the bitch she is. Then I’m going to have your boyfriend choking on my cock as he begs for death while my men take turns with your sister.”

“Then you really didn’t do your research, mate. Merlin’s more likely to bite it off and he would never beg someone like you. Stop with the games. Why do you want me?”

“You mean you don’t know?” Cendred looked thrilled that Arthur didn’t know, but he refused to rise to the bait. He took stock of what he did know. His father had been senior member of the police force. His mother had been an unstoppable lawyer if the accounts were anything to go by. Arthur figured it out that they had brought down Cendred, he had somehow got out and killed them in response, making sure that someone else took the blame.

“You killed them, didn’t you?”

“You mean dear old Mum and Dad? Of course I did. I shot your father in the groin and made him watch as I tore your mother from the inside…”

“You’re lying. One clean shot to the head, both of them. They didn’t suffer and you can’t make me think otherwise. So you took revenge on them. Why me?”

Cendred’s men were closing in on him as he spoke but Arthur knew that he had to let it happen. It wasn’t as if he was going to run, not when Morgana and Merlin were still being held hostage. Still, that didn’t mean he was just going to let them take him down without a fight and he managed to knock two of them out before they got the gun from his hands and his arms bent behind his back. Arthur grimaced at the burn of a rope being fastened around his wrists and instantly tugged. The knot was weak. He was stuck for now but he was certain that should he continue to struggle, he would be able to slide free.

What angered him more, however, was the way he was forced to his knees in front of Cendred. This was his flat; he refused to be treated like this. But still, Arthur had learnt the hard way over the years about learning how to pick his fights and he knew he couldn’t win right now. He needed to buy time. Cendred’s hand fisted in his hair, jerking his head back. Arthur realised how horribly exposed he was like this.

“I was holding you when they arrived home that day. They left you with a babysitter. I seduced her, and when she let me in for no doubt kinky sex in her boss’s bed, she found herself face to face with a gun. Of course, the little bitch ran for it instantly, and when mum and dad arrived home, I had you.”

Arthur stared up at him. He hadn’t even known that he had been present the day his parents were murdered, although he had never considered where else he would have been considering he had only been three.

“Your little legs were kicking as you reached for mummy, but I had you good and tight. I’d sent them death threats, I warned them off the case. You know they never flinched. But the look in your mother’s eyes… all I had to do was hold you above the stairwell and I had her begging.”

Arthur could feel his breathing picking up. Is this why no one had told him? He was the reason why his parents had died? His father at the very least would have been trained, he might have done something to disarm Cendred if it hadn’t been for him.

“I shot your father first. Your mother was on her knees, begging that I put you down, that you had nothing to do with this. You had everything to do with this. I was gracious, I put you down. Then I put my gun between her eyes and promised that I would let you grow up. Then, when you were supposedly invulnerable against petty accidents, I was going to make you scream. Then I shot her, but those moments, Arthur…. The terror in her eyes…”

Cendred chuckled even as Arthur tried to control the bile rising in his throat. There had been nothing in the report about this and he knew why. No one had known. No one had suspected that Cendred was even involved, not when they had another criminal confessing to it. But to know this had been held over him his whole life and he had never known it…

“That terror made it worth. But I’m a man of my word. I couldn’t let her die in vain. I couldn’t break my promise…” Cendred nodded to his men and Arthur felt himself being hauled to his feet. The ropes around his wrists were cut but the men had a tight hold on him. Arthur’s mind was still trying to process what he had just been told, he could only offer a weak fight. He barely noticed as the men pulled in some chairs, forcing him to stand up on one while a man leapt onto the second one.

There was a screwdriver in his hand and Arthur could only watch numbly as he made short work of the light above their heads. It was dropped to one side and ropes were rebound around Arthur’s wrists. Before he could think of struggling, the ropes had been fastened to the light fixture and the chair kicked out from under him.

Arthur grunted as his wrists took his weight, his feet scrabbling for something to alleviate the pressure. He knew the fixture wouldn’t hold him forever, and no doubt Cendred knew that too. Whatever his plan, he had just wanted Arthur out of the way for now. Arthur struggled, but they had moved the other chair out of his reach.

“Go on then! Kill me!”

“Oh Arthur, did you not hear a word I just said? I have no intention of killing you. That wasn’t what I promised her. I just said that I was going to make you scream. Sorry, mate, it’s nothing personal. Just an unpaid debt.”

Cendred settled himself back on the sofa, his eyes flickering to Merlin. Annoyance crossed his face when the man was still out cold and Arthur smirked. Merlin played by his own rules, no one else’s.

“Looks like I’m going to have to start with you. Don’t worry though, he’ll be awake and sucking cock before long. And my men will break through your door and get your whore of a sister out for their entertainment.”

Even when the first punch hit him, Arthur knew what Cendred’s game was. It was why he had taken Merlin and Morgana. He knew that there was nothing he could physically do to Arthur that would make him scream, not when he was a trained officer used to going into deadly situations. One needed to only glance at his hospital record to know that he could handle pain.

So instead, he was going to turn on the two people that Arthur cared about most and make him watch. What made Arthur feel even worse was that he had a feeling it might work. After all, it was not in his nature to watch someone he cared about suffer without doing anything to help. And if screaming would make Cendred call off his men, Arthur had a horrible feeling that was precisely what he would do.

MMM

“Enough,” Cendred raised a lazy hand and his men backed away. Arthur spat out a bubble of blood, not caring who it hit. This had been going on for hours now. They paused, even gave him some water, and then continued. Although he was glad that Merlin appeared to still be out cold and they hadn’t yet managed to break through the bathroom door, Arthur wasn’t entirely sure if he was still going to be alive by the time Cendred could carry out the next part of his plan. He knew that a rib at the very least was broken, breathing was hard and his vision was weaving alarmingly from where he had taken one too many blows to the head.

Cendred stood up as his men backed off. He had a glint in his eyes that Arthur didn’t like and whatever was coming, Arthur knew it wasn’t going to end well for him. But Cendred never got the chance to reach him, for something small, white and furry shot from underneath the sofa.

Cendred let out a howl as Aithusa sunk his teeth and claws into the man. It didn’t matter how mch Cendred shook his leg, he couldn’t get the cat to let go. Eventually, Aithusa did lose his grip, but nimbly dodged Cendred’s kick. The gun was back in the man’s hand and Arthur flinched when it went off. But Aithusa had already moved and darted into the kitchen. Arthur knew he would have gone under the cabinets – it was his hiding place because he knew there was no way of getting him out again other than coaxing him with food. He was far out of Cendred’s reach and Arthur grinned.

His cat had made the man lose his temper in a way Arthur knew his goading would never have done. Cendred knew he was in control of the situation in the flat so it didn’t matter what Arthur said; he wasn’t going to drop his guard. But the unexpected pain and realising there was another living thing present that he hadn’t known about had forced him to lose his cool a little. Arthur didn’t know how much control over the building his men had, but surely someone would have heard the shot and called for help? Arthur hoped so; his wrists were killing him from being tied to the table for so long.

But even as Cendred turned back towards him, hatred etched into his face, Arthur thought he saw something out of the corner of his eye. Unless he was much mistaken, he wasn’t the only one to have flinched at the gunshot. But if Merlin had truly been unconscious, then surely he wouldn’t have heard it?

Arthur didn’t bother to try and hide his smirk. This was another one of Merlin’s pretences. But luckily, Cendred interpreted the smirk how Arthur had intended – for his cat’s success.

“I’m going to make myself a nice hat from that rodent,” he snarled and Arthur just rolled his eyes.

“You do that.”

“Do you think you are in any position to be flippant, Arthur?”

“I think I’m in an excellent position,” Arthur kept his voice mocking and light. After all, he had survived interrogations before. He had no intention of letting Cendred know precisely how much he was hurting and the fact that he was worried serious damage was being done that he wasn’t going to be able to walk away from this time. But those sorts of concerns were shared with friends and loved ones, not the man responsible for the pain in the first place.

“Bring me the boy,” Cendred clicked his fingers at two of his men, who hurried to Merlin. Cendred sat back down on the sofa, undoing his jeans. “If he won’t wake up I’m just going to fuck him until he does.”

Arthur swallowed. He knew that Merlin was awake, but he was still bound and the men had to be at least twice his size. But Arthur knew that if he begged Cendred, if he so much as pleaded for him not to do this, he would be giving the man exactly what he wanted. While he would have done it in a heartbeat if it meant saving Merlin, Arthur had a feeling that Cendred was going to kill them all once he had heard Arthur scream. Staying quiet was keeping them alive, and Arthur couldn’t stop the bile clawing at his throat when he considered what it could mean for Merlin.

Now more than ever, he wished Leon would hurry up and arrive.

Considering Arthur had only seen that Merlin was bound after a fleeting glance, he had never truly thought about where Merlin was. He watched with baited breath as the men bent over him, expecting them to just haul him up and over to Cendred. But it appeared that Merlin must have put up a hell of a fight when they dragged him from the hospital. He wasn’t just tied; he was bound to the radiator. In order to move him, the men were having to untie him completely.

Arthur watched with a pounding heart. He knew Merlin was awake and had a feeling Cendred was about to realise he had underestimated his opponents. But that didn’t stop the worry coursing through Arthur. He wasn’t sure how Merlin expected to win and was worried that he would just make it worse for himself by putting up a fight.

But Arthur knew Merlin. He knew that – like him – Merlin would rather go through worse knowing he had fought back and done everything he could rather than just taking what was given without even attempting to fight back.

In the end, it all happened rather quickly.

The men made the mistake of untying his hands and feet at the same time and Merlin lashed out before he even opened his eyes. Swinging his legs around, he brought one man crashing to the ground while grabbing the wrist of another. In a casual move, he jerked the man down to the ground and applied pressure until his arm snapped and the man screamed.

Cendred could only stare and Arthur was acutely aware that he was doing the same thing. Merlin yanked the gag off with one hand and grabbed the gun stuck through the belt of the man with the broken arm. Keeping his back to the wall so that he was covered, Merlin aimed the gun at Cendred.

Cendred laughed.

“Do you really think this is the first time I’ve had a gun pointed at me, boy?”

“Probably not, you’re that kind of bastard,” there was cold contempt in Merlin’s eyes and Arthur knew he had been awake for the whole thing. He had heard the story about what happened to Arthur’s parents, he had heard the beating and the plan for what Cendred was going to do to him and Morgana until Arthur screamed. Arthur had a feeling that Cendred had made a very bad mistake thinking that he had any sort of control over Merlin. He had always claimed he hated authority figures – and despite being on the wrong side of the law, that was precisely what Cendred was.

But instead of lowering the gun, Merlin swung and pointed it at Arthur.

“What’s that supposed to achieve?”

“Get your men to stop trying to break down the door or I’ll shoot him.”

“I’ve got him tied up, he’s not exactly my friend.”

“No, but I’m a good shot. Straight between the eyes, he won’t feel a thing. He certainly won’t scream and you will never be able to keep your promise.”

Cendred laughed again, only this time there was a hint of respect in it.

“You think fast, boy. I could use someone like you. You held up well with my boys the first time and now this? I can give you so much more than he can, and I wouldn’t try and force you to change your life either.”

“And to do that I have to..?”

“He cares about you. I think you can make him scream far easier than I can, don’t you?”

“Fine.”

To Arthur’s absolute horror, Merlin dropped the gun. He couldn’t read Merlin’s body language, or his expression. He had absolutely no idea if Merlin was considering Cendred’s offer or bluffing. Life on the street was hard and Arthur knew fanciful notions of love wouldn’t be enough for Merlin if he still refused to accept help. Cendred was the sort of man to give him what he needed and Arthur knew that Merlin knew it.

But was their love enough to stop Merlin turning to Cendred?

“What do you want me to do?”

“Whatever you want,” Cendred said with a shrug, clearly believing that Merlin had already accepted the bargain. Arthur knew that while there was doubt in his mind, Cendred was the sort of man used to getting his own way. How many others like Merlin now worked for him because he had promised them everything they wanted?

Merlin shrugged himself and stepped closer to Arthur. His body was shielding Arthur from Cendred’s view, but Arthur knew the man could see as Merlin kissed him. It was deep and passionate, making sparks fly through Arthur’s body even as he whimpered silently in pain into Merlin’s lips. Merlin’s hands began tracing his body – although Arthur could feel how light his touch was – making it look as if he was taking full advantage of the fact that Arthur was tied up.

His hands rose until they entwined in Arthur’s hair and unable to stop himself, Arthur grunted as Merlin tugged. It was just like their first kiss – something that felt so long ago now. He could hear Cendred chuckling at the fact Merlin had already produced more sounds from Arthur than the beating had done.

But then his hands continued to rise. Merlin stopped kissing him, gave a funny sort of jump and tugged on one of the knots binding Arthur, hard. Even as Merlin tried to correct his balance and Cendred snarled, Arthur yanked himself and felt it give way. He only just stopped himself from crying out as he was momentarily suspended by one wrist. But neither the rope nor the fixture could take that sort of pressure and Arthur dropped to the floor.

Without stopping to think, he lunged forward until his hand grasped the gun that Merlin had discarded. One hand supporting the other with his finger on the trigger, Arthur whirled back around to face Cendred.

Only to find in the time it had taken him to free himself, Cendred had seized Merlin. Merlin struggled, but Cendred had his arm bent up behind his back and his gun firmly pressed against Merlin’s head.

“You definitely would have done well with me, boy. No others would have got that close to freeing him. But it’s over. Put the gun down, Arthur.”

“Arthur, don’t you dare,” Merlin growled, clearly trying to free himself. Arthur froze. He knew that if he did what Cendred wanted, they might live but Merlin would hate him. If he did what Merlin wanted, Cendred could shoot them both but at least Arthur would have known that he had tried to listen to Merlin at least once.

Merlin saw the indecision on his face and he smiled gently, clearly trying to reassure Arthur. Arthur had done the same for Merlin so many times now, trying to chase away his demons, it was clear Merlin thought now was his turn.

“He killed your parents. He has dictated your whole life because of that action.”

“What would you do?” Arthur asked quietly, realising that Merlin wasn’t just saying it for the sake of it, he truly knew what this felt like. After all, he still had the memories of watching his mother being murdered.

“I would shoot the bastard, damn the consequences and know I avenged them,” Merlin whispered, his voice soft. Arthur knew from the way he was speaking that this was more than just understanding. He wanted Arthur to free himself from the demons of the past because he didn’t have that same luxury. “Take him down, Arthur. End this.”

Arthur knew what wasn’t being said. Merlin was prepared to die for this. Arthur could feel his eyes fill with tears at the sheer indecision of what to do. He couldn’t lose Merlin, but he couldn’t let Cendred go either.

“Enough of this,” Cendred snarled, hauling Merlin towards the door without moving the gun. It was obvious he was worried what Merlin would be able to persuade Arthur to do and wasn’t taking any chances, not after waiting this long in order to even get close to Arthur.

 It was a sign of just how light Merlin was that his struggles meant nothing, Cendred dragging him along as if he was nothing more than one of the dolls Morgana used to play with. Arthur followed closely, making sure the gun was trained on Cendred. All of his men seemed to have fallen back, as if knowing getting in the way would bring their boss’ wrath down upon them.

“You know back up will be on the way?” Arthur asked, following him out into the hallway and over to the stairs. “You’ll never get out of here without being caught.”

“I can if you don’t want your lover to die.” To Arthur’s horror, Cendred seized Merlin by the neck and bent him backwards over the top of the stairwell. Merlin couldn’t struggle, for lifting his feet would take him off balance and potentially crashing to his death. Arthur froze just as much. Cendred smirked.

“I do like going for the dramatic and this has a lovely sense of de-ja-vu. I know there is a back door that is locked by a code. Tell me the code and I’ll let him live. We’ll still have unfinished business but I won’t involve this brat out of respect for him almost besting me.”

“Arthur…” Merlin’s voice was barely audible and Arthur knew that he was trying to just focus on breathing through Cendred’s grip. Arthur could feel his hold on the gun slipping. Could he let Cendred escape, knowing they would meet again, in order to make sure that Merlin was safe? How many would Cendred kill until Arthur caught up with him? Could he have that on his conscience?

“Make a decision, Arthur.”

“How about I make it for you?” Merlin’s voice was stronger this time and he grabbed hold of Cendred. Rather than trying to fight him off, Merlin just threw himself backwards, the momentum dragging Cendred forward.

“No!” Not caring that he might have just given Cendred what he wanted, Arthur ran forward. It was like running through water, he knew he wouldn’t get there in time and could only watch as Cendred pitched headfirst over the railings.

Merlin disappearing along with him.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I mentioned how much I hate this story? Oh well, determined to get to the end though.

Arthur knew that five flights stairs ending on a concrete floor was not something that anyone could survive. He tried not to let the image of Merlin dashed against that floor fill his mind as he ran forward, but he couldn’t help himself. The more he tried _not_ think about it, the more that was the only thing he could see.

It felt like a lifetime until he was able to reach the stairs, despite it only being a few steps. He wasn’t sure he had remembered to breathe yet. But as he reached the stairs, Arthur stared. There was a hand clinging desperately onto the railing, fighting for grip as the owner tried to bring the other hand to join it.

Merlin was panting in desperation, his face filled with fear as his legs swung wildly beneath him, threatening to cause him to lose his grip. For a second, Arthur could only stare. Then he practically threw himself at the man, leaning over precariously as he grabbed Merlin’s wrist. Locking his hand around it in a sure grip, Arthur planted his heels firmly against the railings and pulled.

It was no good though. Merlin was too far over and Arthur didn’t have the strength behind him, not considering the beating he had taken. He knew that Merlin wouldn’t fall, Arthur’s grip was too secure for that. What had Arthur more worried was the fact he could feel Merlin’s weight beginning to drag him forward.

“Reach with your other hand.”

“I’m trying,” Merlin’s voice was strained as he fought to stop himself from plummeting to his death. Arthur could feel his heart beating hard as he seemed to slip forward a step. Looking around, he tried to find something that he could properly anchor himself against. But the top half of his body was already bent over the railings just to be able to reach Merlin and the pressure on his cracked ribs was beginning to get too much. Merlin seemed to see the pain in his face.

“Let go, Arthur. I’ll drag us both down if you don’t, just let go.”

“I can’t!” There was no way that, after everything, Arthur was about to let Merlin go. He gritted his teeth and hauled backwards, and for a moment Merlin seemed to be rising. But then Arthur’s momentum failed him and they were slipping forward again. To Arthur’s alarm, his feet threatened to leave the floor this time. He couldn’t let go and he couldn’t pull back. They were stuck.

“I’ve got you,” a voice suddenly murmured. A hand seized Arthur’s belt while an arm locked around his chest. Arthur hissed at the pressure on his broken ribs, but as their saviour began pulling backwards, he dug his heels in and pulled. No man could hold the weight of two, but if it was enough to stop Arthur pitching over the bannister, then it meant they could pull Merlin up.

After a long moment, Merlin’s second hand could finally reach the railing and he swung up, locking his fingers around the metal and assisting them the best he could. Eventually, he could finally swing his legs over and he practically fell on Arthur, gasping for breath even as Arthur in turn fell backwards.

Automatically holding onto Merlin to make sure that no one was about to drag him away from him, Arthur glanced around to see who their saviour was. Leon was climbing to his feet, his face grave although there was relief sparkling in his eyes at the fact the two men weren’t about to fall down the stairs again. Arthur hadn’t even heard him arrive, but now he was listening, he could hear the sounds of men fighting and yelling again.

It seemed the back-up he had been threatening had finally arrived.

“Morgana,” Arthur muttered, trying to climb to his feet. But knowing that they weren’t in this fight alone anymore had caused the adrenaline to begin to ebb away and the pain to take its place. He fell back with a cry, realising that he didn’t seem to be able to stand.

“I’ll get her,” Leon promised, clapping a hand on Arthur’s shoulder and quickly disappearing into the flat. Arthur lay back out on the floor, focusing on his breathing and controlling the pain the way he had taught himself over the years. It took a few moments, but then he was able to think straight again and he glanced up to see Merlin watching him closely. The other man was chewing on his lip and the fright was obvious in his eyes now the way it hadn’t been before.

“C’mere,” Arthur murmured, holding out his arm again. Merlin carefully buried himself in Arthur’s side, his shoulders shaking. Arthur held him close.

“It’s over. You saved my life.”

“I…I…” All of Merlin’s bravado seemed to have just melted away and just held him, trying to calm the trembles that were wracking Merlin’s body. Without realising it, Arthur found that his fingers were playing with strands of Merlin’s hair.

Strangely enough, Arthur felt completely calm. He had been in hostage situations on cases before, although nothing as personal as this. Cendred had killed his parents and then come after him because of a promise he had made to his mother.

Arthur didn’t feel angry.

He felt… relieved.

He didn’t remember his parents enough, only odd snippets, to attach the same sort of emotion to their murders as Merlin could his mother. He hadn’t known life different to being an orphan. But for the first time in his life, he knew why they were killed. After the man had confessed, it wasn’t even as if Arthur had grown up believing he still needed to avenge them. Everything had just fallen into place and Arthur knew now that he could let it all go. He thought he had before, it wasn’t as if it had played on his mind.

But now it truly was over and he leant his head back against the ground with a sigh.

Something soft nudged against his hand and he opened his eyes to see Aithusa had come out from under the cabinet and was sitting by his side. Arthur grinned, a full beaming smile that he was unable to stop. Merlin glanced at him.

“What?”

It was only then that Arthur realised his cat was shielded by his body. Aithusa let out a soft meow, not liking that he couldn’t be seen, and climbed onto Arthur until he could curl up on his chest and settled down for a sleep now the excitement was over. His weight was so slight Arthur didn’t feel it on his ribs.

“Good boy,” he murmured gently, fondling the cat’s ears. Aithusa yawned at him and threaded his claws carefully through Arthur’s shirt as he finished making himself comfortable. By the time he glanced back at Merlin, he too had a smile on his face.

“Morgana told me you had a helpless thing for strays.”

Arthur shrugged carefully, still watching Aithusa. “I can’t help it. I felt like I was one until her parents took me in. Sometimes all it takes is someone to have a little faith and you are given the chance to prove who you really are rather than who everyone sees you as.”

To Arthur’s surprise, Merlin sat up. He pulled away and hunched over, hugging his knees to his chest. Arthur still didn’t quite feel like moving – not wanting to give away he wasn’t sure if he could – but he rested a hand on Merlin’s back. The trembles – which had gradually disappeared – were back again.

“What is it?”

“I’ve treated you like shit, Arthur. All you’ve ever done is try and help and everything you try and do, I’ve thrown back in your face.”

“You had your reasons.”

“Did I? I think the only true reason I had was that you scared me.”

“Excuse me?” Arthur managed to lift himself up on his elbows. It hurt, but he was so utterly confused that he had to do something. Merlin turned to face him and gently eased him back down again. He sat closer, as if knowing that it would be enough to keep Arthur still.

“You’re a good man, Arthur Pendragon. I’m… I’m really not. Ever since Mum died… I’ve lied, cheated, stolen, fucked… anything that was required of me to survive. Out on the streets was different, I felt safe with you in a way I hadn’t done for a long time. But this?” He gestured at the flat behind them. “This I don’t know how to handle and I freaked.”

“Why?”

“Because it felt right. Nothing has felt this right since Mum… And I was scared that if I stayed, someone would find a way to tear it from me. Turns out I would have been right as you had a raving murdering lunatic after you…”

“Merlin…” Arthur reached out and caught the man’s wrist, worried that he was going to leave again before Arthur had worked out how to get off the floor. Merlin’s eyes were filled with tears and Arthur was reminded of just how young he was. How young both of them were.

“I’m not the man you seemed to think I am. You know I work undercover… The things I’ve had to do in order to do that… I’ve killed, Merlin.”

“To keep people safe.”

“And you were just trying to keep you safe. Please don’t think I’m any better than you.”

“But you are,” Merlin protested, a few of the tears slipping down his face. He angrily brushed them away. “You had faith in me. I never returned that favour. You offered me everything, so I ran away.”

“You know what?” Arthur let go of Merlin’s wrist, placed his hand on the floor and began to force himself upright. His other hand automatically moved to cradle Aithusa so the cat didn’t slip. “Let’s not do this now. For one thing I’ve never been any good at heart to hearts, especially not lying on the floor.”

Merlin let out a short laugh even as more tears spilled down his face. Once he was sitting up, Arthur reached out and wiped them away.

“Let’s at least wait until we’re alone.”

“Policeman don’t make good company.”

“Who said anything about policeman? I’m not having Aithusa hearing things he shouldn’t.” Merlin gaped at him for a long moment, clearly trying to work out whether Arthur was joking or not before he started laughing again. This time, the amusement was genuine and Arthur found himself smiling along even as he used the railing to pull himself to his feet. He made to reach down to pull Merlin up, but the younger man was already on his feet.

“I think I would pull you back over,” Merlin said softly and Arthur found that he had to agree. Slowly, the two of them made the way back into the flat. Arthur was refusing to think about Cendred, knowing that Leon would have men crawling the building. He wouldn’t have survived the fall, but if the slimy git managed to, he wouldn’t be getting anywhere this time.

The place was crawling with people and Arthur found that he was looking around nervously. But then he realised that he at least recognised them all if not knew them. Cendred’s men were all against one wall, handcuffed and being read their rights. Even as Arthur entered, the police began marching them out.

Arthur looked around and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw what he was looking for. Leon was holding Morgana tenderly. His sister was wearing one of his shirts and had used something to tie her hair back. Arthur didn’t think she had ever looked so young, but he had to smile at the fact Leon was finally stepping up to the challenge and being there for her. Arthur gave Merlin’s hand a squeeze and made his way over.

“Morgs?”

Morgana looked up but didn’t move from the sheltering embrace Leon was offering her. She gave a watery smile.

“Hey baby brother,” she murmured. Arthur crouched in front of her and she reached out her hands. He knew exactly what she wanted and carefully passed over his sleeping cat. He stroked Aithusa once he was in Morgana’s arms. They had never done well with physical affection between the two of them, but still looked out for each other fiercely.

“Are you okay?” he asked gently. A few tears instantly spilled over Morgana’s cheeks but she nodded firmly.

“Nearly brained me with the shower head when I finally got the door open,” Leon murmured and Arthur grinned.

“That’s my girl.”

“Merlin?” Morgana asked in a trembling whisper. “Arthur, where’s Merlin? He said he was going to…he….”

“I’m right here,” Merlin suddenly appeared, crouching down with Arthur in front of her. To Arthur’s surprise, Morgana took his hand. Something unspoken seemed to shoot between them and Arthur smiled. He thought they would be friends when he had heard how they were laughing together in the hospital, but now he knew it for sure.

But that wasn’t the only reason why Arthur was smiling. This was the first time that Merlin had still been there after Arthur had turned his back. He caught Merlin’s eye and smiled softly. Merlin returned it, albeit it slightly awkwardly as he if he knew exactly what Arthur was thinking.

“It’s over.”

“The ambulance is here,” Leon suddenly reported, returning his radio back to his belt even while keeping his arms around Morgana.

“Good, these two need to be checked out…”

“It’s for you, Arthur.”

“What? No! I’m fine…” Arthur stared around at the three of them, realising that these were the three most important people in his life. Morgana had stopped crying and Arthur swallowed. He was suddenly finding himself on the receiving end of three identical stares. They all said the same thing; either he got in the ambulance or they threw him in.

“Bullies.”

“Baby,” Morgana retorted, the answer quick on her tongue like always. Leon reached over and gripped Arthur’s shoulder.

“I should have said the ambulances. There are three. All of you are going to the hospital.”

“No way, I’m not going back there.” Merlin protested and Arthur smirked as the gaze switched until Merlin was the one on the receiving end of it. He swallowed hard. “Fine, but I’m riding in with Arthur.”

“Better than riding Arthur,” a voice quipped and all four of them looked towards the door.

“You two should be in hospital yourselves.”

“And miss all the fun? Come on, boss, be nice.” Despite knowing they had been hurt, potentially badly, Arthur couldn’t stop a grin spreading across his face at seeing Gwaine and Lancelot walking through the door, glancing around at the mess before they both looked towards their friends. Arthur had been on the receiving end of this look a lot, especially from Lance. It was their way of checking he wasn’t about to fall apart on them. Arthur nodded softly in reassurance.

He was fine.

“Sir!” The shout had all of them spinning towards the door. Arthur found that he was automatically stepping in front of Merlin, despite the fact that if there was a threat, he could do nothing more than glare at whoever was causing it. He didn’t exactly have the strength to fight back. But although he heard Merlin’s small huff of disbelief, the man didn’t say anything else. It was like he knew that Arthur had to do this for his own piece of mind if nothing else.

After all, if there was a fight, they were surrounded by police who knew how to handle a threat.

A young constable came running into the room, breathless and flushed. He glanced at Leon, then looked towards Gwaine and Lancelot before finally at Arthur. Leon was head of the department. Lance and Gwaine were known to take young policemen under their wing and give them a bit of guidance – nearly always resulting in the person then looking up to them. And Arthur was known to be a bit of a mystery figure who was rarely seen but just had his results spoken about.

It was clear he had absolutely no idea who he was supposed to be addressing.

“Go ahead, Ben,” Gwaine said gently, giving him the prompt that he needed before Ben forgot why he had come charging up the stairs in the first place.

“He’s alive,” Ben spluttered out. “They went to examine the body and he has a pulse. Judging by the bruising, they think he might have managed to grip onto one of the railings on the way down and it slowed down the fall and weakened the impact enough for him to survive it. He’s unconscious but…”

Ben’s voice trailed off as Arthur let out a growl and stepped forward. After everything, Cendred was still alive. He knew that if the man had escaped from justice more than once in the past, then there was a chance he would do it again. Arthur knew full well he hadn’t given Cendred what he wanted and knew that would potentially make him – and everyone he cared about – a target should the man escape. Not to mention Merlin had practically killed him – Cendred was not the sort of man who would let something like that go.

Arthur knew he had to finish it.

“I wouldn’t go there if I were you, mate,” Gwaine said softly. He might have been half-concussed, but he still got in front of Arthur and rested his hands on his shoulders, physically stopping him from moving forward.

“Get out of my way,” Arthur snarled. Lancelot also stepped forward, moving next to Gwaine in order to support his partner in this.

“You’re not a killer, Arthur. We’ve brought him to justice, and he won’t be escaping this time. We’ve got witness accounts, his men, the whole lot. He won’t walk free.”

“And if he does..?”

“Then we will deal with it the way we should, by the book. Do you really think we are just going to let him walk free and potentially come after you?” Lancelot’s voice was soft and Arthur could already feel his anger ebbing away, despite wanting to hold onto it. He knew they were right; he could hardly just march down the stairs and kill Cendred, not without becoming as bad as the man. But the idea that he might find a way out of this and come after Morgana and Merlin again…

“Let it go, Arthur,” a voice whispered softly in his ear. Arthur felt a hand take his and turned to see Merlin give him a small, reassuring smile. “We’ve survived this and we can survive anything else. You know how much I hate you guys…”

“Hey!”

“Not you personally… I meant authority. You know how much I hate the police, Arthur. But your friends are right. You have to let them go and trust that we will get through whatever comes.”

If he was completely honest, there was only one word in the whole of Merlin’s speech that Arthur heard.

“We?” Merlin gave a half-lopsided shrug but there was a grin on his face. Arthur started to grin himself.

“Oh shut up,” Merlin muttered, his grin morphing into a blush as he made to turn away. Arthur stopped him before he could, gently taking Merlin’s chin, turning his head and kissing him lightly.

“Does this mean you’ll stay?”

“It means I don’t know what is going to happen next but I would rather like you by my side, if that is okay with you?”

“Before you two get too carried away,” Gwaine said loudly, clearly trying to make his point. “I believe Leon said something about ambulances. You need to get seen.”

Leon stood up, gently bringing Morgana up with him with his arm still wrapped tightly around her. Aithusa meowed his protest and squirmed until she set him down again. He scampered forward and wrapped himself around Arthur's legs, purring in contentment.

“I’m sorry, I’m leaving as well,” Arthur murmured, bending down to stroke him. He stubbornly refused to look up, knowing the grins that would be passing over his head. One of the best undercover officers of his age, and he was talking to his cat. Aithusa glanced up at him, affronted and stalked into the kitchen. Arthur followed.

“The medics are the other way, Arthur!”

“I just need to feed him,” Arthur called back, hoping that Leon would understand he wasn’t trying to be difficult. For once. But it had been days since he had last returned home. Despite having left a lot out initially, he knew the small cat would be hungry. Sure enough, Aithusa pounced on his bowl as soon as it had food in it and Arthur watched him with a small smile on his face.

“I’ll tell the boys to top it up before they are done here.” Leon had followed him into the kitchen and there was an understanding look on his face. He better than anyone would understand how much Arthur would want to stay. Returning to normality was a crucial part of Arthur’s work – it helped him to know precisely who he was after spending so long pretending to be someone else. But having the threat in his own home meant Arthur was eager to put things back the way they were. Having police crawling all over it was not what he wanted.

“Come on, Arthur. You need to get checked out before you fall over.”

“How is he alive?” Arthur suddenly blurted out through gritted teeth. He had managed to keep it hidden while he had been with the others, but he was furious. This man had killed his parents, no doubt followed Arthur throughout his whole life in order to know where to find him now and threatened to both hurt and rape his lover and his sister. Fate really wasn’t on his side by the fact that a fall that would kill most men had just knocked him out and Arthur couldn’t help but feel how unfair it was.

“Maybe it’s good,” Leon said gently, fleeting resting his hand on Arthur’s back. Arthur’s hands were knotted into tight fists, his knuckles turning white with the effort. “Now he can get the justice that he has been escaping for so long.”

“If he doesn’t end up with a judge that he had already bought off. How did we only know about his drug ring? This many men here today… he’s got a whole network working for him and we knew nothing about it. Surely that means he has someone in the force working for him? It would make sense; his escape when we brought him in last time… Someone would have had to know where he was being moved to and…”

“Arthur, enough.” Leon spun Arthur around until he could look him in the eye. “You know that we will go through this in the debriefing; the case will be built properly and we are going to cover every eventuality. But now is not the time. You are badly hurt, whether you want to admit it or not. We need to get the others to hospital and make sure nothing happened they aren’t telling us about before we got here.”

“But…”

“If I promise you something, will you come quietly?” Suddenly feeling like a child, Arthur nodded. Leon smiled.

“I promise that the judge proceeding over the trial will not be in his pocket.”

“How will you know?”

“Because there is a woman that I know of who doesn’t work in this district. She’s far across the country. But she’s fierce, gets justice every time and… she was a good friend of your mother’s.”

Arthur stared at Leon, his heart skipping a beat in gratitude. Before he could say anything, however, Leon had taken his arm.

“Now come on, you promised.” Unable to stop himself, Arthur let out a laugh, giving Aithusa a quick scratch as Leon pulled him from the room. Gwaine, Lancelot and Morgana had disappeared and Arthur knew they had escorted his sister down to the ambulances. Merlin, however, was waiting for them. His eyes seemed to be searching Arthur’s face intently, looking for some sort of clue as to what he was thinking.

It was only then Arthur realised that his pure anger at Cendred living was the first time that Merlin had seen that side of him. Merlin seemed to tame Arthur’s wilder side, the side that made him so good at his job. It wasn’t something Arthur had consciously hid, he just didn’t seem to feel it in the same way when Merlin was around.

“Are you okay?”

“Are you?” Arthur shot back, not really wanting to go into it yet. Merlin shrugged again and didn’t seem to know how to answer.

“We should get down there. Apparently they wanted to bring three stretchers up, despite all the stairs and only being able to do one in the lift at a time. Gwaine convinced them that we could all walk so would meet them down there. We best hurry before they change their minds.”

Arthur nodded, taking a long look around the flat from the doorway. But between Merlin and Leon, they got him moving down the stairs. Up until now, he hadn’t felt his injuries, but the stairs were proving to be more of a challenge than he thought. He knew the elevator would be cornered off for now – an easy place to try and get some fingerprints and he hadn’t wanted to seem weak by asking if they could use it.

His breath was coming in short gasps and he was aware that Leon was more holding him up than Arthur actually supporting his own weight by the time they reached the bottom. Merlin hadn’t let go of his hand, almost as if he wanted to constantly reassure Arthur that he wasn’t about to disappear again. The paramedics saw them coming out and instantly started running over.

The next few hours passed in a blur for Arthur. He could recall Merlin stubbornly refusing to be checked over, claiming that he was fine and they needed to look after Arthur. It was only Leon interfering – asking if they could check Merlin over while they were on the way to the hospital having already looked at Arthur – that meant they ever got anywhere.

Once he knew that Merlin wasn’t about to leave his side, Arthur let himself surrender to the pain. He didn’t quite lose consciousness, but he seemed to drift, never quite being alert of what was going on. The world seemed to be moving in a blur around him and Arthur was content to just lie back and let it happen, for once not trying to control what was going on.

By the time the morphine was sinking into him and Arthur felt himself come out of his stupor, he was lying in a hospital bed. Merlin was slumped in the chair by his side.

“This has a certain irony to it,” Arthur muttered, referring to how their positions had been reversed only a few days before. Merlin shot up.

“Oh thank god you are awake.”

“I wasn’t asleep.”

“You were as good as, they said you had gone into shock.”

“Over being punched a few times? Hardly.”

“People don’t need to be physically hurt to go into shock, Arthur,” Merlin said softly. His voice was firm though; he was not to be argued with on this matter. “You found out why all of this was happening and what happened to your parents. That’s a lot to take in.”

Arthur wanted to argue, but then he saw the look on Merlin’s face. Merlin had known it was shock because he had experienced it himself, despite being little more than a child at the time.

“Have they checked you out?”

“Not as much as you do on a regular basis.”

“You know what I meant.”

“Yes. Bruises, scrapes and then the usual that comes from living where I live…”

“You don’t have to anymore.”

“I don’t know, Arthur,” Merlin was fiddling with the bottom of his shirt again and Arthur sighed. What was it about this conversation that made Merlin so nervous?

“I’m not just going to come and live with you when I have no way of supporting myself, that’s not fair. I’m certainly not going to sit around all day like a housewife waiting to bend over for you when you get home from work either.”

Arthur lent back on the pillows, understanding where Merlin was coming from. Despite it not being charity in Arthur’s mind – selfishness more than anything, he wanted Merlin – he could understand Merlin’s reluctance. It just frustrated him.

“But I do want to be in your life. Rather, I want you in mine. You just have to give me time, Arthur. You lived that life for three months. Sure, you weren’t pretending, but that was all. I’ve done it for ten years now. I can’t just change.”

“I don’t want you to change,” Arthur murmured, realising that his eyes were flickering and he was fighting the pull of sleep again. “I want you to always be you.”

“Then we will figure something out. Get some sleep.”

For once, Arthur found that he couldn’t fight it off. Being awake was too painful; he wanted the bliss of floating through nothing again. Satisfied that Merlin wasn’t going to disappear as soon as he shut his eyes, Arthur allowed himself to relax.

For now, at least, it was over. Cendred wouldn’t be going anywhere and Arthur trusted his friends to make sure nothing went wrong this time.

That was enough for Arthur to sleep.


	16. Chapter 16

Arthur was released from hospital later that evening. He was certain it was quicker than usual, but that he had been kicking up so much of a fuss they were glad to be rid of him. A bemused looking Elyan had been the lucky doctor to have dealt with them all; he had checked over Lancelot and Gwaine when they had been admitted, seen to Morgana and forced Merlin to let himself be examined before turning to Arthur. By this point, Arthur was demanding to be released because he was fine.

Elyan had made short work of telling him everything that had been hurt, sending him for x-rays and binding his ribs. Arthur also found his wrists wrapped in layers of bandages, a hairline fractured on one of them from where it had taken his weight initially and then bore the brunt of trying to haul Merlin up. According to Elyan, he was lucky that was all it was, for it seemed Cendred’s boys hadn’t really known what they were doing. If they had, Arthur would have been lucky to be alive.

But with painkillers prescribed and dressings put in place, Elyan didn’t have a good enough reason to keep him in, especially not because Arthur was driving everyone mad with demanding to go home. Percival was given a list of instructions for the whole team in regards to their injuries and the man looked faintly bemused that half of his station was suddenly needing his attention. Normally, he spent the days writing some sort of paper because there wasn’t enough for him to do.

Merlin had found it somewhat amusing finding out just how bad of a patient Arthur was. It seemed that when it was someone he cared about hurt, Arthur could see in the plastic chairs for days if that was what it took to make sure they were alright. In fact, if Morgana hadn’t come in to see him to inform him that Leon was taking her home – or, at least, somewhere safe that wasn’t the hospital – then he would have tracked down what room she had been admitted to and sat there. Merlin should have been in the room next door, but Elyan hadn’t been able to find anything more than a few extra bruises and Merlin had made it quite apparent they would have a fight on their hands if they expected him to stay in bed any longer than that.

But when it came to looking after himself, Arthur hated sitting still.

“For heaven’s sakes, Arthur, just go,” Elyan eventually signed the final pieces of paper and thrust them at Arthur, telling him what medication to pick up and what he needed to do in the next few days to make sure that he didn’t strain any of his injuries. Arthur was out of bed before he finished his sentence, only saved from falling over by Merlin knowing what he was about to do and rising at the same time.

“Make sure he gets to bed tonight and doesn’t try to do anything stupid,” Elyan continued, giving the piece of paper to Merlin when it became obvious that Arthur was too busy getting dressed to pay any attention. His movements did falter, however, when Merlin took it and promised that he would make sure Arthur got some rest. Elyan left and Arthur slowly dressed. Merlin eventually became aware of his gaze.

“What?” he demanded, slipping the paper into his pocket and returning Arthur’s stare. Arthur shrugged, then immediately felt the colour fade from his face as he realised what a bad idea that was.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Are you really going to stay tonight?”

Judging by the look on Merlin’s face, he hadn’t realised what he had said. Arthur was glad he managed to make his voice come out casually rather than sounding as if he cared either way. He was done with chasing after Merlin: he was in love with him, he knew that wouldn’t change. But after what Merlin had hinted at before, he knew the other man had some things to work through before he could decide whether love was enough for them.

“Someone has to make sure you aren’t an idiot. Gwaine and Lance have been confined to bed and Leon definitely had his arm around your sister when they left so I don’t think he will be leaving her tonight. I mean,” Merlin’s confidence suddenly slipped. “If you want me to, that is.”

“I don’t know,” Arthur pretended to sound thoughtful. “Are you going to rob me again?”

Merlin rolled his eyes and helped Arthur up. “Scout’s honour.”

“You never were a scout.”

“I might have been.”

“Really?”

“No.”

Arthur pulled a face and gave Merlin a gentle nudge in the side. Merlin grinned. “I promise I won’t steal anything of yours. Well, anything you don’t want me to.” His look turned sly and Arthur found that he was blushing as he realised what Merlin meant.

“You are so predictable, Arthur. One innuendo and you light up like a beacon. How can you do undercover cases when you blush so easily?”

“Shut up,” Arthur grumbled, trying to cool his cheeks as he headed for the door. He had every intention of getting out before they tried to insist he left by wheelchair. Morgana had been allowed to walk out, Arthur had no intention of being treated like an invalid. They reached the hospital doors and Arthur rang for a cab.

“Merlin? We won’t actually be going back to the flat, is that okay?”

“So where are we going?”

“A safe house,” Arthur muttered, thinking of the crumbled piece of paper Leon had pressed into his hand when he had popped in to collect Morgana.

“Why?”

“Evidence and all of that. They need to go over the flat.”

“Oh. Okay.” Merlin didn’t seem to have anything more to say on the situation. Considering he didn’t argue or say anything to the contrary, Arthur assumed he didn’t mind that they were going somewhere else and gave the taxi driver the address. It wasn’t one of the top secret houses, others did know about it. In a way, Arthur was relieved. It meant they didn’t think that he was in any more danger. But both he and Morgana would have to stay low until everything had been wrapped up and Cendred was behind bars. He had made it clear that he had targeted them personally; they couldn’t go back to the same address. The same would have happened with Merlin, only he had no address.

Arthur found that he was nervous as they approached their location though. He had escorted people to these sorts of places before, but never had he imagined that he would need one himself because his own home had been compromised. Not that he blamed Merlin for giving it away – if Merlin hadn’t, Cendred probably would have killed him and found out the information some other way instead. But for all the danger that he had got into on the streets, he had always known he had a home to return to.

Knowing that Cendred was in custody didn’t help, either. The man had already slipped away from the police once, who was to say he wouldn’t do it again and still go after everyone Arthur cared about. The man had him right to some extent; the easiest way to get Arthur to scream would be targeting others. Until the case had gone to court and Arthur knew for sure that Cendred was going down for life, he knew he wouldn’t be able to truly relax.

“Hey,” Merlin picked up on his mood, or at least noticed the way that Arthur’s hands were constantly clenching and flexing. He reached over, putting his hand in Arthur’s to stop the movement. “It will be alright.”

Arthur just grunted in response, waiting until they had arrived and the taxi had gone before saying anything. Even then, he waited until they were inside. The place was bland and Arthur found that he was watching Merlin closely. With nothing worth taking, now would be Merlin’s deciding point. There was no point in waiting until Arthur had fallen asleep this time – there was nothing here to steal apart from a few basic necessities.

Merlin, however, just threw himself down on the sofa. “Comfy,” he murmured, wriggling around for a moment. “At least, it’s a damn bit warmer than an alleyway.”

“Merlin?” Arthur perched in a chair opposite. He was tired and grouchy and more than anything just wanted to go home. “Why are you here?”

“Arthur, I…”

“I could really do with you actually staying, you know. I don’t want to be on my own. So if you’re going to clear out in the middle of the night, then save yourself the trouble and go now so I can call someone else to come and stay with me.” Arthur knew his voice was harsh and Merlin accordingly flinched. Arthur didn’t care right now; he was feeling more vulnerable than he wanted to admit and wasn’t sure he could actually take waking up in the night and finding Merlin had disappeared again.

“It did cross my mind,” Merlin muttered, staring at the floor, “it’s easier to disappear when no one is there to give you accusing looks. But I wouldn’t leave you, Arthur. Not when you need me.”

“So now I’m your charity case?”

Merlin stood up. “I can go if that is what you would rather, Arthur? I know you have no reason to trust me. But I meant what I said before, I want you in my life, I know that now. This is hard for me. I’m not saying it’s not for you. But I’m fighting against the instinct to run right now, and I’m doing it for you. If you’re going to be practically shoving me out of the door to see what I do, then I have to admit I don’t think I’m strong enough to stay. But it’s your choice.”

Arthur stared at him. Then he sighed and dropped his gaze, running his hands through his hair. Why was he trying to push away the only person he wanted with him? Regardless of what he had just said, if Merlin had left then Arthur would have sat here on his own. Merlin stopped him feeling quite so vulnerable and he needed that right now. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t know what to say. But somehow, he didn’t need to for Merlin crossed the room and perched on the arm of the chair.

Before Arthur could move, Merlin’s fingers had threaded through his hair and gently massaged his scalp.

“I’m here to stay until you tell me to go,” he said softly and Arthur felt the fight drain out of him. He leant heavily against Merlin’s side, then blinked in astonishment as his support disappeared. The movement had been enough to topple Merlin from the chair to the floor, and when Arthur looked at him, he knew Merlin had no idea how he had got down there.

The expression on Merlin’s face was exactly what Arthur needed and before he could stop himself, he had started to laugh. For a split second, Merlin looked as if he was going to be offended before he clearly saw the funny side and began to join in. For a few moments, the two of them could only sit there and laugh. Arthur eventually pulled himself together.

“I’m going to make a cup of tea. Do you want one?”

A strange expression crossed Merlin’s face and the laughter disappeared from his eyes.

“What?”

“It’s just… That’s what Mum always used to do. Whenever things weren’t going to plan, she would put the kettle on.”

“Then she was a smart woman, your mother,” Arthur said gently. He was thinking about what Merlin had said about before about how being with Arthur had felt as right as he could remember being at home feeling. He suddenly felt like he understood a little and realised he could appreciate how hard it was to stay if memories he hadn’t had to deal with for years were suddenly springing on him. In some ways, Arthur considered himself lucky. He had never asked what had happened to Merlin’s father. But at least his own parents dying when he was so young meant he didn’t remember anything different. He didn’t have these demons haunting him in the same way.

Apparently he had just had an actual demon after him for the entire time and he had never known it.

Giving Merlin a moment, Arthur moved through to the kitchen and put the kettle on. After pulling open nearly every cupboard and draw, he finally found a couple of mugs and some tea bags. Leon had clearly sent someone around as soon as they had worked out where Arthur was going to stay for the fridge was stocked with fresh vegetables and milk. There was a loaf of bread in one cupboard and some fresh apples out on the top. Nothing exciting, but enough.

“I think she would have liked you.”

Arthur nearly missed the cup and came close to pouring boiling water over his hand. He had forgotten – through days of sitting in a hospital room – just how quietly Merlin could move when it suited him. It was a street trick, one Arthur wasn’t entirely sure whether he had ever picked up or not. His fist tended to like doing the talking too much for that when he was agitated.

“Your mother?” He glanced over as he poured the milk in before dumping the tea bags and handing one to Merlin. He curled his hands around it – Arthur tried not to notice how elegant his fingers were as they wrapped around it – and nodded. Arthur tried to smile.

“Well, why wouldn’t she? Of course she would want someone impossible good looking for her son.”

“More like someone with a pure heart,” Merlin mumbled, refusing to meet Arthur’s gaze and instead finding the floor interesting. Arthur didn’t know what to say and for a moment, he distracted himself by taking a sip of the tea, finding it was too hot and scalding his tongue. By the time he had sorted himself out by sticking his head under the tap and gulping down cold water that way, the flushed look had faded from Merlin’s cheeks and he no longer looked like he had tears brimming in his eyes.

“I can help with that,” the man said quietly, setting his cup down. Before Arthur knew what was happening, his own cup had been pulled from his hand, Merlin’s own hands had come to settle on Arthur’s hips and they were kissing desperately. Arthur felt his eyes fall shut as Merlin’s hands snaked up his body and into his hair, but then he pulled away.

“What is it?”

“You said I had been in shock, right? I just… just want to make sure we’re both thinking clearly.”

Arthur could only hope that Merlin could hear how hard his heart was pounding and that would be enough to convince the man that Arthur was telling the truth. Merlin pulled back, his gaze searching Arthur’s face intently before he sighed and pecked him on the cheek.

“Sometimes I wonder if you are too good for your own good, you know,” he murmured, but he sounded tired more than anything. Before Arthur could work out how to take that, Merlin had slipped back to the other side of the kitchen and picked up his mug again.

To Arthur’s surprise, the afternoon passed in a fairly domestic way. The pair of them searched the house to find what they had been left with and it only took a glance into the rooms to know that the beds still needed making up and there were just various chores that needed doing to make it habitable, especially as Arthur had no idea how long they were going to be staying here.

“I thought places like this were always kept immaculate,” Merlin grumbled. He was battling to get the duvet in the cover and Arthur was standing watching, smirking. Merlin might have been apt at surviving on the streets, but it was obvious it had been a long _long_ time since he had done something like this. Arthur knew he would eventually step into help, but rather now the indignant expression on Merlin’s face – almost like the duvet was deliberately fighting him back – was keeping Arthur’s mind off things.

“The secret ones are. But I don’t need protection in the same way. This is more just an empty house the police own rather than a safe house. It’s barely used.”

“I can tell.”

Arthur just shook his head fondly and stepped forward to help. Merlin turned at the same time. Even later, Arthur had no idea what happened. Somehow, the cover moved with Merlin, catching around his ankles and jerking him off his own feet. Merlin fell back onto the bed, but had reached out to try and stop himself. However, the only thing that had been close enough to grab onto had been Arthur himself and both landed on the bed amidst a bundle of covers that were still strewn over it. Arthur propped himself up on his elbows and stared down at the man underneath him.

Merlin looked up and swallowed, his eyes finding Arthur’s lips before glanced back to his eyes. Arthur didn’t think they had been this close since they had kissed in the alleyway. Not only physically, but because Merlin wasn’t looking like he was about to bolt or punch him. Gently, Arthur leant over and kissed him.

There wasn’t anything desperate this time, he just took his time exploring Merlin’s mouth, his fingers threading through the other man’s and pressing them gently into the bed to stop Merlin dominating things again. Merlin’s eyes widened momentarily in surprise before they fell shut and he returned the kiss just as eagerly.

They continued for some time before Arthur pulled back enough to reach for the bottom of Merlin’s shirt. Merlin assisted him as Arthur pulled it off before Merlin’s hands found Arthur’s hem. It was over his head before his brain had caught up with what they were doing, but Arthur kept it at that for now, drinking in the sight of Merlin flushed beneath him. His lips looked thoroughly kissed and it amused Arthur to see that his blush had spread across the top of his chest. Arthur ran his fingers over the skin before leaning down to twirl his tongue around a nipple. Merlin sucked in a sharp breath and arched slightly and Arthur smirked, lathering his attention onto it now he knew how to make Merlin react.

After a few moments, Merlin was panting. He reached forward and grabbed the back of Arthur’s neck, angling his head so he could kiss him properly again. Arthur obliged, shifting slightly as they brushed against each other. Merlin sucked in a sharp breath even as Arthur groaned. He hadn’t been this hard for a long time but one look at the blown gaze in Merlin’s eyes meant he knew the other man was feeling the same. Pressing Merlin’s hands into the mattress one last time in an unspoken order for him not to move, Arthur wriggled down the bed a little. It was almost too easy to unfasten Merlin’s jeans; they were worn and practically falling apart in places.

Being gentle – he knew these were all Merlin had – Arthur teased them down Merlin’s legs, hooking his thumbs around the waistband of Merlin’s underwear and making it follow suit. Instantly, Merlin sprang free and Arthur smirked at seeing the evidence before him that he was not the only one being so deeply affected. He gently placed kisses around Merlin’s thighs.

“Arthur, wait.” Arthur found it a personal victory at just how wrecked Merlin sounded, but he did glance up at him.

“What is it?”

“You’re the one who stopped us earlier. Are you sure about this?” Arthur looked down at the man spread underneath him, naked and aroused. Then he looked in Merlin’s eyes and saw the same need he was feeling reflected in Arthur’s gaze. For all he knew, Merlin could be gone again in the morning. While actually sleeping with him would mean Arthur would just feel for him more, he knew to take each moment as it came. He gently placed a kiss to the top of Merlin’s cock.

“I am if you are,” he murmured. That seemed to be all the invitation Merlin needed for his head to fall back and his hips jerk slightly, as if trying to tell Arthur to get on with it. Arthur grinned in satisfaction, kneeling up slightly so he could get a better angle. Placing his hands on Merlin’s hips to hold him down, Arthur engulfed him in his mouth.

It had been a long time since he had sucked someone off because he actually wanted to rather than it being part of his job or something to keep him safe. It was as if he had forgotten how good it felt when his own cock was straining against his jeans every time he hollowed his cheeks. It didn’t last long – it had clearly been a long time for Merlin as well and he soon came with a shout. Arthur milked him dry, grinning at how Merlin’s legs were quivering as he came down from his orgasm, collapsing back onto the bed and panting desperately. The sight of seeing Merlin like that made Arthur pulse and he groaned, digging open his own jeans.

But a hand was on his before he could slip it inside.

“Let me,” Merlin muttered, not seeming to have the strength to properly lift his head. Arthur nodded, resting back on his heels as Merlin’s hand slipped inside. He had been right in thinking he had elegant fingers, for the first touch of them on his throbbing cock was nearly enough to make Arthur come. Merlin took hold but it only took a few jerks before Arthur spilled all over his hand. As Merlin drew his hand away, Arthur collapsed down next to him.

To his astonishment, Merlin rolled into his side contently. He should have guessed just by how much he had wrapped himself in the blanket that Merlin would have been a snuggler, he just never expected to have been able to experience it for himself.

“Stay,” Arthur hear himself mutter before sleep took him. It wasn’t only the sex, it was everything catching up on him and before he could stop himself, he had fallen asleep. He could feel the comforting weight of Merlin’s head on his side, somehow avoiding his ribs and it just felt so right that Arthur couldn’t stop himself from slipping into dreams.

It was dark when he awoke.

And the bed was empty.

“Shit!” Arthur yelled, frustrated and angry as he stared at the dip where Merlin had been. He lay back angrily, feeling his body tensing.

“What’s wrong?”

Arthur sat up so fast that his head spun and for a moment he wasn’t sure whether he was imaging Merlin standing in the doorway, watching him in concern. Understanding seemed to dawn on Merlin.

“Oh. Arthur, I’m sorry, I didn’t think. I just wanted to do something for you for a change…”

It was only then that Arthur noticed the spatula in Merlin’s hand.

“Are you cooking?”

“I’m trying,” Merlin winced, moving back towards the kitchen as he did so. Arthur dressed, grimacing as he pulled his jeans up and knowing he needed a shower desperately. But for now, he was too busy focusing on the fact Merlin hadn’t left. He could have done, Arthur knew he had been fast asleep. But he had stayed. Arthur knew he was never going to admit to the warm feeling that was causing to spread through him. It seemed he had been telling the truth about trying.

Following Merlin through to the kitchen, Arthur didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at the mess Merlin had made. It was clear he was trying to make something, but what Arthur had no idea. Merlin stood in the middle of the mess and actually looked like he was going to cry.

“I just wanted to make you something to eat,” he moaned, glancing around the mess. “I figured it couldn’t be that hard.”

“It’s been a long time since you made something hot, hasn’t it?” Arthur asked gently, stepping across the kitchen as Merlin nodded miserably. Arthur wrapped his arms around him and kissed him.

“Thank you for trying. How about we order take-away?”

“That’s the best idea you’ve ever had.” Merlin threw down the spatula as if it disgusted him. Arthur chuckled, reaching into a cupboard and finding some menus he had stumbled across earlier. Tossing them at Merlin, he began trying to get a little order back into the kitchen by dumping everything in the sink. Setting the water to run, Arthur glanced over at Merlin. He knew what he was about to say could break the easy atmosphere they had finally managed to achieve. Still, he knew he had to try or he would regret it, always wanting to know what the answer would have been.

“I could teach you, if you like?” Arthur murmured quietly, making sure his voice was soft enough that Merlin could pretend not to hear him if he wanted. To his surprise, Merlin stepped across the kitchen and took his hand.

“I think I would like that. Arthur, I’ve been thinking…”

“Uh oh.”

“Shut up,” Merlin dipped his hand in the bubbles Arthur had just squirted into the sink and flicked some at him.

“Sorry. You were saying-?”

“Maybe I shouldn’t tell you now.”

“ _Mer_ lin, tell me,” Arthur ordered, flicking some bubbles back as if that would make his demand more reasonable. Merlin lent against the counter, watching Arthur wash up while biting his lip. Arthur didn’t think he had ever seen him look that nervous and it meant he had no idea what was about to come next.

“I had fun today,” he admitted softly, causing Arthur to glance at him in alarm. Merlin shook his head. “Not the hospital and crap. But just trying to do things like making the bed, seeing how the smallest things could make you laugh. Arthur… I want to get off the streets.”

Arthur dropped the pan into the water and turned to stare at him. Merlin had never said anything like that before. It wasn’t as if Arthur believed that he enjoyed living out on the streets; no one did. But Merlin had always seemed afraid of change: he knew the streets and knew how to survive out there. A more domestic life was something Merlin had been running from since he was about ten.

“I just don’t know how.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Arthur promised, stepping forward and taking the man in his arms. Merlin was slightly taller, but he bent his head a little so he could lean it against Arthur’s shoulder, gripping his shirt tightly in one hand.

“I’m scared.” Merlin whispered, the hand in Arthur’s shirt tightening as he clearly tried to control his emotions. Arthur let his hand rub up and down Merlin’s back momentarily, trying to soothe him but not being entirely sure how to go about it.

“I know. But you’re not going to do this alone.”

“You’ve got enough crap going on. Until Cendred is properly convicted, do you really think you are going to be able to do anything but think of him?”

“Probably not. But that could take months if his operation is as big as I think it might be. I need something to do and I know full well Leon won’t put me on another case for weeks. I’m going to be stuck on desk duty for ages, I need something to distract me.”

“So I’m your distraction?”

“Something like that,” Arthur muttered, keeping his grip so that Merlin couldn’t pull away. “In all honesty, I don’t know how you go about it. You’ll need a job, but I don’t know how you do that without references.”

“And somewhere to live,” Merlin said quietly. Arthur opened his mouth, but Merlin pressed a finger against it. The action was so intimate it surprised Arthur into silence more than anything.

“Yes, I would like to live with you. But in the future when we’ve done the whole dating thing and decided it was the next step, not because I didn’t have a choice.”

Arthur could see the logic in that and a grin began spreading over his face.

“What?” Merlin seemed almost suspicious as he stared up at him. Arthur shrugged and Merlin repeated the question.

“You still want me in your new life then?” Arthur asked, trying to sound flippant but knowing that he fell short of the mark. He couldn’t help it; it was a genuine concern and he wasn’t sure what Merlin’s answer was going to be.

“I’ve always wanted you, Arthur,” Merlin whispered, leaning up and kissing him gently. “I just didn’t want to admit it, least of all to myself.”

“And now you can admit it?”

“I could have lost you the last couple of days, and you probably would have still thought that I was still using you or whatever it was you thought. It opened my eyes, Arthur. I could have so much more to life if I got off my high horse.”

Arthur didn’t really know what he could say to that. So he did the only thing he could think of and kissed him, silently promising that he was going to do everything in his power to make sure that Merlin had the best chance possible.

After all, keeping the streets safe was part of his job. Why shouldn’t helping someone get off them fall under his jurisdiction as well?

 


	17. Chapter 17

“But how long will it take?” Arthur moaned, wanting an answer. “I just want to go home.”

He was at the station, once again sitting across from Leon and wanting to know what was going on. He had no idea where Merlin was and for once, that didn’t bother him. He had been staying in the safe house for three days now. On the morning of the second, Merlin had promised he would come back but that he couldn’t stay cooped up all day.

Arthur had watched him leave, knowing he was returning to the streets to try and beg for money like usual. It wasn’t as if he could stop him from going, but he had wondered if he would ever see him again. Arthur had then felt guilty for even thinking about it when Merlin turned back up again as it got dark, flushed from the cold and shivering. Arthur had simply shoved him in the shower and started to cook dinner.

Merlin had left again that morning and Arthur hadn’t even let himself doubt whether he would be coming back or not. But he had spent two days in that house now and he knew it was time for him to go back to work. Leon had been surprised to see him but quick to explain that Morgana was safe and one of the team had taken Aithusa over to her, not being sure where Arthur was and thinking he might still be in hospital. But despite knowing his sister and his cat were safe, things weren’t moving fast enough.

How much evidence did they want from his home considering they had caught Cendred and his boys red-handed in there? Arthur hated this feeling of being in limbo.

“Or at least let me back to work.”

“Not until you are able to go home properly. I don’t want you distracted again and still being in a safe house is a distraction.”

“So I’m stuck? I’m supposed to just sit there twiddling my thumbs and waiting for something to happen.

“Annis is coming down tomorrow, Arthur,” Leon said gently, referring to the lawyer he had promised to get hold of. Arthur knew it had caused some difficulty; the reason for wanting Annis was because she was an old friend of his mother’s but that meant she had a personal attachment to the case. After a lot of paperwork and long meetings, it was decided Cendred wasn’t being tried for their murderers but his attack on Arthur right now. She had never met Arthur and everything else had happened a long time ago.

Arthur had only spoken to her once on the phone and she had been shrewd and to the point. He knew that was why she was allowed to do this; she wasn’t the sort of woman to let her emotions get in the way. However, that meant Arthur was sure she was not the type to be blackmailed or threatened and even if Cendred did still manage to have any sort of contact with one of his men on the outside, it wouldn’t make the slightest bit of difference to Annis. She had told Arthur this; calmly informing him nothing intimidated her in cold, clipped tones. Arthur had believed her.

“Well,” Leon had a look about him that meant Arthur knew he wasn’t about to like what he was going to say. “You do have three months of paperwork to catch up on. Did you ever finish your reports on Daegal before you got put on this case?”

Arthur groaned and buried his head in his hands. For a moment, he just sat there weighing up his options. But then he realised Leon was right; it was better to have something to do than moping around feeling sorry for himself. Even Merlin was being more productive with his day than Arthur. He might not be getting anything to show for it, but at least he was trying.

Hauling himself out of the seat, Arthur just about bit back the wince that betrayed how stiff and sore he still was. The doctors had prescribed pain relief, but Arthur was too stubborn to take them. He found they tended to make him drowsy and he had no intention of playing the victim card by sleeping away the day. Leon’s eyes narrowed slightly and Arthur knew he knew. No doubt he was in for another lecture about taking care of himself later, but right now, Arthur kept quiet as he moved through his own office.

He sat for a while staring at the pile of paperwork in front of him. All the reports needed to convict someone were up to date, it was all the fiddly bits left over. Arthur hated doing it. If he was honest, though, it wasn’t his fault they hadn’t been completed. He tended to be whisked onto another case as soon as he was well enough after whatever he had just done, meaning there was no time to get the reports finished. He had, however, made sure every little detail of Cendred’s report was filed in the correct place. He had demanded someone bring them over the day before and that was part of the reason why he had returned to the station that morning. He wasn’t going to let the trial fall through because he hadn’t done his paperwork.

He stared with unseeing eyes at the Daegal case, trying to make his mind think back to over three months ago. It had been a prostitution ring and Arthur still shuddered at what he had had to do in order to get in. Not that anyone knew, however. As long as no one got hurt, Arthur could do whatever he wanted when he was on a case in order to get his target. That was why they sent him in when the police failed to gather enough evidence.

But as he tried to think of the small details – like where the gang had ordered their take away from – Arthur found his mind was drifting back to Cendred again. How long he sat there, just staring into space and trying to make sense of everything that happened, Arthur had no idea. But the soft knock to his door made him jump and Arthur found himself shuffling papers as he bid whoever it was to enter.

Leon walked in, an amused look flitting across his face when he realised Arthur had written one word in the time he had been in here. Arthur glanced at the clock and pulled an apologetic face. He had been in here an hour and done nothing.

“There’s someone here to see you,” Leon said quietly, his voice tense. Arthur frowned.

“Who?” Due to the nature of his work, he never got visitors at the station. Even Gwaine and Lancelot had more people dropping by to thank them or just say hello than Arthur did. But the look on Leon’s face put him on guard; this wasn’t necessarily an opponent, but it wasn’t a friend either.

“Aggravaine.” The name rang a bell with Arthur but it still took a moment to click.

“The man who ordered for it to be me to take the case?”

Leon nodded, but he had a worried look on his face. He stepped forward, his voice lowering. “Be careful, Arthur. There’s something about this I don’t like or trust.”

Arthur nodded and stood up. “Better show him in then.”

He moved around until he was in front of his desk, making sure he had manoeuvring room. He couldn’t help it; it was instinctual to him these days. He never got into a confrontation without knowing he could get out of it. Leon watched him and smiled, briefly squeezing his shoulder before leaving. When he returned, there was another man with him.

Arthur knew not to judge on appearances, but he could see why Leon didn’t trust Aggravaine. The man had a slimy appearance, a smile on his face that didn’t meet his eyes. His gaze, in turn, was taking in everything. Arthur recognised that; it was what he did. Aggravaine was assessing the situation.

“Leave us,” the man ordered. He was technically above them all in the order of things and Leon had no choice but to obey. He left the door open on his way out. Aggravaine sighed, turning his back very deliberately on Arthur as he took his time shutting it again.

“We would like to convey our thanks, young man. Cendred has been darting around the edge of our radars for some time now. The drugs lead was the first solid thing we ever had on him. If we knew what bringing him in would reveal, we would have done it sooner.”

“Why did you ask for me? Surely you knew I had just come off a case and was usually given longer than that to get affairs in order?” Arthur didn’t care if his words were seen as rude. He was known to not be the most diplomatic of people, but it was generally overlooked because of his ability to get the job done.

“I knew you might have a _personal_ interest in making sure the man was caught.”

“I didn’t. Not until I had caught him. Even then there was no evidence. Why would you think that?” Arthur tensed. No one had known anything about Cendred other than the suspected drug involvement. Aggravaine finally turned to face him again, and there was an ugly look on his face.

Arthur swallowed. Aggravaine had known. He had known all along. There was no other explanation for it, nor for the fact he had a gun in his hand.

“Hands on your head,” he ordered. Arthur complied. His mind was racing through the options he had, but he knew he had to buy time. Acting too soon without a plan could result in someone getting hurt. Right now, he didn’t care if it was his superior, but he did have a problem if it was him who was shot. “Sit.”

Arthur sat. With his foot, Aggravaine shoved the chair away from the desk – Arthur along with it – before perching on the desk himself, keeping the weapon trained on Arthur.

“We’re related, you and I,” Aggravaine said calmly. Arthur laughed before he could stop himself.

“I don’t have any relations.”

“None that want anything to do with you, true. But did you know your mother had two brothers, not just the one? Everyone remembers Tristan, despite the fact he is dead. Everyone forgot about me. She forgot about me long before she died.”

“That’s absurd.”

“Still, her will made it clear her fortune went to her closest relative. Should have been me before she had you. That clause still stands; if you die the equivalent of her fortune still passes to her next closest kin. Me.”

“Excuse me?” Arthur began lowering his hands. Aggravaine seemed to have worked himself up to this, talking more to himself than Arthur and he didn’t notice. Right now, Arthur knew it didn’t matter whether Aggravaine was telling the truth or not. He believed it enough for that to make him a threat and Arthur focused on that instead. He began to tense, calculating his options.

“So if you died, I would still get what I deserved twenty odd years ago. As soon as I saw your name – it took me a long time until I was in a position to influence the cases – and Cendred’s, I saw the irony in that.”

“Why would you think Cendred had anything to do with their murders?”

“Who do you think tipped him off when you were home alone without your parents?”

Arthur stared. Regardless of anything else, he knew that had to be true. It matched in perfectly with what Cendred had said. Throwing caution to the wind, Arthur jumped up and threw himself at Aggravaine. It was time this ended. Now.

Arthur was fit and active, despite his recent beating. Aggravaine spent his days in the office sitting behind a desk. It took almost no effort on Arthur’s behalf to seize the gun and force it from the man’s hand. He had hoped to keep hold of it himself, use it to force the man to comply and therefore end this. But Aggravaine regained his wits at the wrong moment and struck out, forcing Arthur to lose his grip on the gun.

As it went clattering harmlessly across the floor, Arthur delivered a few blows in quick succession that had Aggravaine on the floor, wheezing. Shaking his head, Arthur kept an eye on him as he moved across to open the door.

He never would have thought a man could move that fast.

But as soon as his attention was half-diverted, Aggravaine was on his feet. His hand slammed shut the door from the inch or so Arthur had managed to open it, his other hand seizing Arthur’s wrist and yanking it up behind his back as he forced Arthur to his knees. It wouldn’t normally be enough to take Arthur down, but Aggravaine had pushed him into the door at the same time, and the handle digging into his fractured ribs drove the breath from him and gave Aggravaine the advantage.

Arthur felt himself being thrown across the room, hitting the desk and yelling out in pain as it jostled his injuries again. Aggravaine followed him, seizing a fistful of hair as he pressed Arthur’s head to the desk, tilting it to one side in order to bear his neck. He was somehow pulling something from his pocket at the same time and Arthur knew he had to hit the gym again if he was going to stand a chance at his job.

“Without their key witness, the trial will fall through. Cendred promised to double the fortune if I let him kill you himself. Works for me, less to blame on me.”

Arthur snarled and bucked upwards as he realised it was a needle in Aggravaine’s hand. But the man had worked them into a position where strength and ability didn’t matter, he had Arthur pinned.

“I was even promised a first row seat for when he makes you scream. That should be recompense enough with having to work these last twenty years rather than using the money I was entitled to.”

“You’re mad,” Arthur gasped, struggling to free himself. His hand reached across the desk, searching for anything he could use as a weapon. His hand closed around a paperweight and he began dragging it back towards him.

“Mad? Mad to have made sure I could get you exactly where I wanted you?” Aggravaine pressed him harder against the desk and Arthur gritted his teeth as he tried to navigate the weight into a position where he could actually use it. But he was too late.

Even as he got the right angle, he felt the sharp scratch of a needle against his neck and physically felt the contents being emptied into his veins.

Aggravaine backed off and Arthur instantly stood, whirling around to face his attacker.

And promptly collapsed.

Arthur had honestly thought that was it. Aggravaine was going to take him straight back to Cendred, and this time the man wouldn’t be too bothered about making Arthur scream, he would just want him dead. After all, it was because of Arthur he had now been arrested twice. Arthur had a feeling he knew what sort of man Cendred was and knew that wouldn’t be something he would be able to let go.

He tried to lift himself, tried to do something in order to defend himself. Even screaming for help would suit him right now, although he was sure Gwaine wouldn’t let him live it down for a long time after the shock had worn off.

But it was then that Arthur realised he had a bigger problem. He literally couldn’t move. The only thing he could do was blink, even breathing was a lot of effort. Making any sort of sound was beyond him and he couldn’t even lift a finger.

True fear began to settle in on him. Deep down, he had been clinging onto the hope that once Aggravaine thought he was defeated, he would let down his guard and Arthur would be able to take him, injured or not. But he could hardly take down a man when he couldn’t lift his head off the floor. Arthur opted for trying to make some sort of noise, but all that managed to escape him was a soft grunt. Aggravaine standing over him could have easily missed it, there was no way it was going to alert anyone else in the station that something was wrong. Arthur just hoped Aggravaine hadn’t thought about how he was going to actually get him out of here.

For now, however, the man seemed more concerned with making sure that Arthur was secure, despite the fact he couldn’t move.

“Scientists have always argued about this drug, you know. Absolute paralysis, but they’ve never quite been able to work out just how long the affects last.” The man’s voice was almost friendly as he rolled Arthur over, pulling his arms behind him and cuffing them there. Arthur had never felt so helpless.

At least when Cendred had him, he could still defy the man with words, even if he couldn’t physically. Or, as the case had been, by standing quiet. But even that option had gone from him now and Arthur could feel his heart racing as Aggravaine left him on the floor and went to check the door. How he honestly thought he was just going to walk straight out with Arthur, he had no idea.

But then Arthur blinked. The image he thought he saw hadn’t disappeared even with clearing his vision, and the look of shock at the position Arthur was in was enough to tell him he wasn’t hallucinating as some strange side-effect.

Merlin was outside of his office window.

As far as Arthur knew, he had only been to the station the one time Arthur had got him arrested. It was nothing but sheer luck Arthur’s office was on the ground floor and it had a window overlooking the small amount of outside space the place owned. It was basically a car park, that was all.

But right now, it was the best view Arthur could ask for. Merlin could get help.

If, of course, Arthur could find a way to tell him. Merlin’s eyes flickered between Arthur sprawled on the floor to where Aggravaine still had his back to the rest of the room. He seemed to be asking if that was the man responsible. Arthur couldn’t nod, but he willed Merlin to read the answer in his eyes.

He had no idea whether he had or not when Merlin vanished from the window again.

To start with, Arthur had no idea what was going on. But then he heard footsteps and knew that Aggravaine was returning to him. Merlin had disappeared before he was seen; quicker on the mark than Arthur had given him credit for. Right now, Arthur couldn’t focus on Merlin, he was too busy trying to see if he could wriggle his toes yet.

But they remained impossible still and Aggravaine took hold of the back of his shirt, dragging him upright and then altering their position so he could tip Arthur over his shoulder. It was only then that Arthur realised the downside to his office. Aggravaine didn’t have to go out of the door. He could go straight out the window and stroll across to his car – with Arthur as his hostage – and no one was going to be any the wiser until they checked to see why they had never emerged from Arthur’s office.

It was only knowing Merlin had seen something that stopped Arthur panicking. He wasn’t used to being this stuck and he decided he really didn’t like the feeling. As soon as this was over, he was getting Percival to recommend him a gym instructor who could get Arthur back to the way he used to be.

He couldn’t think about that now, however. Even if Merlin had set off at a sprint around to the front of the building and Gwaine and Lancelot came charging through his office, it wouldn’t be enough time. Aggravaine would be halfway across the car park by the time Merlin reached the front and when he finally got someone to listen to him and fetch their friends, Aggravaine would have no doubt be speeding away, taking Arthur with him. Arthur honestly didn’t see how he was going to get out of this when his toes were still refusing to move.

He managed to force another grunt from him as Aggravaine opened the window. But the man either didn’t hear him or ignored it. Arthur had a feeling it was the latter – Aggravaine was too busy trying to work out how he was going to get them both out of the window in one trip, clearly not wanting to let Arthur go again now he had him. It resulted in Arthur smacking his head off the frame, but considering he couldn’t even make a sound of pain, he figured Aggravaine didn’t really care.

They dropped to the ground and Arthur cursed in his own head when the movement made him bite his tongue. As hard as he was trying, it clearly took some time before the drug wore off and Aggravaine was already moving towards his car.

“Put him down,” a voice snarled. Arthur didn’t think he would have recognised it if he wasn’t staring at Merlin’s worn shoes from where he was still hanging over Aggravaine’s shoulder. The man turned and Arthur had to admit to being glad his stomach wasn’t working properly either. Although being sick down the man trying to kidnap him did seem to have some poetic justice.

Aggravaine took one look at Merlin and burst out laughing. Arthur had to admit; he had a point. Merlin was young, skinny and looked as if he had been living rough. Even a couple of decent meals, showers and two nights in a proper bed had done nothing to rid him off the street look.

“Be on your way, boy.”

“Put him down.”

Arthur cried out as Aggravaine simply did drop him, then found a laugh of relief escape him. He had a voice back. Aggravaine cursed and Arthur knew the drug must be beginning to wear off. He still couldn’t move, but at least he could speak.

“Back up is already on the way, Aggravaine,” he growled, hating the fact he was forced to just lie on the ground and hope the man listened to him. If not, there was really nothing Arthur could do and he wasn’t entirely sure there was truly anything Merlin could do, either. At least it was buying them time.

“You didn’t call for it.”

“Merlin did.”

“Him.”

“Yes, him. Do you really think undercover agents manage to get the job done if they didn’t look convincing?” Arthur had never spun a lie so fast, not in any of the situations he had been put in over the years. But Merlin had begun to buy him time and Arthur knew he had to make the most of that. As he was speaking, he felt a strange tingling sensation trickle down his neck and managed to smirk when he realised he could at least turn his head to glare at the man who believed he was his uncle.

Aggravaine looked slightly taken aback as he glanced between Arthur and Merlin. Merlin, however, seemed to take that as an opening and he threw himself at the older man. Arthur could only wince as the pair grappled on the floor. Aggravaine was well rested, strong and had a career of being in the police behind him. Merlin didn’t stand a chance and it was only a few moments before Aggravaine flipped them, straddling him and his hands finding Merlin’s throat.

“He’s no policeman.”

“Maybe not. But they are.” Aggravaine glanced at Arthur, then realised his prisoner was staring at something over his shoulder. Slowly, Aggravaine turned to find Gwaine, Lancelot and Leon all standing over him. Each had a gun in his hand, aimed directly at him.

“I do believe your meeting is over, Sir. Odin has already been informed of your treachery,” Leon said mildly. Gwaine moved forward, yanking Aggravaine off Merlin and repeating the man’s earlier actions by yanking his arms behind him and securing them there. He then proceeded to search the man’s pockets – not being the slightest bit gentle about it – until he found the key to Arthur’s cuffs. He tossed them to Leon, who quickly bent down to release Arthur. He tried to help him sit up, but Arthur’s body wasn’t quite ready to obey him just yet and he ended up falling back against Leon.

To his eternal gratitude, Leon didn’t say anything but just supported him, both watching mutely as Lancelot helped Merlin up and checked him over.

“Are you okay?” Arthur asked anxiously. Merlin shot him an incredulous look.

“Says the man who was just drugged and practically abducted from his own office? Are you?”

Arthur managed to nod properly and grinned in success at the movement. Merlin rolled his eyes and came to crouch next to him, reaching out a hand and brushing Arthur’s hair back from his face.

“I was pretty scared when I saw you on the floor like that.”

“What are you doing here?” The only thing Arthur was pleased about in regards to the whole not being able to move properly problem was that he couldn’t do anything he would later regret; like taking Merlin into his arms in front of his friends.

“I saw you leave the house and followed you here.”

“You followed me? Why?”

“Wanted to see if I could. You always seemed to know if someone was approaching when we were in the alleyway. I wanted to know if you only noticed when you were on duty.”

Arthur could only stare at him, and it was nothing to do with the fact he could barely move. Anger wasn’t possible right now, not when Merlin had been the reason why Arthur wasn’t halfway to who knows where already.

“How did you guys know?” he angled his head so his friend would know he was talking to them. He felt Leon shrug from behind him.

“Something didn’t feel right. I knocked on your door, no answer. Pushed it open to hear Merlin telling this creep to put you down, grabbed these two and here we are.”

“How did you get here so fast though?”

“You don’t think we actually went around the front, do you?” Gwaine said, a wide grin spreading across his face. “Apparently Leon here is quite athletic when he wants to put. Yelled for Lance and I, then just causally vaulted out of the window.”

“I’m impressed.”

“Well, won’t happen again, killed my back doing so. Merlin, if you are sure you are alright, can you come and take Arthur for me? I for one would quite like to get this jerk in the cells before reporting to head office they were complete arseholes giving him a job in the first place.”

Merlin grinned before disappearing out of Arthur’s eye-line. He had limited movement back now and knew it wouldn’t be long before he was fully capable again, the tingling had spread to the rest of his body. But it was quite comfortable leaning back on Merlin as he slipped in behind him, despite the man being too skinny.

“Shut up,” Merlin muttered when Arthur voice that out loud, and Arthur found he didn’t have to be looking at him to know Merlin would be blushing. The pair watched in silence as Leon escorted Aggravaine in, Gwaine and Lancelot following suit.

“Was he working for Cendred?”

“Partly. Apparently he is my uncle and I’m in his way of a fortune.”

“That’s stupid.”

“Tell me about it.” Arthur attempted to sit up, only to realise he wasn’t quite there yet and ended up leaning back once more. He could feel Merlin’s breath tickling his neck.

“You saved my life. Again.” Arthur mumbled, craning his head around as much as he could so that he could look at Merlin. To his relief, there was a smile spreading over Merlin’s face.

“Yeah, well, you saved mine the first night we met. Only fair I returned the favour.”

“I’ve come for you since then.”

“Was your fault I was in those situations in the first place, so that doesn’t count as saving me.”

“Take it back, not grateful at all.” Arthur quipped, grinning at the fact banter still came easy between them despite everything they had been through.

“Liar.”

“So?” Even as Arthur continued to crane his head around to look at him, Merlin suddenly moved forward and kissed him. It was light and gentle, yet somehow tenderer than anything before. Arthur was smiling by the time Merlin drew back; he could count on one hand the amount of times Merlin had initiated anything between them.

“Let me come with you tomorrow?” Arthur murmured gently. Merlin looked surprised.

“Why?”

“I know your world better than you know mine and I think it is time to see if we can actually still spend the day together without someone trying to kill us or us trying to kill each other, don’t you?”

Merlin nodded before a frown crossed his face as he clearly thought of something. “Where would we go, though?”

“How about our normal spot?” Arthur said quietly, referring to the street corner he had insisted on every day so he could keep an eye on Cendred’s movements.

When Merlin kissed him again, Arthur was sure he could feel the other man’s smile against his lips.


	18. Chapter 18

“Seriously, Arthur, you’re fussing about what you want to wear? I know in our strange way this is an absurd date, but I’m honestly not going to judge whether you wear the red or the blue hoody.”

“Shut up,” Arthur muttered, throwing a scarf at Merlin.

Merlin had come home with him after Leon had practically thrown him from work. Arthur had a feeling his boss had wanted someone there to keep an eye on him, just in case there was any delayed reaction to what Aggravaine had given him. Percival had done a blood test and confirmed that it had left his system quickly, but that never stopped Leon from worrying. Arthur smiled; nothing stopping Leon from worrying. But he also knew that Leon wanted someone with him just in case someone else decided that Arthur was an easy target.

They had interrogated Aggravaine long and hard before Leon realised Arthur was still in the room. He was hardly going to pass up an opportunity to see Odin at work; the man was ruthless. But unlike Aggravaine, he had worked his way up from a job like Arthur’s and Arthur found that he was storing away a few tips on how to handle suspects that refused to talk. It was clever the way he manipulated anything Aggravaine said until they got to the truth: the man truly was an uncle, and there was a clause in Arthur’s mother’s will that stated the closest kin gets the money. But that had changed – the inheritance only passed on now to whoever Arthur’s will dictated – Aggravaine would have never been able to get a penny out of him.

Arthur knew Odin was delighted they had just managed to take down another key player to Cendred’s operation. They had sent Arthur in on a drug suspicion and now seemed to have everyone in custody for murder. In anyone’s books, that was a good day.

But Arthur felt as if the case had been closed with Aggravaine by the time he left. The man had acted tough when he had Arthur at his complete mercy and unable to move, but as soon as he was put under any sort of pressure, he had completely crumbled and admitted to everything. The recorder had barely been able to keep up with the confessions spilling from Aggravaine’s mouth.

Upon arriving home, Arthur had ordered enough takeaway for two – without asking Merlin – crashed down on the sofa and stuck the TV on. He was too drained to think about anything else. But it had been a strange evening. They had eaten and Merlin had ended up curled up next to him, his head on Arthur’s shoulders as they had passed the hours flicking between channels and watching rubbish. Arthur wasn’t sure if that was something Merlin had ever done before. But he hadn’t wanted to ask; not when the other man had fallen asleep after a couple of hours.

Arthur wasn’t happy with how easy it was to carry Merlin to bed. He had fractured ribs and had been paralysed earlier that day, and yet it took no effort at all to slip him under the covers. Percival had muttered a few words of encouragement when he had checked Arthur over though, claiming it wouldn’t take long of sleep and regular meals and the difference in Merlin would be alarming. But as he slipped into the bed next to the man – Merlin automatically cuddling in – Arthur found that he was looking forward to that day. Until Merlin stopped looking like he was going to collapse in a strong breeze, Arthur knew he would always be holding himself back.

He didn’t know why he stayed in the same bed as Merlin that night. It wasn’t as if Merlin noticed until he woke the next morning. But he remembered what had happened the last time he had tried to give Merlin the spare bed and had no intention of being rendered unconscious for making that mistake again. Besides, he found he slept better when there was another body pressed against his; something he had never known until Merlin had decided to share his blanket while being out on the street.

There had been almost a nervousness between them the next morning and Arthur knew it was because of what he had asked to do. He made sure they had a warming and filling breakfast and was determined he was going to wear something he wouldn’t freeze in. But it wasn’t just a matter of finding his thick coat, for no doubt someone would have a knife and an idea they wanted that coat. He also didn’t want to admit it, but he was hoping that Merlin would take the hint and borrow something.

After all, literally throwing a scarf in his face couldn’t be more obvious. He glanced over, barely able to hide his grin when he saw that Merlin had already wrapped the scarf around his neck. He looked like he was doing it to tease Arthur; he had thrown it over so it was his fault he wasn’t getting it back. But considering that meant his plan was going the way he wanted, Arthur didn’t say anything about it. Merlin sidled closer, reaching into the wardrobe and pulling out a red hoody.

“If you’re going to be that picky, wear this one. Red suits you.”

The team were almost done with his flat now and Leon had promised that he would be able to move back in the following day. Luckily, someone had thought to bring over a selection of clothes the first night so Arthur didn’t feel too stranded. He was, however, slightly put out that they had taken Aithusa to Morgana. Still, he knew his sister would take good care of his cat and there was no fear of her being abducted by someone and therefore Aithusa going hungry again. Arthur had insisted the cat got checked over by a vet after being without food for a few days, but the man had been quick to assure them that he was fit and healthy and being thoroughly spoilt by Morgana.

Arthur quickly pulled on the jumper, only to find that Merlin hadn’t backed away. The man smoothed it over his shoulders, fussing with the hood for a moment.

“It really does suit you,” he murmured, glancing up into Arthur’s eyes before ducking his head again and pretending to be sorting out the strings on the top. Arthur grinned before reaching back in and pulled out the blue one as well.

“If I have to wear red because you think it suits me, then you have to wear blue for the same reason,” he said quietly. If he was honest, he just wanted Merlin warm enough but felt satisfied when Merlin took it and pulled it on without protesting. If he was seeing through Arthur’s pretence, then it didn’t really matter; he was still letting Arthur have his way for now. Arthur, however, was fully aware that it would only last for so long until Merlin snapped. One thing he had learnt about the man was that Merlin could never make things easy – either for himself or for Arthur.

But a sock fight and a quick argument about gloves later found the two of them leaving. They walked the first part in silence, but to Arthur’s surprise, he found that he felt almost nervous. He had gained himself a reputation while he had been living out here, despite none of it being real. It felt odd to return to it with the chance of running into those who had known him from before. He didn’t often have contact with anyone he had met on a case afterwards, they weren’t exactly in the same social circles. Then again, he had certainly never ended up practically dating – if that was what they could call it – one of them either.

Merlin seemed to sense his discomfort, however. Before Arthur could question whether going here was truly the best idea, a hand had slid into his and Merlin’s fingers folded around his own.

“I had a good day yesterday. How about I buy you a coffee?”

Arthur opened his mouth to protest. Merlin had literally what he could gain in a day. But then he shut it again and he nodded. Merlin hated charity and yet was almost living with Arthur right now and depending on him. They both knew it wouldn’t last, but Arthur knew it would be playing on Merlin’s mind. If he could afford to buy Arthur a coffee and so know that he accomplished that on his own without Arthur lending him the money, then Arthur knew it would do him the world of good.

He didn’t need to ask where they were going and had a grin on his face when Merlin led them into the old coffee shop. Mrs Henderson looked up, her mouth falling open at seeing them walking in hand in hand and Merlin dressed in clothes that quite obviously belonged to Arthur – the size alone gave that away.

“Well, well,” she said, coming out from behind the counter and standing in front of them, her hands on her hips. “The usual?”

She was clearly satisfied with what she saw for she simply gestured for them to sit down while she made the drinks they had always ordered before. Despite his earlier nerves, Arthur found that he had a grin on his face as Merlin pulled out his handful of change. Something about this just felt right. After all, it was in places like this and desperately seeing if they had enough money that had caused him to start falling in love with Merlin in the first place.

It felt a little bit like coming home.

When Merlin had decided that he did have enough money after all and their drinks had been brought over, the silence between them finally broke.

“I’m glad you suggested this,” Merlin began and Arthur realised he sounded hesitant. He staring into his mug rather than meeting Arthur’s gaze. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something, but it never seemed right in the flat. Even though it’s not yours, it’s your world and I didn’t quite know how to cross over into it. But when you said about coming out here, I knew this was my chance.”

“Chance for what?” Arthur kept his voice casual even though he was a little nervous about what Merlin was about to say. He knew Merlin had to do whatever this was at his own pace although he didn’t think the man was actually going to respond for a moment.

“I need your help.”

His mutter was so quiet that Arthur barely even heard him. He didn’t say anything, waiting to see if Merlin would continue. The man seemed to have frozen, however, so Arthur knew it was his turn.

“Help with what?”

“You know what I said about wanting to get off the streets? I meant it, Arthur. I even went to the job centre yesterday. But they won’t pay out in cash and I, well, Idon’thaveabankaccount.”

Arthur blinked, trying to process what Merlin had just said. Then it dawned on him.

“So they won’t let you sign on until you have one?”

Merlin shook his head. “I don’t even know where to begin with things like that. I know the system tends to get it all organised when you are getting close to sixteen as you can then work and handle your own money a little more. But I had left by then. I don’t know…”

“It’s okay,” Arthur reached across and smiled, taking Merlin’s hand. “We’ll make some enquiries. You might have one from, you know, before. We have contact with all sorts of solicitors and people who can help at the station. I can get someone to look it up. Merlin… Aggravaine has made me think… Did you get left anything?”

He knew that if Merlin hadn’t brought up the issue of money himself, Arthur would have never done it. He knew it was still hard for Merlin to talk about. Merlin looked at him blankly.

“I have no idea.”

Arthur nodded, not wanting to say anything in case it betrayed his anger. But he had hated the system when he had been part of it and knew he had practically been saved by Morgana’s parents taking an interest in the little blond boy sitting on his own in the corner. But Merlin was proof of why he hated it; it was as if he had just been processed and no one had really bothered to think about his future and the sort of things he needed.

“It’s okay. I’ll find out. We’ll get you sorted. And, well, I mean… if they need a permanent address for registering, you know you can always use mine. I’m not saying you have to be there, it’s just if things come through the post, I thought it might be easier…”

“Thank you,” Merlin’s words were soft, quiet and sincere and Arthur knew his gesture had been appreciated rather than met with an accusation of charity. “I just wish there was something I could do to pay you back. When I have a job, I will, I swear, I just…”

“I can think of ways,” Arthur took himself by surprise by saying that and Merlin glanced up. Anything that could have been taken the wrong way was lost by the fact Arthur could feel himself blushing. Merlin took one look at his face and burst out laughing.

“I still can’t believe you manage to be undercover all of this time. You light up like a beacon as soon as you say something that isn’t quite innocent.”

“Only with you,” Arthur protested, and then blushed further when he realised that just made things worse. Merlin leant across and took his hand, a fond smile on his face.

“Is it wrong that I like that? That I’m the only one that can get you blushing like that?” Arthur lifted his free hand and brushed his knuckles across Merlin’s cheek.

“Just wait. I’ll get these red before long,” he promised. Merlin seemed to gulp and his eyes darted down to Arthur’s lips before meeting his gaze again. Arthur quickly finished his drink.

“I know we said today we were going to be out here but…”

“Let’s go back. Now.” Merlin followed suit and stood up, practically running for the door. Arthur followed in a more controlled manner, although his heart was beating just as hard. Something told him this time wouldn’t be hasty hand jobs or sucking Merlin off.

It was almost as if Merlin admitting that he wanted Arthur’s help had just lowered a barrier between them Arthur didn’t even know still existed. But he felt hopeful; Merlin trying to make something of his life meant they had a change together. Arthur wasn’t naïve; he knew there was only so long he could support the two of them before he began to feel bitterly about it – he wasn’t exactly perfect.

But for now, hope would be enough to get him through.

MMM

Arthur had no idea where the following week went. Leon had given it to him off work, naively thinking that Arthur would use it to rest. By now, Arthur really thought the man knew him better than that. Rest was the last thing on his mind. He was able to move back into his flat the day after coffee with Merlin, and then took it as a challenge to make sure everything was back exactly how it should be, even going as far as painting a few of the walls in order to cover up any of the damage Cendred’s men had done. It was a rushed job and far from perfect for someone who was used to things being exactly the way he liked them, but it was better than nothing.

When he wasn’t painting and convincing his cat it was now safe to be in the flat, Arthur found he had taken Merlin’s plea for help as a personal challenge. He did what he had promised; hunting down those at the station who had contacts who would be able to help and set them to examine Merlin’s past, seeing if the man did indeed have any inheritance he was owed or even a bank account set up somewhere. Arthur knew he was in a good position to help; the police helping to establish an identity meant far less questions would be asked if they needed to start from scratch, but Arthur wanted to find something. He didn’t want Merlin to have to start from scratch, he wanted him to have something.

It helped that Merlin himself seemed to get caught up in Arthur’s frenzy. To start with, he looked as if he was going to take back everything he had just said and pretend that it hadn’t happened. But Arthur wouldn’t let him, not now he knew that Merlin wanted so much more to life. By distracting him for a few days by roping him in to help with the flat, Arthur finally got him relaxed enough to talk about it again and managed to persuade him that there was only so much Arthur could do to help; Merlin had to help himself.

At Arthur’s prompting, he went to see Percival. It was less formal than a regular doctor, helped by the fact Percival already knew his position so it wasn’t as if Merlin had the embarrassment of explaining he had been on the streets. Arthur didn’t know what they spoke about – he didn’t ask. But Merlin came home with sheets upon sheets about nutrition and health and found himself on a quite strict diet in order to give him a chance to build himself back up again. Somehow, it seemed to go unspoken that he would stay with Arthur for a little longer. At least until the banking was sorted out and he could sign on and have his own money.

Arthur knew he was looking for jobs already. It seemed once Merlin set his mind to something and got started, he could be just as determined as Arthur to carry through with his plans. By the time it was Arthur’s turn to go back to work, the change in him was almost amazing. A week of solid nights’ sleep and regular meals – not to mention being kept active – meant the sparkle in Merlin’s eyes was firmly back in place and didn’t seem to be going out this time.

Arthur wasn’t sure if that was because he was busy, or because now they had finally started sleeping together it was like they couldn’t get enough of it.

He knew Merlin was not the only one with a sparkle in his eye.

The thought made Arthur smile as he sat at his desk, twiddling his pen. He was still technically grounded, stuck doing paperwork at least until a case came in that didn’t put him in any immediate danger. The court dates for Cendred were still being discussed and Arthur knew Leon didn’t want him deep undercover only to cut and run in order to go to court. Arthur had insisted that he was there, even though all the evidence had already been given. They had caught Cendred red-handed; the man didn’t have much of a defence to go on. But Arthur wanted to look him in the eye as he was led away, knowing that he had finally solved his parents’ murder.

“Arthur? You’re thinking about Cendred again.” Arthur glanced up to see Leon standing in the doorway. There was no point even denying it; Leon couldn’t normally get to his door without Arthur at least hearing him. He grinned sheepishly, but didn’t say anything. Leon came further into the room, sitting down.

“How are you?” The question was so blunt and to the point, Arthur could only stare at him for a moment. They didn’t tend to talk about things like this. His confusion must have shown on his face for Leon sighed.

“Before things really kicked off, you wanted to see the counsellor in order to make sure you were fit for duty because your heart was ruling your head and I think it was freaking you out. But then things got crazy and no one really had a choice to do anything but focus on Cendred. Do you still want to talk to someone?”

Arthur shook his head and Leon frowned.

“But Merlin…”

“It’s not the same,” Arthur said softly, stretching his legs out under his desk and finally putting his pen down just to stop him fiddling with it. “Before, I had no chance with him; he hated me and we lived worlds apart. He’s got past the hate and trying to make something of his life. And I guess you could say that I’ve got used to the fact that I care about someone.”

“That was what was bothering you?” Leon sounded incredulous as he glanced at Arthur. “You had never been in love before and you were scared?”

“You mean to say you weren’t terrified when you realised just how strongly you felt about my sister?” Leon blushed deeply and Arthur knew his point had been made. He reached across the table and gripped Leon’s forearm.

“She rang me last night. We talked in a way we haven’t done since before I took Cendred’s case. She sounded happy and I know that is because of you.”

“Is this where you threaten what you would do if I hurt her?”

“Nah. You’ve been moping over her for too long to hurt her and her nails are deadlier than Aithusa’s. She can threaten you herself.”

As soon as he had finished speaking, Arthur realised something. It wasn’t just Morgana he hadn’t spoken to properly since before this case, it was all of his friends. Between one thing and another, Arthur felt as if he had been shutting himself off from them, mainly because he knew he was being a fool over Merlin and it was their duty as his friends to tell him so. He stood up.

“Have Gwaine and Lance left for their patrol yet?”

“Just leaving. Why?”

“Can I go too?” Leon looked as if he wanted to argue, especially when he glanced at the stack of paperwork still sitting on Arthur’s desk. But then Arthur shot him a wide-eyed look that he knew never failed with his old friend and Leon sighed.

“If you get so much as a scrapped up knee out there, I’m chaining you to this desk. You’re not even supposed to be back at work yet, they wanted me to give you a month off.”

“Like you could survive that long without me,” Arthur quipped, heading for the door and calling out to his friends to wait. He might not be allowed back undercover yet, but that didn’t mean he had to sit behind a desk. Getting back to what he knew and loved was a sure way of putting all of this behind him.

Arthur would never admit it – least of all to Gwaine – but he had fun that afternoon. They only made two arrests for public disturbance and gave someone else a warning for their parking, but it was enough to make him feel as if he was doing his job. The three of them spoke easily as the day drew on, once they had got past the initial awkwardness of Arthur trying to apologise for them being hurt when Cendred tried to get to him.

But by the time they arrived back at the station, Arthur was contently tired and feeling like any gaps in their friendship had been sorted. They were back on track – _he_ was back on track. As Arthur headed for home, he couldn’t help but feel as soon as Cendred was behind bars, it would be like this had never happened. He was already feeling a sense of normality entering his life after what felt like months of chaos.

Unlocking the flat door, Arthur grinned at the fact there were lights on. Someone else was home, and he was beginning to get used to that. A small white ball of fluff quickly ran over and wrapped itself around his ankles, purring contently. Arthur kicked off his shoes and scooped Aithusa up, stroking him gently as he carried him through to the kitchen and put him down next to his bowl, making sure it was topped up.

He then turned to find Merlin, only to jump at seeing the man sitting bolt upright in a chair, his face pale.

“Merlin?” The man didn’t seem to hear him and Arthur quickly crossed the room before crouching down in front of him. “Merlin, what’s wrong?”

Merlin didn’t react until Arthur rested a hand on his knee, gently drawing his attention onto him. Even then, Merlin’s eyes were wide.

“I have a flat,” he muttered hoarsely. Arthur blinked, convinced he must have misheard him to start with. But the look of shock on Merlin’s face told him he had heard right.

“How?”

“The woman you asked to look into my affairs-,”

“Elena.”

“Yes, her. She found something. My mum did leave a will. We didn’t have much so there isn’t much in it and it has been so long most of that stuff has probably disappeared. But there’s a flat. Apparently it was my dad’s, and he left it to Mum and she left it to me.”

“Where?”

“Not far down the road from here.”

“That’s good, right?” Arthur thought it couldn’t have been better – it gave Merlin a complete jumpstart into his new life. If the flat was owned by his dad, then the chances were the mortgage had been paid off and there would be no rent, meaning all Merlin had to finance were the bills. Right now that wasn’t possible, but it was better than spending any money he eventually earned just trying to keep a roof over his head.

“I-I think so.” Merlin seemed completely shaken up and Arthur carefully unclenched his fingers until he could slip his own hand into his grip, allowing Merlin to clench on.

“Why don’t we go and see it at the weekend if we can get Elena to get the keys. Then you can see if you like it or whether you want to sell it or…”

Arthur didn’t have the chance to say anything else. Merlin seemed to suddenly snap himself out of his daze and grabbed Arthur’s collar, pulling him forward and kissing him hard. When he finally drew back, Arthur was panting for breath and Merlin was blushing slightly.

“What was that for?”

“I just never thought that I would actually have a chance at a normal life. And now… I have the flat and I…” His voice dropped to barely a whisper and Arthur had to lean forward to hear him. “And I have you.”

This time, it was Arthur’s turn to lean forward and he gently cupped Merlin’s cheek before drawing him in for a kiss again. Nudging him in the direction of the bedroom, he quickly placed an order for a takeaway – deciding it was time for a celebration, not sticking to Merlin’s diet – and followed him through.

By the time the food arrived forty minutes later, both men were completely sated and dishevelled, the delivery driver going bright red at the completely mussed up look Arthur was carrying off when he opened the door.

As he sleepily picked at noodles, Arthur spoke again.

“You always will, you know,” he murmured softly, being too distracted trying to use chopsticks while lying on the floor to look at Merlin as he spoke.

“Will what?”

This time, Arthur deliberately kept his attention focused on the food.

“Have me.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are; the final chapter.
> 
> Thank you so much to those of you who have stuck with me through this and constantly let me know your thoughts - you are literally the only reason that I ever got the end with all of the characters seeming to fight back against this plot line. I really hope you like this last chapter!
> 
> Thanks again!

Arthur gently squeezed the hand in his, sensing Merlin’s hesitation. He wasn’t surprised. It was a grand looking building although Arthur knew the flats inside wouldn’t reflect the grandeur. He had been in a place like this before; grand on the outside and run down inside. But he didn’t say anything – having no intention of putting Merlin off from going in. He knew the man would run given the chance, claiming he wasn’t ready for this.

Arthur wasn’t going to let him.

They had gone to get the keys once Arthur had finished work the previous day. Merlin had admitted he had been looking at educational courses and Arthur had been hard pushed to keep the beaming smile off his face. He didn’t want to make it too obvious in case it made Merlin feel uncomfortable, but he was proud of the man. Most people would have expected to get a job just because they had decided they wanted one. Merlin, however, seemed to be planning on how to better himself and give himself a chance for the future.

But Merlin had fallen quiet once the keys were in their possession and had skipped dinner in order to curl up in bed. Arthur had thought he was asleep when he had joined him hours later, only to be surprised when Merlin suddenly straddled him. There was desperation in his movements as he rode Arthur fiercely, and he still didn’t say anything when they were done, just curling into Arthur’s side, his head resting on his chest. Arthur had fallen asleep, but he wasn’t sure Merlin’s eyes had closed.

He had no idea what was going on in the man’s head.

Merlin’s silence had continued for the entire morning so far. Arthur had asked him whether he still wanted to go or not and Merlin had answered by throwing Arthur’s coat at him while he wound the borrowed scarf around his neck again. But his hand had slipped into Arthur’s the second they were out on the street and it had just got tighter and tighter with every step they took. Now, it was almost painful.

Arthur slid his own free, moving to stand in front of Merlin, blocking the view of the building. He put his hands on Merlin’s shoulders, trying to get the man to focus on him rather than what they were doing. After a moment, Merlin’s eyes met his and Arthur could see the pain and confusion spiralling within. He could hardly blame Merlin; the man had grown up with nothing, decided to change things and suddenly had been given a boost in a way he couldn’t refuse. It was hardly considered charity when it technically belonged to him already.

“You don’t have to do this now,” Arthur said gently, tightening his grip when it looked like Merlin was going to pull away. “But if you want to, know you aren’t doing this alone. I can wait out here if you want me to or I’ll come with you. Either way, I’ll be right here.”

Merlin swallowed hard and his eyes flickered back to the flat again. Arthur could see the decision in his face by the way his mouth tilted into a slight smile.

“Come with me,” he murmured, reaching out and linking his fingers through Arthur’s again. “I didn’t know my father, but knowing this was his, and now that it is mine… I want you there.”

“Then there is where I’m going to be,” Arthur said cheerfully, trying to stop Merlin from thinking too deeply about this. He knew once they were through the door, it would be easier. But in the end, he had to take the key off Merlin and insert it in the lock himself, for Merlin’s hand was trembling too much for him to be able to open the door. Arthur pushed open the main door, and led Merlin in and up a flight of stairs. Once he reached the door that was Merlin’s potential new home, he handed the key back.

“You should do this one,” he said softly, and Merlin visibly took a deep breath before stepping forward. His hand was still shaking, but Merlin supported it with the other and managed to get the key in the lock. The click as the lock was released seemed loud to Arthur, but he wasn’t sure if that was just because he was holding his breath. He released it again as the door swung open and both men wrinkled their noses at the smell.

There was nothing bad about it as such, just the obvious sign that no one had been in there for a long time.

“After you,” Arthur said quietly, waiting for Merlin to take the first step in. His hand was resting on the doorframe and Merlin seemed frozen. But then he squared his shoulders and took a step over the threshold. Arthur realised he wasn’t the only one who had been holding his breath, but watched as Merlin deflated now that he was in. As he began to slowly look around, Arthur stepped in after him.

Now that Merlin had taken the first step on his own, Arthur knew he could move around freely. He strode past Merlin and instantly lifted the latch on the window. He thought it was stuck to start with, but then saw the small key resting on the side. Five minutes later and the windows were unlocked, the curtains thrown back and fresh air and natural light streamed into the place.

It was covered in dust and was desperately outdated but it wasn’t as bad as Arthur feared. He stayed where he was by the window and watched as Merlin slowly began to take in the sights around him. The main door led into a lounge, with doors off to either side. The two of them set about exploring, finding a kitchen that Arthur was convinced would blow up rather than cook anything. The bathroom was old and the taps creaked awfully, gushing brown water when Merlin turned them on. He looked disheartened, but Arthur persuaded him to just leave the tap running for a moment and sure enough, the water slowly cleared.

The bedroom was the best – apart from the paintwork there was nothing in there that could go wrong. Arthur followed Merlin’s lead, letting him decide which room they were going to look in next each time. But eventually they reached the lounge again and Arthur knew his partner was disappointed. Merlin sat down on one of the chairs, letting out a puff of dust. Arthur timidly perched on one opposite.

“Are you alright?”

“I kind of assumed when they said I had a flat that I would be able to move straight in. That I could just start life here and now. Reality check or what, no one can live here.”

“Sure they can,” Arthur protested, glancing around for inspiration of what to say. By the time he met Merlin’s eyes again, he realised he had no good points. They might have got the water running, but the bath looked like it would leak, the shower head had corroded and the whole kitchen just radiated danger.

“You don’t have to try and make me feel better, Arthur.”

“I’m not! Well, I am, but it’s not that bad. Look how much better it is already for an airing. All that needs to be done is to update it a bit…”

“With what money?”

Arthur fell silent. Merlin had a point. This was his place and Arthur knew it would be wrong to try and offer financial help. He looked around for something to say.

“You could sell,” he said softly. “Someone would take it on as a project and within six months people could be living here happily. You’ll get the money and that will help you start to set up other things in your life. You can buy all the bits you need, especially if you’re going to take classes. You can get some new clothes for job interviews… All the small things you would put to one side otherwise.”

“And where would I live?”

“With me.”

“I’m not…”

“A charity case, yes I know. But you could pay rent.” Arthur was making this up as he went along, trying to get Merlin to feel slightly more positive about the situation he was looking at. But to his surprise, Merlin’s face grew thoughtful. He was actually considering what Arthur was saying.

“How much do you think a place like this would sell for?”

“I have no idea, Merls. I’m a policeman, not an estate agent. Come on, let’s get out of here, you’re not going to be able to decide anything breathing in dust.” Climbing to his feet, Arthur shut and locked the windows again before moving into the hallway and waiting for Merlin. The man locked the door carefully behind him, but Arthur knew he was thinking hard as they moved from the flats and back into the open air. Arthur breathed in deeply, clearing his lungs.

“You’d really let me stay with you if I paid rent?”

“Only if you sleep with me on a regular basis,” Arthur teased, taking Merlin’s hand again and beginning to walk off. He knew Merlin would just stand there staring at the place for the rest of the day if he could. Merlin nudged him in the arm and Arthur grinned.

“Who says that isn’t you paying me for stopping you having only your cat to talk to?”

“I have good conversations with my cat, thank you very much. He doesn’t answer back, for one thing.”

“Oh? And I do?”

“Yep. Impertinent, that’s what you are,” Arthur broke off as Merlin suddenly shoved him down a side path they had been passing. Arthur was already grinning though, knowing precisely what was coming. Sure enough, Merlin soon had him pressed against the wall and his tongue down Arthur’s throat.

“I’ll show you impertinence,” he murmured as he pulled away and Arthur just smirked, victorious.

“Maybe that’s what I was counting on?”

“You’re impossible,” Merlin laughed, pulling away and dancing out of Arthur’s reach as the man playfully swung for him. Merlin darted back into the main road and Arthur gave chase, catching him in just a few steps. He pulled Merlin into his arms, holding him still as he kissed again.

“Impossibly in love,” he muttered, not truly realising what he was saying. This time, it was Merlin who blushed, going bright red as he stared into Arthur’s eyes.

“Me too.”

“You too what?”

“Me too in love,” Merlin whispered and Arthur felt warmth bloom across every fibre of his being. Merlin hadn’t yet said it – not that definitely - and Arthur now felt like everything had just slotted happily into place. He kissed the end of Merlin’s nose before moving off again, knowing rain was forecasted and they were never going to get back to shelter at this rate.

Merlin gave chase and the two of them raced home. The weather caught them out and they were literally dripping water by the time Arthur’s numb hands managed to get the key in the lock. He shoved Merlin through the door in front of him and slammed it behind them again, shutting out the weather.

“Shower,” he practically ordered through chattering teeth, fumbling for his clothes as he did so. The two of them stripped en route, leaving a trial of sodden clothes across the flat. Arthur didn’t care though, groaning in appreciation as hot jets of water hit his body and drove the chill from him. Another groan – slightly of surprise – crossed his lips when he suddenly felt hands on his body. He had known all along they were both heading towards the shower together, but he hadn’t truly noticed Merlin in it.

His skittering hands made Arthur’s body perk in interest and he was turned even while trying to wipe bubbles from his eyes. Merlin had somehow awkwardly got to his knees in the shower, and looking down at him with the water streaming over him made Arthur gasp, deciding it was one of the most gorgeous sights he had ever seen. Merlin grinned up at him.

“How about I make an advanced payment?” He murmured, his voice hoarse. Arthur felt his eyes go wide, but then his head hit the wall with a gasp as Merlin sucked him into the heat of his mouth.

The water had run cold by the time they actually made it out of the shower and Arthur simply threw clothes at Merlin, not really caring whose they were. Merlin looked as wrecked as he felt – after all, it was only fair that Arthur returned the favour – and didn’t protest. Soon, they were both cradling hot mugs of tea and curled up together on the sofa.

“I think you might have made a good point back there,” Merlin said quietly, avoiding Arthur’s gaze as he blew on his drink. Sleepily, Arthur blinked at him.

“Has been known to happen occasionally. What point though?”

“About selling. Let’s be honest, I wouldn’t be able to afford food and bills. But if I can free up some money, I can pay you properly. I…I feel awful saying this considering that is the only link to my father I have but…”

“But what?” Arthur prompted when it was obvious that Merlin wasn’t going to continue on his own accord. Merlin continued to look elsewhere.

“I didn’t like it.” The words were barely audible but Arthur could see by the lines near Merlin’s eyes that he hated admitting it.

“That’s alright. It’s clear no one has been in it for years. You’re allowed not to like it. Just think of it this way; it was left to you to do with as you will. Maybe you won’t live in it the way you thought, but it will enable you to have more control over how you do want to live.”

Merlin finally looked up and met his eyes. They shone with appreciation and gratitude. “When did you get so smart?”

“When someone kept knocking me out whenever I said something he didn’t like.”

“Sorry,” Merlin had the decency to blush a little, causing Arthur to laugh. He put a finger under Merlin’s chin and tilted his head back so he could kiss him gently.

“Don’t always have to feel like you are owing me something, Merlin,” he whispered, keeping his voice soft and tender so Merlin couldn’t take it the wrong way. “You’re not the only one who is being helped by you being here. I - if you tell anyone else this I’m throwing you out – but I was lonely. I didn’t realise it before meeting you, but feeling you trying to curl up closer to get warm made me realise what I was missing.”

“So you wanting me to stay is really some selfish motivation?” Merlin’s words were light and teasing and Arthur grinned.

“If that is what will make you stay, then yep.”

As Merlin yawned and curled up closer again, Arthur found his arm draping over his shoulders and holding him close. If Merlin vanished again, Arthur knew it would take a long time to adjust back. It seemed he could worm his way into Arthur’s life without a problem, but leaving it again would cause issues.

MMM

Arthur sat with baited breath, eyes locked with the man who had tried to tear his world apart. Cendred looked completely bored as he stood in the box, flanked by police. It seemed no one was taking a chance with him, not after he had already attacked members of the force. By keeping him under a heavy guard, it was their way of informing him he wasn’t going to get another chance to hurt anyone or he would have them to deal with.

Cendred didn’t seem to notice, however. His lip had curled slightly when he located Arthur and the two of them had been locked in some sort of staring contest ever since. Arthur knew he couldn’t look away; he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t back down, not when he had won and had a strong feeling Cendred was about to be put away for life. Aggravaine had already been sentenced and Arthur was glad he never had to consider the man as family due to the way he had grovelled and almost sobbed when he was sentenced for aiding and abetting Cendred with Arthur’s parents murder and then the attempted abduction of Arthur himself. He had received thirty years with no chance of early release – it seemed to have been taken as a personal insult that someone had managed to work their way that high into the police force and no one had realised his connections.

Aggravaine’s sentence had given Arthur hope. Annis certainly didn’t seem to by the type of woman who would shy away from delivering justice, no matter who she was up against. But even while Arthur was locked in one last silent battle with Cendred, he felt a hand slip into his and another arm link around his opposite one. His hand squeeze automatically and Arthur felt warmth blossoming through him.

Unlike Cendred, he wasn’t alone in this. The man had tried to use those Arthur cared about against him, and in the end they were all by Arthur’s side as they waited for the man to receive his comeuppance. Morgana was on one side, her arm linked through Arthur’s while had free hand rested in Leon’s grip. Lancelot was the other side of Leon, Gwen and Elyan by his side. Arthur had been surprised when they had turned up – then amused when he realised Lancelot had actually asked Gwen out. But they said they had heard about the court date and had wanted to be there.

Merlin was on Arthur’s side, his hand in Arthur’s as he tried to reassure him. Arthur thought that should be his job; Morgana and Merlin had suffered more at Cendred’s hands than he had. But his heart was pounding hard in his chest and he couldn’t deny he was grateful for Merlin’s presence. Gwaine was the other side of Merlin and just as he had been amused about Lancelot and Gwen, Arthur had a smile on his face when he had seen Gwaine and Merlin talking companionably in the last break when Arthur had been dragged away to talk to someone. Percival was sitting on Gwaine’s other side, but Arthur knew he truly wanted to be next to Elyan but hadn’t yet mustered the courage to go that far.

Merlin’s grip suddenly tightened. Arthur realised the thoughts of his friends had enabled him to continue staring at Cendred without truly seeing the man. He allowed himself a smirk of satisfaction when he realised the criminal had looked away. Why it felt like such a victory, Arthur had no idea. But the fact that Cendred had been the first to break the contact made Arthur feel like he had won some sort of victory. Despite Cendred clearly having thought so, Arthur was not the type of person who could be easily intimidated and he just hoped that others would take note of that if they ever thought of going against him.

Forcing himself to pay attention to what was going on, Arthur suddenly tensed. Annis was looking at Cendred coolly before she cast her gaze back to the dury.

“How does the dury find the accused?”

“Breathe, Arthur,” Morgana whispered in his ear, feeling how tensed her adoptive brother was. Arthur couldn’t. This was it. The moment he found out if his life as he knew it was over or not. He knew full well should Cendred walk free, he was going to have to move away to have any chance at a normal life without constantly looking over his shoulder. He could feel his heart pounding hard and it felt as if it was trying to burst out of his throat. The sensation was painful and Arthur barely realised he was gasping until Merlin’s thumb gently stroked the back of his hand. Forcing himself to focus on that instead, Arthur slowly managed to get himself back under control.

“For the murder of Uther and Igraine Pendragon, we find him… guilty.”

“For the abduction and attempted torture and rape of Morgana Le Fay, Arthur Pendragon and Merlin Emrys, we find him….guilty.”

“For the murder of Alvarr Druid, we find him… guilty.”

“For the assault of two police offers we find him…guilty.”

“For developing and leading an organised drug circle, we find him… guilty.”

It continued for some time, Arthur not truly having realised just how many different charges could be laid against Cendred. But he stopped listening, sagging back against his chair in relief. The three murders alone would get him at least a double-life sentence. Everything else added on just meant that Cendred never again had the chance to see daylight as a free man. He glanced at the criminal as the proceedings continued, seeing an ugly look on his face. Whatever Cendred had planned, whoever he had attempted to bribe or threatened clearly hadn’t worked, for it didn’t look as if he had anticipated actually being found guilty.

“You’re all fools,” he suddenly shouted, looking as if he was going to leap from the box. The police converged on him and Arthur winced as Cendred lashed out. But due to his reputation, they had already kept him cuffed and it didn’t take long before the police had him subdued, forced to sit with hands on his shoulders keeping him down. Cendred’s expression was one of pure fury, but Annis looked calm and collected as she climbed to her feet.

“On all charges, the dury have found you guilty, Cendred King. You are hereby sentenced to three consecutive life sentences in prison with no early release permitted. Escort him to the cells and let his face never darken my court again.”

Arthur sagged against his seat, a wide smile spreading over his face as he watched Cendred being marched out. The man tried to look up at him – although whether to glare or offer one last threat, Arthur had no idea – but the sheer amount of police surrounding him meant that eye contact was avoided. The rest of the court filed out, but Arthur and his friends could only sit there. Arthur knew he was not the only one feeling an enormous weight lifting, for he was not the only one to have suffered at Cendred’s hands. Morgana gave a half-laugh and half-sob, instantly burying her face in Leon’s shoulder as the man stroked her hair gently and reassured her that everything was over and she was safe.

Merlin’s grip on his hand had tightened to the point of pain and even while leaning back, Arthur wriggled his fingers experimentally. Merlin felt it and immediately let go, apologetic.

“Sorry, I…”

Arthur didn’t care what he had to say. He twisted in his seat, took hold of Merlin’s borrowed shirt and pulled the man into a deep kiss. Merlin melted into it and Arthur laughed quietly when he heard Gwaine’s wolf-whistle. When he pulled back, he looked into Merlin’s eyes for a moment.

“It’s over,” he whispered, relief shining in his own gaze and seeing that reflected in Merlin’s. Merlin reached up, letting his palm rest against Arthur’s cheek.

“Only some things are over,” he murmured gently, before being forced to pull back as Gwaine tried to get past him. The man clapped Arthur on the shoulder, before broke into huge peels of laughter as Lancelot plucked up the courage to kiss Gwen. Elyan looked like he had swallowed a lemon, but he eventually managed to relax. Percival took that as his cue to move forward and engage the man in quiet conversation.

“Come on,” Gwaine finally announced, clearly feeling left out that he had no one to kiss to celebrate with. “I vote we all go to the pub.”

No one could argue about that, although as they climbed to their feet, Arthur didn’t miss the way Merlin pressed a little closer to his side. He coiled an arm around the man’s waist, holding him tight. This was, after all, the first time that Merlin had been in the company of his friends without something having gone very wrong.

They had just reached the main stairs and were heading towards the door, the sunlight and the sense of freedom when a voice called Arthur back. He carefully detached himself from Merlin and turned to see Annis behind them. He instantly nodded his head in respect to the judge, remembering what Leon had said about her knowing his mother.

“You’ve done the force a great service by bringing someone like that to our attention and securing his arrest.”

“I was only sent to arrest him for the drugs,” Arthur admitted, moving closer to her. “It was him recognising me that things even spiralled out of control.”

Annis nodded seriously. “You have your mother’s courage, you know. I can see it shining out of your eyes right now. You wouldn’t have backed down, would you?”

“No,” Arthur said bluntly. “Whatever it took, I was going to take him down. I would say I had done it for my parents, but the truth is I don’t remember them. It was partly that, and partly because he had hurt those closest to me. There was no way I was going to rest until he was charged for something.”

“Luckily a man like that gives us the choice of what we want to charge him with first. I’m in town for a few days. If you wish to hear more about your mother, phone my secretary. She’ll make you an appointment, we’ll have a drink.”

Annis didn’t wait for an answer as she brushed past him and swept down the stairs. Arthur just stood there, staring after her. No one he had met before knew his parents, he had never been able to find out anything about them.

“Arthur? Are you alright?”

“And are you coming?”

Nodding at Merlin and rolling his eyes at Gwaine, Arthur hurried back to join his friends. He wasn’t entirely sure he had even made a conscious decision, but he knew he would be taking Annis up on her offer as soon as his swirling emotions had settled. For now, however, he let the lightness of knowing it was over wash over him. Letting out a laugh, he jogged past his friends, caught Merlin around the waist and spun him even as he kissed him before heading down the stairs.

“Well? Are you lot coming or not?” He called, finding he was unable to keep the smile off his face. It was over. He had avenged his parents murder without realising that was something that had been on his mind. His friends were happy and safe, and in love by the looks of them.

And something had happened that he had never thought would ever occur to him. He too had fallen in love. Watching as Merlin nimbly ducked out of Gwaine’s reach to stop the man from punching him on the arm, a grin spread across Arthur’s face. Merlin happened to glance at him, saw the grin and somehow knew it was because of him for he blushed and Arthur laughed again.

He couldn’t honestly remember the last time he had felt this content with his lot in life. He knew there would be problems down the road, but right now he truly felt as if nothing was going to be able to stop him.

He waited until his friends had caught up with him again before slipping his hand into Merlin’s. Then, with everyone he cared about surrounding him, Arthur opened the doors, allowed the sunlight to dazzle him for a moment and stepped out into the street beyond.

Whatever happened next, he was ready.

He was ready for anything.

 


End file.
